Flaws and Fire
by KittyGoddess415
Summary: Grant Ward has become Hellfire, bringing him back to his old SHIELD team. Updated 5/15/2016: Everybody is in the lab, except for May, at one point or another. Lots of conversations are had, and a message to an impatient specialist is sent. TRIGGER WARNINGS: suicide attempts, child abuse, psychological abuse, brief mentioned threat of rape. Grant Ward redemption story, AU.
1. The Rubble of Our Sins

_**Prologue**_

Grand Ward stood in Whitehall's office, shaking his head. "That was almost too easy." _For all that they destroyed, I wanted to feel more fulfilled..._

Kebo cracked his knuckles. "Sorry, boss. Next time I'll leave you more idiots to kill."

Ward snorted and sat down at the desk. _I could get used to this_. He looked up at Kebo. "Try finding me names now."

Kebo shrugged. "We can narrow down half the people in this building at least. They're pretty dead."

Ward nodded. "Feel free to take pictures if you think other offshoots will need motivation to come back to the fold. It's not HYDRA anymore, but anyone looking for HYDRA can come see me."

Kebo nodded and backed out of the room.

Grant looked around at what SHIELD had left behind. _They think they're so smart._ He stroked the arms of Whitehall's desk chair until he felt the catch he was looking for. _I may not have known Whitehall that well, not directly, but Garrett was kind enough to share what_ he _knew..._ He clicked the switch and chuckled as a tiny portion of the armrest lifted. Grant reached in and extracted the data chip. _Sorry Kebo, can't trust anyone anymore._

Ward loaded the chip onto his phone and stood, crossing to the windows. He looked at the peaceful world below him. _You all have no idea..._ He picked up the decanter of Scotch still resting on the windowsill and took a long drink. _My arrogance, my anger, look what May did to us...Kara...baby, I'm so sorry. But I'm going to make this right. I'm going to get closure for both of us, and I'm going to bring the hammer down on HYDRA for what they stole from us._

 _And then I'll do the same for SHIELD._

* * *

 _ **Five months later...**_

 _And so I did. I channeled my rage into finding closure for us both. Those looking for HYDRA found a new head had finally grown. Easy enough to claim my place in the hierarchy. Garrett was never a subtle man, and bragged about his second-in-command to all the right...or wrong...people. My goals were slightly different than they may have anticipated, but they didn't know it until it was too late, if at all. Those that returned went after those who hadn't. So easy when you're the head of the organization to set one hive against the other. Selling the rebranding was even easier._

 _HAMMER._

 _It was appropriate since I wanted to bring the hammer down, so HYDRA became HAMMER - Homeland Allied Multinational Monitoring and Enforcement Resource. I did exactly what I'd mocked SHIELD for doing, in a far off universe where Maria Hill was about to make me Level 7. I forced it to fit, told everyone who dared ask that it was for recruitment purposes. Those who would be amenable to working for the original would be told this was another name for HYDRA. Those who wouldn't were told it was an offshoot of SHIELD._

 _No one ever thought it was an offshoot of SHIELD._

 _There were ones that I pitied, ones that reminded me of - well, myself, Kara. Lost. Looking for orders. Those agents were redirected to Coulson's SHIELD, and in such a way that it wouldn't catch anyone's attention. HAMMER is a shadow organization, for the most part, and I like it that way._

 _That is, for however long it continues to exist. The HYDRA hives we could handle are gone. SHIELD and the Avengers have enough intel for the rest, the missions that required more resources than I have, the personnel like Mitchell Carson who had too much tech at their disposal. I'm continually assessing SHIELD capabilities before taking our approach, and I have a good grasp of what they could handle._

 _I left Coulson's team for last._

 _Closure._

* * *

 _ **Chapter 1 - The Rubble of Our Sins**_

Grant Ward exhaled as he hit the roof. _After all this time, this will have to be them. SHIELD 2.0 is gone...or was that HYDRA 2.0? Either way, that leaves just one team to respond to something like this._ He looked up as his HAMMER team - the first ones he'd gathered, the ones he'd kept - surrounded Mack, Skye and Fitz. "It had to be you, of course," he muttered. _Time to make your choice, baby,_ Kara's voice whispered _._ "Well, come on then."

Skye sent targeted shocks out to the ones closest to her. "Fitz, you've got to stabilize this building, I can feel it vibrating."

"Yeah, yeah, or _you_ could stabilize it, 'cept you have to deal with the bad guys," Fitz muttered.

Ward assessed the situation and shot two of his men. _I'm not looking for a slaughter._ "Better odds now?"

Fitz and Skye both looked at him, jaws dropped.

"You just - you just shot your own men," Fitz said.

Ward rolled his eyes. "No kidding, now don't lose focus." He shrugged at his second-in-command as Skye advanced. "Sorry, Kebo, but you know there's no love lost between us." _I never forgot how you mocked me..._ He turned his attention to Mack. "Just like I know you won't lose sight of the goal." _Closure._

Mack cracked his knuckles. "Been waiting for this one. For Bobbi and for Kara."

Grant glared hotly at him. "Don't you dare say her name."

Skye kept them in her peripheral vision, flicking the other two HAMMER agents away. _About time we settled this._

Mack snatched a chain from the pile of construction materials next to him. "Y'all love these half-finished buildings for your big fight. Just further for you to fall."

Ward snickered. "I guess I should be flattered you put me in the same company as Venom and Hulk, but considering how many powered people there are now, you could really be talking about anyone." _Had to be a chain. I hate chains._..

Mack shook his head. "Who're you tellin', I keep waiting for this to get under control." He wrapped the links around his hands. "I'll settle for getting _you_ under control."

"Try me," Grant bit out. "I've been aching for a real fight." _Closure. Finally._

"Oh, that's why you only fight girls?" Mack rounded him away from Fitz and Skye. "May, Morse...is it an M thing?"

Ward smirked. "Come closer, find out." He lashed out with a leg kick and braced for the attack.

"Fitz, any luck?" Skye called. _Earthquake stabilizers turned earthquake generators by HYDRA and Ward shows up. There's some hardcore irony here..._

Fitz waved Skye off. "Yes, I think we've got it, so if you could just stabilize it for a -" He blew out a breath. "And we've got the stabilizers back, building is self-supporting."

Skye exhaled and released her grip on the structure. _Why the hell did Ward do that? Shot his own men to give us better odds?_ She looked down and watched as the remaining construction workers poured out.

"Skye, we're clear," murmured Lincoln's voice in her ear. "Just you guys."

"We're going to finish this," she promised. _Once and for all._ "Down in five."

Lincoln looked up, scaffolding and tarps blocking his view. "Are you sure I can't -"

"I need you down there, you're our worst case scenario." She blew out a breath, watching Mack and Ward fight across the floor. _Plus you don't need to be here for this._ "I'll be okay, I promise." She cut the comm and moved closer to the fray.

Mack and Ward grappled with the chain, yanking it between them as leverage.

Mack managed a laugh. "You wanted a good fight, but what did Kara want, huh? Did you even care?"

"Don't say her name!" Ward growled, eyes blazing. _You don't know anything about me._ He took the chain firmly in hand. "Don't you dare." He yanked the chain away from Mack, anger burning through him.

Mack looked from Ward to the chain and back again. "What in the -"

"Ward, what are you doing," Skye bit out, taking a fighting stance.

"Finishing this. Closure," Ward clarified. _Finally, the end to all of it._ "It's all we wanted that you wouldn't let us have."

"I mean the _chain_ , Ward, what are you doing to that chain?" Skye looked at the length of metal glowing in his grip.

Grant followed her gaze down. _What the hell?_ He flicked the now flaming chain. "I'm not doing anything," he whispered. _I don't_ think _I am, anyway..._

Skye held out a hand. "You are. It didn't do that with Mack." She looked towards her teammate. "Did you douse it in something?"

Mack shook his head. "I picked it up out of a pile, Tremors, not it."

 _Just what I did not want to hear._ Skye advanced slowly. "Ward. Drop the chain."

Grant flicked it again, watching the flames dance. _Of course it would be a chain..._ "I don't feel anything - no burning, not even heat."

Skye got closer. "That's great, but I need you to put it down."

"You need me to put this down?" Ward whipped it out towards a tarp, watching with satisfaction as the material caught fire. "I don't think I want to." _I may not know what this is, but I like it_ …He flung his arm out again and glared at Skye when the chain froze in place, a wave of air putting the tarp out. "Let it go. Now."

Skye kept her hands out. "Can't do that, Ward, you know I can't."

"What I know is you can't hold me forever." He closed his eyes, exhaling. _No one ever will again._ "You can't even hold me much longer." Ward started to strain against her forcefield.

Skye grimaced as he struggled. "I don't want to hold you, but you know how this goes. You still remember, don't you?" She quirked a brow. "Protocols, how to approach a powered person...how it felt to be an agent of SHIELD?"

"Screw you, Skye," he growled. "That didn't matter to any of you before, why should it matter to me now?" _After all this time, there's only one way this ends._ He pulled harder on the chain.

"Because I think it does," she managed. "I think part of this - the closure you want - is for all of it to go, right? If HYDRA isn't here, and you built HAMMER to take over HYDRA, all that's left is SHIELD. And SHIELD won't let you back in."

Ward grunted and turned towards her, charging the barrier. _You don't have to._

Skye cried out and redoubled her efforts to contain him. "This is your way home, Ward. You want to be part of a team, _our_ team? Put down that chain and let's figure out what the hell just happened."

 _Don't you_ _lie to me_. Ward ran at the barrier again. "You don't want me on your team, no one does."

"Good thing it's not their call," Coulson said, emerging from the top of the ladder. "Stand down, Skye. Grant, I want you to put the chain down. Put it down and talk to me."

Ward barked a laugh, shaking his head. _And now it's closure for real._ "Didn't we do this dance already?"

Coulson nodded slowly. "We did, but we both know things are different now."

Ward scoffed. "Yeah, things are different, aren't they? You're the director of SHIELD, I'm the director of HAMMER, and we both brought down HYDRA." _I know you know, if you're here now._ He gave a mockery of a smile. "But I'm still the bad guy. I'm still the villain." He looked around at Skye, still holding him, and Mack and Fitz on standby, ICERs in hand. "There's no team for me anymore. There's just closure, the end."

Skye looked between the two of them. _Took_ down _HYDRA? Not taking over?_

Phil held out a hand. "Or a new beginning. You're right, Grant, you did take down as much of HYDRA as SHIELD did." He waved away the protests from the rest of the team. "You did good, Grant. We may not agree on the methods, but at the end of the day you accomplished good things."

"What does that matter to anyone," Ward growled. "You didn't care about that when May set me up to kill her."

The director of SHIELD shook his head. "That - that was a mistake, Grant. You made a mistake."

The chain hissed in Grant's hand. "May's mistake, not mine! She did the same damn thing as Morse, set Kara up to die. May, Morse, Simmons, everyone...any chance of the good Grant Ward winning, the little bit of light that I found -" His gaze darted to Skye and quickly away. "All that was killed, bit by bit, by your team, Coulson. I wanted to work with you, would've come back after that mission even to stay in the damn cage, but I saw nothing would change. No one wanted to see good in me. The only person who did choked on her own blood for the misfortune of caring about me."

"She did," Coulson agreed. "Kara did love you, Grant. I know she did. And it was my mistake for letting Hunter and May go rogue. Bobbi told me about the safehouse. About handing Kara over. But only after it was too late. It was my fault for not debriefing her better about her time with HYDRA, for not questioning what she might have done."

"And yet the Mockingbird still sings," Grant rasped hoarsely. _Deep cover, and happy. Nearly free._ "She gets to live, she and Hunter are together and it's sunshine and rainbows and -"

Mack guffawed. "You've never been around them. Obviously."

Coulson gave Mack a stern look, gesturing at Skye and Fitz. "It's not fair. You're right. It's not. But this closure you're looking for - the end to everything that stole Kara from you - will sink the world into chaos. It's not prepared for what we know."

Grant tightened his grip on the chain. " _We_. I'm not falling for that one again." _I wanted to help, I showed you I could, and one of your precious team didn't give a damn._

Phil held his hands up. "I'm not talking about 'we' with the team, Grant. I'm talking one director to another. You relied on one person, way too much. I did too. You missed having a team. I miss our team. We have a lot in common that way."

Ward scoffed. "Please, spare me, okay? I've gotten the Coulson special too many times. Common ground, sympathy, open ear, willing to help and work with me." He smirked. _If you only knew._ "And yet I'm still -" He blinked as he lowered his arm, stumbling as Skye's grip on him disappeared.

Coulson raised a brow. "Still what?"

Grant flicked the chain experimentally. _You let me loose?_ He looked over to see Mack and Fitz with their ICERs lowered.

"Did anyone ever tell you about your grandfather, Grant?" The director questioned. "Your mother's side. Carter Slade."

Grant chuckled. _A myth. A ghost._ "We didn't talk about the Slade bloodline. Father was far too good for that line of hooligans and riffraff. That's all I ever heard, that I should've been a Slade and not a Ward."

The director nodded towards the chain. "You should have been. The Slade genetics are powered, Grant. And I think that you are too."

Ward shook his head. "No, that can't be true." _How the hell can that be?_

"Can't it? Maybe you showed something when you were younger - scared them all. Bullies are usually motivated by fear. It would make sense then, right?" Coulson raised an eyebrow. "Pushing you so hard, Tommy constantly being cowed and beaten so he wouldn't find that same fire."

 _I just wanted to blow out the candle..._ Ward shook his head. "No, get out of my head, don't -"

Phil held out his hand. "Don't you want to know? You wanted closure - how about you get more than closure for Kara with HYDRA? What if you could get _real_ closure for why they did what they did. Did they ever tell you why?"

"How did you -" Ward winced, shook his head. "They wouldn't tell me, just said I was a freak, always had been."

"But you told yourself it was enough that they admitted the torture they put you through. Told yourself _why_ didn't matter." Coulson shook his head. "But you didn't blow them up for closure. You blew them up from _anger_. Because _why_ was the question the whole time."

 _Tommy_...Grant shuddered, the chain rattling. He looked down at the sound. _Fire's gone._

Coulson finished moving towards him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "I think we found that answer, Grant. Let's see if we can find some others."

Grant looked across the rooftop, fallen HAMMER agents scattered around him. _All I wanted was closure, and I was so damn close..._ He looked at the chain in his hand and sighed. _But that fire...I need to know._ He caught the distrust in the team's eyes. "I assume I'm to be cuffed?"

Coulson shook his head. "We all know how skilled you are, Grant." He pulled a metal bracelet from his pocket. "This should look familiar."

Grant glanced at Skye before he nodded. "Yes, sir, quite familiar." _Sir? Back to that, are we?_ He looked around again, exhaling roughly, and held out his wrist. "Go ahead." _Better than being cuffed again._

Coulson gave his team a meaningful look as he snapped the tracker on. "I expect as Mr. Ward is giving his cooperation, you will all be equally respectful to him."

"Not a bloody chance," Fitz muttered. Mack clapped a hand on his shoulder and squeezed, glaring at Ward.

"Then I expect you'll stay out of each other's way, at the very least," the director conceded. "Though you all might want to hear what I have to say." He gestured to the side of the roof, where the quinjet ramp appeared. "Shall we?"

 _Do I have a choice?_ Grant took a deep breath and stepped on board. "So, do you go on all your team's missions with a tracking cuff in your pocket, Phil?"

Coulson chuckled while the rest of the team looked at Ward, scandalized by his casualness. "You never know when you might find an asset or a flexible enemy."

"Which category do I fall under at this point?" Ward quirked a brow curiously. _I'd love to hear that answer._

"I hope to figure that out," the director offered honestly. "What do you think?"

 _I think this can't be happening._ Grant looked around him at his former team, all studiously looking away. _Powered? Me?_ He took one of the jumpseats and shrugged. "I'd say a good part of that answer depends on you."

Coulson handed him a data pad. "Carter Slade, also known as Phantom Rider. Brother Lincoln, son Hamilton...grandson, you."

"How did nobody say anything?" Ward raised a brow. "Not in any evaluations, never mentioned by a doctor." _Powered. Gifted. Indexed._

"Because no one would find a record of your real maternal lineage," the director explained. "Your SHIELD background bio was...creatively rewritten by Garrett. It took a lot of digging to find those records." He shrugged. "To be honest, we think your father was the first one to try to erase them, Garrett just had to finish the job."

Ward snorted. "Can't say I'm surprised by that." _Though I bet you were..._ He cut his eyes to the director. "What I _am_ surprised by is why you bothered to find out."

Coulson cleared his throat. "I guess I needed a new puzzle to figure out."

 _Boredom, then._ Grant looked down at the pad to hide the hurt in his eyes. "Well. Let's finish putting the pieces together and I'll be on my way again." _Happily._ He fought not to look at Skye. _Pieces solving a puzzle..._

Phil nodded. "That's the plan. Let us do the usual indexing, and you're free to go."

Ward scoffed lightly. _Let's call a spade a spade._ "You mean I'm free to be monitored on the outside."

The director shrugged. "Still not a cell or a memory wipe, so I think we'll consider it a good compromise."

"Why _isn't_ it a wipe?" Fitz demanded. "He - what he did -" Fitz frowned in frustration, shaking his head. "Why not?"

"Because every HYDRA target that we had intel on that was cleared before we got there?" Coulson looked at the engineer steadily. "Was HAMMER. That's what Ward's been doing, Fitz. While we were..." The director cleared his throat. "...otherwise occupied, HAMMER was trying to keep HYDRA from growing that new head by pretending to _be_ the new head."

Fitz sat back, jaw agape.

 _What the hell?_ Skye's eyes shot to Ward from the co-pilot's seat. "Is that true?"

Ward kept his eyes on the pad. _Like it matters to any of you._

"AC?" Skye turned her attention to her director. _How is this possible?_

Coulson watched Ward carefully. "I've had May running the intel we've gotten about how those HYDRA hives went down. Every op came back to HAMMER."

May tossed Skye a pad across the cockpit.

Coulson continued. "And on a few occasions, HAMMER was our backup." He glanced at his former specialist, leaving the nature of those ops unspoken.

 _All Skye's solo or small strike ops._ Ward still refused to look up. _The unmarked black ops gear her team uses was helpful in that regard._

Skye started to flip through the intel, biting her lip as she noticed the patterns. _Backup, huh?_ She looked back at Ward and swallowed a sigh.

"And why would you bother to do that?" Lincoln asked.

"Closure," Grant answered evenly. "That's all I've been looking for." _I just want to know my job is done._

May brought the Quinjet into the hangar, opening the ramp without a word. She gave Coulson and Ward a nod of acknowledgment before making her exit.

Ward waited until the rest of the team had filed out and only he and Coulson remained. "Thank you for that."

Coulson stood. "Thank _you,_ for keeping her safe. For keeping _us_ safe."

Grant stood with a sad smile he'd never let the rest of them see. "I told you - I never wanted to leave the team, before or after the Fall." _I told you I was still a part of the team, that we could work together...but I was delusional._ He cleared his throat. "I'll head to the lab."

Coulson watched as Ward walked into the base, shoulders squared against an attack. He sighed and followed.

* * *

 **A.N.** : This is my first venture into multi-chapter AoS fic, please be gentle! I will always Stand with Ward, and I hope you'll follow along with me while I do. Please let me know if you enjoyed this!


	2. Fault Lines

**Chapter 2 - Fault Lines**

"I can't believe this," Lincoln ground out, prowling their room. "What is Coulson thinking?"

Skye sat on the bed, still flipping through the pad. "That we can use all the help we can get," she muttered. "I didn't know half these things happened." _I don't know if I_ want _to know that they did..._

Lincoln stared at her, perplexed. "Skye. Did you forget what you told me about him? The whole big betrayal, Fitz with brain damage..."

"Fitz is better, and Ward kept us from being killed more times than I want to count," Skye muttered in return. _Seriously. It's way too high a number..._ She flipped him the pad. "Go look. He kept someone from taking you out more than once."

Lincoln frowned at the mission reports. "I think we would've managed."

Skye rolled her eyes. "Or we could be grateful we didn't have to." _I'm going to have to thank him, aren't I..._

Lincoln's frown deepened. "You'd trust him to watch your back?"

Skye snorted. "If you asked me? Absolutely not. But Coulson and May are right - he was doing exactly that, and had HAMMER doing the same." _How? Why?_

Lincoln scoffed. "You really think that was out of the goodness of his heart?"

She held up a hand. "Linc, I never said that, okay? I just said it was surprisingly nice to not have to deal with these extra variables." _Pieces solving a puzzle_... _I wonder if he remembers._

* * *

Grant stopped short as he walked into the base. "Agent May." _Maybe I should've stayed on the damn roof..._

She inclined her head. "Figured it would be best if you had an escort for a bit."

Grant chuckled. "Is that you or Coulson? I would think you'd be the first to have my face on your dartboard." _And I can't even say I wouldn't deserve it._

"I did, until Coulson tasked me with the HYDRA intel," she agreed.

"Honestly, you're the only one I could trust to confirm my suspicions," Coulson explained as he joined them. He gestured for them to walk further into the base. "Regardless of your personal feelings."

May looked at Ward coolly. "I saw what you were doing, and your face came off the dartboard."

 _If only the rest of the team was so easily convinced..._ Grant nodded slowly. "I appreciate that."

Coulson clapped him on the shoulder, frowning as he felt Ward flinch. He dropped his hand quickly. "And we do appreciate your help, whether we knew it or not."

Grant exhaled roughly. "It would be an even bigger injustice to Kara if any of HYDRA survived." _I owe her that much._

Coulson cleared his throat. "I - I wanted you to know that her name is on the Wall of Valor."

Grant froze, his heartbeat pounding through his head. "Thank you," he managed hoarsely.

"In the end, if the HYDRA brainwashing hadn't happened, we wouldn't have lost her," Coulson said softly. "She's a fallen SHIELD agent and her name belongs on the wall."

"Still, thank you for not making her pay for my crimes," Grant added. _For what I thought I had to do to make it right for her..._

"Seems to me you're working on atoning for those sins," the director said. "Agent May will take it from here."

Grant nodded and followed May into the lab.

* * *

Skye bit her lip and looked at her boyfriend. "I'm going to talk to Coulson."

Lincoln nodded. "Yeah, I think someone needs to."

She sighed. _Not for the same reasons as I want to talk to him, I'm guessing..._ "I'll be back."

He stood and walked her to the door, giving her a kiss. "You let me know if you need me, okay? I'll be here."

She gave him a smile. "I know. Thank you." _You always are. Steady. Loyal. Here._

He nodded again and stood aside to let her go.

Skye blew out a breath in the hallway. _Why has the world gone mad...again..._

* * *

"Take what you need and leave," Simmons spat as she saw them. "Fitz warned me. I will have nothing to do with this."

May regarded her coolly. "So you want me to tell Director Coulson you're refusing to index a gifted?"

"The only gift he has is _death_ ," Simmons said venomously.

"And yet you're standing here," May pointed out. "I'm not leaving, and neither is he."

Ward flinched. _This was a mistake._ "May, if you get me the supplies, I can draw my own blood and take my own vitals. You can even put me in the quarantine pod."

"Fine by me," Simmons agreed.

"Not a chance," May countered. "Agent Simmons, vitals and bloodwork. Now."

The biochemist glared mutinously but moved to comply.

Ward blew out a breath and took off his leather jacket and his henley, making a fist and offering his arm. "Assuming you'd like to start with stabbing me." _That's the least I can do._ He ignored May's eyes on the pale scar running the length of his forearm, a continuation of the thick, messy scars at his wrist. _Something I can get right._

"More than that," Simmons muttered, prepping his arm for the blood sample.

* * *

"AC?" Skye knocked on the door. "You got a minute?" _Or twenty?_

The director pinched the bridge of his nose and nodded. "Sure, come on in."

"I have to ask." Skye dropped into the seat across from him. "Ward. You and May. What gives?"

Coulson quirked a brow. "I take it you mean why we didn't share any suspicions with the team, or the Council?'

She nodded. "It's been five months since we had any _real_ contact with him, but the couple of times he did pop up on a mission...it piqued _my_ curiosity, but I was afraid you and May would accuse me of tilting at windmills." _And maybe my boyfriend would've had a problem too..._

He grinned. "I consider that our specialty." He shrugged. "I didn't want to take the chance after everything the team's been through lately with Jemma and the symbiote. I didn't want to even breathe of it until I was pretty darned sure. And that just happened." He cleared his throat. "Actually, that's how I knew to meet you, May reviewed the intel from the last hive to disappear and figured it would be the last of Whitehall's intel, meaning Ward would be making his way to us."

"Closure," she murmured. _Whatever that means to him._

"Exactly that." Coulson nodded. "I think that's why he never engaged with us unless he had to, because he had an agenda...some purpose to fulfill."

Skye quirked a brow. "Like what?" _Seems strangely obvious it wasn't world domination._

The director shrugged. "I don't know. What I do know, is he's not the clear villain anymore." He tugged a pad over and pulled up the records May had reconstructed. "When May saw he was protecting us, she suggested we take a closer look at his SHIELD file, see if there was anything we missed. About him, his family...anything." He circled an entry and handed it to Skye. "When we started combing through any information edited by John Garrett, we found a nearly insane number of entries. He'd doctored every part of Ward's record, and no one questioned him, of course. John Garrett versus anonymous clerk, he won every time. But I told May to start digging, to see what it was about Ward that Garrett was trying to cover up." He heaved a sigh. "I thought he was adopted, but of course, he turns out to be powered."

* * *

Grant gave Simmons a short nod and went through the motions to prep to draw blood. _I wonder if they know what I know about her...that the darkness was there and the symbiote gravitated towards it._ He watched his blood fill the vial. _I wonder what would have happened if I were still part of the team, if it would've chosen me instead..._ He looked over at May. "Stress test in the morning?"

May glanced at the clock and nodded. "Since it's 2237? Yes. Just the basics. You can report back at 0900 tomorrow." She nodded at the tray of instruments next to him. "Think you can set any of that on fire?"

Grant blew out a breath and shrugged, touching a fingertip to the metal. _I would really like to be able to use something other than a chain..._ "Maybe if I get angry, so far that seems to be the only element I recognize."

Simmons rolled her eyes. "Shouldn't be difficult then. You pathetic, weak, worthless traitor -"

May held out a hand as the entire tray flamed. "Simmons, stand down. Ward, take a deep breath in through your nose, and exhale all that aggression through your mouth. _Now."_

* * *

Skye bit her lip. "How does that work, anyway? How did we never know?"

"There was never a reason or a way to know," Coulson offered. "We still don't. Best we can guess is he got some of the tainted fish oil." He shrugged. "Though his ancestors didn't go through Terrigenesis or anything like that, so maybe not. It may have just been dormant till now, trained away till now..."

Skye shook her head. "So he could've been born gifted and no one caught it."

Coulson nodded. "We don't do full genetic testing to be a field agent, Skye, you know that. If he's powered but not Inhuman, a blood sample will look completely average."

She rubbed her hands down her face. "AC, can you tell me that I'm reading the mission logs wrong and he wasn't backup on all my CATERPILLAR runs?"

Coulson shook his head. "We believe he was monitoring us somehow, and he would take a small strike team to shadow you on the smaller ops." He cleared his throat. "I'm sure you noticed on some missions, it was just him."

She sighed and nodded. "Couldn't help but notice. Linc is pissed."

Coulson frowned. "He's mad that Ward saved your life?"

"Apparently he'd rather take the chance." _With my life._ Skye shook her head again. _What is wrong with me?_ "That's not fair to him. He'd rather we not rely on a traitor."

Coulson sighed. "Join the club, but Ward's actions towards us speak differently."

"That's what I told Linc, that if you asked me if I trusted Ward to be our backup I would've said hell no, but he did just that and never once did anything to hurt us without us striking out first." _Speaking of hurting..._ She winced. "I broke two of his ribs one time because he said he was proud of me. Now I'm wondering if he actually just meant it for real."

"From the guy who said he was still a part of the team, even when we had him locked up in a cage?" Coulson gave a sad smile. "I told him he was delusional." He shook his head. "But then, to hear again that he never wanted to leave the team before or after the Fall? I think he was absolutely telling you the truth."

"He said all that?" Skye asked. _Even in the Vault, alone in the dark..._

Coulson ran a hand over his head. "Can you imagine if I'd taken him seriously, kept him here instead of turning him over to Christian?" The director nodded. "He told me getting off the plane tonight that he never wanted to leave us."

Skye frowned. "I don't - I don't get it." _Everything he did...Fitz, Simmons..._

Coulson shrugged. "I don't either, but I'm going to try and make the time he has to spend back here as painless as possible. Best way I can think of to thank him. And then he can go on his way."

Skye nodded slowly. "Yeah. That makes sense. Thanks, AC." She stood and left his office. _He's probably still in the lab_...She sighed and made her way in that direction.

* * *

Grant watched the flames dance around the instruments, momentarily mesmerized. _I know how to meditate, May._ He focused on making himself small, invisible, dissipating the rage. The instruments flared out quickly. "So much for my poker face," he murmured.

May scoffed. "You didn't have one. Not in the end." She turned to the biochemist. "Agent Simmons, I'll be noting your reckless behavior in your file and reporting to Coulson. We all understand you've been through a lot, but that is no excuse for potentially causing an incident in the Playground."

Jemma's face turned red and she gave a short nod.

Grant looked at her again. _Bet they_ don't _know about Bakshi._ "It's fine, Agent May. I know I trigger Agent Simmons, so she was doing the same."

"That's no excuse," May replied. "And she knows it."

Grant opened his mouth to protest again, but shut it at the look on May's face. _This feels far beyond me._ "Should we take my vitals again now, post powers?"

May shook her head. "We can pick this up tomorrow." She gave a tight smile. "You can bunk at the end of the wing."

 _Away from everyone._ "That's fine." Ward stood. "Thank you." He turned to leave the lab and froze as he came face to face with Fitz. "Fitz."

Fitz eyed him. "You really _could_ be the devil now," he bit out. "All hellfire and brimstone."

May glared. "Agent Fitz -"

Ward held up a hand. "You know what? That works. Codename Hellfire, Simmons. Not like it'll ever actually matter." He walked past them all with a small smirk.

* * *

 _Why did I think it would be anything other than this?_ The fake smirk dropped from Grant's lips, his shoulders sagging. _Get me out of here._

"Ward?" Skye frowned at him. "You okay?"

He struggled to regain the brash persona from the moment before. "Call me Hellfire. Fitz picked it."

 _Because that's not insane._ Skye nodded slowly, scrutinizing his expression. "What's wrong?"

"I'm back here with a tracking cuff," he averred. "What _isn't_ wrong?"

She pursed her lips. "Well, hopefully the indexing doesn't take too long and you can head back to HAMMER."

He chuckled. "Yeah, to a big empty building again." He rolled his shoulders. "Anyway. It's late. I'm going to go find my bunk and stay out of everyone's way. Good night." He walked away before she could respond.

 _Big empty building?_ She watched him until he turned the corner. _What the hell does that mean?_

* * *

"That bastard shouldn't be allowed anywhere near us," Jemma hissed.

"'That bastard' gave us the coverage we needed to save _you_ , Jemma." May turned a hard gaze to the scientist. "You might want to rethink that declaration."

Fitz folded his arms. "I know you saw all this stuff, May, but I just can't accept it. He - just because he was there at the same time, trailing behind us...he could've just been waiting to make sure we finished the job. Maybe he wanted tech or...or intel. Something else."

May pursed her lips. "You don't think that was the first thing I considered?" She shook her head. "I circled back to every one of those sites to see if anything was disturbed, if anything seemed to have gone missing between retrieval and return." She shook her head, sighing as Skye entered the lab. "There was nothing to suggest he was doing anything other than being our backup. And for the sites he took out? Any tech or intel that might've been there was still there for us to find. It was like someone went in and everyone just abandoned their posts." She met each of their gazes steadily. "So I checked the records, and that's exactly what he did. Evacuated them all, made a report about some chemical agent, and tipped off SHIELD when it was clear."

"And what happened to the people who worked there?" Simmons asked. "What about them?"

Skye rolled her eyes. "You're that desperate to hate him you'll defend HYDRA personnel?"

"He's still a _murderer,"_ Jemma insisted. "That's the point."

May raised a brow. "If that's your definition, killing people to defend the team, then so am I." She sighed, shaking her head at the scientists. "I hoped for better from the both of you." She spun on her heel and left them.

Skye looked from Jemma to Fitz. _So much for talking to them about what was up with Ward._ "May, wait up," she called, frowning at her friends once more before she left to follow.

* * *

Grant kept his head down as he walked through the base. _Last thing I need is some overzealous rookie to try to bring me in_...He looked up as he hit the team's wing, blowing out a breath as he came to the last door. He held up the bracelet to the sensor next to it, stepping through as the door opened. "Home sweet home," he murmured sarcastically.

* * *

Fitz rubbed the back of his neck, looking down at the floor. "That - that wasn't good." He shook his head. "That wasn't good at all."

Jemma slammed her hands on the table. "I didn't mean that about _May._ I know she has a conscience. She feels remorse when she kills someone."

Fitz bit his lip, remembering Ward's face on the plane before he ejected the pod. "Ward thought that was a weakness. Caring."

"And that's why he's a monster," she whispered hotly. "He has no soul."

Fitz frowned. "Maybe he thinks that's a weakness too."

"Well, _I_ have one," Jemma said. "And it's _not_ a weakness."

* * *

May slowed to let Skye catch up to her. "What can I do for you, Skye?"

"Was that - was that all true?" _What the hell is going on with Ward?_ Skye searched her SO's face. "HAMMER didn't take anything from those hives? Nothing?"

May shrugged. "They may have taken data, but no computers were erased, no tech specs or prototypes were destroyed. I don't know if he just let his team be careless, but they were very helpfully careless if that's the case."

Skye bit her lip. "You think it was carelessness?"

May sighed. "No, I don't, but that's assuming that we knew anything at all about Grant Ward."

 _ **"I am not a good man, Skye."**_

 _ **"What I want is to stay here with you and imagine the world outside doesn't exist."**_

 _ **"It's true, and so will be every word I say to you for the rest of my life."**_

 _ **"I'm not asking for forgiveness. I just want to help you."**_

Skye sighed. "I think I might know too much." She swallowed hard. "Thanks, May."

May nodded and turned to head towards their wing.

* * *

Fitz opened his mouth and shut it again, continuing to frown at Jemma.

"What?" Simmons frowned at him in return.

"Just..." Fitz shook his head. "If what May just said was right, if he only cleared out the bases and didn't take any intel...what was the point for him?"

She blinked. "I don't know, blatant killing?"

"Jemma..." He rolled his eyes. "He left intel for the cleaners after being our backup, and never said a word other than to taunt us if we saw him." He shrugged. "But if he really wanted to get to us, why not tell us how much we owed him? How many times he saved our lives?"

Jemma stared at him speechlessly. "Fitz..."

"Never mind, forget I said anything." Fitz waved her off. "Forget it."

"He's - he's not a good man, Fitz, he's _not,"_ Jemma insisted. "Just look at us. Look what he's done to us."

"And look what he's done _for_ us, Jemma." Fitz sighed. "I watched him kill two of his own men tonight to even up the odds. I didn't understand." He tapped his temple in thought. "Except, if I take him saying he cared about us as the truth...he was protecting us. All along." He shrugged. "Forget it." He shook his head. "I shouldn't have come down here. I'll see you later." He left the lab, leaving a stunned Jemma staring in his wake.

* * *

Grant opened the drawers to find the standard SHIELD clothing. _Well, at least I'm not going to have to ask for anything._ He startled at the knock on his door. _Coulson?_ He crossed the room to open it.

Mack shoved a crate at him. "You are lucky that Bobbi and Hunter aren't here. Coulson will keep them at bay. But take your shit and get out of here."

"Planning to," Grant said evenly. "Thanks."

Mack nodded and stalked away.

Grant blew out a breath and carried the box into the room. _Don't tell me..._ He opened it to find some of his belongings from the BUS. _How the hell?_

"Evidence," came May's voice. "You left the door open."

 _No, I didn't._ He shrugged. "Maybe I did." He extracted his old SHIELD hoodie, and his still-packed gym bag. "What's -" He picked up the Battleship box and raised a brow.

She sighed. "Skye never played after that. She put it in there one day when she thought I wasn't watching."

"Oh." Grant put it back into the crate. _But she didn't throw it away..._ He sighed. "Can I help you with something?"

"I wanted to apologize for them. FitzSimmons." May shrugged. "I talked to them, to Skye, told them what I'd found."

He shook his head. "Don't apologize. It's not your fault, it's mine." He cleared his throat. "Thank you for even talking to them."

She pursed her lips. "I've been through enough to recognize when someone is being malicious, and when someone is just lost." She folded her arms. "Frankly, I'm disappointed I didn't recognize it after Lorelai."

* * *

Skye watched Lincoln go through his tai chi and sighed. "Are you gonna be mad all night?"

Lincoln blew out a breath as he changed poses. "I never said I was angry with you."

She stuck her tongue out. "You're doing tai chi, like we're back in Afterlife. The only time that stuff comes up is when you're upset."

He moved fluidly and nodded. "That doesn't mean it has anything to do with you."

She tilted her head. "Okay...so then what's wrong? You're not talking. You're _always_ talking."

He finished and grinned. "You mean _you're_ always talking. I listen, and interject when appropriate."

Skye bounced up to kiss him lightly. "Fine, that one." She smoothed a hand down his shoulder. "I know you're not happy that Ward is here."

Lincoln grimaced. "That would be an understatement."

"Fine, you're pissed about _that_ ," she clarified. "Okay. Are you gonna be pissed about _that_ all night?"

" _Not_ okay, actually, not until he's out of here," he countered. "So yes, pissed for a while yet."

She sighed. "You know, for all that he actually did to help us in the past few months, no one is willing to give him half a chance but May and Coulson." _And me, maybe...?_ "And you weren't even here for any of the bad stuff."

* * *

Grant winced. "That - you were never supposed to see that side of me." _I never intended_ anyone _to see it._

"You said you entered into the relationship to solidify your position with the team, to keep me under surveillance." May gave a tight smile. "We recovered some of Garrett's reports. He got careless."

"Tell me about it," Grant muttered. "Truthfully? I saw liquor, I saw opportunity, and I knew you wouldn't get attached at all. In fact, you'd probably keep me even more distant." He shrugged. "I just never meant to be _actually_ vulnerable with you, but that night...I needed it."

She frowned at him. "What did you see? When you held the staff?"

"I'm sorry, May." He shook his head. "I didn't share it then and I'm less inclined to share it now. Even though I appreciate you not -" He gave a small smile. "Not completely hating me, I suppose."

She shrugged. "You saved my team. Repeatedly. No easier way to earn my civility." She sighed. "For what it's worth, I didn't mean for you to kill her." She pursed her lips. "Though if it were a choice between her or me, I'm glad it was her."

He winced, turning away. "I'm not proud of any part of that day."

May shook her head. "Didn't think you would be." She cleared her throat. "But I just wanted you to know."

Grant nodded. "Thank you."

She nodded in return and let herself out.

* * *

Lincoln shook his head. "I just don't like what he did. I was loyal to Jiaying, and she led my people to war and slaughter. You all were loyal to him and he betrayed you. I can't do anything about Jiaying anymore, but I _can_ make sure you and the rest of the team aren't hurt again."

"Thank you, Linc." Skye put a hand over his heart. _Always the healer._ "It means a lot to have you looking out for all of us."

"But." He sighed and shook his head. "I always know when there's something."

She bit her lip and looked at him pleadingly. "I spoke to Coulson and May. And what they said sounds...like he was _actually trying,_ Linc." She held up a hand at the look on his face. "I know you don't like it, and _I_ don't either, but Coulson said he's trying to make his time here as painless as possible. I'm just asking you to help with that. It's going to be bad enough with Fitz and Jemma, Mack is just as bad..." She walked her fingertips up his chest to tap his nose. "I'm hoping you can be the good example, as always."

Her boyfriend rolled his eyes. "All right, _fine,_ I'll try not to be outwardly hostile." He hooked a finger under her chin and tipped her face up. "Can you do me a favor, then?"

She nodded. "What do you need?"

Lincoln gazed seriously into her eyes. "Don't seek him out. Just...we can make his time here less painful if you don't revisit that path."

"It really means that much to you?" Skye sighed. "You _do_ know we're together, right?" She leaned in to kiss him. "There's this whole 'living in the same room, sharing the same bed' that goes on that no conversation with Ward will take away."

Lincoln nodded. "I do, but I also know your soft heart firsthand. We can stay out of his way, like Director Coulson said."

Skye stayed silent. _That was if you couldn't be civil..._

"Please, Skye," he persisted. "I just want you to be safe, to be okay, after all we've been through. And you were, until he showed up."

"I know." She sighed again and nodded. _Won't matter if he's here or not, I already know enough to be totally thrown..._ "I'll be safe, I won't put myself in his way."

"Thank you," Lincoln said softly. "Now remind me again about the whole sharing...what was that?"

Skye giggled and tugged him back to the bed.

* * *

Grant sat heavily on the couch, lowering his head to his hands. _What the hell have I gotten myself into._ He rubbed his hands down his thighs, looking at the bin in front of him. _It's not even like I ever kept anything personal._ He took out clothing, a book he'd never finished, and opened the Battleship box. He pulled out the scorecard and chuckled. "Boss Lady versus T-1000," he muttered. "She didn't even bother keeping score." He sighed. _And then she threw it in a box with the rest of the junk. But not in the garbage. Just like she shot me, but didn't take a kill shot._ "Yet you managed to sink me anyway," he murmured, shutting the lid and shoving the game away. He shook his head and stood. _I'm done with this day. May as well try to get some sleep._

* * *

Skye bolted upright in bed some time later. _What the hell was that?_ She closed her eyes, concentrating on the vibration that dragged her from sleep. _What time is it, and why am I awake?_ She got out of bed quietly, slipping on sweats and stepping into the hall. Taking a deep breath, she tuned to the vibration buzzing along her nerves and made her way down, slowly.

 _"No..."_

She froze. _Was that..._ She looked around, counting off rooms. _Didn't May say he was going to be at the end of the wing?_ She approached quietly.

 _"Don't! No! Please! Let me help him, Christian, please..."_

She winced, pressing a palm to the wall outside his room. _Nightmares. Familiar with that._ She sent a gentle vibration back along the frequency of his panic, hoping to subconsciously soothe the anguished man inside.

 _"Let go of that chain, Christian, leave him alone!"_

She bit her lip. _Guess that didn't work as well as I hoped it would._ She contemplated knocking on his door.

"Skye?" Lincoln called sleepily down the hall. "Hey, you okay?"

 _Did he say chain?_ Skye whirled, nodding as she walked quickly back towards her boyfriend. "Yeah. Just...nightmare." _Ignore that I didn't say_ my _nightmare._

"Needed to check he was locked up in there?" Lincoln met her halfway, putting an arm around her and kissing her temple. "You're safe, Skye. I won't let him anywhere near you."

 _What if that's not the problem?_ She glanced back as her boyfriend drew her into their room, sighing as the door shut behind them.

* * *

 **A.N.** : This originally started out as a loooong chapter 1, but I split it off and wanted to post it so you get the full effect. I'll try to update every couple of weeks - I have pretty much the rest of this drafted as bits and pieces to be woven together. Thanks for reading!


	3. Careful Confessions

**A.N.** : So sorry for the delay in the update! I was out of the country for a bit, hope to have updates maybe every couple of weeks?

There's a nod to Orphan Black in here - anyone who's watched will recognize it. Seemed to suit my purposes :) Oh, and I don't own SHIELD, Marvel, or Orphan Black, so please don't sue me :)

* * *

 **Chapter 3 - Careful Confessions**

Grant bolted awake in bed, staring into the darkness. _Where the hell_ \- He exhaled. _SHIELD_. _The Playground_. He concentrated on his breathing and laid back. _I'm back at the Playground and I'm a gifted_. He shook his head. _Might've been better if I never found out_...He rubbed a hand along the long scar on his right arm. _Closure. I'll find out what I can, and then decide what to do next._ He glanced over at the clock. _In the meantime, hopefully no one took the 0530 slot in the gym_. He got out of bed and threw on sweats, grabbing his bag and heading to the other end of the base.

* * *

May frowned as the door opened, but continued her tai chi.

 _Damn it_. Ward turned to leave.

"I'm not using the heavy bag," May offered softly.

Grant considered her, remembering other mornings. "You sure?"

May nodded without breaking pose.

Grant blew out a breath and approached the bag. _I need to clear my head_ some _how_. He started to wrap his hands, glancing back at May periodically.

"I'm not changing my mind," she offered. "I know how you liked your routine."

Grant swallowed hard. "And I know everyone thinks I'm a traitor, so I'm not sure my preferences matter at the moment."

May sighed. "I'm working on that."

Grant nodded in return. "I know. I appreciate it." _And that is probably the most conversation we can have before she starts to hate me again_. "Just let me know if I'm going to be in anyone's way." He turned his attention to the heavy bag, losing himself in his workout.

May watched him from the corner of her eye, his routine unchanged, and wondered what other truths about himself he'd tried to show them along the way.

* * *

Skye groaned and opened her eyes. _Not getting any more sleep. Damn it._ The ghost of what she'd heard behind Ward's door kept whispering to her that she'd missed something.

 _ **"Someday you'll understand."**_

 _What if I don't_ want _to?_ She looked over at Lincoln. _Simple, uncomplicated, barely demanding Lincoln, and his simple, uncomplicated, barely demanding heart is exactly all I need..._

A voice in her head whispered, _Isn't it?_ She refused to acknowledge the fact the voice of doubt sounded like her own.

* * *

Grant studiously avoided looking in May's direction as he worked on the bag. _The one who probably has the most reason to hate me at this point is the first one giving me a chance. What did I miss when I was gone?_ He finished his routine and let the bag come to a stop.

May cleared her throat. "If you want to grab breakfast, the kitchen is usually empty when I go in after the showers."

Grant nodded. "Thank you." He swallowed. "Do you - do you want to join me?" He winced. "For breakfast, I mean, not -"

She nodded and put him out of his misery. "If you don't mind."

 _Even if I did I would deny it just on shock alone._ "Not at all." He swallowed hard and gave a small smile. "Thanks."

She gave another short nod. "Meet you there in fifteen."

* * *

Skye bit her lip and slipped smoothly from the bed, taking care to leave Lincoln sleeping. _Quick workout, long, hot shower, and breakfast._

She once again ignored the voice in her head, one that sounded like someone else this time, whispering that the Skye he'd known would never confront all of this mess head-on anyway.

* * *

Grant looked around the kitchen, ghosts sitting on counters and smiling from the table.

May watched him carefully. "You all right?"

Grant shook himself. Not even close. "Yeah, just..." He shrugged. "Never expected to be back here again."

May nodded. "It gets easier." She shrugged in return. "I was never supposed to be in the field again, and then..."

"Coulson." Grant sighed. _Man has a knack for getting you to do things you never meant to do._ "Yeah." He quirked a brow. "Pancakes?"

May considered him. "You're seriously making pancakes after talking about deja vu."

He snorted a laugh. _The irony is not lost on me..._ "I think the phrase is 'embrace the suck', Agent May. And that'll go a bit better with pumpkin pancakes."

She chuckled in return. "Fair point. I'll take a couple."

He rummaged through the cupboards, finding the ingredients easily. _What the hell happened to the badass Cavalry while I was gone?_ He bit back the question and cooked them breakfast in a surprisingly companionable silence.

* * *

Simmons charged into Coulson's office at 0830. "Sir -"

Coulson sighed. "I'm surprised you managed to wait thirty minutes, Jemma." He gestured to the seat across from him.

The biochemist clenched her jaw and sat. "Director Coulson -"

He held up a hand. "If May's report to me last night is any indication, I believe I know what you're here for. You don't want to index Ward."

"Sir, I - I respect the process but...Ward, he's a traitor, a killer." She shook her head. "He shouldn't be indexed, he should be incarcerated!"

"And if he had been, your entire team and you would be dead." Coulson held her gaze. "Jemma, you more than anyone should realize how precarious a position we were in, trying to figure out what happened to you while trying to keep the world from ending." He leaned forward, steepling his fingers. "You had turned into an 084, lethal to the growing numbers of Inhumans, thanks to a crazy war started by Skye's mother when she assassinated the head of the other SHIELD. A Kree artifact from we'll probably never know how long ago was trying to use you to kill them, and we were trying to stop it. Meanwhile, Grant Ward and his HAMMER teams covered our asses so we could do that. I know May has talked to you, and I want to know what would it take for you to stand down on this?"

"I - Director Coulson, respectfully, I - I don't -" Simmons lowered her eyes and shook her head. "I don't mean to be insubordinate, but I don't - I don't believe anything he says, I can't trust his motivations!" She lifted her gaze to his as she continued. "He's back here, in our home - a man who betrayed us and who killed not just the evil people, but a lot of good people too. People will never be the same because of him. _We_ will never be the same."

* * *

Skye walked into the gym, taking a deep breath as she found it empty. _I know I should start with tai chi, but...for a quick workout..._ She wrapped her hands and started on the heavy bag, refusing to think about why, exactly, it called to her so strongly today.

* * *

"No, we will never be the same, you're right." Coulson sighed. "It never could be the same. But what it can be is a team, rebuilt on honesty and with the potential for trust."

"Or it could be a disaster." Simmons scoffed, mouth tightened to a thin line. "The biometrics chair."

The director frowned at her. "I'm sorry?"

"You asked what it would take," The biochemist folded her arms. "If we were to interview him using the biometrics chair, I would feel somewhat better about him. I may not trust him, but I can trust science."

Coulson took a deep breath and considered her. "That's really what it would take?"

"Yes, sir," Jemma nodded. "I reviewed his last interview, the biometrics knew he wasn't being truthful. Agent Koenig had to ask him questions repeatedly." She frowned. "You can't convince me to trust the man, but you can trust me to trust the machine."

The director gave a short nod. "I'll talk to him. If he agrees, we'll do it this afternoon, 1630." He eyed her. "I'll ask May to conduct the tests this morning." He shook his head. "You know, Jemma, just food for thought - May is being open-minded about this, and they were...you know..." He shuddered. "You know. If she can put that aside, maybe he's not the problem."

Jemma pursed her lips before giving a short nod and leaving the office.

* * *

Grant watched May eat her pancakes with precision. _Some things haven't changed, at least..._

May gave him a look. "What."

He turned back to his own breakfast. "Nothing."

She rolled her eyes. "You're thinking very loudly. And it's too early in the morning. _What_."

He took a deep breath. "How are - would they -" He shook his head. _Neither of those questions is getting an answer._ "Is there anything else I should know about being here at the Playground?"

May snorted. "Don't hold your breath for a lanyard."

Ward flinched. "Yeah, wouldn't think that. I'm much more the bagged and tagged specimen." He rattled the cuff at her. "No mistaking that."

May sighed. "Fair enough. The only thing you need to know is to keep your distance from the team right now. No one knew what Phil and I were up to, so it's a lot for them to process."

Grant snorted a laugh. "Yeah, probably as much to process as suddenly being able to set things on fire..."

May sighed. "Ward -"

"May?" Coulson appeared in the doorway. "Can I speak with you?"

Ward gave them both a smirk as he polished off the last of his pancakes. "Don't worry about it." He shrugged at May. "Embrace the suck, right? I'll be doing that in my bunk, away from all human contact." He stood and left the room.

May sighed again and nodded at Coulson, leaving the platter of pancakes on the counter but taking the vague feeling of disquiet with her.

* * *

Skye leaned her body on the bag and took a deep breath. _I just have to let this go, and try..._ A knot in her stomach loosened while her nose twitched at a vaguely familiar scent in the air. _Try to what? Stay out of his way? Or get in it?_ She sighed. _I wish I knew._ She bit her lip. _Or maybe I wish I_ didn't _know..._

She renewed her attack on the bag with a vengeance.

* * *

May stood at attention on the other side of Coulson's desk. "How can I help you, Phil?"

The director sighed and sat, gesturing for May to do the same. "You can tell me that the peaceful breakfast you and Ward were just sharing wasn't a fluke."

May frowned. "What happened?"

Phil sighed again. "Jemma. She came to me this morning about Ward."

"She's refusing to index him, isn't she." May's frown deepened. "Phil, she can't - "

"-just disobey orders, I know, Melinda." He rubbed his temples. "I asked her what it would take to get her to stop this, stand down."

May raised a brow silently.

"She wants him in the chair," Coulson supplied. "The biometrics chair, that is, though she wouldn't mind the other one either."

May snorted. "Your point?"

"I _did_ compromise. I told her you would take over his physical." Phil smiled at her. "So will you take over his physical?"

She scoffed. "And if I said no? Who would you recruit?"

Phil shrugged. "At that point, I'd have to do it myself."

Melinda rolled her eyes. "It wasn't a fluke, and I'll take over. But you indulge Jemma far too much."

He sighed. "Melinda, six months since the fall and we're still reeling. We've got HYDRA on the run, but we have Inhumans popping up everywhere. We just got Jemma back, and I'm still not 100% sure we have Skye." He shook his head. "I'm indulging myself by indulging them. I look at Grant Ward and feel _relief_ that he exists. It's a world gone mad, and I can't blame my team for acting that way."

May leveled him with a look. "You _can_. You set the example. You think I feel any better than you do? I slept with him, Phil, and I know that's why you gave me the job of looking into him - because I would only believe my own judgment. But I'm playing nice, because that's what he actually deserves. And you might want to give them leeway now, but don't let it get out of hand. He is still Grant Ward, and we missed a _hell_ of a lot." She winced. "No pun intended."

"But he'd love the pun," Phil offered weakly. He took a deep breath. "I hear you, Melinda. Thank you for doing this, and don't hesitate to keep me in check."

She snorted. "Never have, never will." She gave a short nod and left the office.

* * *

Grant took a deep breath before walking into the lab. _The sooner we get this over with, the sooner I'm gone._

May cleared her throat. "I'll be conducting your physical this morning."

He exhaled heavily before nodding. "That's fine." _I don't even care if you see how relieved I am._

May snorted. "I'm not surprised you'd say that." She took his vitals and eyed him. "We _will_ have to have you use your powers again, if you can."

He smirked. "Not a problem." _Pretty sure I've got some rage and anger to spare._ He stripped his shirt over his head to let her take his blood pressure.

Coulson entered the lab, nodding at May. "Mr. Ward, good morning."

"Good morning, sir." _Sir? Again?_ Ward fought not to flinch.

"I have a request for you, if you're willing," the director said, expression warm and reassuring.

Ward eyed him skeptically. "What can I do for you?" _I know well enough that look means nothing..._

"You know we obviously have some trust issues here." Coulson shrugged. "Can't exactly blame us. And we want to get this indexing over as quickly as we can."

 _That makes two of us._ Ward quirked a brow. "And how can I help speed that process?"

The director smiled. "Glad you asked."

* * *

Jemma paced in front of Fitz' door, wringing her hands. She took a deep breath and knocked.

Fitz yawned and opened the door. "Took you long enough, I heard you pacing when I got up to get some water."

Jemma frowned and walked in. "I don't know how you can sleep, knowing he's here."

Fitz rubbed a hand over his hair. "Because I trust Coulson, that's how. I trust May. If they're telling me we're okay, I'll believe that."

Jemma glared. "Don't tell me you're forgiving him, not after all he did to us."

Fitz threw his hands up. "Jemma, he hasn't done anything to us in half a year, and if I remember correctly, you were the one to try to do something to him last time."

Jemma shrank into herself. "I was _trying_ to protect us."

"I know, Jemma, and I understand, but..." Fitz shook his head. "Right now there's nothing to protect me from. Not with him."

Jemma dropped onto the couch, folding her hands in her lap. "I asked Director Coulson if we could use the biometrics chair for his indexing interview."

"You what?" Fitz joined her on the couch. "You spoke to Coulson?"

Jemma nodded. "I just left his office. I told him using the chair would be efficient, knowing what a liar he is."

Fitz frowned at her. "Coulson?"

"No! _Him_ ," Jemma hissed.

"You won't even say his name now? He's not Voldemort, Jemma." Fitz sighed.

"Well, he is to _me_ ," she insisted. "Everything that we went through, everything that went wrong was all his fault."

* * *

Coulson steepled his fingers. "You know that this isn't simple for any of us - the powers, you being here..."

Grant rolled his eyes. "Not exactly my idea of a vacation either."

The director nodded with a wry smile. "Well, yes. And I know you and Simmons had a run-in last night..."

 _To say the least._ Grant only nodded.

"As you can see, Agent May is perfectly capable in assisting with these basic exams," Coulson continued, "but there is still a lot left to the indexing process considering you've only just acquired powers."

"Obviously," Grant agreed. "I remember the protocols. And how long they take, if that's where you're going."

"Right." Coulson cleared his throat. "In terms of the interviewing and profile, I have a favor to ask of you."

Ward eyed him suspiciously. "What's that?"

* * *

"Everything?" Fitz swallowed hard. "Jemma...you heard what May said last night. He may have done wrong, but he also helped us. Even after..."

Jemma flinched and looked down. "You agreed with me at the time, Fitz."

"At the time, Jemma," Fitz confirmed. "But it's not that time anymore. And we know now that he had the chance and didn't do anything to hurt us. Repeatedly. He helped us."

"That's not the same as being a good man, Fitz, that's not the same as being someone to trust!" Jemma shook her head. "I thought you would understand. You always understood, before."

Fitz looked at her sadly. "I thought you would, too, but we're neither of us the same, are we."

Jemma caught her breath and stood. "I obviously should have kept walking."

"Jemma -" Fitz sighed again as she walked out and slammed the door.

* * *

The director cleared his throat. "I'd like to conduct your interview with the assistance of the biometrics chair."

May looked up at the monitors as Ward's pulse jumped for a beat.

 _That damn chair..._ Grant bit back the curse on the tip of his tongue. "And how much time do you think that would shave off the process?"

"A day, maybe two?" Coulson shrugged. "Frankly, we're still going to fact check everything you say, but this will hopefully satisfy everyone."

 _Like Simmons, and maybe Fitz._ Grant rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. "Yeah. Yeah, I'll do it."

"Thank you," Phil offered, genuine relief in his voice. "I'll meet you there at 1630."

Grant nodded again. _Just get me out of here, before I choke on everything I wish they'd believe._

* * *

Skye walked into the blessedly empty kitchen, eyeing the platter of pancakes suspiciously. She sniffed. _Pumpkin?_ She looked around for a sign of their origin before giving in to temptation and taking three, along with the syrup and pecans. _I'm not going to think about it, I'm just going to enjoy..._ She looked up as Fitz wandered into the kitchen, a faraway look in his eyes. "Hey, zombie. You okay?"

Fitz rubbed a hand over his hair. "Oh, Skye." He shook his head. "No, I - I'm not. But..." He frowned. "Who made pancakes? I - we haven't - since -"

Skye shoveled another forkful in her mouth and shook her head in return. "They're delicious. I'm eating them."

Fitz gave a small, hesitant smile and took two. "All right." He brought his plate and sat across from her. "So. How are you doing with...you know."

Skye sighed and shook her head again. "It's weird. Isn't it weird?"

Fitz nodded. "It's weird." He leaned closer. "We just had a bit of a tiff over him. Jemma is worse again."

Skye bit her lip. "Yeah, kind of got that feeling from her last night. May seemed pretty pissed."

Fitz sighed. "I told her it wasn't good. She didn't listen."

Skye stabbed another forkful of pancake. "If she can't trust May, what's it going to take?"

Fitz shrugged. "I wish I knew. I just hope she doesn't do anything she's going to regret in front of Coulson."

Skye froze. "Yeah. That's - I hope not either." She sighed. "Every day is gonna be a long day till he's gone, isn't it."

Fitz nodded wordlessly.

* * *

May eyed Ward warily. "Are you all right?"

"No," Grant bit out. "But that's probably all the better." _I can feel it in my blood_. He focused his energy in the palm of his hand, a fireball flaring into existence. "I get to test my powers out."

May sighed, grabbing his other arm for a blood sample. "Maybe next let's try _not_ feeling homicidal rage and charging something then."

Grant snorted. "If that's the test, I think I'm in the wrong place." _There isn't anything about this that makes me anything other than angry._

May sighed. "We're just trying to get through this, Ward."

Grant clenched his jaw. "Like I told Coulson, I'm thrilled to be here. Obviously." _A lab rat for SHIELD after all I've done..._

May gave a short laugh. "Yeah." She blew out a breath. "So, want to try to calm yourself down and see if you can get your powers going?"

Grant snorted. "That sounds...like something very different." _Did I just make a joke?_ He shook his head and exhaled.

May glared at him. "You're a lot more sarcastic than I'd ever have thought."

Grant shrugged. "And you're a lot softer now than I would've expected. I expected you'd be even harder to crack." _And I wasn't even going to try..._

"I never realized how defensive you really were," May snapped back. "Trying so hard to keep us all away because we were a threat. We were a threat to your mission, we were your weakness."

Grant's gut tightened. _Melinda May, with a deadly accurate verbal sucker punch_. "Yeah. That's over now."

May gave a noncommittal grunt. "Try your powers."

 _Son of a bitch. Yeah, that anger is pretty faded_. Grant exhaled and focused on the fireball from before. _Would be nice to at least have one part of my life that didn't require constant rage._ He watched gratefully as a small fireball appeared.

* * *

Lincoln yawned and wandered in, smiling at the other two occupants of the kitchen. "Morning, guys. You were up early, babe."

Skye gave a tight smile in return. "Yeah, couldn't really sleep."

Lincoln quirked a brow as he saw the counter. "Pancakes? I thought you didn't do pancakes around here."

* * *

Grant absorbed the fireball with a grin. "Guess I'm not just a fire version of the Hulk." _I don't have to rage forever._

May rolled her eyes. "No. Thankfully."

Grant rolled his shoulders and stretched. "One last blood sample, right?" He held out his arm. _Then we'll have the basics done, at least._

May nodded and took the other sample. "You know the drill."

 _I wonder if my last psych evaluation is good enough for them..._ Grant gave a small smile. "I recall."

May gave a short nod. "Good. You're clear for your bunk, just get some orange juice or apple juice on the way."

 _And then continue to stay out of_ your _way, right?_ Grant kept his expression neutral. Haven't been a person to them in ages anyway. "Sure." He moved to leave.

May hesitated as he walked to the door. "Ward."

Ward stopped without turning. _What? More of your fake civility?_

"If no one else manages to tell you, thank you for helping to take down HYDRA." May inclined her head. "I wasn't going to question our luck, but now I know it wasn't just that. So thank you."

Grant exhaled roughly. _Or...not so fake_..."You're welcome," he managed past the knot in his chest, and walked quickly from the room.

* * *

"No, not since -" Fitz cut off abruptly, giving wounded puppy dog eyes to Skye.

Skye looked at him apologetically. _Man up, Fitz, I didn't kick you that hard_. "No one likes to take the trouble, but go for it while they're there."

Lincoln frowned. "So wait. Who made them?"

* * *

May knocked at Coulson's door, report in hand.

Phil waved her in. "Melinda. How did the rest of it go?"

May shrugged and handed him the pad. "Fine. Nothing remarkable about his vitals, though knowing he was a specialist, I feel like that's not a gauge of anything."

The director gave a hum of agreement. "Well, we still have the other evaluations to go. Considering he just found out he has powers, we should try to get some preliminary powers readings." He quirked a brow. "Do you think he'd spar with Skye?"

May laughed. "Please tell me that's a professional request and not a misguided Cupid."

* * *

Ward walked into the kitchen, smothering a grin. _At least some things haven't changed._..The pancakes he'd deliberately made extras of were nearly gone.

Skye looked down as she noticed him, Fitz and Lincoln falling silent.

Grant swallowed a sigh. "Just getting orange juice. Finished the blood test part of the exercise." He took a small bottle from the fridge. "And now I'll head back to my room." He walked out without looking at any of them.

* * *

Phil's jaw dropped. "Are you kidding me?"

May nodded. "I am." She shrugged. "If it meant him getting out of here, I think he would spar with anyone."

The director winced. "Did I make a mistake bringing him back here?"

May sighed. "It depends."

"On...?" Coulson looked at her expectantly.

She shrugged. "On what you're trying to accomplish."

* * *

Lincoln rolled his eyes. "Can't wait till he's gone." He froze, looking at the pancakes and the two suddenly silent people at the table. "Aww, man. Really?"

Skye and Fitz shoved guilty forkfuls of pancake into their mouths in answer.

* * *

Phil sighed and nodded. "I suppose that's true." He looked down at his bioengineered hand. "I've gotten a bit less ambitious in recent months, Melinda. I just want to try to do right by him."

Melinda shook her head and dropped into the chair. "What does that even mean at this point?"

Phil shook his head in return. "I'm trying to figure that out. That's the other reason you're here, actually." He gave her a smile. "I was hoping, maybe..."

Melinda sighed. "I'll call Andrew."

Phil exhaled heavily. "Thank you." He looked down at the pad and shook his head. "Melinda, what kind of monster was Garrett? How broken is Grant Ward?"

His second in command scrubbed a hand down her face. "I spent years in that same state of numb. I believe you noted the departure of your Scotch when it finally broke."

The director flinched. "Well, let's hope he can help Grant do the same." He frowned. "Without my Scotch, please."

* * *

Skye sighed as Lincoln shoved a forkful of pancakes around on his plate. "Come on, Linc. They're pancakes, not weapons of mass destruction."

Lincoln snorted. "That's why in the last five or six months no one has ever once made pancakes?"

Fitz frowned. "They were never as good."

* * *

Grant shut the door behind him and sank heavily onto the couch. He guzzled the juice and sighed. _The chair. That damned chair. I can't believe it survived_...He took another deep breath. _Here's hoping it just means it'll be over even faster than Coulson thinks._

* * *

Andrew smiled at the face that lit up his phone. "Well, hello. I didn't expect to hear from you today."

Melinda rolled her eyes. "You say that every time I call you."

The psychologist grinned. "I never expect to hear from you."

Melinda smiled indulgently. "Fair enough." She cleared her throat. "Unfortunately..."

"You're calling for work, then," Garner gathered. "What do you need?"

"You're probably not going to like it." She pursed her lips. "I don't like that I'm even going to ask."

Her ex frowned. "Melinda..."

"We need an assessment, Andrew," she continued. "Of Grant Ward."

"Oh." Garner rubbed a hand over his mouth. "He's back?"

May sighed. "Remember when I told you Phil had me running down some leads?"

Andrew nodded. "Of course. We had to cancel dinner at Blue Hill."

"We'll get there sometime," May promised. "But the leads...it turns out Ward was operating as our unsolicited backup and actually took out some HYDRA targets for us."

Her ex-husband blinked at the screen. "He what?"

May gave a short chuckle. "I know." She blew out a breath. "He realized that he was in the best position at the time to take the reins for HYDRA, and he did, we were right about that, but we were wrong about his endgame. All the smaller HYDRA cells are gone."

Andrew shook his head slowly. "So you want me to assess him to see if he can rejoin SHIELD?"

Melinda snorted. "Not even close. When we finally came face to face last night, Ward manifested powers. He needs to be indexed."

Garner burst out laughing. "You have got to be kidding me."

May narrowed her eyes at him. "You think I would make up anything to do with Ward?"

* * *

Skye frowned as she considered the import of Fitz' statement. "Anyway, Linc, I think we were all just...bitter, I guess, and the pancakes were a sign of happier times." She sighed and shrugged. "Even knowing I shouldn't, I just missed it."

Lincoln sighed. "There better be good syrup."

Fitz passed him the maple syrup and the crushed pecans. "I wouldn't compromise my standards for Mrs. Buttersworth."

* * *

"No, you wouldn't," Andrew conceded. "I need a couple of days to clear my calendar, cover my classes. I can be available by Tuesday."

May nodded. "I'll fly you in, at least. There should be some perks."

Garner grinned. "Make sure the autopilot is working, will you?"

May rolled her eyes but nodded.

Andrew smiled. "I'll see you Tuesday, then. Do good, Melinda."

Melinda sighed. "Trying. Trying very, very hard."

His smile only widened. "I know you are. You called me to help with a man you hate."

Melinda heaved another sigh. "Well, maybe not so much anymore. He saved all of us. He's the reason we were able to save Jemma."

"Oh." Andrew sat back. "That's unexpected."

"Tell me about it. But when I say he was taking out HYDRA targets, he was doing that when he realized something was going on with the team. He pretty much took over to give us the time we needed to help her."

"And that's why this isn't an average indexing, I take it."

Melinda pursed her lips. "Phil wants to know if we can help him, somehow."

Andrew nodded slowly. "So indexing by way of psych eval."

"Something like that," Melinda agreed. "Phil wants to do right by him, but we don't know what that means. We're hoping you can help us figure it out."

Andrew sighed and nodded. "I can try to help with that. I'll see you Tuesday."

May nodded. "Thank you," she said softly, and ended the video call.

* * *

Grant blew out a breath as he approached the room that afternoon. _Why the hell did I agree to this?_

Coulson glanced over at him. "Everything all right?"

 _Perfectly fine. Back to the moment when it all changed._ Ward gave him a wordless look and opened the door. _Damn it_. Seeing the chair again was a punch to the gut, but the tech behind it... _Guess Coulson is still not a total fan._

Simmons considered him dispassionately, continuing her preparations.

 _Is this some kind of joke?_ Ward looked at the director, the question in his eyes.

Coulson gestured for Ward to take a seat. "Jemma was trained to monitor the lie detector, and I'm here to ask the questions," he explained. "If at any point, you need to stop, we can do that, but I'd rather not."

 _And I'd rather not do this at all._ Grant clenched his jaw and sat.

"Please put your hands on the armrests," Simmons instructed. "We've made some improvements based on your last session, and based on others since." The rage flashed in her eyes again. "Now we have a metal detector in the palm pad. No more needles or tricks to falsify your baseline."

Ward looked at Coulson. "Others?" _What did I miss in these walls?_

The director shrugged. "It's a valuable resource and we needed to hone it. We had other agents with high espionage scores come in to tell us what we were missing."

Ward rolled his eyes. "Like Romanoff would ever give up her secrets."

Coulson only gave him a smile. "You might be surprised what you get when you rise from the dead."

Grant frowned at him. "They - the Avengers - you didn't tell them when you made director?"

Coulson shrugged. "It was on a need to know basis. They were still mostly Level 6."

Ward flinched at the familiar words falling from Coulson's lips.

Jemma raised a brow. "My, my. Someone did _not_ like that answer."

Coulson frowned. "Ward?"

Grant looked away. "Garrett. Any time I'd question an order, that was his answer. Need to know, and I didn't need to." _Not about Skye, not about my own history..._

Coulson blew out a breath. "Sorry for my choice of words."

 _Coulson, not Garrett. Focus._ Grant shook his head. "You couldn't have known."

Phil nodded as he sat across from his former specialist. "There's a lot I don't know, but I'm hoping to find out."

 _I'm not._ Grant focused on his breathing. "Yes, sir."

The director picked up the pad next to Jemma. "I'm going to ask you a series of questions, and you'll answer as truthfully as you can."

"Yes, sir." Ward looked past both Simmons and Coulson to stare at the wall.

"Please state your full name."

"Grant Douglas Ward."

"These questions are baseline logic questions. You'll answer true or false." Coulson raised a brow. "Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Some bags are pockets. No pocket is a pouch. Conclusion: all bags are not pouches. True or false."

"False."

"Some doctors are fools. All fools are rich. Conclusion: some doctors are rich. True or false."

"True."

Coulson looked to Simmons, who nodded.

"By whom are you employed?"

"No one." Grant frowned, shaking his head lightly. _Be specific_. "I freelance."

"And what do you freelance doing?"

"As a former specialist for SHIELD, I'm sought after for a variety of tasks." _Thanks for that, at least._ Grant continued. "These include espionage and spy work."

The director sighed and nodded. "And at this time, what is your mission?"

 _Closure. To protect Skye and the team, but no one wants to hear that..._ Grant swallowed the words. "To supplant the governing council of HYDRA and take HYDRA and SHIELD 2.0 down."

Simmons frowned. "There's - there's a blip."

Coulson frowned in return. "I'll ask you again, what is your current mission?"

 _To protect Skye and the rest of you._ Grant fought the instinct again. "I don't have a mission, sir. Not anymore."

Simmons pursed her lips. "That's a bit better. There's still something odd, though."

The director rubbed a hand over his mouth. "Let's rephrase. What are you seeking to accomplish now?"

"Closure," Ward said. "I'm seeking closure for Kara and for me."

Jemma waved Coulson along.

"Who is SHIELD 2.0?" the director asked.

Grant didn't hesitate in the answer. "Weaver, Oliver, and those personnel on the carrier who wanted to blow up the Playground." _Anyone who doesn't follow you_.

Coulson eyed him. "Have you killed SHIELD 2.0 agents?"

"Yes." There was no hesitation, again.

The director frowned. "Why?"

"Because they were HYDRA plants," Grant answered steadily.

Coulson's head whipped to Simmons, who nodded slowly.

"Not even a whisper," she confirmed.

The director sighed. "Well, hell."

"Gonzalez wasn't, sir. If that helps." Grant shrugged. "But under him - HYDRA was hoping to start a war, any war." _And they almost did, several times over._

"A strong show of force," Coulson murmured. "Weaver kept pushing for some big move against Jiaying and the Inhumans."

"To finish what Project INSIGHT started, and destroy any public trust or military goodwill SHIELD had," Grant confirmed. "I wasn't sure until I got my hands on Whitehall's data chip."

"Your ace in the hole," Coulson mused. "Was that it?"

Ward nodded and answered aloud. "Yes. Once I had a vague descriptor, I could find it in the database, be the forward team if possible, the -" Grant allowed himself a small smile. "The cavalry, if not." He gave Coulson a meaningful look, finally finding the answer to May's nickname in Whitehall's records.

Coulson's expression gave nothing away. "What about the non-HYDRA agents?"

"They're still here. Or at their posts, to be precise." Grant cleared his throat. "They received Level 7 authenticated intel with specific instructions not to discuss the change in hierarchy as a matter of security, even to the Director."

Coulson swore softly as things started to fall into place. "All those meaningful looks I would get after inspecting another SHIELD base..."

"Were likely a result of my restructuring, yes." Grant bit back a smile. _I always wondered whether someone would say something_...

"How did you manage to get the intel through?" the director asked.

"Nothing about the security code I gave would correlate to me," Grant explained. "It's a dummy agent for purposes of manipulating traditional SHIELD agents."

Coulson gave him a hard look. "Made by HYDRA."

 _No point denying it_. "Yes," Grant said flatly.

Coulson could only shake his head. "And what is the current status of HYDRA agents in SHIELD?"

"All HYDRA agents identified in Whitehall's record have been burned from SHIELD." _Happy holidays. What do you think about that one, Simmons?_ Grant kept his gaze on the director.

"When you say they've been burned, what precisely does that mean?" Coulson raised a brow.

"Those assessed to be low level threats were given the opportunity to rededicate themselves to SHIELD. A number of operatives were proceeding under the belief the orders they received were from SHIELD proper." Ward took Coulson's silence as a sign to continue. "Mid-level threats were remanded to local authorities for crimes SHIELD would not protect them from. Evidence was provided to said authorities for the arrests, and monitoring has been established should they be released. High-level threats were eliminated. Corresponding data has been entered into their files." _And that's the part you're not going to like._

As expected, the director's gaze shot to Ward, eyes narrowed. "You - you hacked our files?"

Grant took a breath. "Yes." _Well, not technically_ me, _but I'm sure that's not what you meant_.

Coulson winced. "You don't make this easy, Ward."

"No," Ward agreed. "I understand and apologize for that. But you can see the bigger picture here, I'm sure."

Coulson sighed and nodded. "I can, yes. Luckily for you."

"Thank you," Grant murmured. "I know."

The director scrutinized him. "Do you have any further intelligence regarding HYDRA?"

"No." _I've never been so happy to say that word before._ Grant waited for the follow up question.

Coulson raised a brow. "And what about HAMMER?"

 _As expected._ Grant took a breath before he answered. "There _is_ no more HAMMER."

"Explain what you mean by that," Coulson countered. "How is there no more HAMMER?"

Grant cleared his throat before answering. "I was dismantling my own organization proportionally to the remaining HYDRA targets. As we eliminated more of them, I would disband a portion of HAMMER as well. After the last op yesterday, the only remaining member of HAMMER is me." _Whether you believe it or not..._

Coulson blinked at him in disbelief. "Simmons?"

Jemma glared at the machine. "Nothing. I swear this thing is broken."

Coulson shook his head slowly. "Or Mr. Ward is telling the truth." He blew out a breath. "Have you ever had any incidents of firestarting before last night?"

 _I wanted to blow out the candle..._ "Yes," Grant said softly. "A long time ago."

Simmons gave a huff of disbelief. "There wasn't a blip at all on the biometrics, sir. I can't understand why."

Grant exhaled shakily. _You really won't believe a single thing I say, lie detector or not._

"We're done here," Coulson said as he stood. "You can head back to your bunk if you want."

 _My bunk, not to any common area or to speak to anyone else, even after this._ Grant looked at Simmons, still avoiding his gaze. "Sir, may I request you ask me about one more op while I'm here?"

"You -" Coulson frowned at him. "You _want_ me to ask you about something from your time with Garrett?"

 _Want may not be the most accurate word, but..._ "Yes, please," Grant confirmed softly.

Coulson looked over at Jemma and back to Ward, who gave the tiniest nod. The director took a deep breath. "Ward, turning your attention to your last missions with John Garrett. You were ordered to kill Fitz and Simmons, correct?"

Simmons' head shot up, her gaze snapping to Coulson.

"Yes," Grant said softly. _One of the worst orders I've ever gotten in my life._

"And how did you execute that order?" Coulson asked.

Grant took a deep breath and kept his eyes on the director as he answered. "I did not."

Simmons glared at the screen in front of her. "This has to be broken."

The director regarded Ward steadily. "You deny you ejected the medipod into the ocean?"

"No," Grant replied. "But my intention was never to kill them." _It's a weakness..._ He squeezed his eyes shut against the memory.

Jemma smacked the screen now. "I don't - I don't understand these readings."

"What were your intentions, if not to execute Garrett's orders?" Coulson asked, raising a brow.

"To get them out of harm's way and allow you time to effectuate rescue," came Grant's immediate answer. _To get them away from him._

"You're lying!" Jemma screamed. "I don't care what this bloody thing says, you're lying and -"

"Agent Simmons," Coulson interrupted. "What are the readings for this line of questioning?"

"That he thinks he's telling the truth," Jemma spat.

"Jemma." The director held her gaze steadily. "Did the biometrics spike at all?"

Simmons ducked Coulson's eyes. "We need to get Agent Romanoff back here, to recalibrate and fine tune -"

Coulson cut her off. "Answer the question, Agent Simmons."

She glared mutinously at the director. "No, sir, no spike in his vitals indicative of a lie." She turned her rage to Ward. "It just means he's learned some tricks, perhaps he even has data from HYDRA about the chair, schematics, something to fool it we haven't yet contemplated."

Coulson gave her a warning look. "Jemma -"

"He killed his entire family!" Jemma burst out. "He dropped us out of a plane into the ocean!" She shook her head. "You can't expect me to believe -"

"The science, Agent Simmons?" Coulson stood and crossed to stand next to her. He pointed at the screen. "I can absolutely expect you to believe the science."

 _Killed...all of them?_ "Sir -" Ward tried desperately to get the director's attention and failed, fighting the urge to leave the chair before he was dismissed.

She shook her head. "I would've believed you if you told me that Agent Ward was loyal and true because he jumped out of a plane to save me, but that was wrong. That was strategy. That was his mission."

The director put a hand on her shoulder. "Or you could believe that he means what he says, and the Grant Ward that jumped out of the plane is the one who put you in what some people could consider an evacuation pod." He moved to catch her eyes. "Jemma, you and Fitz both said the pressurization issue was not something anyone had anticipated." Coulson didn't turn. "Ward, what did you expect the pod to do when you ejected it?"

 _Damn, he's good._ Grant licked his lips. "Float. I expected that pod to float."

"None of the biometrics spiked," Coulson pointed out. "Did they, Jemma."

Simmons glared at Ward and refused to meet Coulson's eyes.

"Answer the question, Agent." The director's tone brooked no argument.

"No, sir," she spat out. "But I refuse to believe that means he's telling the truth."

Grant hung his head. _Even with the lie detector...One day more, maybe two, but that's all I can handle._ "Am I dismissed, sir?" His voice was soft, but the hint of sadness in it startled even him.

"Yes, Grant, you're dismissed," Coulson offered equally softly. "Thank you."

Grant unhooked the monitors himself, laying them carefully on the chair. He met Simmons' eyes steadily.

She made a sound of disgust and looked away.

 _Beyond done._ Grant nodded at Coulson and left the room and the mess behind.

* * *

Skye walked into the lounge and poured herself a cup of coffee. _To think I used to get by on no sleep at all..._

"I was surprised by how many of his answers read as truthful," Jemma said to Fitz as Skye approached. "I told Director Coulson that I think it just means we have more work to do on it, honestly."

Skye frowned as she slid into a seat next to them. "More work on what?" _Should we be doing any work with him here?_

Jemma glanced at her and shrugged. "The biometrics chair."

 _The bio_ \- "The lie detector?" Skye questioned. "I didn't know you and AC were still working on it."

Jemma sipped her tea and nodded. "It's a precious piece of technology that we're fortunate enough to still have. Of course we're working on it."

 _Of course. It's still SHIELD._ Skye dumped six sugars into her coffee and took a long drink. "So who'd you get to test it out?"

Jemma's eyes were hard as she answered. "Ward."

 _ **"Piece of cake?" he asked.**_

 _ **"If you don't mind talking about yourself," she answered. "So you'll hate it."**_

"Ward?" Skye's cup rattled and she took a deep breath. "When?"

"This afternoon," Simmons replied. "I told Director Coulson that using it would be an efficient way to complete his index interview."

Fitz frowned. "I wasn't so sure."

Jemma glared at him. "You weren't in there. We know we have work to do, now." She rolled her eyes. "You wouldn't have even an ounce of sympathy if you heard him, trying to convince me that he didn't mean to kill us when he sent us into the ocean."

"He what?" Fitz rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. "Jemma, what are you talking about?"

Simmons wrapped her hands around the tea cup and glared into the contents. "He must've prepared for it. He requested that Coulson ask about our captivity, about the pod. It was disgraceful."

Fitz blinked slowly. "He - what did he say?"

Simmons scoffed. "That he thought the pod would float, that he never intended to kill us."

Skye blinked at her. "Jemma, even Fitz thought the pod would float, you said so."

"But he killed his _entire family_ , Skye! Even if he claims he didn't know." Jemma looked at her incredulously. "How can you possibly think there's anything worth saving or believing in him?"

"I don't -" Skye shook her head. "I don't forgive him for that. I don't forgive him for the killing. I never will." She cleared her throat before continuing. "But...maybe he didn't want to hurt you guys. He's - he's been watching our backs, May said so."

"So did I," Fitz murmured quietly.

Simmons glared quickly at him before turning back to Skye. "I don't care, he's devious and crafty enough to worm his way back in just to destroy us," Jemma insisted. "You can't turn your back on him, you can't trust him."

Skye rolled her eyes. "Jemma, I'm not saying we should welcome him back on the team and let bygones be bygones." _I don't know that it's even possible._ She sighed. "I'm just suggesting maybe he's not the clear villain anymore."

Simmons turned her gaze away from Skye. "You're welcome to your opinion, as I am to mine."

Skye looked helplessly at Fitz, who could only shrug. "Okay." She stood and picked up her coffee. "I'll leave you guys to it, then."

Fitz nodded while Simmons stayed silent.

Skye blew out a breath and left the lounge. _So much for making his stay here painless, AC._

* * *

Grant charged into his room, grabbing a pad to search for his tormentors. _Oh my God_. He skimmed the article, the house burning down, _Did the charges not go off? Something caught fire instead_? He tossed it away, standing to pace. _What the hell is going on? How did this never happen before?_ He blew out a breath and froze, relaxing muscle groups in progression until his stance was loose again. _What would Garner say?_ Contrary to what he'd told Skye, he hadn't been able to avoid the man on every occasion, and with his experience, he felt reasonably comfortable extrapolating his thinking. _That night...was the first night I saw Coulson's team - our old team - face to face with no one in the middle. There was no one in between. I had to let go._ He rolled his shoulders. _I expected to die._ But his body had disagreed, and made a move to protect him.

A knock on the door startled him from his thoughts. "Come in," he called out.

Coulson stepped through the doorway. "Grant. Are you all right?"

Ward immediately straightened his stance. "I'm fine, sir."

The director sighed. "You realize you don't have to call me sir, and you don't have to lie to me?"

 _Old habits._ Grant shrugged. "I'm on your turf, on your terms. I can be a good little soldier until I get out of here."

"Does it help?" Coulson asked. "The sarcasm, I mean." He waved his prosthesis with a shrug. "Everyone wants to get close to you, take care of you, and you can't help but swat them away."

"Not everyone," Ward snapped back. _Not for me_. "Quite obviously."

The director chuckled. "That was a strong play. I have to respect that tactical thinking of yours."

Grant raised a brow in return. "And yours, sir. You caught on quickly, and asked the last question I hadn't thought of - what my intentions were, what I thought would happen." _Like you knew the answer._

Coulson inclined his head. "As I said, strong play."

They stared at each other silently. "Can I help you with something?" Ward asked. _I'm starting to feel like a raw nerve._

The director gestured to the couch. "Mind if we sit?"

Grant tried to ignore how his heart rate picked up. "Sure." _What could he possibly have to tell me now?_

They settled into the couch and Coulson steepled his hands, considering Grant over his fingers. "You know, somewhat, what Jemma has been through?"

 _Oh_. Grant blew out a breath. "I know...that there was something on the carrier that ultimately turned out to be a Kree symbiote." _And that she nearly killed Skye and her team. Not to mention nearly died in the process._

Coulson nodded. "It was. It was intended to control the host and compel it to infect any other Inhumans around it."

"Other?" Ward quirked a brow. _Last I checked..._

"If you're wondering about Simmons being Inhuman, you're right, she's _not_." The director gave him a meaningful look. "So you can imagine how difficult it was for her to survive it. Being possessed, nearly killed."

"How did she survive?" Grant asked. _How did she get to come back from being a monster?_

Coulson smiled. "Fitz. Fitz figured out she had a memory blackout around the time we got back from the takeover by Jiaying, and decided to go back to the security tapes. Blink and you'd miss it, but the symbiote managed to snatch her and return her before anyone noticed." He sighed and shrugged. "The science is messy, but the bottom line is even though Fitz managed to separate and contain it all, she still doesn't trust herself. Everything is black and white to her right now, and you still fall in the black."

 _She's made that pretty damned clear. Clearer than you know._ Ward ran his hands through his hair. "I know. Just tell me what else you need to index me, and I'll do it." _I'm ready to get the hell out of here._

The director looked at him steadily. "I was hoping you'd say that. It's the thing you hate the most."

"Andrew." _The psych profile._ Grant fought back the shudder. "That could take a week." _All for someone to decide if I'm I too dangerous to be out on my own with my powers..._

"Not if we use the chair to help," Coulson said quietly.

Grant flinched before he could stop himself. _Today...this was just a trial run._ "No."

The director held out a hand. "Grant -"

"No. Not if - not -" Ward stood and paced the room. _Not my nightmares. Not my demons._ "I won't go into - I can't go into that with her." He shook his head. "No. I'll take the week."

Coulson sighed. "I expected you to say that. But I did need to try." He raised a brow. "I don't think I have to tell you everyone would prefer if you _did_ use the chair."

"Not if Simmons is running it, no." Ward's face was implacable. _Making amends isn't worth that._ "I'm sorry, sir, I am, but I - knowing what I'll have to discuss, I think today proves she is not the one to speak in front of."

The director rubbed a hand over his mouth and nodded. "Fine. I reached out to one other agent who could interpret the readings. If I get a response before Andrew gets here, we'll proceed that way. If Andrew gets here first, you can start the old fashioned way."

 _More time. Too much time._ Grant searched Coulson's expression. _But then closure_. "I can agree to that."

Coulson stood, Grant following suit on instinct. The director held out a hand. "Thank you for working with us on this."

Grant shook it. "I've always been willing to work with you, sir. It's the rest of the team that's the barrier." _My sins still outweigh everything for them..._

The director sighed again. "Yeah. Trust issues. Seems to be going around." He shrugged. "But you also seem to be working on it."

 _For whatever tiny bit it might be worth before the end._ Grant gave a small smile. "Thank you again for helping."

Coulson smiled in return. "You're welcome. Good night."

* * *

Grant tossed and turned in bed, limbs flailing and straining.

 _"Come on, you pussy, you little pansy. No wonder why Mother and Father like me better, you're both so weak, so pathetic." Christian yanked on the chain again. "Do it."_

 _"Let go of that chain, Christian," Grant growled. "Come on. Leave him alone."_

 _Christian yanked again. "Why? What's the matter? You afraid of leaving Tommy down there?"_

 _Grant took a step towards him. "Let it go."_

 _Christian yanked one more time, the chain breaking free. "I will now. On you." Christian brandished the chain and whipped it towards Grant._

 _"Grant?" Tommy's voice came panicked from the well. "Grant?"_

 _"Get in the bucket, Tommy, hold on to it for me." Grant tried to get around Christian. "Let go of that chain, Christian, leave him alone!"_

 _Christian smirked. "I am leaving him alone, you little shit, and I'm making sure you do too…"_

* * *

May paused in the hallway, frowning as some noise caught her ear. She slowed to pinpoint it.

"Let go of that chain, Christian, let me help him!" Ward's voice was clear from the other side of the door. "Please! No!"

May tried to convince herself the whole thing was a show, and the whimpers weren't in time to remembered blows. She walked on, quickly.

* * *

Grant sat up in bed, drenched in sweat. _I shouldn't be here. Not anymore._ He threw the covers back and stood. _Haven't had that nightmare in years. Damn it all to hell._ He pulled on sweats and headed for the gym.

* * *

Skye bolted upright in bed once more, her heart pounding. _Again?_ She took a deep breath, exhaling as she localized the waves of anxiety from Ward's direction. She looked at Lincoln sleeping soundly next to her. _Like it didn't take us so long to get past all the bullshit. Here, let's throw in super psycho ex and his panic attacks to rip me from my sleep._ She kissed her boyfriend's cheek softly, giggling at the tiny shock it earned her. She glanced at the clock. _5 am. Fat chance I'm getting any more sleep_. She slipped from the bed and pulled on her sweats. _Maybe I'll actually beat May to the gym..._

* * *

 **A.N.** : I have the next chapter drafted, so don't be surprised if the next update comes sooner than this one :) The back half of this story is in bits and pieces, and I'm trying to space updates so you're not waiting forever. Reviews are great motivation! ;)


	4. Felled in the Night

**Chapter 4 - Felled in the Night**

Grant looked around, grimacing at the bracelet on his wrist. _Bet I could just melt that thing off if I wanted to._ He threw a punch and frowned at it. _You could, but then why did you agree to put it on in the first place, baby?_ Kara's voice whispered from his memory.

 _Kara_...He lashed out at the heavy bag. _Closure. I wanted closure and instead_...He punched the bag viciously, adding kicks and elbows while his blood boiled. _Instead I'm back in the cage, a cog in the wheel..._ He let out a yell and punched the bag with all his might.

"I'd ask you to hold it for me, but you might set that chain on fire," Skye murmured from the edge of the mat.

 _Of course._ "Yeah, well there isn't much else I can do to vent my frustration," Ward growled. "Unless you or Coulson wants to let me out of here to go for a run."

Skye snorted a laugh. "Yeah, okay. Why don't you just bring back the SHIELD agents you've taken out and you can run as far as you want?" She bit her lip. _Ugh. Thank you, runaway snarkiness. This isn't how I wanted this to go..._

"Believe me, that was the damn plan, until _this_." He grabbed the chain and charged it, pulling his hand away before he set the bag on fire. _Hellfire really does feel appropriate._ "I was ready to shut the door on all of this and walk away."

"You still can," she agreed. _Hopefully soon, for all our sakes._ "But we'd just -"

"Right, exactly. I'm indexed, and monitored. There's no walking away now." Grant hit the bag with another combo. "How's it feel to be a part of the machine?" _And why the hell am I sniping at Skye?_

Skye frowned at him. " _You_ tell _me_. You went from running the show to falling in with Coulson again." _And almost creepily quickly._

"Yeah, I was kidding myself," he muttered. "If I thought there was any point in running, I'd be gone." He sketched a bow and stepped away from the equipment. "But we're not done testing yet, so I'll be a good boy. And then I'll stay the hell away from chains, all right?" He grabbed his towel and hoisted his gym bag. "All yours."

May picked that moment to walk in, flinching at the sight of Ward so soon after overhearing his nightmare.

Grant rolled his eyes. "I'm leaving, relax. No need to share again today." _So much for being civil, I guess._ He stalked past her and slammed out of the room.

May's eyes tracked him as he left, lingering on the door.

Skye swallowed hard. "Hey, May." _What's that about?_

Melinda's head snapped towards her. "Skye. What are you doing here?"

Skye snorted. "Yeah, apparently I need to get in line. I hear W- something wakes me up, so I come down here, except Ward's about to Captain America the heavy bag, then sets the chain on fire, and before I get to vent any of that, you're here, asking me why _I'm_ here." Skye shook her head. "I need more sleep."

"What did you hear?" May asked sharply.

Skye rubbed the back of her neck. "Um, just...it sounded like...like a -"

"A nightmare. He was having a nightmare." May eyed her.

Skye nodded. "Yeah. Not the first time I heard it, either."

May exhaled raggedly. "I was hoping that was a fluke."

Skye frowned at May. "You heard him too?"

May sighed. "Walking down the hall. I tried to sleep, but…" She gave a smirk. "Here we all are."

Skye looked towards the door. "Not all of us. Just you and me. He's -" Skye looked back at May. "Do you still keep that stash of Russian vodka in your bunk?"

May frowned and nodded. "Under the Scrabble lid in my closet, why?"

Skye blew out a breath and bit her lip. "I think I owe someone a drink."

* * *

Ward tossed his bag down, dropping next to it to do pushups. _Should be another week, and then I'm gone. Track me, tag me, whatever. For whatever it matters when I leave. I want nothing to do with this anymore._ He sighed as he switched to one armed pushups. _I wonder if TAHITI is still on the table..._ He switched arms. _Would I really want to forget all of this?_ He closed his eyes, Kara's face swimming before him. _No. No TAHITI._ _Closure._ He jumped to a ready stance as someone knocked on his door, snatching it open. "What."

Skye held out a bottle and two shot glasses. "Is that offer of a drink too far gone?"

Grant sucked in a breath, her words a punch to the gut. "That's - you -" _What the hell kind of game is this?_ He shook his head. "That's on you. If that's May's Russian vodka, I could definitely use a drink."

Skye smirked. "What, I can't have my own stash of hooch?"

He stood aside. "You could, but I remember the look of that bottle." He quirked a brow. "You sure you can trust me enough to be alone in a room with me?" _Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to, baby,_ Kara's voice whispered.

"No," Skye scoffed. "But I also know if AC thinks there's something worth _some_ thing in you, he's probably right." She cleared her throat. "I read the intel May put together. Thanks for your help with - thanks for making sure we didn't die this time around."

Ward snorted a laugh. "What a ringing endorsement." _Can't trust me in front of you, even though I saved your lives, repeatedly, behind your backs._

Skye raised an eyebrow. "I could go straight into asking about whatever drove you to nearly take out the heavy bag, but I figured I owed you a thank you and a drink first."

Grant swore softly. "I'm not talking about that with you." _Not with_ anyone _if I can help it._

Skye shook the bottle again. "Like I said. Drink."

Grant blew out a breath. "Might have better luck in the lounge." _Without me._

Skye shook her head. "No, you're definitely not telling me anything if anyone else can walk up on us."

 _What does it matter?_ Ward gave her a dark look. "Why would I say anything to you anyway," he bit out. "You made it very clear how you feel." _I should have run faster..._

Skye fought down a groan. "Fine. You don't talk. I'm going to pour two drinks, and _I'll_ talk." She smirked. "I have a lot to say to you."

 _That's almost worse..._ He shook his head. "Am I getting out of this in any way barring physical force?"

She smiled sweetly and sat on his couch. "No."

He squared his jaw. "Fine. But if we're doing this, I'd really rather you not sit there for the rest of the night and tell me what a horrible human being I am." _I already know what you see._

She poured two shots. "Fine. But at least give me five minutes."

 _I've given you a hell of a lot more than that._ He rolled his eyes. "What would the consequences be if I picked you up and tossed you out? Or lit up in here to force you out?"

She raised a brow. "You liked Vault D that much?"

Grant sighed and took the shot glass. "Nostrovia," he offered, and drained it.

Skye rolled her eyes. "If it wasn't Russian vodka, I'd have to take a shot about you being a secret Nazi for so long." She tipped the glass to him and took her shot.

Ward shook his head and refilled his glass. "Good thing it's Russian vodka, then, and I _told_ you, I was never a Nazi." He considered the clear liquor and grimaced. "A fool, sure, weak, absolutely." _Over many, many things._ He took his shot and smirked at her. "Did you ever think you'd hear that from me?"

She eyed him skeptically. "No, actually, and it's kinda freaking me out."

He chuckled. "I'm not the bogeyman anymore, Skye. I'm just trying to survive." _You should know something about that._ "I just wanted -"

"Closure," she interjected. "Right? What does that mean to you?"

He refilled her glass this time. "The end." He sighed. "I never intended to be the head of anything forever. Homeland Allied Multinational Monitoring and Enforcement Resource. That's what HAMMER actually means. A resource there if needed, and gone if not. That night was supposed to be the end of m-" He cleared his throat. "Well, it was supposed to be the end. Closure."

She eyed him suspiciously as she took her drink and poured his shot in return. _I heard that stutter. Did he want us to kill him? Is that what he expected?_ "And so when you get that closure, what's next?"

Grant took his shot and shook his head. "To disappear. Find some peace." _If that's even possible for me anymore..._ He sighed. "Find somewhere where no one knows SHIELD or HAMMER or HYDRA and live out my days figuring out who I was supposed to be when I was 15, who I could be without all that baggage."

"What happened when you were 15?" Skye glanced at him sidelong while replenishing their shots.

 _Everything._ His shoulders stiffened at the question. "It's all in my file, I'm sure you've read it by now." He grabbed the bottle and shook it lightly. "May is going to kill you for wasting this on me."

"She knows," Skye murmured, emptying her glass again. "And yeah, I read your file, but half of it is Garrett's reports and the other half is us guessing."

He barked a laugh. "Maybe it's better that way." _Definitely looks better than the truth._ He drained his drink.

She frowned. "Okay, fine. Your turn. Ask me something."

"Puerto Rico," he answered immediately. "I want to know what exactly happened in Puerto Rico after -" He shrugged. "After you shot me." _And didn't kill me. Why..._

Skye swallowed. "Um...Raina got the obelisk and ran into the temple so, I followed. And Mac and Trip followed me." She cleared her throat. "Mac got whammied and kept the rest of the team from following. Trip...he got exposed when Raina and I did. He -"

Grant reached over to touch her hand. "I know that part."

 _Sympathy from the devil?_ Skye looked up at his familiar brown eyes and sighed shakily. "I don't remember how long I was out after that. When I woke up, Raina was gone and...so was Trip."

He refilled their glasses and lifted his. "To Trip."

She tipped her glass to him. "To Trip." She took her shot, waiting until he followed suit. "What else?"

He considered her. _Do you really want to give me permission to find out about you again?_ "Why are you here?"

Skye snorted. "I already told you, and you're not gonna talk about it, so...I'm just here."

"At about 5:30 in the morning. To have a drink." _When you could barely even wake up for training..._ Grant quirked a brow. "Is this a test?"

She frowned. "You - this -" She raised an eyebrow right back. "You think I'm coming here to get drunk with you as a test?"

"Are we getting drunk?" He chuckled. "If that's the plan, Russian vodka isn't going to do it for me." _It just takes me back to better days..._ He grabbed the bottle and took a long pull, followed by two sentences Skye couldn't understand.

"Okay, I wasn't recording that for the translator so...wanna clue me in?" She looked him over cautiously. _This isn't the Ward I remember. But maybe not the Big Bad Guy I think he is, either..._

He repeated the sentences before translating. "I learned Russian by living in Russia. This -" He waved the bottle. "- is like water to me."

She rolled her eyes. "Awesome. So let's skip the pretense, huh?" The vodka sloshed as Skye snagged the bottle from his hand to put it aside. "I get it, I'm asking for really personal information when we don't trust each other."

 _Speak for yourself._ Grant swallowed the words. _She doesn't want to hear that._

Skye frowned lightly at the quick flicker across his face. "What?"

He shook his head. "Nothing."

She chewed her inner cheek. _Liar, but...not worth pursuing now._ "Come on. What can I tell you so you'll talk to me?"

"Why?" Ward eyed her. "Why does it matter so much?"

 _Because if I listen to your brother die one more time, I might lose my mind._ "How are you surviving those nightmares, Ward?"

 _Shit._ He hadn't even considered whether anyone had heard anything. "I'm - goddamn it." He stood and paced away from her, kicking the wall. _You would think this would be thicker._

Skye sighed. _Maybe I could've done that better._ "Ward -"

"How much longer? Till you're done with me?" Grant kept his eyes on the wall. "I'm sure you know."

"What are you gonna do? Stay up till we're done?" She let her gaze trace his profile, the stiff line of his back. "You really would. No. I'm not going to be party to that." She stood and carefully crossed the room to lay a hand on his shoulder. "Tell me what the nightmare was, maybe it'll help."

"You don't need to know my monsters, Skye," he whispered harshly. "Not anymore."

"We're not monsters, Ward." She sent a vibration through the taut muscles of his back, loosening knots as his head shot towards her. "In Afterlife, we saw all kinds of abilities. Raina looked like a damn porcupine, but she could see the future. My mother - for all she did wrong, she taught us we were all beautiful, special. Not monsters."

Grant hissed in a breath, turning slowly to face her. "What - what did you say about Raina?"

Skye quirked a brow. "She looked like a porcupine?"

He shook his head. "Her power. What was her power?"

"She could see the future." Skye smirked. "Kinda ironic with the whole, y'know, Clairvoyant thing, right? Turned out to be _totally_ existential for her."

Ward's jaw dropped. _Did you really just - did you just joke about -_ He shook his head. _I'll process that later._ He exhaled shakily, remembering.

 _ **"You know about Skye's parents, about the darkness that lies inside her," Raina whispered to him. "I believe in a world where her true nature will reveal itself. And when that day comes, maybe you two could be monsters together."**_

"Ward? Hello?" Skye waved a hand in front of his face. "I know _you_ didn't drink enough to be drunk, where'd you go?"

Ward stared blankly at Skye. "Raina. She - she told me. I just didn't know what she meant at the time. She told me about your mother - her powers, what Whitehall did, and she's the one that told me about your father, who he was, that he was looking for you." He grimaced. "She said we could be monsters together."

Skye frowned at him. " _Raina_ was the one who told you about my parents?"

He blinked. "Yes, but - I thought she meant you would be a monster because of them, that we were both -" _Broken. Rotten at the core._ He shook himself. _Not you, though. Never you._ "The training to be a specialist, the way it eats at your soul, I thought she was saying I would draw the worst out of you, only the darkness." He spun his glass and lit his shot on fire.. "Maybe she had a little of that clairvoyance even then - maybe she was telling me that we both had powers." He traced a fingertip around the edge of Skye's glass to set her shot aflame. "And since it's Raina, we would have to be monsters in her view."

"To being better than monsters." Skye clinked her glass to his and took her drink.

Grant drained his shot and set down the glass. "To being Inhuman," he offered in return. He chuckled. "That's an irony for _me_ , huh? Robot. T-1000. I've been inhuman all along," he muttered darkly.

She winced. "Ward. Don't - don't say that, okay? You're not - you're not small 'i' inhuman. You're -"

"Broken?" _That's strangely almost a relief to say out loud._ He gave a bitter smile. "I know I am. I've been that way for - for a very, very long time." _I realize that now._

 _But who broke you?_ She pressed her lips together and sloshed more vodka into their glasses. "Is that why you can't sleep?"

"Yes," he whispered. _Now go away before I admit anything else._ He took his shot and stared at the glass.

She cleared her throat before continuing softly. "Y'know...May's ex-husband is -"

"I'm not talking to a _therapist,_ Skye." He shook his head. "I have - I just need to finish being indexed and then I'm a ghost. I'm done, it's going to have to be enough."

"Was I the only one who didn't know about him?" Skye complained.

Ward snorted. "Specialist. My job. Plus, I've run into him through the years." He shrugged. "Not the first time someone has suggested therapy in my line of work."

She considered him. _Wonder if he realizes he referred to working for SHIELD in the present tense._ "I bet."

He shook his head. _Either way, I'm not talking about it with you._ "Thanks for the drinks, Skye, but I think you should go." He softened his tone deliberately. "I - I appreciate the offer to talk, though." _I think we're just too far gone by now._

She shook her head. "Probably not a good idea for me to try to go anywhere after this many shots this early in the morning."

 _Nice try._ He rolled his eyes. "It's Saturday."

"AC isn't exactly who I'm worried about," she muttered.

 _Oh._ He eyed her. "Lincoln, right?"

Skye shrugged. "Kind of didn't consult him before coming to see you."

Grant kept his face carefully neutral. "You have to consult him?" _Who the hell are you and what have you done with Skye?_

She sighed heavily. "Never thought I'd be that girl, huh? Me neither." Her hand was shaky as she picked up her shot and Ward winced.

"Yeah, you're done." Grant stood and took the vodka from her hand, draining the drink himself. "It shows how off my game I am that I let you match me shot for shot. I'm sorry. You can take the bed and -"

"You say you're sorry _every_ night, I'm pretty sure, but it doesn't seem to change anything," she muttered.

Grant flinched and put the bottle back down, walking out the door without another word.

 _Shit._ Skye eyed the door blearily. "Way to fuck that one up, Skye," she remarked to the empty room.

* * *

 **A.N.** : So I know this is short, but I did want to put something out this week...I'm working on the next chapter now, I know where we're going - we just have to get there : ) Please remember I own nothing, just Skyeward love...


	5. All Is Now Harmed

**Chapter 5 - All Is Now Harmed**

Ward blew out a breath as he found the gym vacant again. _What would happen if I charged the mat? Would everyone leave me alone?_ He didn't bother wrapping his hands before attacking the heavy bag, the rhythm and sting driving any thoughts from his head.

Lincoln appeared in the doorway about ten minutes into his workout. "Where is she."

 _I wish there was a lock on that door._ Ward didn't falter as he replied. "Why should I know where she is?"

"Because when she can't sleep, she comes here, and if you're here, she definitely wouldn't be," Lincoln said flatly.

 _Are you so sure about that?_ "You're right, she's not here. Can't help you." Ward turned his full attention back to the bag.

Lincoln folded his arms. "You _can_ help me, actually. You can get the hell out of here and leave us alone."

Ward snorted, adding kicks to his combos. "Believe me, I'm trying to. You want to tell me what's left to the Indexing, I'd be happy to do it myself."

Lincoln stepped into the gym. "We need a power assessment. Vulnerabilities." He charged his hands. "How does fire react to electricity?"

Ward fought not to roll his eyes and increased his pace on the bag. "It _doesn't_."

"You _will,"_ Lincoln growled, stepping further in.

"Hey!" Skye ran in, putting herself between them. "Linc, what are you doing?"

Lincoln took a shaky breath, absorbing his charges. "Sorry. He just gets under my skin."

"Yeah, we all feel the same way, but that doesn't mean we're gonna start a battle royale in the gym," she said heatedly. "What is _wrong_ with you?"

"Where were you?" Lincoln demanded. "I figured I'd find you here, but _he_ was here, and he said he didn't know where you were."

 _He did?_ Skye glanced at Ward, continuing the workout she knew all too well, seemingly unaffected by anything that had transpired. "I was -"

"With me," May offered as she walked in. "We were training, Lincoln. Is there a problem?"

"No," Lincoln bit out. "We're fine."

"Tell that to the monitors that just went haywire in the control room. Did you fry the cameras?" May asked, her voice dangerously quiet.

Lincoln looked around, blinking as the red lights in the cameras failed to do the same. "I - May, I didn't -"

May swore. "Skye, get your team under control. Before you're all grounded." She stalked out of the gym.

Skye smacked Lincoln on the arm. "See? Now Mom's mad at us."

"You mean May?" Lincoln tugged her in closer, sniffing suspiciously. "Skye, are you _drunk?"_

Ward grimaced as he continued assaulting the bag. _Damn it. This is why I don't belong here. I was so caught up in myself I let her get sloppy._ He braced himself for her answer and Lincoln's probably violent response.

"May's Russian vodka," Skye murmured. "Gets me every time."

Lincoln swore again and grabbed her around the waist. "Damn it, Skye, we talked about this, you can't just - come on, let's get you into bed."

Skye glanced behind her at Ward. "Night, Grant," she called softly as Lincoln dragged her away.

Ward's next punch missed the bag.

* * *

May hung up her phone and stalked into Coulson's office. "I'm flying out to get Andrew right now."

Coulson quirked a brow. "I won't object, since I do want him to speak with Ward, but -"

"Skye's team is going to implode if he stays much longer," May interrupted.

"Skye's team, or Lincoln?" Coulson eyed May. "Lincoln."

May frowned. "Skye's just - she's being Skye, and Lincoln can't take it. Jemma and Lincoln have both tried to pick a fight with Ward and -"

"How has he reacted?" the director interjected.

May shook her head. "Nothing. Lincoln got the most response, but he pushed a lot harder. With Jemma...he understands, he barely reacts."

Coulson nodded. "Well, that's something, at least." He sighed. "I thought Andrew said he wouldn't be clear for another day at least."

May only gave him a look.

"Or, he could have miraculously cleared his schedule when you called and told him to," Phil concluded. Seeing no response from her, he sighed. "Go get him, Melinda. Let's try to get this team back on track."

Melinda gave him an inscrutable look. "Which one?" She didn't wait for an answer as she left the office.

* * *

Grant took care to close and lock the door to his bunk when he returned to it. May's vodka was still on the table, even lighter than when he'd left and he winced. _What the hell was I thinking? Skye shouldn't even have made it past the door. I should have left, I should have walked out of here as soon as I saw it was her._ He picked up Skye's shot glass and traced his thumb around the rim. _But I didn't want to. And that's not what I'm here for at all._ He stood and grabbed the glasses to wash them in the sink. _Closure._ He stared at himself in the mirror. _There's no new beginning here._ He dropped his gaze and focused on the glass, jumping at the knock on the door.

May held out her hand as soon as he opened the door. "Here to reclaim what's left, if anything."

 _Of the vodka or what's left of me?_ Grant nodded and handed her the bottle and glasses. "I'd offer to replenish it, but my sources are mostly dead."

May snorted. "If I couldn't replenish it, I wouldn't have let Skye take it in the first place."

"Why _did_ you?" Grant burst out. "I saw the look when you walked into the gym - like a night of sleeping on it wiped everything away." _I was right back to being the monster in the basement..._

"I heard you. Your nightmare," May bit out. "It was a little too soon to see you after that."

Grant flinched. "Was there a party in the hallway to laugh at Ward?"

"You're an ass, you know that?" May smirked. "At least that much is always true. Skye was hurting for you and I could see it, _that's_ why I let her take the vodka and go after you."

Grant froze. "She what?" _Hurting? For me? Skye?_

May folded her arms. "You heard me. She realized something was wrong and asked to go after you."

Grant stared at her blankly and sighed. "I don't –" _I don't understand..._ He took a deep breath. "I don't _mean_ to be an ass, so I guess that's just naturally me." He shook his head. "I'm sorry."

May sighed in return. "So am I. We missed a lot we shouldn't have with you." She cleared her throat. "I'm going to pick up Andrew. I'm sorry to have to ask it of you, but if you could just keep a low profile for the next few hours while I'm gone, it'll help all of us."

 _All of us, she says._ "Including me," Grant conceded. "How long?"

"Three hours. And as soon as he lands, you'll meet us in Coulson's office," May supplied.

"That's fine." Grant blew out a breath. "In fact, the sooner the better." _Especially now._

May gave a short nod. "Agreed." She held his gaze. "Three hours, Coulson's office." She spun on her heel and left him in the doorway.

* * *

Lincoln sighed and thrust a full glass of water in Skye's hands. "What were you and May talking about, Skye?"

"Ward," Skye answered absently. She took a long drink. _It always is._

Lincoln swore softly. "Skye, we talked about this. You don't owe him anything, okay? Don't let May or anyone else -"

"No, Linc...I - I heard him having a nightmare, so did May." Skye pieced the lie together slowly. "So we were talking and drinking. She found out a lot."

Lincoln sighed. "I guess it might be a lot to handle. I just wish you would've said something before you disappeared."

"I'm sorry, babe," Skye managed. "Didn't mean to worry you."

Lincoln took the glass from her hands and urged her down into the bed. "Okay, well, sleep it off. I'll be back in a couple of hours."

Skye nodded slowly and finally let herself sleep.

Lincoln watched her eyes drift shut before stalking out of the room.

* * *

"Mack." May called through the hangar to him. "I need a favor."

Mack put down the artifact he was cataloguing. "So long as it has nothing to do with the traitor in our midst."

May sighed. "I know you're never going to see past Morse, but you're going to have to put that aside." She eyed him. "You're the only one I can trust to keep Lincoln out of Ward's way, and vice versa."

Mack snorted. "I can try."

May gave him a withering look. "Try hard. Or you'll have to fill out all the paperwork if those two destroy the Playground." She spun on her heel and left him.

"Hell." Mack sighed. "I'm not even supposed to be here anymore." He left the room to find Lincoln.

* * *

Grant scrubbed his hands over his eyes. _I know this is the best thing for everyone, but three damn hours in here?_ He looked around and sighed as his gaze landed on the box. _Guess I could see if there's anything I missed the first time I looked through it..._

Lincoln blew out a breath and lifted a fist to pound on Ward's door, grimacing when he met resistance. "What the -"

Mack shook his head and kept hold of Lincoln's wrist. "No. We're not doing this." He yanked Lincoln along behind him.

Grant frowned quickly. _Are those voices outside my door?_ He shook his head and turned his attention back to the box. _Even if they were, better to just let them go by._ He rummaged through the clothing and picked up the books beneath them. _Matterhorn, of course..._ He sighed as he saw another.

* * *

 _ **"Why do you read the most boring, depressing stuff?" Skye scanned his bookshelf. "I mean, really. It's all war and strategy and history...have you ever read anything for fun?"**_

 _ **Ward raised a brow. "This is how I spend my leisure time, Skye."**_

 _ **"I said**_ **fun,** _ **Ward. Fun?" She shook her head and took Sun Tzu's Art of War from the shelf. "How about like, I don't know...Lord of the Rings or something."**_

 _ **Ward rolled his eyes. "I don't see how speaking Elvish is going to help me in any substantial way."**_

 _ **Skye scoffed at him. "Are you kidding? With everything we know is out there? How do you know that Lord of the Rings isn't a factual telling of the history of the world? And all this archeology and science crap isn't just their design, huh?"**_

 _ **Ward snorted. "From the girl who thinks that every problem can be solved by a good hack, you're trying to get me to believe in fantasy?"**_

 _ **Skye grinned. "Not all fantasies are bad..." She tossed the book towards him and flounced out of the room.**_

 _ **Another book appeared two days later.**_

* * *

Grant picked up the copy of _I, Robot_ and snorted a laugh. "Might as well." He opened the cover and exhaled shakily.

 _Dear Robot,_

 _Duh._

 _Skye_

* * *

"Let me go, Mack," Lincoln growled. "You're not a part of this."

"I am when May _makes_ me a part of it," Mack countered, "and she is _trying_ to save your ass."

Lincoln snatched his wrist back. "May got Skye drunk and talking about Ward."

Mack snorted, taking a seat at the kitchen table. "You really think Skye did anything she didn't want to do? Probably more like Tremors went to May about Ward and May needed a drink."

"Yeah, well, now _I_ do," Lincoln bit out, pacing the floor. "I don't understand what's going on here. How are they just letting him back in like nothing?"

Mack scoffed. "If I had that answer, believe me, I'd tell you. I don't understand half of what Coulson does, to be honest. I think that's why he keeps me around, to be the skeptic."

"So? What's your take on this?" Lincoln quirked a brow. "You obviously felt it was worth it to keep me from killing Ward, so –"

"Oh, don't get me wrong, Sparky, I'd love to get my hands on that asshole. But May and Coulson said no, so I'm gonna go with that. I'm not looking for another job over a temporary problem."

"He _better_ be temporary," Lincoln ground out. "That's what I'm worried about, that all these moves are to bring him back to the team."

"Oh, _hell_ no." Mack shook his head. "Look, I know Coulson is crazy about giving everyone a second chance, but he already did that for Ward, that's when he ended up helping to bust you out of HYDRA and disappeared."

"Wait." Lincoln blinked numbly at the engineer. "What?"

Mack eyed him. "You serious? No one ever told you?"

Lincoln shook his head. "Told me what?"

"Ward and Bakshi, that's how the team got you and Petersen back after everything went down in Milwaukee." Mack sighed. "Bakshi led them in, he was working with Ward."

"What happened to them?" Lincoln questioned with a frown.

"They took off while we were getting you and Petersen to the jet, the next time we heard of Ward was when he kidnapped Bobbi," Mack bit out.

Lincoln shook his head again. "So then why is he allowed back here?"

"Because he's got powers," Mack said flatly. He gave a short chuckle. "You should be familiar with that. He's got powers, and we've got questions."

"The only question I have," Lincoln ground out, "is when can he _leave_."

Mack snorted. "Trust me, I'm sure you're not the only one wondering about that."

* * *

Jemma sat in the lab, staring at the biometrics results. They were impossible to trust. Leave it to Ward to return and destroy something _else_ she'd been so certain of. It was all he did - destroy people, ruin things. Even if it _was_ HYDRA, he still had a choice. She'd been there. She'd survived. And she was still herself.

She looked up to see her haunted reflection in the glass door of the cabinet in front of her. She _was_ still herself.

Wasn't she?

* * *

Grant frowned at the book, shaking his head. _If she only knew what was really going on back then..._ He tossed it aside and scrubbed his hands down his face. _Orders. Logic. Faith. Emotion. Humanity. Too bad this wasn't on Garrett's reading list._ He froze at the knock on his door. _Unless it's Coulson, I'm shutting the door or walking away._ He blew out a breath and stood to open it...

...To the one other person he couldn't shut out. "Fitz? What are you -"

Fitz pushed past him into the room. "I need to ask you myself. I need to see your eyes." He narrowed his gaze at Ward. "What were you thinking when you dropped the pod?"

Grant swallowed hard and met Fitz's stare steadily. "I was thinking that pod was going to float, and I was thinking that the fact I couldn't cross you off was a weakness." _Not Buddy, not you._ _I left that last part out for Coulson. Simmons didn't deserve to know..._

Fitz nodded once and brushed past him to leave the room again.

Grant stared at the closed door. _That was...I don't know_ what _that was._ He exhaled shakily and sat back down, reaching for the book. _If I'm going to be confused, I'd rather it be as far from real life as I can get._

* * *

Fitz walked into the lab and sat down next to Jemma at the table. "Jemma. I went to talk to Ward."

Jemma spun to face him. "You _what?"_ she gasped.

"I went to talk to Ward. I had to know for myself." Fitz shook his head. "I told you all I would only believe he was evil when I saw something with my own two eyes. I thought him dropping us from that plane was that moment." He reached over to squeeze her hand. "Jemma. He really did think the pod would float." Fitz frowned. "He also thought the fact that he couldn't kill us was a bad thing, but we'll have to work on that."

"See!" Jemma pointed a finger at him, frowning. "He wanted to kill us, he thought that he should!"

"Jemma!" Fitz shook his head again. "Jemma, please. I'm trying to tell you it's okay. It's okay because Ward won't hurt us. He told you the same thing he told me when - when he was in the vault. When he - when I -" Fitz frowned quickly before he continued. "You can talk to him, you can index him. He's still the Ward we thought he was." Fitz caught her eyes with a pleading look. "Don't you remember how it used to be? Don't you want that again?"

"No! We can never have that again, Fitz, we _can't_." She shook her head vehemently. "I don't know what he said to you, what you believe, but I won't, I can't - he's not a good man, he's not safe, and he's not Ward, not _our_ Ward. That man never existed."

Fitz gave her a hurt look. "Jemma..."

"Fitz, stop." She turned to look at him. "Just stop."

Fitz sighed. "Fine. You believe what you want. But I was right, Jemma, I believe I was right all along, about who he is and who he cares about. I won't carry that hate any more. I don't want to." He stood. "It hurts too much, and life is too short now." He turned and left her sitting silently behind him.

* * *

Lincoln frowned. "It didn't seem to take this long when I was getting indexed."

Mack shook his head. "It wasn't, because Skye wouldn't let it be. She insisted that you go back to Afterlife once you were all right. They drew your blood, she answered a bunch of questions, and that was it." Mack shrugged. "You also had your powers for a lot longer than Ward. There weren't as many variables to figure out."

"There aren't that many variables here, either," Lincoln scowled. "He's a psychopath who can set things on fire."

"He's the man who saved all of our lives when we didn't even realize they were in danger," Fitz spat. He walked into the lounge. "You don't even know him, neither of you. You have no idea what he's been through."

"And you do?" Lincoln challenged. "What do you know that we don't, Fitz? That he's obsessed with Skye? That he tried to kill you and Simmons? That -"

"He didn't," Fitz interrupted. "He wasn't trying to kill us. He was trying to get us away from Garrett and the rest of HYDRA."

Mack frowned at him. "Fitz..."

"No, Mack." Fitz shook his head. "I know what you're going to say, but we talked about this. The pod was supposed to float, we added sensors now to prevent the pressure equalization from submerging it. Ward knew it was supposed to float. He knew _everything_ about that BUS." Fitz looked at Mack sharply. "The same way you learned all about the base when you and Bobbi were working against Coulson and us."

"Ouch," Mack conceded. "Look, Fitz, I was still working for SHIELD, though. Ward was working for HYDRA."

"Ward was working for _Garrett,_ and I choose to believe him when he says that wasn't the same thing." Fitz sighed. "Talking to you two is just as bad as trying to talk to Simmons." He turned to Lincoln. "And as for whatever feelings he might have for Skye, the only one who could screw that up is you."

* * *

Skye groaned and stretched, blinking slowly. _What the hell did I do_...She groped blindly for the water, guzzling what was left and easing herself up to sit in bed. _What a mess_..."Linc?" She frowned at the silence. "Lincoln?"

 _Damn it._ She blew out a breath and threw back the covers, standing carefully. _He's not here...please don't let him have gone to confront Ward..._ She rubbed a hand over her forehead and left the room to find her boyfriend.

* * *

Grant frowned and closed the book again. _Just serve the Master, just follow his directions. I really_ was _a robot with Garrett._ He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. _I wish that vodka_ did _still have an effect..._

* * *

Skye massaged her temples and looked around the hallway. _Do I try to_ find _Lincoln, or do I just check on Ward?_

* * *

Lincoln frowned at the engineer. "I'm not trying to."

Fitz nodded. "Then that's what matters. Skye isn't forgetting the past, and if you tried talking to her about it, maybe you'd know that too."

Lincoln's frown deepened. "Did she say something to you?"

Fitz rolled his eyes. "No, she didn't need to. _No_ one wants to talk about Ward."

Mack shrugged. "You can't blame 'em, Turbo. Not exactly a bright spot in our history."

Fitz sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I don't blame anyone, Mack. I'm just saying that maybe we'd all feel a lot better if he wasn't the elephant in the room." He shook his head. "I just came in to make some tea. Excuse me." He walked past them to the counter and set about boiling a kettle.

"Linc?" Skye stumbled into the kitchen. "Hey."

Lincoln stood and crossed to her. "Hey. What are you doing up?"

Skye reached up to hug him. "I woke up and you were gone."

Lincoln kissed her temple and turned to usher her out. "Sorry, I shouldn't have left you." He glanced back at Fitz and Mack before leaving the room.

Mack sighed. "Turbo -"

"Don't, Mack." Fitz didn't turn. "Please don't. I know what you think, I know how you feel - I'm just making a different choice."

Mack blew out a breath and scrubbed his hands down his face. "I hope you don't regret it."

Fitz bit his lip, picking up the kettle and pouring it into a thermos. He grabbed two mugs and two tea strainers before he turned. "I won't. For the first time in a long time, it feels like I'm thinking clearly. Things make sense." He gave a short shake. "Well, more things than not." He gave Mack a small smile. "Thank you, for making sure Lincoln didn't do anything crazy. I'm guessing that's what was going on."

Mack nodded. "May asked me to keep an eye out for him and the - " He cleared his throat. "For him and Ward, while she went off base for a few hours this morning."

Fitz' smile widened. "Thank you for doing that, Mack." He cleared his throat. "I'll, um, I'll see you later." He left the room quickly, glancing back once more before he turned the corner.

Mack shook his head and sighed. "Yeah. At least the artifacts don't talk back." He pursed his lips. "Usually."

* * *

Grant grimaced at the page in front of him. _Confronted with the insoluble dilemma. Never to speak again._ He shook his head and shut the book again. _Maybe_ Skye _is the psychic one..._ He frowned at the knock on his door. _Not again._

 _"I've got a hot thermos here, if you wouldn't mind..."_ a voice drifted through to him.

 _Fitz?_ Grant jumped up to open the door. "You - what?"

Fitz grinned and walked in, setting down the thermos and the mugs. "Tea. I brought you tea." He frowned slightly. "I'm not sure that you actually _drink_ tea, but -"

"I drink tea. But what...what are you doing here?" Grant opened the thermos and poured the hot water. _After whatever that was this morning, I didn't expect to see you again..._

Fitz dropped the tea strainers in. "Making us tea, and having a conversation with you," Fitz answered without hesitation. "I want to know more about what happened with you. What did Garrett do to you?"

 _Nothing. Everything._ Grant winced. "I - he - " He stirred the tea. "I don't like talking about it."

"And that's why I ask," Fitz persisted. "You probably never have."

"What is it with everyone wanting me to talk today?" Grant muttered. _After leaving me alone in silence for so long..._

Fitz eyed him. "Ward?"

Grant shook himself. "Skye. She was here earlier. Trying to talk to me about - about things I didn't want to talk about." _And saying things I didn't want to hear._

"Oh." Fitz nodded slowly. "Well, that makes sense now."

Grant frowned. " _What_ makes sense?" _And do I want to know?_

Fitz shook his head. "Never mind. Not for me to tell you."

 _The only thing that makes sense would be..._ "What happened with Lincoln," Grant growled.

"Whoa, steady there." Fitz eyed him. "What makes you think something happened with Lincoln?"

 _Because she was drunk thanks to me._ "The last time I saw her, he wasn't too thrilled with her," Grant managed. "I don't know him, so I can't trust him."

Fitz snorted. "Funny. He feels the same about you." He sighed. "Skye is fine, just seemed a bit hungover." He frowned. "Which is odd. I wonder who she was drinking with so early in the morning..."

Grant sipped his tea silently.

"So when did you first meet him?" Fitz asked quietly.

Grant swallowed hard. "I - Fitz, I really don't - " _I don't want to talk about that with you, not with Simmons still..._ He shook his head.

Fitz sighed. "I know, you don't. But you _should._ I really think you should." He sipped his tea and shook his head. "Either way, May isn't here, so I'm keeping you company." He gave a wry smile. "Coulson told me to take care of you. You remember? He may have changed his mind since then, but I haven't."

Grant closed his eyes against the memories of that mission. _Hand. She sent us in blind, she sent Fitz in to die..._

"I never - I never said this to anyone. But knowing - knowing that Hand - that Hand was willing to send us out there to die..." Fitz set his tea cup down on the table and looked at Ward. "When I heard - when they told me you killed her, I - that's what I thought about. About how we were nearly left to rot on her orders."

"I did too, when I pulled the trigger," Grant burst out. _Shit._ He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. "Fitz -" _Why the hell did I say that?_

Fitz grinned triumphantly. "I knew it. I knew you were - were _you."_

Grant shook his head again. "Don't - Fitz, don't think that I'm - that I'm a good person, just because I thought of that when I killed her. I still _killed her,"_ he whispered. _Her, and so many others, good and bad..._

Fitz frowned. "I know. _I know._ But, don't you see?" He sought Ward's gaze. "You didn't shoot her just because Garrett told you to, or anything. You were angry at her, for _me_." He shook his head. "You killed Nash for Skye, you killed Hand for me, you jumped out of a plane for Jemma...you probably even let May beat you, didn't you."

Grant looked away, sipping his tea. "How are you doing, anyway?" He gritted his teeth as the teacup rattled when he put it down. _I'm not shaking. I'm fine. I'm_ fine.

Fitz eyed him and sighed. "I'm - I'm still - I'm still not all - all _here."_

Grant shook his head. "That's a lie. I may not have been part of the team, but I've been watching. You're back in the field."

Fitz nodded. "But only as needed. I still never passed my field certification."

"I'll -" Grant swore softly. _What, exactly? Help?_

Fitz only grinned. "Grant Ward, Agent of SHIELD. Welcome home."

* * *

Lincoln frowned as he tucked Skye in again. "I'm sorry I left."

Skye yawned. "Why _did_ you, anyway?" _And did you stop anywhere else?_

"I was -" Lincoln sighed as he remembered Fitz's words. "I was going to confront Ward."

 _Damn it, I knew it._ Skye frowned at him. "Why? Come on, Linc, it's not his fault I got drunk."

Lincoln shook his head. "Maybe not directly, but if you and May are talking about him and then you end up drunk..."

"He didn't ask to talk, _I_ did," Skye corrected absently. "I asked for the vodka too." _If only he'd taken me up on that drink in another life..._

Lincoln frowned at her phrasing. "Who did you ask?"

"May," Skye answered, sighing and settling in. "She said yes." Skye let her eyes fall shut and drifted off.

Lincoln sighed again, brushing Skye's hair back and kissing her lightly. "Who can say no to you?" he whispered.

* * *

May rubbed a hand over her neck as she landed on the lawn, eyes automatically scanning for Andrew. She smiled as she spotted him, opening the ramp and standing to greet him. "Hi. Thank you."

Andrew stepped on, a small roller bag behind him. "It sounded even more urgent than yesterday. Do I want to know what happened?"

May sighed and took the bag from his hand, slipping into his arms. "No. But you're going to have to find out." She leaned up and kissed him. "I'll tell you on the way."

* * *

Grant flinched. _That man is long dead. He never even existed._ "Fitz -"

Fitz waved him off. "Oh, I know you won't believe me. The Ward I know couldn't think of himself as someone of value. But this is home for you, and I am so relieved I was right."

"Were you?" Grant shook his head. "How are you so sure?" _How have you changed your mind so quickly?_

Fitz swallowed hard. "When I came down to the Vault, you said - you said it was good to see me, that you tried to save me. I didn't believe you - I _couldn't_ believe you, not then." He took a sip of tea, shuddering as he put the cup down. "I tried to kill you, and then the next time you saw me, you asked me how I was. Like you really wanted to know." He cleared his throat. "If I look at that in light of you not wanting to hurt us...it was all the truth. You _care,_ Ward. Maybe you don't think you should, I'm sure Garrett or your family, someone taught you you shouldn't care. But it's not a weakness. It's a _strength_." Fitz sought Ward's gaze. "It's what brought every single member of this team back from - from terrible, _terrible_ things. The way we care about each other. And maybe it can do the same for you."

Grant shuddered, closing his eyes against the dizzy feeling in his head. _I wish..._ He opened his eyes to shake his head at the engineer. "Fitz, I - I can't - "

Fitz sighed and picked up his tea. "I'm not going to push. But I know you heard what I said. Just think about it." He gestured at Ward's tea. "Nothing that a cuppa can't fix, my mum always said."

Grant barked a laugh, and picked up his cup. _If only that were true._

* * *

May sighed. "The entire team is a mess. Phil, Jemma, Fitz, Skye...Lincoln is going to kill Ward if I leave them alone for too long. I had to put Mack on Lincoln patrol, because he would keep pushing until Ward broke and fought him."

Andrew raised a brow. "And you said Skye went to talk to Ward. Of her own volition."

"With my vodka," May confirmed. "Yes."

Andrew considered her. "I'm surprised you let her."

Melinda sighed. "So am I. But if you heard - his nightmare..." She shook her head. "I don't know what to believe, but if he really did watch his brother die...I can't imagine what that did to him at that age. And instead of getting help, he got shipped to military school to hone his skills."

Andrew sighed. "He'd already experienced physical and mental abuse, easy enough to mold his morality into a blank soldier, just waiting for orders." He frowned at her. "I still wish you would have brought me in the first time you had him in custody."

May's jaw tightened. "I know. And you know why we didn't."

Garner's frown deepened in return. "I know. And it's approaches like that that chased me out of SHIELD the first time." He shook his head. "I'm actually looking forward to speaking with him. I hope I _can_ help."

Melinda swallowed hard before meeting his eyes. "Me too."

* * *

 **A.N.** : So, the more I write, the clearer it is to me that this will be a series with eventual Skyeward. Hope you stick with me along the way!


	6. Nothing's Left Untouched

**Chapter 6 - Nothing's Left Untouched**

 **A.N.** : I have no words for how sorry I am for the long delay in updating. I couldn't bring myself to split the chapter I was writing up...until I did. So at least you know the next chapter is already half-drafted...Hope it's worth the wait!

* * *

May blew out a breath as she powered down the quinjet. "You ready for this?"

Andrew gave a short chuckle. "I think that question is really for _you,_ Melinda."

She sighed. "I think you're right. I'm a little afraid of what might lie on the other side of that door."

He took her hand and kissed it. "Well, at least you won't be walking in alone." He stood and tugged her up with him.

She leaned up to kiss him. "Thank you, Andrew."

He leaned his forehead to hers. "Don't thank me yet. Thank me when I help all of you."

* * *

Grant took a sip of tea again and nodded at Fitz. Fitz kept the conversation light, turning from Ward's past to his own recent history when it was clear Grant wasn't talking.

"So I'm hoping that Jemma will calm down enough to take me up on my offer for dinner," Fitz finished, picking up his teacup.

"That's great, Fitz," Grant managed. "I'm proud of you for actually asking her out."

Fitz gave a rueful chuckle. "I suppose I should thank you for that, actually." He shrugged. "I asked her out after - after Bobbi and Hunter -"

Grant swallowed hard and looked down at the table. "Don't thank me," he managed.

* * *

May took a deep breath and entered the security code on the door. "It's - it's quiet."

"That's a good sign, right?" Andrew took her hand and followed her in. "There would be some form of activity if they'd had a fight."

She snorted. "Or they're all in the vaults."

Her ex-husband rolled his eyes at her. "Melinda..."

She sighed. "Fine. I'll try to think positively, all right?"

He chuckled. "That's better. Now let's go find Coulson and Ward."

* * *

Fitz sighed. "That - I know you don't want to talk about Garrett, but can you at least explain Bobbi?"

Grant winced. _I don't know. Can I?_ He took a breath and set his teacup down. "I - " He shook his head. "I didn't start out wanting to kill her. I was trying to help Kara." He dropped his gaze from Fitz, staring down at the table instead. "I wanted her to have closure, like I did with Christian. He finally - he admitted what really happened, what our childhood was really like." _If only that would bring him back..._ Grant shook himself. "Bobbi ruined her life, Fitz. I don't know if anyone would agree with me on that - and believe me, I know I did too - but Kara deserved more than anyone at SHIELD did for her." He huffed a laugh. "Anyone besides you and Simmons, of course. She was so happy to know the brainwashing was over, that it was all gone. Thank you for giving her that."

Fitz frowned at him. "Bobbi never - she never talked about what happened. With Kara. Coulson hasn't either. Just that Kara was brainwashed by Whitehall."

Grant closed his eyes. _Of course not._ "Bobbi is the reason they found her, took her. To secure Bobbi's cover with HYDRA."

Fitz's frown deepened as he shook his head. "No. How? SHIELD wouldn't -" He cut himself off as he thought about it. "No, you're right. They _would."_

* * *

May knocked on Coulson's door and paused.

Coulson breathed a sigh of relief. "Come in, Melinda." He stood and met them. "Andrew. Thank you for this." He held out his hand to shake.

Andrew shook the director's hand and shook his head. "I told Melinda, thank me when I've managed to help him, and the rest of you."

Phil raised a brow. "The rest of us? Are we forming a support group?"

Andrew chuckled. "It wouldn't hurt. Just ask Sam Wilson."

The director pinched the bridge of his nose. "Valid point. I don't know that any of us is ready for that, though."

Andrew shrugged. "That's fair. But I'll also make myself available while I'm here in case anyone does want to talk, in light of everything."

Phil sighed and nodded. "I appreciate that. What can I do to help you, then?"

Andrew took a deep breath. "I'd actually rather not meet with him in an interrogation room, if possible."

Coulson smiled. "I already planned on giving the two of you my office, actually."

Andrew smiled in return. "Thanks. I think it'll help to have him in a place where he doesn't feel like the accused."

The director nodded. "I did too. I'll be around, though, if anything comes up."

Andrew nodded. "Fair. And will we be monitored?"

May immediately nodded. "There'll be a camera on you that we can watch from the control room."

"Don't," Andrew countered. "I would actually appreciate it if you shut off the camera feed, or at least didn't monitor it live."

"Unacceptable," Coulson replied. "There's no way you'll be with him without eyes on you. Whether it's Melinda in the room or a camera with her just outside is up to you."

Andrew sighed. "That bracelet of his can't track sudden movement?"

May frowned. "We wouldn't be able to tell if he punched the wall or your skull, Andrew. I'll concede to no sound and I'll try not to read your lips."

Andrew considered the offer. "Ward's back will be to the camera. You'll be able to tell if he's making a move."

"Deal," Coulson interjected. "I can live with that."

May's frown deepened. "Sir -"

"You will be right outside the door, Melinda." The director nodded to Andrew. "I'll go collect our subject."

Andrew snorted. "Maybe don't call him that to his face, Phil."

* * *

"They would," Grant confirmed softly. "You know that firsthand." He sighed. "In the end, I just wanted her to admit what she'd done, but she - " He shook his head. "Not only did Morse refuse to apologize, she flipped it on Kara, saying she'd signed on to die for the cause." _But she didn't try to save her, either. And she was the only one who could._ "It made me so angry, and Kara..." _It broke her again, and I finished the job. So much for closure._ The tea was cold but he drained the cup.

Fitz sighed. "I really don't know what kind of training you get in Ops, but I'm glad I'm SciOps, yeah?" He looked at his watch. "I'd refresh your tea, but May should be back any minute."

 _I know._ Grant smiled softly. "Thank you, Fitz. For the company. And good luck with Jemma."

Fitz frowned and raised a brow. "Are you going somewhere?"

Grant cleared his throat. "I, uh...I guess I figured this was a one time occurrence. While May was off base."

"Do you want it to be?" Fitz questioned.

 _No._ Grant ducked his head awkwardly. "I, um - I don't think this is about what I want at all."

A knock at the door pre-empted any further conversation. Ward stood to answer it. "Sir."

Coulson cleared his throat and peered reflexively into the room. "Ward, we're -" He did a double take. "Fitz?"

Fitz gave a slightly strangled laugh. "Director. Would you like a cup of tea?"

* * *

Andrew rubbed his hands up and down Melinda's folded arms. "I know you don't like this."

May shook her head. "But I know you insist," she continued, rolling her eyes. "So I'll be right outside the door."

"You really think this is a long con?" Andrew questioned. "That he's waiting to be with me in Coulson's office to make his move?"

May sighed. "I don't, if what we found was true." She stepped closer to him and cupped his face in her hands. "But after wasting so much time with you, I won't take the chance." She kissed him lightly and stepped back as the door opened.

Ward kept his face impassive as he looked around. "Dr. Garner." He held out his hand.

Andrew shook his hand and waved Grant into a seat. "Mr. Ward. Please have a seat." Andrew rounded the director's desk and picked up a tiny remote. "Our conversation will be recorded, but the live monitoring feed will only show me. Is that all right?"

Grant blinked, glancing at May and Coulson. "Yeah, that's more than I - I didn't expect - "

The psychologist gave a small smile. "I insisted, actually. This isn't just for indexing, Grant. This is also to figure out how we can help you, overall."

 _It is?_ Ward looked at Coulson, brow raised.

The director nodded. "As I've seen from May's research, we obviously missed a lot with you, Ward. If you're going to be out in the world with these powers, we want to figure out what you'll need to do so safely."

 _But I have a chance to get out of here, and not into a prison._ Grant took in May's stoic expression. "You must hate being the one whose work showed I'm not just a random psychopath."

May's frown deepened. "I only hate it because if we'd known, we could have done something."

"About HYDRA. I know. And while you're all here, I want to tell you I regret it now, I wish I had seen some way to serve both masters." His choice of words took him back to the book he'd abandoned. _Or at least picked the right one._

May shook her head. "About you, Ward. SHIELD should have helped _you."_

Grant flinched. _Why?_ "I didn't deserve any help. I should have saved myself."

Andrew gave a small frown to Coulson and May. "On that note, I'm going to ask you to take your leave, Phil, Melinda. You'll know when we're done."

May opened her mouth but the director grasped her wrist and pulled her away. "Thank you, Andrew," he called back as he tugged her out the door.

* * *

Andrew took a seat. "So, we'll take this slow. If you need to take a break, water, whatever, just let me know."

Grant nodded. "Thanks." _As if I would ever show such weakness._

Garner picked up a tablet from Coulson's desk. "One thing first."

Ward eyed him. _It's going to be about May. Of course._ "Yes?"

The psychologist met his gaze seriously. "If you verbalize any threats against others, or I feel you're in danger of harming yourself -" He cut his eyes to Ward's wrists. "I will stop the interview and I will call for assistance. Are we clear?"

 _Are we - what?_ Grant blinked. _Danger to self or others. Focus._ "Yes."

"Not what you expected?" Garner questioned blandly. "Expected something about how Melinda is off limits?"

Ward snorted a laugh. "Yeah." _That wouldn't have me feeling so off my game._

Andrew shook his head. "Not worth it. Because even if you _do_ throw her in my face, it tells me something."

Ward grimaced. _He's right about that._

Garner gave a soft smile. "Let's begin."

* * *

May glared at the closed door and turned her attention to the tablet.

Coulson sighed. "So, I was a bit surprised when I went to collect Ward."

May looked to him quickly before turning back to the pad. "How's that?"

The director huffed a laugh. "Fitz was there. With Ward. Alone."

Melinda looked to the director in shock. "He was?"

Phil nodded. "They shared a cup of tea to steady Ward's nerves, Fitz said."

Melinda caught her breath and shook her head. "At least I got through to one of them."

Phil smiled. "Does that mean you can stop staring at the tablet like you expect Ward to Hulk out?"

May frowned. "That's not fair."

The director took the pad from her hand. "None of this is fair, Melinda. We both know that, better than almost anyone here."

* * *

Skye groaned and stretched, sitting up in bed. _Deja vu all over again..._ "Lincoln?"

Lincoln looked up from his book. "Hey. You really awake this time?"

Skye flushed and nodded. "Sorry. I always forget the time delay with that vodka."

Lincoln sighed and moved to sit next to her on the bed. "Yes, you do."

Skye tucked her head into his neck, nuzzling him. "I'm sorry."

Lincoln wrapped his arms around her. "It's okay. But please, while Ward is here, just let him alone."

Skye sighed in return. "Linc..."

Lincoln shook his head. "No, Skye. Please. Just leave him alone."

"I will as much as I can," Skye conceded. "But I'm not running away from him, and I won't refuse to talk to him if he tries to talk to me."

Lincoln scowled. "Skye..."

"I asked you to be the bigger person, Linc, to help make his time here easier." She looked up at him and shook her head. "You did the exact opposite of that."

Lincoln had the good grace to duck away from her gaze. "I wasn't trying to -"

"Linc, Coulson said to leave him alone if you couldn't be civil," she sighed. "When I wasn't there, you should have left."

Her boyfriend eyed her curiously. "Why did you end up coming to the gym anyway?"

 _To find Ward._ Skye raised a brow in return. "Because I didn't see you in our room, so I figured you might've gone looking for me." _That was an awfully easy lie, Skye..._ She forced Ward's voice out of her head.

"I did, so next time, how about you tell me when you're leaving, and I'll trust you enough not to start a fight?" Lincoln replied flatly.

"Oh, it's that easy?" Skye challenged. "Because you shouldn't have started a fight anyway, and you know it."

He clenched his jaw. "Skye..."

She reached up to cup his face in her hands. "Hey. I'm right here, okay? You need to trust me."

"I trust you, Skye," Lincoln sighed. "I don't trust him. I don't trust your history with him."

"It's history, Linc, you just said it." Skye kissed him lightly. "There's nothing left between us anymore."

He frowned. "Yeah, I know that's what you say, but I don't know if I could say the same about him."

Skye rolled her eyes. "Doesn't matter. You and me. Deal with it." She leaned up to kiss him again.

Lincoln kissed her back before leaning his forehead to hers. "I just wish this particular history was further away."

* * *

"Actually, where would you be most comfortable starting?" Dr. Garner asked.

 _Does that even matter?_ Ward frowned at him. "Aren't you supposed to be interrogating me?"

Garner raised an eyebrow. "Is that what indexing is? An interrogation?"

The former specialist snorted. "In my case? Yeah, probably." _Now that they have the chance to try me again..._

The psychologist shrugged. "I guess I missed the memo, then, because I thought I was coming in to do a psychological evaluation." He held Ward's gaze. "And that's what I'm going to do."

Grant's frown deepened. "Sure." _Or that's what you're going to tell me until I let my guard down._

Andrew sighed. "I'm giving you the chance to tell your story, Grant. I've reason to believe no one else has ever given you that opportunity."

Grant's hand went to his larynx. "No. Not particularly." _Stupid reflex._

Garner nodded. "So begin wherever you like." He picked up the pad and quirked a brow.

Grant cleared his throat awkwardly. "I, uh - I don't know where to start." _I don't know if I trust you, if I trust this._

The psychologist gave him a small smile. "How about the beginning, then? Whatever you consider the beginning to be."

Grant snorted. _Of who?_ "Can I have several beginnings? Because I can think of a few."

"How about the one that you think is the beginning of the man you are now," Garner suggested. "Want to start there?"

Grant sighed and nodded. _Probably the easiest one._ "Sure. Maybe it'll help you believe the rest."

* * *

Fitz sighed as he washed the tea cups, emptying the thermos into the sink.

"Fitz?" Simmons' voice was soft. "Can I talk to you?"

He shrugged. "You seem to be doing a fine job of it."

She rolled her eyes. "Fitz..."

He nodded her along wordlessly, walking over to the table.

"Where did you go?" Jemma asked hesitantly.

"You don't really want to know," Fitz answered. "Which, I know, also tells you."

Simmons flinched. "I don't - I don't understand, Fitz. Help me understand?"

He shook his head. "What is there to understand, Jemma? I don't give up on people, you know that more than anyone." He ran his hands over the back of his head. "I want to believe things can get better, that people can get better. Is that so wrong?"

"It's _dangerous,_ Fitz!" Simmons grabbed his hands tightly. " _He's_ dangerous. We thought he was telling the truth before, and nothing -"

"You're the one that read the chair, Jemma, and you told me what you saw." He squeezed back. "I know you don't want to believe it, but I do. The only way the things he's done make any sense at all is exactly what he told you."

Simmons flinched. "He was talking to Coulson, not me."

Fitz searched her eyes. "Jemma. He was _using_ Coulson to talk to you. Surely you see that?"

Jemma was silent, dropping her gaze to the tabletop.

"If he thought you'd listen, he'd talk to you," Fitz offered gently. "He told me over tea."

Simmons blinked at him in surprise. "Ward drinks tea?"

Fitz shrugged. "He does. And he'd share a cup with you if you were willing."

Jemma flinched. "I can't be alone with him, Fitz. I won't."

Fitz sighed. "I know. And I wish I could understand why that is." He looked at her pleadingly. "Jemma, I'm the one he hurt, all right? And I'm okay. Please. He's changed, and so have we...but not all of us for the better." He squeezed her arm. "I'm going to pop in on the video feed. I'm sure May and Coulson are watching." He stood and looked at her. "Would you like to come? See what's going on?"

Simmons pursed her lips. "No. I'm sorry, Fitz."

He nodded and left her.

* * *

"It was Kara. She was the turning point for me." _It's okay, baby,_ her voice whispered. Grant pursed his lips. "I was supposed to help her find closure, to give her peace and comfort after what happened to her. And instead Morse just..." _If only she wasn't such a bitch..._ Grant shook his head. "She piled it on. She told Kara that it didn't matter, basically, because Kara signed on for this."

Garner raised a brow. "So when you abducted Agent Morse, you intended her to apologize to Agent Palamas?" The psychologist shrugged. "Because that set up was a bit more elaborate, from what I've heard."

Grant scowled. "You wanted a beginning. _This_ was the beginning." _Of this version of me, anyway._ He blew out a breath. "I wanted Morse to feel what Kara felt, and for Kara to get a real apology. I told her if she would just apologize, if she would help me to help Kara, we could put it all behind us."

"Would you? If you were in Bobbi's position?" Garner considered him. "Would you have apologized? Tried to atone?"

"I thought the answer was no. And that mentality, that rage without reason, is how I ended up killing the only person in my life who actually gave a damn about me." Grant's smile was more of a grimace. "You asked about the beginning of this incarnation of Grant Ward, Dr. Garner. That was what I realized. That if I didn't vent this anger, this rage, that I would destroy everything around me." _And I'd already destroyed a hell of a lot._

"What helped you see that?" the psychologist asked. "Kara's death?"

Grant nodded. "I'm not insane, contrary to popular belief." _Contrary to my_ own, _sometimes._ He shook his head. "I just needed to find order again, and order only comes from pain." _It's the only thing that makes sense._

Garner frowned at him. "Only from pain?"

Grant nodded. "Order any other way is an illusion." _I should know._ He took a deep breath. "Structures and protocols are all well and good, but in the field, in the real world, it's only pain that yields results. Every major reform, every meaningful law, every big change in society - they all had their origins in pain and loss."

Garner pursed his lips but nodded. "So you had to find your order through pain. Is that what you were doing with HAMMER?"

Grant nodded. "After I recovered Whitehall's data chip, I found other people who'd been hurt by HYDRA, and even by the other SHIELD. His surveillance was impressive, and I wanted to know whether there was anything worth saving." _Or any_ one _worth saving..._ He cleared his throat. "So I sorted through and tracked down whatever was left of HYDRA's victims. I took on their pain and their missions, their need for closure. I promised them I would destroy HYDRA, and leave someone who could actually fix SHIELD in charge."

"But who did you recruit?" Andrew eyed him.

 _Don't know if I recruited so much as herded them._ Grant shrugged. "Ex-HYDRA personnel, either those looking for revenge, or those who would never be safe if they were left...free."

" _Alive_ , you mean," Garner clarified.

Ward clenched his jaw. _They were evil, and now they're dead. You'd rather they hurt more people?_ "Even SHIELD has levels of acceptable collateral damage." His smile was taunting. "You know that better than most people, don't you? Thanks to the Cavalry?"

Garner chuckled. "And there she is. Go on."

Grant fought the sigh. _Yeah. Good job._ "Alive," he repeated. "There were the expendables and the ones who shared my mission."

The psychologist frowned. "So when you've been saying there's no HAMMER left except for you, what does that mean, exactly?"

Grant shrugged. "The expendables were expended, the ones who shared my mission left when they achieved their closure." _In whatever way they wanted._

"And the men that were on the roof that night when you manifested," Garner inquired. "Which group did they fall under?"

"Expendables," Grant replied firmly. _Every last one._ "The very last of the expendable members of HAMMER were on the roof."

"Does that include you, Grant?" Andrew asked carefully. "Are _you_ an expendable member of HAMMER?"

 _I'm an expendable member of everything._ Ward's jaw only clenched again in response.

Garner nodded like Ward had spoken. "Did you ever see that old movie, Clerks? The one keeps saying 'I'm not even supposed to be here today' as things keep going wrong."

Grant frowned and shrugged. _The hell does that matter?_ "No, I haven't."

"Well, the point is everything gets crazier and the lies and schemes get more elaborate and all the clerk can think about is how he wasn't even supposed to be there, that it shouldn't have been his mess to fix."

Grant frowned but nodded slowly. _I suppose I can see that..._

Andrew sought Ward's eyes. "Are you supposed to be here today, Mr. Ward?"

Grant snorted and looked away. _Why ask when you already guessed at the answer?_ He sighed. "No."

* * *

Coulson watched May watching Ward and sighed. "Melinda..."

May kept her eyes glued to the pad. "Yes?"

"Is there anything worth seeing on there?" he inquired.

May frowned. "Yes, seeing that Ward isn't attacking him is definitely worth seeing."

Phil sighed again. "Did you expect differently?"

"Yes," she bit out.

"Even after everything you found out in your research?" he persisted.

She looked up into Coulson's eyes. "Remember when there was another woman with my face running around? And remember how that ended?"

The director snorted. "Kind of tough to forget that fight. But, Melinda, if he wanted to hurt you for Kara -"

"If he wanted to hurt me for getting his lover killed, this would be the moment," May bit out.

"Because in the five or six months since we last had contact, there was no other way for him to get access to Andrew?" He shook his head. "Come on, Melinda."

May sighed and tossed the tablet down. "Fine." She put the soundless footage on a monitor and sighed. "Better?"

Coulson nodded. "Yes, thank you." He looked down at the tablet in his own hand. "Especially since I need a pickup."

May raised an eyebrow.

"Ward said he wouldn't use the chair again with Simmons. He didn't say he wouldn't use it with someone else he felt comfortable with."

May frowned. "Who the hell would that be?"

Coulson flipped the tablet to her with a smile.

* * *

Dr. Garner sat back and regarded Ward. "And why is that?"

 _Because I_ shouldn't _be here._ "I tried to kill myself multiple times, I'm mentally unstable according to everyone here, I was the leader of, and I quote, a terrorist organization." Grant shrugged. "Any of those would be enough."

Andrew chuckled. "You're right. They would be. But I get the feeling that's not the actual answer." He paused at a light knock on the door. "Interesting. Give me a second."

Grant snorted. "You can have all the time you need." _I wouldn't be here at all if I had the choice._

Garner rolled his eyes and stood to answer the door. "Director."

Coulson glanced past him to Ward before drawing the psychologist slightly out of the room. "I just wanted to let you know that the other tech is actually available. May will be doing retrieval, but I wasn't sure how it might effect your session today."

Andrew nodded. "Thank you for that update. Tell Melinda to fly safe. And I'll see how much more Mr. Ward is willing to talk today."

Coulson nodded in return. "That's fine. Thank you." He turned and left.

Garner closed the door and turned back to Ward with a raised brow. "Seems they're really pulling out all the stops for you here, Mr. Ward. Melinda is heading out again to get the other tech for that chair of theirs."

Ward scoffed. "That's because even after everything, no one believes me." _No matter what I've done now._

"Are you surprised?" Andrew took his seat at Phil's desk again. "Can we talk about the Vault?"

 _Is this the turning point, then?_ Ward barked a laugh. "I don't know, can we? Or will Coulson charge in to throw me back there if I give an answer he doesn't like?"

Garner sighed and shook his head. "Whether you believe it or not, both Melinda and the director have gotten a piece of my mind about how they handled everything with you after the Fall. It's why I'm here."

"I'm supposed to believe you're on my side, is that the play?" Ward quirked a brow. "You're on my side against SHIELD and you protested how they just threw me in a dark hole, so now I should cry to you about my horrible childhood?" _I'm supposed to trust you because you tell me to? Don't you know my track record with that?_

"Do you feel like crying about it?" Andrew asked dispassionately. "I'm fine with that. But I actually wanted to know how long it took until you were able to speak, and whether anyone tried to communicate with you in that time span."

Grant blinked. _What does that have to do with anything?_ "No. If I couldn't talk, no one tried to pass me notes or anything. I got food and water."

"So what if you were in pain, or needed something?" Garner questioned. "How would you communicate?"

 _With blood._ Grant swallowed. "I - I was a prisoner. I had nothing to say."

"I somehow doubt that's true," Andrew said gently.

* * *

Fitz cleared his throat as Coulson turned from his office. "Sir. I just – "

Coulson sighed and smiled. "He's fine, Fitz. I promise you."

Fitz ran a hand over the back of his head. "I never – I never thought it would matter again, but –"

"But he's not who we thought. I know." Coulson shook his head. "I feel the same way. Though, you know, without the whole..." He gestured. "You know."

Fitz snorted. "You mean the part where he dropped me out of a plane resulting in oxygen deprivation and brain damage?"

Coulson winced. "Maybe I should've stuck with he's fine." He handed Fitz the tablet. "Here, look. We told Dr. Garner we'd skip the audio."

Fitz smiled. "You did?"

The director rolled his eyes. "Why is everyone so shocked that I can be reasonable and considerate?"

Fitz shrugged. "Begging your pardon, sir, but those are qualities that have been tough to come by lately." He looked at Ward's back to the camera and sighed. "But someone gave us the breathing room to find them again."

* * *

Skye pressed a kiss to Lincoln's chest. "Better?" she murmured.

Lincoln sighed. "Yes, better, but you know I'm not going to be 100 percent better while he's here."

Skye sighed in return. "I know. But can you at least try not to make things go boom anymore?"

Lincoln flushed. "I can, yes."

She grinned at him. "Good. Because I didn't get a workout –" She laughed at the look on his face. "Not that this wasn't – athletic, but, I need to get in some gym time." She sobered slightly. "I'm definitely not letting my guard down." _I can't afford to._

Her boyfriend pressed a kiss to her hair. "I'm sorry, Skye. I do believe in you, you know. I trust you."

"I know," she murmured. _I just wish I was as sure that_ I _trust me with him..._

* * *

May ran through her preflight check and pulled the surveillance feed from the director's office onto a monitor in the cockpit.

Coulson clucked his tongue. "You going to turn around if something happens?"

She snorted. "Yes. Because at that point, it won't matter if he's indexed. He's a dead man."

The director nodded. "Fair enough." He squeezed her shoulder. "Thanks, Melinda."

She gave a short nod. "I'm just glad I don't have to get yelled at."

Phil chuckled. "Yeah. I did deserve it, though." He walked down towards the ramp. "Good luck."

May rolled her eyes. "I wish I didn't need it."

Coulson chuckled and shut the ramp as he exited.

* * *

 _Asking about communicating assumes someone was interested in listening._ Grant sighed and looked away. "Yeah, well, I didn't say anything, either way."

Andrew nodded slowly. "I am aware. I'm also aware that Coulson and even Melinda used that silence as an opportunity to punish you further."

Grant flinched and his shoulders sank. _I'm a soldier, and we were at war. Are at war. Whichever. That's all._ "It wasn't - it wasn't as bad as that."

Garner eyed him. "Wasn't it?" he murmured. "You know, that interruption was actually a choice, and it's a choice I'm going to offer to you now." He blew out a breath. "We could continue talking like this, or tomorrow, we could ask very targeted questions in the chair. The option is yours."

Ward rubbed a hand over his mouth. "You're letting _me_ choose how much I share with you, and when?" _Is it going to make tomorrow worse if I call it now?_

Andrew threw his hands up. "Why not? If you don't talk to me, you'll be sparring with Skye or hiding in your temporary bunk. Seems like all your options are pretty equally painful."

Ward snorted. __Doubt I could find Fitz without getting into a fight or thrown back in Vault D.__ "You're right about that."

* * *

Skye gave Lincoln a smile as he left her in the gym. _Finally._ She exhaled and closed her eyes, moving through the motions of tai chi while she worked to tune out all vibrations but hers. _This won't last long..._ She let herself and her tension flow.

Coulson cleared his throat gently. "Skye. Sorry to bother you."

She continued her routine with a small smirk. "Benefit of the whole powers thing? I knew you were coming. Felt the vibrations of your stress."

"Am I stressed?" Phil sighed. "Really trying not to be, to tell you the truth. There's enough going on here without me losing my zen."

Skye finished her last pose and turned to smile at him. "Yeah, there's definitely enough going on. What can I do ya for, AC?" She frowned. "I hope it's not about earlier, I talked to Linc and -"

The director held up a hand. "It _is_ , in a manner of speaking." He cleared his throat. "How would you feel about releasing some pent up aggression on an...interesting target?"

Skye's frown deepened. _On an..._ "You want me to spar with Ward."

Coulson shrugged. "Honestly? I trust he wouldn't go overboard with you, and I've seen that you can contain him and his fire. Makes sense."

Skye blew out a breath. "Plus, as my former SO, I'm familiar with his techniques and abilities and I can tell you if any of it has really changed." She quirked a brow. "Right?"

Phil smiled. "You always were good at reading between my lines. That too."

Skye nodded. "Yeah. I'll do it. Just..." She bit her lip. "You probably want to keep Lincoln out of the way."

Coulson snorted a laugh. "Yeah. That's pretty obvious." He looked around. "Thanks for rewiring them so quickly."

She rolled her eyes. "Um, considering what prompted it? Yeah, figured the less we'd have to explain it, the better."

He chuckled. "Good call. Double thanks, then."

* * *

Fitz sighed, running another simulation of the modified power settings and aperture settings. He grumbled as the result failed to meet his requirements.

"Yo, Turbo. Didn't think I'd see you at work on this today." Mack walked into the lab and sat. "Your heart to heart everything you wanted it to be?"

Fitz gave him a small smile. "Actually, yeah. Thank you."

Mack shrugged. "Look, your grudge is your grudge. I don't trust him farther than you can throw him. But he also saved our asses, so, I'm gonna try to trust _you_ about him."

Fitz' smile widened. " _Thank you,_ Mack." The grin faltered to a frown. "That's more than Jemma can seem to do."

Mack shook his head. "You know that's not about you, right?"

Fitz rubbed a hand over the back of his head. "I - I'm not - I'm not sure."

Mack crossed to clap him on the shoulder. "Turbo. You saved her from a Kree symbiote that was driving her insane. You're the only one who believed something happened that she just couldn't fix. You're her _hero_ , Fitz. And she's terrified you're being corrupted by the villain."

"But he's not, Mack, he's not a villain. He's just a mess." Fitz frowned. " _He's_ alone, now. No one wants to believe he was helping to help, to protect us. But even the worst of the things he did were because he cared too much."

Mack frowned. "I don't know if I'd go that far, but -"

"He thought about how Hand almost left me to die when he shot her," Fitz interrupted quietly. "And he clearly didn't mean to tell me so." Fitz shook his head. "If he was trying to manipulate me, Mack, he could have. But when I tried to thank him, to tell him she wasn't a good person -"

Mack gave a grunt of protest. "And he is?"

Fitz grinned. "He certainly doesn't think so. And that's how I know he's being honest with me."

* * *

Grant blew out a breath. _Not ready for those same four walls yet._ "Let's - I can talk about Kara, about HYDRA and HAMMER. But the - my family..." He shook his head. "Save those questions for that chair. No one will believe me either way."

Andrew shook his head in return. "Not true. Melinda, Phil and I do. We believe there's more to the story. Phil seems to know some of it, but I only know what's in your file."

"And what's that?" Ward questioned skeptically. _One of these days I should take a look at it..._

Garner shrugged. "Probably a bunch of Garrett's lies."

 _At least they believe me enough to know that._ Grant blew out a breath. "What else?"

"Let's skip back," Garner suggested. "Tell me about a day in Vault D, like a mission report, right?"

Grant snorted. "Something like that. And there's not much to tell." _Not much that matters to anyone, anyway._ He shrugged. "I'd wake up at 0530, spend three hours exercising. I'd get a ration bar and a bottle of water I'd have to drink under supervision and return immediately. I'd be left alone until lunch, which was the same deal, and then depending on the day, I might get interrogated again, or the lights would be shut off. There wasn't much predicting it."

Garner frowned. "And it would stay that way until dinner?"

Grant shrugged. "If there was dinner, yeah." _Just random enough to keep me from counting the days..._

Garner's frown deepened. "So sleep deprivation, minimal food and water, and daily physical interrogation."

 _Standard procedure in the face of a terrorist._ Grant only shrugged again.

Garner sighed. "Well, between military school and SHIELD Academy, you would have trained for all of it, right?"

 _Military school. Right._ Grant snorted. "Something like that."

Garner raised a brow. "No. What?" He shook his head. "Don't try to bullshit me, Mr. Ward, I may not be a part of this world but I know my job. What did I just say that you found amusing?"

 _Put up or shut up time, baby._ Kara's voice whispered to him again and he closed his eyes.

The psychologist frowned. "Mr. Ward?"

Grant didn't open his eyes. "I never actually graduated from military school. I think Coulson may actually know this part." _And I wish I'd actually said something...that might've been my chance..._ He sighed and finally looked at Garner. "My family, my brother...they sent me to military school, but I...I didn't complete it. I went AWOL and set my parents' house on fire. I ended up in Juvie, and that's when John - when Garrett found me."

Andrew rubbed his temples. "I'm sorry. And you say Coulson may know this? Why wouldn't it be updated in your records, then?"

Grant shrugged. "No one cared? I don't know." _Maybe I don't deserve it._ He exhaled. "All I know is at one point, Coulson said something about my family, and the look on his face when he said it made me think he knew more about it than my record would show."

Andrew nodded slowly. "Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised by that." He sighed. "I would have hoped he would've told me, though."

 _Why?_ Grant scoffed. "Welcome to SHIELD, right?"

Andrew shook his head. "I always loved how Coulson treated his team like family, but now I see the downside to that. There's been quite the blind spot when it comes to you, Mr. Ward."

Ward smirked. _You just realized that?_ "Because Daddy's mad at me and I got grounded?"

"Does that work for you? The deflection?" Andrew sighed. "You know full well what I mean, and yet you hesitate to say you were tortured, treated unfairly."

 _Why would I think that?_ Grant pursed his lips and looked away. "How can I say I was treated unfairly when I betrayed all of them?"

"Because no one bothered to ask you _why_. No one tried to find out how it happened. Not even to ask you _if_ you had a reason, let alone try to find out what." Garner shook his head. "No one bothered with _you_." He blew out a breath. "And on behalf of SHIELD, I'm sorry for that."

"Don't apologize to me," Ward bit out. "I can apologize to everyone I've hurt, but you can't own mistakes that weren't yours." Kara's voice was back, whispering, _Then why are you thinking closure means -_ Grant shook himself. "Can we pick this up tomorrow? I think I'd rather just spar with Skye." He looked away as Kara's voice whispered again. _Out of the frying pan into the fire, baby...guess that makes sense for you now._

* * *

 **A.N.** : Time to spar with Skye - any guesses how this is going to go? I'll do my damnedest not to have the update take this long, blame my job! First two weeks of October were a beast, but now back to what *really* matters ; )


	7. Ones We've Inherited

A.N.: Someone tweeted Brett their GPS, sending them down "Ward St." His response? "It's a long and windy road, but I think it's in the right direction". Yet another example of why I will continue to #StandWithWard. Still don't own them, though.

* * *

 **Chapter 7 - Ones we've inherited, ones that we've learned**

* * *

The tablet in Coulson's hand beeped and he looked down and sighed. "Motion detection," he told Skye with a shrug. He watched as Andrew stood and held his hand out to Ward. "Looks like they're done." He gave a small frown. "Quicker than I'd hoped..." He raised a brow. "Looks like you're up, Skye."

Skye gave him a quick salute. "Just remember to clear the area."

Coulson snorted. "As if I could forget." He shook his head. "Remind me we need to reorder more cameras."

Skye winced. "Yeah. I'll put it on my next requisition."

Coulson quirked a brow. "How long do you need to prep?"

Skye shook her head. "I don't. Let's do this thing."

* * *

Grant fought not to drum his fingers on the arms of the chair as he waited for Garner to come back in. Coulson had arrived, no doubt monitoring closely and guessing they'd ended their...session, and the two were talking just outside the office.

The door opened and Ward schooled his features.

"Ward," Coulson greeted him. "I hear you're ready to face your rookie."

 _She's not my rookie anymore, she might as well never have been._ Grant contained his flinch with an effort, smirking instead. "Should be fun."

Garner gave him a long look. "No need for false bravado, Mr. Ward."

Grant clenched his jaw and stood. _And this is why I don't talk to shrinks._ "Is anyone going to tell me who's reading the chair?"

Coulson and Garner looked at each other. Coulson shook his head. "There's still a chance something may go south - the agent in question is wrapping a mission - so, no, would rather not."

Ward snorted, looking to Garner. _Just retrieving the agent, huh?_ "Does May know she's backup and extraction too?"

"She _does_ , as a matter of fact," Coulson replied. "We've learned a few things about how to convey mission information along the way, I hope."

* * *

May sighed as she dropped into the fray. "Not exactly the easy pickup."

Her companion chuckled. "Please. You love it. We could rule the world."

May rolled her eyes with a small smile and knocked the two HYDRA agents behind her on their asses.

* * *

Coulson folded his arms. "If you're ready, then, do you want to change clothes, or -"

Ward shook his head. "I'm fine just like this."

Garner spoke up from behind him. "You don't have anything to prove, Mr. Ward. Truly." The psychologist frowned at the SHIELD director. "Isn't that right, Phil?"

Coulson nodded. "Right. Ward, you can also feel free to get some rest, or get some lunch, whatever you might -"

"I'm _fine,_ sir," Grant interjected. _Sir. Shut the hell up with that already._ "I can spar for an hour."

"I just want to be clear it's your choice," Coulson said softly.

Grant's eyes shot to Garner and he caught his breath. _Did Coulson just get a talking to?_ He swallowed hard and turned back to the director. "Yes, sir, I'm fine with going now. I'd _rather,_ in fact."

Coulson looked to Garner, who nodded. "Let's head to the gym then. Dr. Garner, you're welcome to join us."

"And I absolutely intend to," Garner confirmed.

* * *

Skye looked up as the door opened. "And the gang's all here," she murmured.

Coulson gave her a nod. "Dr. Garner will be with you and Ward, I'll be - otherwise occupied."

Skye gave him a smile in return. "No problem, AC. Thanks."

Coulson gestured Ward and Garner into the gym. "I'll be in my office. Just come get me when you're done."

Garner found a perch in the corner. "Or when I decide it's done," the psychologist reminded him.

The director held up his hands. "That too."

Ward frowned between the two of them. "Something I should know?" _I'd settle for knowing_ anything _right now..._

Garner shook his head. "Just laid down some ground rules with the director, that's all."

Skye raised a brow. "Anything _I_ should know?"

Andrew smiled. "I'll tell you if I think so, but just know if I call stop, it's no questions asked. Agreed?"

Skye nodded slowly. "Sure, yeah."

The psychologist waved them on.

 _At least I'm not the only one in the dark._ Grant took off his henley, leaving the black tank underneath.

"Little cocky, are you?" Skye looked him up and down. "Jeans?"

Grant shrugged. "I'm not trying to kick your ass, just testing to see how my powers affect my ability to fight, right?" He rolled his shoulders. "Jeans are fine for that." _I'm not getting comfortable here. I can't._

Skye rolled her eyes in response. "Whatever. You need a chain or anything?"

 _Not if my suspicions are right._ Ward smirked at her. "We're about to find out."

Skye sighed and took up a position in the middle of the mats.

* * *

Coulson knocked lightly on the wall of the lounge. "Lincoln. Can you join me in my office?"

Lincoln took a deep breath and stood from the table. "Yes, sir." He fell into step with the director.

The director closed the door behind them and leaned against the desk. "Sit." He gestured at the chair in front of him.

Lincoln eyed Coulson warily as he did so. "Director, if this is about the cameras in the gym..."

Coulson huffed a laugh. "Among other things. You're lucky Skye already replaced them, but I'd really rather we not repeat it."

Lincoln nodded. "I'm hoping there'll be no reason to."

"Because of Ward." Coulson sighed. "You know, this isn't a long-term thing. That's not the plan."

"It's a relief to hear you say that, sir," Lincoln replied. "I have to admit I wasn't so sure."

Coulson shook his head. "The whole team isn't prepared to have him here, it's obvious. But what I'd like you to consider is that some people _are_ prepared to have him here, and which side of that line you place yourself on matters. A lot. Not just to me, but to Skye."

Lincoln frowned. "That's why I'm on the other side of the line. _Because_ of Skye. Because of what he did."

"He wasn't the one that shot her, Lincoln, and she wasn't the one with _four_ _bullets_ in her side." The director's gaze was vague as he let himself remember. "I should've known from what happened with Nash that..." Coulson snorted. "Anyway. That's not what I wanted to talk about." He took a deep breath. "I'll say this not as the director, but as someone who knows Skye well. You _have_ to trust her here. You have to trust her with him."

"Her, sure, but him?" Lincoln clenched his jaw. "I don't trust him at all."

Coulson nodded slowly. "I know you don't, and I wouldn't either. What with all that history and chemistry between them -"

Lincoln's gaze snapped to his, hands clenching to fists. "Sir -"

"Except that Skye knows who she's dealing with now. She didn't then. That history, that chemistry - it was all premised on a _lie_." The director sighed. "Come on, Lincoln. You know Skye well enough by now, I hope. What's the one thing that she always wants from the people she cares about?" He waited a beat. "The _truth._ And that man lied to her for a very long time. I don't see any amount of behind the scenes shenanigans that would make her actually _trust_ him. She can convince herself he's not a threat, but beyond that?" He shook his head. "Grant Ward would actually have to _talk_ about himself, talk about what happened to him, would have to open up." The director thought of the posture of the man who'd been sitting in Lincoln's seat earlier, the way he'd only rarely met Garner's eyes. "And I really don't think that's something you have to worry about."

* * *

Skye met Ward's attack blow for blow, laughing at the familiarity of it all. "Not as easy a target as I used to be, huh?"

 _Nothing is what it used to be here._ Ward smirked. "I'm still just grateful you got over saying 'bang' every time you shot the gun."

Skye advanced with kicks and punches, grinning. "That was a long time ago."

He held her off easily. _Good technique, though..._ "Yeah, maybe. But it still applies." He drove her back to the middle of the mat.

She held up a time-out and looked to Garner. "Going for powers now, just - stay sharp." She waited for his nod of acknowledgement before turning back to Ward. "Let's see about the range on that fire."

Grant blew out a breath and nodded. "Ready." _At least this is something I_ want _to do..._

Skye took the same position in the middle of the mats and grinned. "Yeah, you might think so." She sent a wave of force towards him that knocked him off his feet. "But when it comes to powers, pretty sure I have the upper hand." She sent another blast towards him, skidding him backwards.

 _And you needed to remind me?_ Ward narrowed his eyes at her. "Yeah, let's see about that." He took his feet and willed the fireball into his hand.

She quirked a brow. "So? Come on."

He took a shaky breath and tried to throw the fireball at her.

Skye countered with a push that extinguished it midair. "Gotta do better than that."

 _Yeah, if you only realized what you were asking for..._ Ward gritted his teeth and tapped into his rage, the fireball larger and pulsing. He threw it at her, another following close behind.

She laughed and quenched them both, rolling out of the way as she did. "And that was better."

 _Yes, it was. Now let's see if I'm right..._ He exhaled and clenched his fist, his mind shaping metal in his head.

"Whoa..." Skye watched as link by link of a chain of fire materialized. "That's _cool."_

Ward grinned wolfishly. _It worked!_ "No, it's _hot,"_ he countered, and whipped it towards her.

She dodged and sent the same blast of air, frowning as the chain flickered but didn't go out.

 _Much, much better._ He pulled it back with a smirk, gesturing her aside. "How fast are you with that air?"

She frowned. "Fast, why?"

 _Time for what I wanted to test here._ He nodded to Garner. "Toss a towel this way?"

The psychologist sighed. "Let me get the fire extinguisher too."

Skye rolled her eyes. "I'm hurt, doc."

Andrew chuckled. "I'm sure." He grabbed the fire extinguisher from the corner and a towel on his way back to the center of the room.

Grant watched the chain, fascinated as it crackled and hissed. _Not a lick of heat for me. Nothing._ He exhaled as Garner tossed the cloth, snapping the fiery chain at it and aiming it at Skye.

Skye sent a gust of air towards it, the cloth bursting apart into ash and sparks. Ward's chain remained intact again. She scrutinized the construct. "Gonna try something," she murmured.

He nodded and braced himself. "So am I," he replied, manifesting a fireball in his left hand. _This is what I'm here for. Let's at least see what I can do before I go._

She laughed. "Come on, then."

He tried to lob the fireball farther before releasing it, snaking the links of fire towards her side while she dealt with it. _Come on..._

She swatted the fireball out and spun to trap the chain between two opposing waves of force.

Ward gritted his teeth and fought to keep the fire going, a dull haze on the edge of his vision his only warning before he blacked out.

* * *

Lincoln sighed and rubbed his hands down his face. "I just - I know how Skye is, how she wants to believe the good in people. I don't want her to be blinded with him."

Coulson shook his head. "I've seen Skye grow and evolve through all that's happened, Lincoln. She may want to believe in the good, but she's seen too much of the bad to forget." He sighed. "We've _all_ seen too much bad, honestly."

* * *

 _Damn it._ Skye looked to Garner. "Go get Simmons!" She knelt beside Ward's crumpled form, feeling a strong pulse under her fingertips. "Ward, come on." She shook him lightly. "Wake up." She exhaled and reached out with her powers, sending a gentle nudge through his body. "Wake up."

* * *

"Jemma," Dr. Garner called through the lab. "We need you in the gym. Skye and Ward were sparring, I think he passed out."

Simmons froze, swearing softly. "I'll - I'll be right there."

Andrew approached and took her arm gently. "Jemma, if you don't feel like you can treat him, just say so, we can -"

"No." Simmons took a deep breath. "I can do my job."

The psychologist released her. "Then tell me how to help."

* * *

Fitz glanced over at the tablet he still had, the surveillance video adjusting to follow Grant's tracking bracelet. "Bloody hell," he muttered, and left the hangar.

* * *

Lincoln sighed. "With all that bad, I'm just worried _you're_ too eager to see good, too."

Coulson pursed his lips. "You weren't part of the team, so I'll pardon the implication. But any goodwill Grant Ward may have won is only through his actions. We're not ignoring anything he's done, or the people he's hurt. That's not how this works. But what we _are_ doing is weighing the good he's done in recent history without Garrett's influence, and the evil he did while under it."

Fitz rapped on the door breathlessly. "Sir. Ward passed out in the gym."

"Damn it," Coulson whispered, and stood. "Just think about what I said, Lincoln." He gestured Fitz ahead of him and walked quickly away.

Lincoln sighed and shook his head. "In the gym. With Skye." He stood to follow.

* * *

Simmons grimaced at Ward's body on the mats. "He's breathing, isn't he?" Garner handed her the small kit she'd brought.

Skye nodded warily. "He is, yeah, just -" She slapped lightly at his cheeks. "Out cold."

Simmons frowned and nodded. "I can see that." She knelt beside him, checking his pulse herself. "How long has he been out?"

 _Damn it. Did I really just faint?_ Grant groaned. "Not long, I hope," he murmured. He opened his eyes, a cautious look in them as he saw Simmons next to him.

Simmons stood. "Don't get up right away," she muttered. "Skye, what happened?"

Skye shrugged. "We were sparring with powers, Ward had this awesome fire chain thing, and I was trying to put it out."

"Seems like you put _him_ out instead," Garner remarked.

Grant struggled to sit up. "This wasn't Skye's fault."

Skye rolled her eyes and pushed him back down gently. "What part of don't get up yet are you not hearing?" She looked to Garner. "Doc wasn't blaming me, he's saying that I did put the chain out, just not the way I planned to."

Coulson and Fitz burst through the doors. "Ward?" The inquiry was in stereo and Coulson gave Fitz a bemused look.

Skye rolled her eyes. "Who got you two?"

Fitz ducked his head and held up the pad in his hands. "I might have been monitoring the video feeds and noticed Ward passed out."

"I'm fine," the man in question protested from the mats. "Can I sit up now?"

Simmons shrugged silently.

Skye frowned as Grant tried to move. "You sure?"

Grant nodded. "I'm fine. I know what happened."

Skye stood and held out a hand to help him up to a seated position. "Care to enlighten the class, then?"

Grant shrugged. "Overdid it. I've never tried to make anything that intricate, I was just charging stuff or making little fireballs. I over exerted myself. That's all."

Coulson frowned. "That wasn't the point of the exercise, Ward." He looked over to the door and sighed. "Everything is fine, Lincoln."

Lincoln frowned at the scene. "Yeah, I'm sure."

Skye fought back a groan. "I managed to knock him out powers versus powers," she explained, forcing a grin on her face. "It was awesome," she continued, walking towards Lincoln. She leaned up and kissed him lightly. "Aren't you proud?"

 _I am..._ Grant looked away.

Fitz approached cautiously. "Jemma? Can we head to the lab?"

Simmons nodded. "Come on, I'll make sure he just needs electrolytes."

Fitz held out a hand to help Grant stand.

Grant took it gratefully. _Room is still spinning, hope it's my blood pressure and nothing else..._ He took a deep breath and gave Fitz a wry smile. "Mind if I lean on you a bit?"

Fitz beamed. "Not at all," he replied, standing taller when the specialist put his arm around the engineer's shoulders. Fitz gave the rest of the team a nod before herding Grant from the room.

Simmons sighed heavily, giving Skye a dark look before following them out.

Coulson took a deep breath. "Well. Guess I should check in. Andrew?"

Garner nodded. "With you."

Coulson gave Skye and Lincoln a tight smile before leaving the gym.

* * *

Grant took a seat in the lab with a sigh. "This is the kind of deja vu I'm _not_ looking for," he grumbled. _How the hell did I lose track of myself?_

Fitz rolled his eyes. "Well, don't pull the 'I'm Agent Grant Ward, I got powers two days ago but I can make anything I want with fire' and you won't have to."

Grant snorted at the impression. "I swear I don't sound like that." He shook his head. "I never did."

"Right, and I swear I don't sound like the awful accents you all try, but it happens anyway," Fitz retorted. "Just sit still."

Simmons looked between the two of them with a frown. "Arm."

Grant held out his arm for the blood pressure cuff, swallowing the grimace at the tight squeeze of the machine. _I might be better off grabbing a Gatorade and going to lay down..._ He felt his pulse throbbing through his arm.

Fitz frowned. "Jemma, that's been on for long enough, yeah?"

Simmons pursed her lips and looked at the readout. "Blood pressure within normal limits." She picked up a penlight and flashed it in Ward's eyes without warning. "Normal pupil response." She released the cuff and shut off the light.

Grant blinked rapidly as the bright light disappeared. _I sure hope so, because now I'm blind._ He squeezed his eyes shut to steady the spots in them.

"Have you been eating and sleeping properly, drinking enough fluids?" Simmons turned her back to him as she asked the question.

Grant pressed the heels of his palms to his closed eyelids. "No, of course not. That's why I said I just overexerted myself. It's exactly what I did."

Simmons scoffed. "Then an IV of electrolytes and back to your room." She turned to retrieve the IV.

* * *

Skye gave Lincoln a grin. "So? Aren't you proud of how far I've come with my powers?"

Lincoln gave a small smile and nodded. "I know you can protect yourself, Skye." He raised a brow. "But why did you think you had to protect _me?"_

Skye blinked at him. "What do you mean?"

Lincoln rolled his eyes. "I doubt it's a coincidence that Coulson sought me out while you were in here - doing what, anyway?"

"Coulson asked me to spar with Ward for a powers assessment, that's all." She held her boyfriend's gaze. "AC knew from the rooftop that my powers could contain Ward's fire, so I was the best choice for this."

Lincoln clenched his jaw. "Didn't we just finish talking about being honest with each other when I left you here?"

"Yeah, and then my boss asked me to do a thing," Skye said slowly. "I didn't realize I needed to tell you when I got orders from the director."

"When they involve Ward?" Lincoln gave her an exasperated look. "Yeah, I would really like to know and I thought that's what we agreed."

"This looks a whole lot like you starting a fight, Linc." Skye stepped back and folded her arms. "I am not fighting with you about this."

* * *

The door to the lab slid open as Coulson and Garner joined them.

"Mr. Ward, did we not have a discussion about taking it easy?" Dr. Garner asked. He quirked a brow. "How exactly is pushing your powers and yourself to their outer limits taking it slow?"

Grant clenched his jaw. "I was just trying to see what I could do. I wasn't trying to show off or intimidate anyone." _This might be my only chance to try these powers out safely._

Coulson held up a hand. "That's not what concerns me. What concerns me is you should know better than that."

Ward harrumphed as Simmons came back with the IV drip. "I thought you never knew me at all," he muttered, holding his arm out and bracing himself for the stab he knew would follow. _Let's get all the pain out of the way at once, shall we?_

Simmons gritted her teeth and pretended the arm in front of her belonged to anyone else. She carefully inserted the IV and immediately stepped away.

Grant looked over in surprise. _Wonder if she doesn't want to look bad in front of Coulson or if Fitz actually..._ He shook himself. _Doesn't matter._

Coulson frowned. "Ward, this is hard on all of us, I know. But pushing yourself won't make this go any faster." He nodded towards the IV. "In fact, it'll slow everything down."

Grant scowled. _And that is the last thing_ any _of us wants._ "Understood. I didn't expect to pass out, no matter how sleep deprived or dehydrated I was."

Fitz frowned. "Yeah, that was odd. Even if you are, you know, not taking care of yourself, you've definitely managed through worse."

Garner pursed his lips. "With things you were trained for," he offered. "You seemed to be putting everything into that chain, and you kept it going for a long time."

Grant looked down at his hands. "I was - fascinated." _And not thinking about anything for once..._

Fitz shrugged. "I probably would be too."

* * *

Lincoln took a long, slow breath. "I don't _want_ to fight with you about this anymore," he said quietly. "Coulson told me that Ward being here long term is not part of his plans, so that helps."

Skye gave Lincoln a hard look. "I told you that. Coulson wouldn't do that, not unless everyone was on board. And we both know that'll never happen with Bobbi and Hunter."

Lincoln sighed. "I know. I just - I guess I still see SHIELD as willing to work with anyone to achieve their goals, and a guy with SHIELD specialist training _and_ powers..."

Skye frowned. "I thought we got past the whole 'SHIELD is the devil' thing ages ago."

Lincoln grimaced. "I know. But talking to Coulson, I realized he was asking me to trust you, which I can do like breathing, and to trust _him_..." He shook his head. "And _that_ felt like a lot to ask."

* * *

"Well, fascinating or not, how about we stick to fireballs and charging physical objects until you train on your powers a bit?" Coulson asked with a smirk.

Grant snorted. "Yes, sir. I can agree to that." _Especially if it keeps me out of_ here. He blinked. "When you say train with my powers -"

The director held up a hand. "We can help you with that _if_ you want. Otherwise we'll just monitor wherever you are and whatever you're training to do. Fair?"

 _Better than Vault D, at least._ Grant cleared his throat. "I'll take it."

* * *

Skye blew out a breath. "Well, that's not super inspiring."

Lincoln reached out to put his hands on her shoulders. "But I believe in you, and I have to trust that's enough." He sought her eyes. "I hope it can be enough for you too..."

Skye swallowed her protest and gave him a smile. "It will be."

* * *

Coulson gave a tight smile. "Good." He nodded at Garner. "Dr. Garner and I will leave you to recover, then. Don't worry about anything else today, and tomorrow you'll hopefully pick up with the chair at 1000." He quirked a brow at Fitz. "I presume you'll be keeping him company, Fitz?"

Fitz gave a nod and a small smile. "Yes, sir."

 _I don't...I don't know that I deserve that._ Grant looked to Fitz and swallowed his protest. "I appreciate it," Grant offered instead.

Simmons watched them all with a frown.

Coulson gave her a long look before leaving the lab.

Garner considered her and held out a hand. "Jemma, feel free to come see me. Thank you for coming down."

Simmons looked to him, startled, and nodded. "It's - I -" She darted a look at Ward and bit her lip.

Garner nodded again. "Come see me." He spun on his heel to join Coulson.

* * *

The director sighed. "Should I have had Fitz take him back to his room?"

Andrew chuckled. "I honestly couldn't tell you, Phil. Jemma - she's not the same young woman I've known."

Phil sighed again. "I know. She's not the same one _I've_ known the past few months either. I can't even blame her. But it worries me that she can't seem to work through this."

"Well, this is Ward. He's still - he's the manifestation of a lot of demons for her." Garner shrugged. "I asked her to talk to me if she has time."

"She won't," Coulson sighed. "But I appreciate the offer." He gestured the psychologist into his office. "So, what should I know about Grant Ward?"

* * *

Skye kissed Lincoln lightly. "Look, go back to the room and I'll just check in the lab - _quickly,_ I promise." She grinned. "And then you want to go for a hike?"

Her boyfriend snorted. "You're telling me to take a hike?"

She rolled her eyes. "You know that's not what I mean." She gave him puppy dog eyes. "Please?"

He rolled his eyes in return. "Fine, see you in a few minutes." He gave her a hug and released her. "Don't be long, and don't feel bad. You know you can take him now. That's a good thing."

Skye smiled and nodded. "I know. Be right behind you."

Lincoln gave her another smile and left her.

Skye took a deep breath and headed down to the lab.

* * *

Andrew sighed, crossing his arms and considering the director. "You should know that Grant suspects you know more than you're letting on about his history."

Coulson winced. "Damn it. I - Andrew -"

"Oh, you think you should have filled me in a little, maybe?" Garner gave the director a glare. "Did you know about military school?"

"What about it?" Coulson frowned. "He graduated, top ranked, no issues."

Garner considered the confusion on Coulson's face. "How about his family life?"

Coulson sighed, looking away. "I - I suspected it wasn't what it seemed."

Garner frowned at him. "And what do you suspect, pray tell?"

Coulson rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. "They were - abusive. Physically and mentally." He shrugged. "His physical for the Academy. Old injuries, vague explanations...everyone wondered why he ended up in military school, at SHIELD. Garrett told me off the record." He exhaled heavily. "I should've asked more questions."

"Yes, you should've," Garner confirmed. "Or referred him to someone who would."

"Garrett was his SO, I trusted his judgment. He told me Ward wouldn't talk to anyone, let alone a shrink." Coulson shrugged apologetically. "Garrett's words, not mine."

"And here we are," Andrew reminded him. "What do you need to know about Grant Ward? He's a man on borrowed time." He sighed. "Ward doesn't think he should be here, doesn't think he deserves to be here, though he'd never say it. You need to be careful with him, Phil."

"Careful?" Coulson raised a brow. "The man can kill with a pinky and a strong word, Andrew, I'm not sure -"

"I'm not talking about him as a specialist. I'm talking about him as a _person."_ Garner eyed him skeptically. "You remember your agents are people, right?"

Coulson frowned at him. "I do, and when I forget, you remind me." He folded his arms. "So what are you saying? Are you telling me we shouldn't be involved here?"

Andrew shook his head. "Not at all. But you have to make sure you keep the focus on him as an individual, and not on his ability to be a weapon."

* * *

Grant rolled his eyes and glared at the half empty IV bag. "Fitz, can this go any faster?" _Would really rather not have to sit here longer than I need to._ He glanced over at Simmons, taking great care to stay far away from the bed he occupied.

Fitz snorted. "Sure. But then you'd pass out again, and you'd have to stay here twice as long." He moved his hand towards the drip. "Shall I?"

"How about no?" Skye smirked from the doorway. "You'll be done in fifteen minutes, I've been here before."

 _Been here before..._ Grant's eyes shot to her. "Hey." _What was it like when_ she _manifested, I wonder..._ His free hand went to his side, rubbing over old wounds.

"Hey. You okay?" Skye joined Fitz next to him. "Did not mean to knock you out." She grinned. "Kind of like justice though."

Fitz made a disapproving noise but Grant only scoffed. "Nothing impressive about knocking out a _rookie_ , Skye." _Justice and SHIELD don't necessarily go together any better than justice and HAMMER..._

Skye quirked a brow. "You're a rookie now?"

Grant shrugged. "When it comes to these powers?" He spun a small fireball in his free hand. "Yeah, definitely a rookie." _Hopefully not for long, though._

Skye considered him carefully. "If you wanted -"

 _No._ "Thanks for checking on me," Grant interrupted. "I'm fine. No hard feelings. You can go about your day." _You can go about your_ life. _I'll figure this out on my own._

Skye gave him a frown. "Uh, thanks? I just wanted to check in and say I'm sorry for overloading you."

Grant gave a tight smile. "No problem. I should know better myself." _And I should definitely know better than to think there's anything here..._

"Yeah, 'cause that would stop you." Skye rolled her eyes. "Pretty sure you would've done it anyway." She gave him a half smile. "That chain of fire thing was pretty awesome."

 _And wasn't that part of the point, baby?_ Kara's voice teased. Grant flushed and shrugged, looking at the IV drip again. "Thanks."

Skye quirked a brow at Fitz, who only shrugged. "Well, if you want to try again tomorrow -"

 _No,_ not _again._ "I'll be with Dr. Garner again, more indexing." Grant caught Fitz' glare. "But thanks." _I don't mean to be rude..._

Skye bit back a sigh and nodded carefully instead. "Sure. Need anything from the outside world? Heading out for a bit."

Grant looked up at her, meeting her eyes for the first time since she'd walked in. "Is everything okay? I didn't get you in any trouble, right? I'm not worth -" He cut himself off at Fitz' glare. _I'm_ not, _not for Skye._ "What happened isn't worth getting in trouble, I -"

Skye smiled. "Relax. Not in trouble, just taking Lincoln for a breather."

"Oh." _Lincoln_. Grant schooled his features to disinterest. _Of course he's pissed_. "No, I'm good. Thanks, though."

Skye smiled at them both. "Okay. Ward, glad you're all right, and next time, whenever that is, take it slow. Maybe a fire scalpel before a fire chain."

Grant snorted a laugh. _She remembers that, huh?_ "I'll keep that in mind."

Skye reached over to squeeze his arm. "Take care of yourself, please. Don't let this -" she waved at the IV "-substitute for actual food and water and rest."

Grant nodded. "Fair enough." _She really has grown into a good SO..._

"Good." Skye released his arm. "See you guys later." She waved at Jemma and left the lab.

Fitz frowned at him as soon as Skye left. "What was that?"

"What was what?" Grant asked, frowning back. _She's fine, it's fine._

"You and Skye. She was just checking up on you and you - oh..." Fitz sighed and nodded slowly. "Lincoln, right?"

Grant gave him a sharp look. "What?" _I forgot how perceptive Fitz can be..._

"No, no - you don't want to mess anything up for her. I get it." Fitz cast a glance towards Jemma. "I know what can happen if you push someone you care about too far."

Grant opened his mouth and shut it again. _Why bother denying it?_ "I'm temporary. It's not worth ruining whatever she has going on."

Fitz eyed him. "Is this when I'm supposed to tell you that if even talking to you could ruin it, it's no good to begin with?"

Grant closed his eyes. "No. God, no." _Because if you say that to me, and I feel like you and Skye might care..._ He looked at the engineer and shook his head. "I'm here for closure, Fitz, to figure out what's going on and then I'm out. I'm gone, and I'll consider myself lucky if no one from any sort of acronymned organization troubles me for the rest of my natural life."

Fitz snorted a laugh. "I can't blame you." He gave Grant a small smile. "But I just hope not all of being here is bad."

Grant glanced at Simmons and sighed. "No, not all bad." _Just...not enough_ good _to stay._


	8. Somewhere Deeper

**A.N.:** Why I love fic - because I can straight up ignore things that the writers have done to my beloved characters. I don't own 'em, but I will sure as hell try to do better with them. (sigh)

I can also usually use fic to ignore things that happen in RL, but I was going through something that made me afraid to try to write them, so...please forgive the delay and know the next two chapters are mostly written. :)

* * *

 **Chapter 8 - Somewhere Deeper**

Grant blew out a breath as he stood outside of the lounge. _I appreciate what Fitz is trying to do, but..._

Fitz appeared beside him with a grin. "Perfect! Come on." He walked in, turning when Grant stayed in the doorway. "Oh, come on, Ward." He rolled his eyes and waved him along. "It's dinner, not a firing squad."

 _It feels about the same._ Grant forced a smile. "I hope so, Fitz, but people might not -"

"I _am_ people, and you are fine," Fitz interjected, opening the fridge. "We have leftovers or..." He grinned. "I wouldn't mind another round of pancakes. Not sure if there's still pumpkin but..."

Grant chuckled. "Really? You act like you haven't had them in months."

Fitz cleared his throat. "We, uh, we _haven't._ Not until you made them again."

Grant shuddered and walked into the room. _I even ruined pancakes for them..._ "Chocolate chip? Blueberry?"

* * *

Jemma frowned as she heard laughter and low voices from the lounge. She strained to identify the occupants, hearing Fitz and someone else, at the least.

Mack looked up as she walked into the lounge, setting down his sandwich. He cleared his throat loudly.

Fitz snorted and shook his head, his back to the door. "I am telling you, you _can._ And they would be the most perfect pancakes because you'd regulate the heat even more precisely."

Grant rolled his eyes. "Right, but I charge things with _fire_ , Fitz, I would burn them before they ever had a chance!" He flipped the last two onto a platter. "If you want to try to get Coulson to authorize a camping trip or something, so I can try it outside -"

"Absolutely not!" Jemma cried. "You are not going anywhere with Fitz, unless it's back to Vault D where you belong!"

"Jemma!" Fitz whirled and gaped at her. "Calm down, please, we're just -"

Jemma glared past him to Ward. "You just stay away from him, and stop trying to act like you're not - like you're not the bad guy, like you're not the reason why Fitz spent months in rehab just trying to _speak!"_

Fitz held out a hand. "Jemma, please, just -"

"You can't just waltz into our kitchen and make _pancakes_ and pretend like none of it ever happened!" Simmons spat. "You betrayed all of us, threw Fitz and me out of a plane, you killed your _entire family_...I don't know why Director Coulson doesn't have you in a cage but at least have the decency to stay away from the people you've hurt!"

"Simmons! That's enough!" Coulson swore under his breath as he entered the room. "I knew I'd have work to do with Lincoln, but I thought _you_ of all people would be able to handle yourself!" He sighed and looked to Ward, frozen in front of the stove. "Ward, I'm -"

Ward shook his head. "Fitz, enjoy the pancakes." He turned and moved to the door, weaving seamlessly between Simmons and the director before quickly walking away.

* * *

May rolled her shoulders as the quinjet powered down, giving her co-pilot a small sly smile. "We really could rule the world, huh."

Her co-pilot laughed in return. "Um, _yeah,_ and the best part is they wouldn't even notice when we took over."

May snorted a laugh and nodded. "Just leave the men with their toys..."

"And let the women do the real work," her companion supplied. Collecting her tac gear, she followed May out of the hangar.

* * *

Grant shut the door behind him, taking extra care to lock it before dropping onto the couch. _Damn it, how could I have let my guard down?_ He ran his hands down his face. _I should know better. I should have made Fitz his pancakes and gotten the hell out of there._ He looked around and shook his head. _I_ should _just get the hell out of here. They can find me. I don't have to stay here to be indexed..._

* * *

Coulson closed his eyes. "I am on my way to debrief May. I expect that no one is going to kill anyone while I'm occupied. Is that clear?" He opened his eyes when no one responded. "I said is that _clear."_

Fitz nodded numbly. "Yes, sir. Sorry." He kept his wounded gaze on Jemma.

Simmons looked away. "Yes, sir."

Coulson looked past them. "Mack, I'm sorry to ask it again, but can you please try to keep everyone from killing each other while I take this meeting?"

Mack rolled his eyes. "Yeah. I managed before."

Coulson sighed. "Thank you." He looked at Jemma and Fitz and shook his head before leaving the kitchen.

Fitz only stared at Simmons silently.

Simmons winced. "Fitz, I -"

"Oh, just save it, Jemma." Fitz shook his head. "There's something else going on in your head, there's some reason that you can't even give him a chance. Until you can admit that, and tell me what the hell is going on, I don't know that there's anything we need to say to each other."

"Fitz -" Jemma pleaded.

Fitz only shook his head and left her.

Jemma burst into tears. "I don't - he can't -" She looked at Mack pleadingly. "I just want him to be _safe_ , I don't trust Ward, I don't trust his motives, and I can't - I can't take the chance with Fitz..."

Mack exhaled heavily and stood to cross to her side. "Look. I don't trust any of this either. But Fitz wants to give him a chance, and I'm gonna try to trust that Fitz knows what he's doing."

Jemma frowned, wrapping her arms around herself. "But Mack...he...I don't know that he knows what he's doing, not with, not with Ward." She shook her head. "Fitz wanted so badly to believe Grant Ward was still a good man, I'm afraid he won't see anything else!"

Mack sighed. "I'm gonna hate myself for saying this, but maybe you want so badly to believe he's a _bad_ guy that _you_ can't see anything else either."

Jemma gasped, spinning on her heels to leave him behind.

Mack sighed. "This job was a lot easier when all I had to do was spy on Coulson."

* * *

Coulson eyed the two agents in front of him. "Everyone okay?"

May shrugged. "You expected anything else?"

He snorted. "With the two of you? No."

* * *

Grant paced his room, cursing under his breath. _So do I go? Do I tell Coulson and leave?_ He ran his hands over his head, his skin feeling too hot to his senses. _I better do something before I_ start _something._ He froze at the knock on the door.

 _"Ward? It's Fitz, let me in."_

Ward sighed and opened the door. "Fitz, you shouldn't -"

"Be here, I know, my dinner is getting cold." Fitz sighed and charged past Grant. "But you didn't have to leave. She is being unreasonable."

"She is being _protective_ of you, Fitz." Grant shook his head. "You should take it as a sign that you're still her guy." _You should be happy, and you should be with her._

"But...Ward..." Fitz reached out to grab his arm. "She's wrong about you. Okay? She _is._ " He moved to catch Ward's gaze. "Whether _either_ of you believe it or not."

Grant shuddered. "Fitz..."

Fitz sighed and released him. "I know you don't necessarily want to believe it either, but you're not _evil_." He shrugged with a small smile. "You're a little bit of a mess, sure, but you're not like this...this big bad, or anything." Fitz frowned at him. "Can't you see that?"

"I - I can start to think it, but then something..." _Or someone..._ Grant shook his head. "Something reminds me of who I am, what I've done."

"But Ward...you're more than what you've done. You know that." Fitz raised a brow. "Don't you?"

 _No. Because I'm not._ Grant could only sigh. "I - Fitz, I want to - I want to believe, but..."

Fitz rolled his eyes. "I'm going to have to make you watch the X-Files, aren't I. If you want to believe, Ward..." Fitz moved to the door and shook his head. "If you want to believe, _believe."_

Grant watched regretfully as Fitz left the room. _I want to believe, but I can't. It's too dangerous if I do..._

* * *

Skye frowned as she and Lincoln walked back into the silent base. _I know I wanted there to be peace, but this is just creepy..._ She gave Lincoln a quick kiss. "I'm going to check in with Coulson and the rest of everyone," she murmured.

Lincoln grinned. "No problem. Just...don't take _too_ long, or I'll use all the hot water," he teased.

Skye giggled and shook her head. "Not a chance." She waved and made her way towards the lounge.

* * *

Grant fought the urge to scream as he looked around the bunk. _This is not getting any better, and I am getting far worse._ He exhaled shakily. _I need to get away._ He blew out a breath and opened the door, peering around before making his way to the bar.

* * *

Skye walked into the lounge, frowning as she saw Fitz sitting alone. "Hey. Everything okay?"

Fitz looked up and shook his head, pushing half a platter of chocolate chip pancakes her way. "Dinner was a disaster. I think I ended up doing more harm than good."

Skye looked at the platter and pieced the rest together. "You were trying to get Ward to dinner."

Fitz nodded and sighed. "I was hoping Jemma would at least try to be civil, but..."

Skye swallowed her groan and sat with him, picking at a pancake. "She's not ready, Fitz."

"I just wish she'd tell me _why_." Fitz gave her a pleading look. "Has she said anything to you?"

Skye sighed. "I think I'm even worse off than you, Fitz." She shook her head, thinking of the nightmares she'd heard, and the emotions she'd seen in his eyes before he'd shut down again. She heaved a sigh, continuing softly as she picked at a chocolate chip. "Considering how I feel about him..."

Fitz' gaze shot to hers.

"Felt!" Skye corrected quickly. "I mean how I felt about him. Back then." She bit her lip. _Right?_

* * *

Coulson took a deep breath as he looked at his agents. "May, you can show our guest to the guest quarters and then you're free to catch up with Andrew." He held up the flash drive. "Seems like I have some reading to do."

May cast a sharp look at her companion. "I'll be happy to do so, sir."

Coulson frowned between the two of them. "Something I should know?"

His agent grinned. "Nope, just spent the flight back satisfying my curiosity about a few things, right, May?"

May grunted and stood. "I'll show you to your bunk."

Coulson rolled his eyes. "Troublemaker."

His agent grinned. "Always, Phil. It's part of my charm." She stood. "Can I talk to him tonight?"

The director pursed his lips as he considered the options. "We had a little bit of a run-in earlier between Ward and Simmons, so it might be best to let him cool off." He handed her a pad. "Read up for tomorrow."

She took it with a small frown and followed May out.

* * *

Grant exhaled heavily as he found the bar area empty and took the bottle of Scotch and a glass. _I make far less trouble when everyone just steers clear..._ He weighed his options and picked his destination. Taking another glance around, he left the room.

* * *

Skye frowned as Fitz eyed her. "What?"

Fitz shook his head. "Nothing. Just...I hope you at least can see Ward for who he is."

 _ **"You're right, I wouldn't like the real you."**_

Skye sighed and shook her head. "I don't know. I honestly don't know who the real guy is."

"But you heard his nightmare, didn't you?" Fitz took another bite, washing it down with a gulp of milk. "That's why May went to get Andrew, because he's having nightmares and Lincoln is -" He paused and gave an apologetic shrug. "I'm just saying, you really think he's in his bunk monitoring when May is walking by or when you might hear him?"

"No," Skye whispered. "No, I don't."

"Those nightmares, Skye, those demons...that's what HYDRA promised to stop, I bet. They said they'd save him." Fitz frowned. "And I think it's safe to say that he knows now that...that they ruined him instead."

Skye opened her mouth to respond but found no words.

Fitz slid her the remaining platter of pancakes. "Pretty sure he chose chocolate chip for you."

Skye winced, looking down at them. _Things could have been so, so different..._ She picked up a fork and joined him.

* * *

Grant concentrated on his breathing as he approached his hiding spot. _I don't need any sort of physiological spike to send someone running._ He nearly shuddered with relief as he found the area empty and the doors opened.

* * *

Skye knocked on Coulson's door. "Got a minute, AC?"

Coulson waved her in. "I can make time for you, Skye. What's up?"

She sank into the chair across from him. "I know you and May checked out Ward's records, right? How much do we really know about him? Like, that we know is legit?"

Coulson sighed. "We've got limited confirmed legitimate Intel, then a bunch of suspicions supported by various things, and then there are the full-on guesses. Why?"

Skye frowned at him. "I just - I was wondering if -" She blew out a breath. "Since he talks to me, honestly, I was thinking we should update his file. I think it's only right."

Phil gave her a small smile. "I appreciate that, Skye. I don't want you involved more than absolutely necessary, though. I have faith the team working on the indexing should be able to get honest responses from him."

"Team?" she questioned.

The director only smiled. "He'll be in good hands, Skye, I promise." He sobered. "Now, if you wanted to check in on him after Jemma tried to get him to set the kitchen on fire..."

Skye nodded. "I can do that." She stood. "Thanks AC."

Phil gave her a nod in return. "No need to thank me. You have good instincts, Skye. I'm happy to use your skills anytime."

 _What skills will I be using with Grant Ward?_ Skye gave him a tentative smile before leaving the office.

* * *

Lincoln frowned, pacing their joint quarters and sweating under his breath. He stared at the door, willing Skye to appear. He froze when the door did open.

"Hey." Skye crossed to his side to kiss him lightly. "Apparently we left not a moment too soon and things went off the rails here. AC asked me to do the rounds and check in, since I wasn't here for the crazy. Should be back in an hour or so?"

Lincoln frowned. "Does that include Ward?"

Skye pursed her lips. "Yes, because I think it's quite clear he won't hurt me." She forced the smirk again. "He _can't_. I'm better than him at this."

Lincoln sighed and nodded. "You're better than him, _period_."

Skye pecked him on the lips. "Glad we agree. Back in a bit, okay?"

Lincoln nodded, moving into his tai chi.

Skye rolled her eyes and left him.

* * *

Grant poured himself two fingers of Scotch, draining the glass in one gulp. _Great idea, baby, get drunk after -_ He shook Kara's voice from his head. He stared at the bracelet on his wrist. _There really are so many ways I could get past this..._ He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the seat. _And then I'm back where I started. Alone and on the run._ He poured himself another. _Maybe that's all I deserve._

* * *

"You need anything else, I'm down the hall," May said.

Their newest guest quirked a brow. "And Ward?"

May gave her a frown. "At the very end of the hall."

"Where he can't cause any trouble or feel like he's part of the team," she remarked. "Super helpful." She shrugged out of her jacket. "Thanks May."

May frowned at her again. "Sure. Just - Phil said read up tonight. He has his reasons for that."

A snort and a laugh was the response. "I think I know Phil well enough to know he has his reasons. And he should know me well enough to realize I'll do what I want anyway." She gave a falsely bright smile. "Good night."

May sighed. "Good night." She spun on her heel and left the room.

* * *

Skye found him in the Quinjet, a bottle of Scotch nearly emptied on the floor in front of him. _And this will take the cake for worst response to a psych eval that I've seen in recent history._ "Ward -"

He flinched. _I wish you wouldn't call me that._

She frowned as she noticed the move. "Ward, are you okay?"

Grant closed his eyes at the sound of her voice. "I was five the first time I set something on fire without meaning to. That's what I think, anyway. I remember it was Tommy's birthday, and I wanted to blow out the candle. He was a baby, he wasn't going to be able to do it himself. Mother said we weren't going to light the candle, we just needed to take a picture of it. I was so mad it wasn't on fire, kept thinking about blowing out the candle..." He poured another Scotch. "And suddenly, there was a lit candle, I remember blowing it out. I think that's when Father decided to eliminate the Slade connection altogether." He took a long drink. "That's when the beatings started."

Skye caught her breath, slipping quietly into the seat across from him. "You...you were five?" she whispered.

He stared into the glass. "Five years old with them. It started with just Father, but pretty soon Christian figured out he could hit me, beat me, and no one would stop him. I think it made Father proud to see Christian keeping me in line. He was a true Ward." He took another drink. "I was a Slade."

She clenched her jaw. "There's nothing wrong with that."

"There's _everything_ wrong with that if you were my father," he muttered. "And Coulson was right. They didn't even give Tommy a chance. He grew up terrified of my father and Christian, and terrified of me."

"Why?" she asked softly. "He had to see you were just as tortured as he was."

"Not when they made _me_ beat him up." Ward rubbed his temples. "Being drunk isn't all it's cracked up to be."

Skye wrapped her hand around his tumbler and the bottle, sliding both away. "They what?"

Grant let out a harsh laugh. "I told you, Skye, I'm not a good man. And you were right - you wouldn't like the real me."

"Maybe you're not a good man, but you're not a bad one either," she offered. "You did watch our backs. Even when we didn't know we needed it." She gave a small smirk. "You know, I'd love to know how you monitored our ops."

He rolled his eyes. "I already told May. You need to vary radio frequencies on mission much more often than you do now."

Skye snorted a laugh. "How in the world did you remember our radio frequency rotation?"

"Specialist." He shrugged. "Plus I had to look out for you."

Skye's eyes went wide as she turned to him. "What?"

"I promised you I would protect you," he murmured. "No matter what."

"Yeah, you did." She looked at him as though for the first time. "I just wasn't sure who made that promise."

He chuckled and shook his head. "Yeah. Well. Now you know." He blew out a breath. "Tommy died because I was too scared of Christian to save him. That's what the Berserker staff brought out of me, that's the nightmare. My parents said he'd wandered off, drowned when no one was watching and what a tragedy...And that night..." He took the Scotch back, taking a long pull straight from the bottle. "I was - I was completely out of my mind, and I just wanted to -" He sighed. "I wanted to die. And I was so angry that Christian could do something so unforgivable, yet Mother and Father were doing nothing but trying to protect him." He finally turned bleary eyes to Skye. "I set his room on fire somehow, and Mother and Father realized that they could kill two birds with one stone, and turn me in for killing Tommy all those years ago."

 _Oh my God._ "They - they said you killed him, _years later?"_ Skye shook her head. "Seriously, said they lied to protect you and then took it back?"

Ward laughed bitterly. "With great remorse and regret," he replied, sarcasm dripping from every word. "I was in Juvie, waiting to be transferred to an adult prison - did I mention they wanted me charged as an adult?"

Skye shook her head. "You were only 15..."

He scoffed. "Yeah, and my parents and Christian were only too happy to talk about my violent tendencies, my torturing of Thomas. Premeditated, they said, and despite all their nonexistent efforts to help me, showing sociopathic symptoms." He looked back down to the bartop. "That's where Garrett found me. The day they were going to transfer me. He told me he could get me out of there, could help me be a man, better than them, _strong,_ but I had to go with him immediately, no questions asked."

"So you did," she murmured.

"Of course I did," he confirmed. "Garrett brought me to the woods and left me there for six months, with a backpack full of junk and a puppy."

"Wait. Wait, wait." Skye held up a hand. "He left you in the woods for six months."

"I should probably rewrite my file while I'm here, huh? May as well make it accurate." Ward nodded slowly. "Six months the first time, but on and off for five years."

"Five - five _years?"_ Skye looked at him, aghast. "You can't be serious."

He snorted. "Believe me, I wish it were otherwise. Maybe then I would've known how to ask for help." He winced. "Or how to act around people."

"How - how did you survive it?" she asked incredulously. "What did you do? Did you talk to anyone besides Garrett?"

"Don't know, went crazy, and no." He ran his hands through his hair. "Who needs truth serum when you have alcohol and the will to talk?"

"Just not Russian vodka," Skye teased weakly. "That doesn't count." _Dear God, what did they do to you?_

He gave a faint chuckle. "Touche."

She frowned at him. "What are you doing in here, Ward?"

"Letting everyone sleep," he answered honestly. "Well, everyone but me."

Skye blew out a breath as she considered him. "Do I want to know how full this bottle was when you started?"

Ward shook his head slowly. "Probably not."

She sighed, grabbing a water bottle from the small fridge behind her and tossing it to him. "Come on, you can't stay here tonight."

He shook his head again and took a long drink. "I can. It's probably better I do. Simmons was - I just feel too out of control to be around you all right now."

"You've never been out of control," Skye countered. "You've been a _lot_ of things, but never out of control."

"I was once, and then you saved my life," Grant murmured.

She flinched. "Garrett wouldn't have let you die."

He snorted a laugh. "He absolutely would've," he managed hoarsely. "You have no idea."

"Whatever, fine, we'll agree to disagree." She frowned at him. "Why do you feel too out of control? What do you think might happen?"

He pointed towards the pad. "You know about that, right? That I finished what I started when I was 15? Too bad I didn't know enough to enjoy it."

Skye picked it up, the headline taking her back. "Your parents' estate." _Jemma said...even if he says he didn't know..._ "You didn't - you _really_ didn't know?"

Grant scoffed. "No. That's - " He gestured around at the quinjet and the hangar around him. "That's why I think I'm too out of control to be around anyone. I'm angry and hurt and...I don't want to unintentionally set anything on fire."

"You think you're going to do that now?" she asked. "Should I be getting the Scotch away from you?"

He rasped a laugh. "I stole Father's Scotch the night Tommy died, and took a handful of Mother's pills. Don't remember much, and definitely didn't remember _how_ I set Christian's room on fire." He shook his head. "The last clear thought I have from that night is how I wished he would burn in hell. The next thing I knew, I was alive, in juvenile detention, and they were asking me if I knew Christian was in the room when I set it on fire."

She looked at him incredulously. "How is none of this in your file?"

He snorted. "Come on, Skye, a hacker should know better than anyone how easy it is to doctor things, to make things disappear." He sighed. "Garrett had always been connected, and we all know how deep HYDRA ran. Easy enough to create a backstory for me that wouldn't raise any eyebrows."

She swallowed hard. _He's absolutely right._ "But all the psych profiles, the testing for SHIELD, to be a specialist..."

"Garrett prepped me for all of it," he confirmed. He cleared his throat. "I told Kara that...that my family hollowed me out, and that I didn't fight the person who came after, offering to give me purpose, even when what he really did was turn me into a cold-blooded killer." He looked over at Skye warily. "You know, if the lie detector chair was around back then, I would've been in trouble. I only beat it because the last question - I had a real answer for."

 _The last question?_ Skye wracked her brain to remember from what seemed like a lifetime ago.

"Why are you really here," Ward whispered. "I tried 'I'm an agent, it's my duty', which should've been a neutral and truthful enough response. But that chair...the only answer that chair would accept..." He broke off and shook his head. "I shouldn't be telling you this."

"Ward, please, don't stop now." Skye ducked down to catch his eyes. "What? Tell me."

 _I'm an idiot._ He shook his head again. "It's nothing, Skye."

She glared at him. _Why does it matter so much to you?_ his voice whispered in her head. She ignored it and wielded the last weapon she had left. "You promised you would never lie to me."

He flinched visibly. _I did._ "I said that to try to be a better man. Telling you the rest of this story is the opposite of that. It's - it's not nothing, but it's nothing that you ever need to know." He blew out a breath and continued before she could speak. "With my parents...I never meant to burn down the house, I just wanted to break down the walls. Physically, after doing it metaphorically. Or trying to."

She watched his studied nonchalance as he spoke. _He is either sobering up rapidly or a remarkably composed drunk..._

"I had set up explosives - enough to take out the facade of the entire mansion, the guest house - but not to set it on fire, not to burn it to the ground." He sighed. "I walked away so angry. I listened to the charges go off and walked away thinking they should make it out but they'd have to start from scratch."

She opted to play along. "And you never checked? Really?"

He lifted his head slightly to peer at her under his brow. "Knowing what you know about them now, would you?"

She bit her lip. _I guess it's possible._ "Not so sure anymore."

He nodded. "I'll take that. So, now I have to wonder what I set on fire, when. How I charged it, what I did. The doorknob? Or maybe the settee in the foyer I always hated. Maybe I set Father's necktie on fire when I grabbed him one last time. Or -"

Skye reached out. "Stop. It's not - it's not worth it."

Grant flinched at her touch. "No? It's not? But you need information on my powers, about their limitations. Well, how about they might be unleashed without conscious thought?"

"Mine too," she offered softly. "We tried to hide them for a while. Me and Fitz."

He quirked a brow in question.

"You've seen her - Jemma - before and after Fitz and the Fall. She - she was harder, talking about 'fixing' things and 'curing' people." Skye paused. "She wasn't...safe." _She was unhinged._

He opened and closed his mouth on the confirmation of just how certain he was of that. _I wonder if she's ever told_ them, _even if she can't tell Coulson and May..._ "So you and Fitz."

Skye nodded. "He intercepted lab results, tried to help me hide it - but the first time we were out on mission, I caused an earthquake and passed out."

Grant's eyes went wide. "Are you - were you all right?"

She snickered. "Depends - physically or mentally?" She shrugged. "Physically, I was okay, but mentally - I woke up to AC, May and Jemma all looking at me like their newest science experiment."

He snorted. "I think I might know the feeling."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, something like that." She sighed. "So, you know, that wasn't so great. But, I _did_ learn to control it. It's a part of me now."

"I'm glad," he said softly. "How did you do it?"

She swallowed. "My mother."

He winced. "Skye -"

"No, it's -" She paused to look at him. "God. I should probably be careful around May, huh? You were my first SO, and...you know. Mom was - I guess you could say she was my first SO to train on powers, and that..." She shook her head. "Did not end well."

Grant shook his head in return. "You don't need an SO anymore. You _are_ one." _Am I allowed to say how proud I am_ now?He rubbed at the ribs she'd broken, not far from two bullet scars.

Skye gave a faint smile. "I am, yeah. It's - it's not what I thought."

He chuckled. "I probably don't want to know what you thought."

She shook her head. "No. I thought it was all cold calculations, but now..." _Now I know enough to see all your inconsistencies, and wonder way too much about why..._ "Grant, what did you answer?"

At the sound of his first name, his gaze shot to hers. _You called me Grant._ "Why do you want to know?"

 _I think I already do._ She licked her lips. "I - I just - you started telling me for a reason, and I just want to know."

 _The reason is because I was drunk then and wanting to get to you, but I'm not drunk now and I'm terrified._ Grant exhaled shakily. "He asked why I was really here, and I told him because of _you_ , that I came back to SHIELD for you."

Skye caught her breath at the look in his eyes. _Why does it seem like you mean that about coming back this time, too?_ She swallowed hard. "I should - I should go."

He gave a sharp, bitter laugh. "Yes, I think you should." He took the bottle back. "I disabled flight controls and I'll leave the ramp down, but I think it's best if I stay here for the night."

She opened her mouth to protest and shut it again. _I don't think fighting with him is a good idea right now._ "Grant, I - I'm sorry. I didn't mean to open old wounds."

He shrugged. "It was inevitable. I know I do the same for you." _You called me Grant again._

She pressed her lips together and stood before responding. "Not nearly as much as you used to," she admitted. "And for what it's worth, I trust you to sleep down the hall. I hope you do get some rest." She gave him a bittersweet smile and left him with his thoughts.

* * *

Bypassing the security codes on the door, their newest addition slipped into Ward's room. "Definitely temporary quarters, though he always traveled light..." She stowed the bottle of bourbon in the bottom drawer of the vanity, quirking a brow at the Battleship box on the table on her way out.

* * *

 **A.N.:** I know, this is dragging out the reveal. I was weighing whether I wanted the Skyeward heart to heart in full, or the reveal (which some of you probably have guessed correctly). We'll confirm or refute those guesses pretty much in the beginning of the next chapter, which should be coming shortly. (I wouldn't have dared post this without being ready to reveal our guest soon.) Hope you enjoyed!


	9. When They Have Been Exhumed

**Chapter 9 - When They Have Been Exhumed**

* * *

Grant woke with a start, looking around at the still-intact cockpit. _Must've fallen asleep at some point._ He stood and stretched, smirking at the mostly empty bottle of Scotch. _And oh, good, didn't set the base on fire._ He carefully made his way down the ramp to the main complex. _That_ is _good, right?_ He blew out a breath as he found the gym empty. _Guess May is getting her workout in another way today..._ He smirked and started his routine.

* * *

Skye shifted in bed again, sighing at her restless thoughts. _Why does it matter so much what he's been through?_ She looked at Lincoln, frowning. _Linc didn't have a great start either. What makes Ward so special?_ She rubbed a hand over her eyes. _Maybe the nightmares, the trauma he's clearly never dealt with..._ She turned onto her side, away from Lincoln. _Or the hurt in his eyes when we talk about him being a traitor..._ She fought down the groan and closed her eyes.

 _ **"What I want is to stay here with you, and pretend the world outside doesn't exist..."**_

She pulled her pillow over her head to muffle her groan. _So much for sleeping._ She set the pillow aside to give Lincoln a kiss, and carefully left the bed to start the day.

* * *

Grant exhaled and stopped the heavy bag two hours after he'd started. _One more day. I can get through one more day._ He clenched his jaw as he thought about the chair. _Hopefully._

* * *

Skye sighed as she walked the hall. _Probably safe to head to the gym but..._ She paused as she spotted a familiar face pouring over a data pad in a normally vacant office, and knocked at the office door. "What's up, Doc?" she called.

Andrew Garner turned and smiled. "Skye. Come on in." He gestured at the chair in front of him. "What can I do for you?"

She stepped inside and shut the door behind her, blowing out a breath as she sat. "You can help me help Ward."

Andrew raised a brow. "Ward, you say. Grant Ward?"

Skye rolled her eyes. "Yes, Grant Ward. I was on the receiving end of some...pretty disturbing information last night, courtesy of Scotch and leftover...whatever, _feelings_." _Whatever?_ a familiar voice whispered to her. _You know exactly what feelings they are..._

The psychologist steepled his fingers and looked at her. "Are you suggesting we vicariously provide him with therapy? I feed you the script to bring back to him and you function as the go-between?"

She nodded. "If that would work, yeah." She chewed on her thumbnail and sighed. "And if it doesn't, it'll help _me_ , 'cause this is _heavy._ "

He considered her. "When would you like to start?"

"Whenever you're free. Now." She grimaced. "I maybe didn't sleep much."

"Skye..." Andrew checked the clock and nodded. "Yes, and then you have to promise to get some rest."

"Happily, but right now visions of a tiny Ward being beaten by his brother and his father while his mother looks on are dancing behind my eyes." She tucked her knees to her chest. "And that's on top to listening to his nightmares, where his baby brother _dies_ because his older brother is beating him, for the two nights before last night's confessional."

Garner blew out a breath and shook his head. "You realize this violates all sorts of rules about doctor/patient privilege and confidentiality, right?"

Skye quirked a brow. "You think he'd ever tell you this stuff?"

Andrew only raised a brow in return. "You think I'd consider this if I thought he would?" He picked up the pad and scrolled through his notes and Ward's official bio.

Skye nodded. "So we're agreed. Awesome. Should I record him, or just tell you, or..." _When I say it like that, it feels like such an intrusion..._ "You know what? Forget it. Not recording him. I'll relay what I need to."

Andrew considered her. "Melinda told me what he was doing with HAMMER, and how he provided backup on the CATERPILLAR missions SHIELD couldn't touch." He raised a brow. "I take it that's bought Ward some amount of goodwill."

"That, and my stupid ability to get him to talk." Skye sighed. "I admit I started it. I ran into him in the gym after night 2 of the Tommy horror reel, and when May and I accidentally chased him out -"

"So _that's_ why she was awake all night," the psychologist mused.

Skye nodded again. "Yeah, well, I may've taken the vodka and ended up in 20 questions with one Grant Ward."

Garner chuckled. "And that's why she had to restock. Well." He put the pad down and crossed his arms. "What can I help him with?"

"Um, can I start with the nightmare?" Skye scrubbed her hands over her eyes. "His powers manifested while he was holding a chain - and it was a chain that led to his younger brother dying. His older brother was beating him while his younger brother drowned."

"My God." Andrew ran a hand over his head. "This is worse than I thought."

Skye looked at him dully. "Hi. Not sleeping. _Me_ , who loves sleep so much I would marry it if I could."

He rolled his eyes in response. "Very aware of that, from your often irritated SO."

She stuck her tongue out at him and gave a short laugh. "Don't _need_ an SO, I _am_ one." _And there I go with his words coming out of my mouth..._

Andrew waved her off. "So, I'm going to have to renegotiate this deal with you. This isn't something I can walk you through to work with him. But I can definitely help _you_ process."

Skye bit her lip. "But then how can I help Ward?"

"By being strong enough to listen," Garner answered. "By being a safe space for him until he can bring himself to talk to me."

She sighed. "I hope he _can_ bring himself to talk to you. I think he really needs it."

"And what do _you_ need right now, Skye?" Andrew held his hands out to her. "That's a significant burden to bear, to hear that someone was so abused starting - you said tiny. How tiny?"

"He was five years old," she whispered. "He just wanted to blow out the birthday candle on Tommy's birthday cake, and he managed to light it on fire."

"His family didn't take that well, obviously." Garner shook his head. "How do you see him now?"

"Lost. Wounded. Maybe even kind of brainwashed?" Skye hugged her knees and rocked lightly. "He had ten years of his family's loving care before Christian killed Tommy, and then the next phase of his grooming began."

Andrew crossed his arms again. "Grooming."

She snorted a laugh. "Yeah. Grooming. Not a childhood, and no one actually raised him." She met Andrew's eyes. "I can actually start translating Ward's file from Garrett-ese to the truth." _And I wish like hell I couldn't._ She swallowed hard before continuing. "The 'survival school' Ward went to for five years? Was actually Garrett rescuing him from Juvie after his parents turned him in for trying to kill Christian. Oh, and just to be sure he never came back? They said Ward was also responsible for killing Tommy, they were just trying to 'protect him' all those years before. So Garrett was all that was keeping him from going to big boy jail, but then he just dumped Ward in the woods with a puppy and a backpack full of crap."

"Isolation and complete reliance on one human being for everything," Garner mused. "At...fifteen?"

Skye nodded. "Except for ops, on and off till he was 20."

Garner leaned back in his chair. "When every other person his age would be doing things like socializing, dating, making stupid decisions..."

"He was alone in the woods, starving until he started stealing, I'd bet." Skye shook her head. "It isn't _right_ , Doc. I was an orphan, I went from foster home to foster home, but it was a roof and four walls, and if I was lucky, food on a regular basis. That - what Garrett did to him -"

"Was textbook." Andrew sighed. "Garrett knew exactly what he was doing. Ward felt that he owed Garrett his life, and Garrett made certain that he _always_ felt that way. Anything good and probably everything bad came from that man."

Skye winced. "We haven't gotten there, but I'll keep you posted."

Garner raised an eyebrow. "You think he'll talk to you again?"

She shrugged and shook her head. "I don't know _what_ I think. I don't even know what made him talk to me last night."

"Are you sure about that?" the psychologist prodded gently.

Skye bit her lip. "I got back from a hike with Lincoln and the whole place was like a tomb," she muttered. "Turns out Fitz tried to get him to dinner but Jemma flipped out on him, chased him off."

Andrew nodded slowly. "So you wanted to see if he was okay."

Skye shrugged. "I spoke with AC and he told me how bad it was, so, yeah."

Garner cleared his throat carefully. "Why does Ward feeling badly bother you?"

 _Because it bothers_ him, _and I_ \- Skye shook herself. "Because if we're trying to convince him we're not out to get him, might help if every conversation he had wasn't tested by the lie detector and if every time he left his bunk he wasn't verbally attacked."

Andrew frowned. "You think that affects how he's answering our questions?"

"No, I think it's affecting _him_." She sighed, lowering her head to her knees. "I'm not supposed to care about that," she muttered.

"Who says you're not supposed to care about that?" Andrew asked softly.

"Uh, history? Everyone?" Skye looked at him skeptically. "The fact that he betrayed all of us? Kidnapped and tortured Bobbi, tried to...kill...FitzSimmons..." _But not really. Fitz said so, and even Jemma said the biometrics read Ward was telling the truth..._

"Skye?" The psychologist searched her face. "What happened?"

"He - Ward said he thought the pod was going to float when he ejected FitzSimmons," she whispered. "Even...even Jemma said that read as the truth."

Andrew sat back. "So what does that mean?"

"That Ward - that he wasn't really trying to kill them," Skye continued quietly. "He was actually trying to save them by getting them away from Garrett."

"But he dropped them out of the plane," Andrew challenged. "If he was really trying to save them, he wouldn't have done that."

Skye looked up at him. "No. He ejected a part of the plane that he knew was supposed to float. If he really wanted to kill them, he could've just shot them."

"You think so?" He just gazed steadily at her.

She bit her lip again. "I don't know. But I remember Fitz said...he said he reminded Ward that Ward cared about him and Simmons, and Ward agreed. He said it was a weakness and then he dropped the pod."

"That sounds pretty straightforward," Garner commented.

She shook her head. "Except you can't believe anything with that robot. What if he was telling the truth all around? It's a weakness, yes, but he's gonna defy Garrett to try to keep them alive?"

Garner only quirked a brow. "Does that sound like something he'd do?"

"I don't _know!"_ Skye looked helplessly at Andrew. "It was easy before he decided to start telling me all this stuff about Garrett and his family. I made my peace with him being a traitor, a bad guy. And now I find out he's been protecting us?" She hugged her knees tighter. "He saved all of us at least once, and every time we saw him, he acted like the asshole we expected instead of rubbing our faces in it." _How many times was he shot at or hurt when he was really watching our backs?_

"Have you spoken to him about it?" Andrew inquired.

"Not...not really." She exhaled roughly. "And you don't even have to ask, Doc, it's because I'm scared of the answers."

Andrew frowned at her. "Why is _that?_ "

"I don't..." Skye sighed. "I don't want to think about what it means if he's...if he's telling the truth."

"And he'd tell _you_ the truth," Andrew said skeptically.

"He promised he would never lie to me," Skye replied.

"And you believe him?" the psychologist questioned.

 _Do I?_ Skye took a long, deep breath. "Yeah. I do."

"So then why _not_ ask him?" Garner searched her face. "Finally get those answers you're looking for?"

"Because..." She swallowed hard. "Because if I do, and it's all true...that means maybe he was really himself the whole time he was on the team. Right?"

Andrew nodded slowly. "And what's wrong with that?"

"If he was being real with us? Then we abandoned a member of our team without even questioning what was going on." Skye shook her head. " _We_ were the ones that left him to _actually_ die. And _he_ never did that to us." She winced. "Not even _we._ Me. _I_ shot him and left him to die. And all he ever did after that was try to save our lives." She bit her lip. _Maybe even before that. The whole damn time._

"What about Bobbi?" Garner queried. "He _did_ kidnap her and torture her."

"For _Kara_ , not for himself," Skye replied immediately.

"And why does that distinction matter to you?" the psychologist pursued.

She thought about a young Ward alone in the woods. "Kara saved him. When I shot him, she was the one who dragged him out. And he already proved with Garrett that he would do anything for someone who saved him." _He'd probably think he_ had _to._ She sighed. "He wouldn't hesitate to kill for her. She wouldn't even have to ask. And Bobbi's the one who ruined her life, so killing her for Kara would be the ultimate way to thank her." She grimaced. "That is so fucked up, Doc. He can't possibly think like that."

Andrew only raised a brow.

Skye sighed. "He totally thinks like that." She blew out a breath. "What the hell am I supposed to do?"

Garner frowned at her. "Who says you _have_ to do anything?"

"Doc, you don't see them, the way that they treat him." Skye shook her head. "I mean, not May, she's - she was probably the first of us to stop seeing him as the devil, which is why AC set it up that way, to have her do the digging." She pursed her lips. "Fitz had some heart to heart with him and now he's back to being Ward's protector and defender, but the rest..." She blew out a breath. "And not even just for Ward's sake. How much better could it all be around here if Jemma believed he wasn't really trying to kill them? Jemma heard him say it on the lie detector and still can't accept it. Even Lincoln is...and Mack..." _Though maybe for very different reasons..._

Garner shrugged. "You think it would help them feel better? Safer?"

"To know that we all weren't wrong about him?" Skye clarified. "Yeah, I think it would. I _hope_ it would. Because then Jemma wouldn't have to be so angry and Linc and Mack wouldn't be so jumpy. They keep waiting for him to try to kill someone again or something."

"Has he tried talking to them?" Garner asked.

She scoffed. "Fitz said it was like pulling teeth when he went to talk to Ward. You think the T-1000 is going to just freely start talking about his feelings?"

"He does with _you_ ," the psychologist reminded her.

"Yeah, but that's -" She pursed her lips. _Well, maybe Linc_ does _have a point being jealous._ "That's different. I always pushed him to talk to me. He's just taking me up on it." _Years later._

Garner pursed his lips. "That sounds like he's made the decision not to share with anyone else."

"Yeah, because he doesn't think it matters to them," Skye scoffed. "I think he's wrong."

"So then why not tell him so?" Andrew suggested.

"You've got them treating him like the scum of the earth, and I'm going to ask him to be vulnerable and explain it all to them?" Skye snorted a laugh. "He barely manages with me. It's like, all stoic 'I don't need anyone else' until he completely breaks, and then he just starts talking and talking without taking a breath until whatever horrible thing he's thinking about gets out."

"Like he's purging himself," Andrew suggested.

"Or confessing." She nodded. "Yeah, that's exactly what it's like."

"Maybe that's all he wants to do." Andrew raised a brow. "Is there any plan for him to be here long-term?"

Skye shook her head. "No, just until he's done with the indexing process and the debrief we never got back then. Maybe a couple of days at most."

Andrew leaned back in his chair. "And then, will you have to work with him again? Any further contact?"

She shook her head again. "No, not if we can help it."

"Well, then, it's really a matter of his choice what to share with whom." Andrew looked steadily at her. "You said he made his peace with Fitz. Maybe your opinion is the only other thing he feels he needs to fix before he disappears." He looked up at the clock. "And I need to meet the man in question, actually."

Skye pursed her lips. "And the chair?"

Andrew stood and shook his head. "You'll have to ask him. I'm sure he'd tell you." He gave her a smile and left the room.

* * *

Grant exhaled as he approached the room with the dreaded chair. _It's just a_ chair _, baby, and you probably already told Skye half the things they'll ask you about today,_ Kara's voice reassured him. He squared his shoulders. _But Skye isn't Simmons...and I sure as hell hope that's not who's behind this door._ He opened it and relaxed in earnest, as the only person he would ever choose to expose his demons to looked up from the controls.

"Don't look so happy, Ward, I'll have to make a note against your espionage scores." Natasha Romanoff gave a smirk from behind the monitors. She immediately switched to Russian. "What would they say at the Academy?"

"That I'm a traitor, a bastard, and a murderer," he returned in her mother tongue. _Never anything other than a failure._

Natasha grinned. "Makes two of us, then." She stepped away from the monitor. "Come here."

Grant shuddered and crossed to her side. "Nat..."

She wordlessly opened her arms. "Greet me properly first."

He stepped into her embrace, sighing as she wrapped her arms around him. He hugged her tightly, switching back to English. "I was hoping when Coulson said someone else could read this thing, it was going to be you."

She nodded against his chest. "I only have today, but I think you already started with Garner?" She released him and stepped back to see him nod. "Still as annoying as I remember?"

Andrew picked that moment to walk in. "Good to know I'm thought so highly of."

Natasha grinned. "Absolutely, Dr. Garner. We _love_ talking to you, don't we, Grant?"

"Oh, always." He sat down and rolled his shoulders. "As much as I enjoy this chair."

"Good thing the biometrics aren't on, they'd be screaming." Andrew shook his head. "Can you connect the monitors? I know we only have a limited time with you, Natasha."

Romanoff nodded, a professional mask slipping over her features as she strapped Grant in. "Phil did tell you that Grant and I have a history."

Garner nodded in return. "He did, but he also thought that would only help the process."

"He's right," Grant spoke up.

Natasha grinned. "Does that mean I can have some fun with the baseline questions?"

Andrew looked between the two of them. "So long as you know you're getting accurate answers."

Natasha's grin only widened. "I'll know."

 _Oh hell._ "Does Director Coulson have to get a full transcript?" Grant asked them both.

Andrew chuckled. "Technically yes, but I can also just report back and he can watch the session if he wants."

Grant sighed, shaking his head at Nat. "Guess I'll take my chances then."

Nat clapped her hands and turned the monitors on. "State your full name."

"Grant Douglas Ward."

"Now state your nickname from Ops School," Nat said, smirking.

He winced and shook his head. "Dickward."

Nat giggled. "You can tell he was a joy back in the Academy."

Andrew sighed. "Maybe we should've stuck with the classics."

Nat shook her head. "This is far more entertaining."

Grant rolled his eyes. "For you."

"Oh, look! That's true." Nat winked. "Not a blip on any biometrics."

Grant snorted. "Shocker."

Garner raised a brow. "Coulson knows what he's talking about. I think that's the most personality I've gotten from Mr. Ward here in the last two days."

Nat bowed. "Glad to help. Now, Mr. Ward," she snickered as she said it, "I'll give you some of the classics, shall we say." She cleared her throat. "True or false. Some pigs are predators.

No predator is a pet. Conclusion: some pigs are not pets."

 _No predator is a pet._ Grant fought not to roll his eyes. _If only we'd established that a while ago, for Garrett_ and _for Coulson._ "True."

"Some maggots are flies. No fly is welcome. Conclusion: no maggots are welcome."

"False," he answered with certainty. _But maggots would still be more welcome than I would, at least according to Simmons..._ He shook himself. _Not helpful._

Nat eyed him with concern. "All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion: all mangoes are cheap."

Grant gave a small smile, using a Russian accent to ask, "Where _are_ these mangoes?"

Nat nodded at Andrew. "We're good."

Andrew just shook his head. "Thank you, Natasha. Mr. Ward, we're going to essentially debrief, all right?"

Grant nodded. "Call me Grant, please." _I've heard enough of Ward to last a lifetime._

"Grant, then," Andrew amended. "Where did you find Whitehall's lost intel?"

"In the arm of his chair at his old offices," Grant answered.

Garner raised a brow. "And you didn't turn it over to SHIELD?"

"No." Grant didn't hesitate in responding. _I already know your next question..._

"Why not?" Garner asked.

Grant gave a tight smile. _As expected._ "Because I didn't trust them." _And maybe I still don't..._

Andrew frowned at him. "You didn't trust SHIELD?"

"After I looked at the information on that chip?" Grant scoffed. "No. Not completely."

Garner nodded. "I heard that you took out some HYDRA plants still hidden in SHIELD."

"HAMMER and I did, yes," Grant confirmed.

"How many ops did you run in the last five months in pursuit of HYDRA?" Andrew asked.

Grant snorted a laugh. "All of them. I was either having one cell take out another, or taking out a cell myself."

Garner eyed him. "And what about those ops that you provided backup for SHIELD or Quake?"

 _Quake. That's still such a..._ Grant shrugged. "What about them?"

"What was your purpose on those missions?" Garner clarified.

 _And here it is._ Grant cleared his throat. "To protect Skye and the team."

Garner raised a brow. "Are those two things different?"

"Not different, just..." _Not like they don't already suspect, baby..._ Grant took a deep breath as Kara's voice whispered to him and answered honestly. "Skye's the priority."

"And why is that?" Garner inquired.

Grant pursed his lips, looking towards Nat. "Because I love her." _But I ruin everything I touch._

Nat pressed her lips together, her eyes soft with sympathy.

Andrew gave a small frown. "How did you come to work for HYDRA, Grant?"

"I never worked for HYDRA," Grant responded. _And I tried to tell them..._

Andrew looked over to Romanoff, who shook her head. "Explain yourself."

"I worked for _Garrett_ , and Garrett's ends," Grant explained. "When that meant working with HYDRA, I did that. But when our goals contradicted HYDRA's goals, I followed Garrett's orders." Grant sighed. "It wasn't about HYDRA, it was about saving John's life."

"Why were you so dedicated to that pursuit?" Andrew questioned. "What did you owe him that was worth everything good in your life?"

" _My_ life," Grant offered quietly. "I owed him my life."

Garner sat back. "Why do you say that?"

Grant shrugged. "Because it's the truth. John Garrett saved my life."

"But he did far more than that," Garner offered, frowning. "Far _worse_ than that."

"Nothing that I didn't deserve," Grant said softly. "I am not a good person, I wasn't a good person back then, and I deserved everything that I got."

Andrew looked over at Natasha, who slowly shook her head.

The psychologist quirked a brow. "You honestly believe that?"

Grant nodded. "I do, absolutely. Garrett saved my life, I should have been able to help him."

"And when he turned into a madman?" Garner asked bluntly.

"I _should_ have been able to save him," Grant whispered. "But I couldn't. I tried to talk to him, tried to reason with him, and nothing worked."

"Do you think that was your fault?" Andrew watched the play of expressions on the specialist's face.

Grant cleared his throat. "I don't - I don't know." He sighed. "Maybe."

"Grant." Natasha simply spoke his name.

"Yes," Grant whispered. "I failed him. I failed him, and they suffered for it."

Garner nodded slowly. "You mean agents Fitz and Simmons?"

"And Skye, and May, and Trip...Coulson..." Grant shook his head. "It destroyed everything."

Andrew took a deep breath and considered him. "Given the chance, would you do it again?"

Grant flinched. _Would I...would I let Skye get shot? Would I let her die? Would I let any of them die for John? For me?_ "No," he whispered. "I tried so hard and it was all wrong. Knowing what I know now? I wouldn't do it again, I wouldn't let it get that far, even..." He shook his head. _Even if it meant my life._

Garner eyed him suspiciously. "Grant, how often did the missions you ran backup on result in injury or death on HAMMER's side?"

"All of them," Grant managed hoarsely. "Every one." He took a deep breath. "That was the plan, to slowly let my numbers be depleted until all that was left was me."

Garner frowned at him. "And then what?"

"And then, closure," Grant replied.

"What does _that_ mean?" Nat jumped in, frowning herself.

Grant looked to the floor.

"Grant?" Andrew questioned gently. "I know we talked about this yesterday."

Grant cleared his throat. "Closure means no one left. No HAMMER, no HYDRA."

Nat glared at the display. "Do better."

Grant took a deep breath. "I expected to be dead."

Garner didn't need a translator to interpret the string of Russian pouring from Romanoff's mouth. Her tone and the glare she gave Grant was more than enough.

"Why is your life worth so little?" Natasha burst out. "Always has been. Why?"

Grant looked at her and sighed. "Because my own flesh and blood was ready to have me locked up for the rest of my life at the age of 15, and John saved me from that. He took me out of hell and taught me how to be a man."

"Oh, really?" Nat said drily. "And how exactly did he do that?"

Grant straightened. "He trained me himself, out in Wisconsin."

Nat frowned. "I brushed up on Garrett's records. He was never gone that long unless he was on mission. When did he train you?"

"In between missions, maybe?" Grant shrugged. "I never knew when he was going to show up."

"Who else was there with you?" Garner interjected.

Grant took a deep breath. "I had a dog."

"Wait. Let me get this right," Garner said slowly. "Garrett took you from... _where_ exactly?"

"Juvenile detention," Grant replied. "I was about to get transferred to the adult facility when he got me out."

Nat frowned at Grant. "What about military school?"

Grant pressed his lips together and answered flatly. "Never finished. I AWOLed and set the family home on fire."

"So Garrett took you to Wisconsin from Juvie when you were fifteen," Andrew repeated.

Grant swallowed. "Yes."

"And left you with no one," the psychologist continued.

"Buddy wasn't no one," Grant murmured. _He might've been the best friend I've ever had._

Nat looked at him sadly. "What happened to him?"

"Garrett," Grant said shortly. "It was a lesson."

Nat pursed her lips, knowing what that meant. "You or Garrett?"

"I -" Grant swallowed hard and shook his head. "I couldn't do it. So Garrett shot him and left him to suffer."

Garner blew out a breath. "What was the lesson?"

"Attachment was weakness," Grant whispered. _It still is..._ He blinked himself free of the thought. "You have to be prepared to cross anyone off at any time. Trust no one."

"Garrett too?" Andrew asked.

"Especially him, he said." Grant shook his head. "I thought that was about me being strong without him. Not that I shouldn't trust him because..."

"Because what?" Nat prompted.

Grant shuddered. "Not that I shouldn't trust him because he was a _monster_ ," he whispered. "So I let him make me one, too."

"You really think you're a monster?" Garner questioned.

Grant snorted a laugh. "Do _I?_ I don't know anymore. But I _do_ know if you ask half the people on this base, I am."

Garner shook his head. "I think you're overstating it, frankly."

Grant laughed bitterly. "I'm an overgrown flamethrower, because my Slade genetics won't let me die." He held out his hands. "And I can't even find out why or how, because my father destroyed my history along with my sense of right and wrong. Garrett finished that job, happily. And when I wanted to try to do the right thing, I was left in a dark hole with no human contact." Grant closed his eyes. "You asked how I communicated, Dr. Garner?" Grant rolled up his sleeves. "This is what I tried to tell Coulson and the team, and they left me to rot."

Nat abandoned the monitor and crossed to grab his hands. "Grant!"

Grant shook his head as Nat traced the scars. "Not in my file either?"

Nat clenched her jaw. "Your file is horseshit."

"I'm sure yours was too," Grant offered in return. "But you had Coulson and Barton on your side."

"Who do you think is on your side here, Grant?" Andrew asked gently. "Besides Natasha, obviously."

"Fitz," Grant said with a sad smile. _Not that I deserve a bit of it from either of them_. He cleared his throat. "Not sure about May or Coulson. They do what's right for SHIELD before anything else."

"I don't need to ask about Simmons," the psychologist said wryly. "And Skye?"

Grant closed his eyes. "I think she's curious about my powers. And she believes me about HAMMER, it seems." _But there's nothing more than that between us now._

Garner nodded and scrubbed his hands down his face. "Natasha, I hate to ask, but..."

Nat squeezed Grant's hands with a frown and took her station again.

"Grant, now that you have these powers, what do you want to do with them?" Andrew asked.

"Nothing," Grant whispered. "I don't want anything to do with them. If I hadn't fought the team, I don't think they would ever have manifested."

The psychologist quirked a brow. "Why do you say that?"

Grant shrugged. "I'd been in fights before, I'd been full of rage before, I'd even been close to death, and they never manifested. When I fought the team that night, I - I wasn't - I didn't -"

"You didn't think you'd make it off that roof," Garner finished.

"I was never intending to," Grant confirmed. "I had let everything go."

"Giving instinct the opportunity to take over," Garner supplied. "That about right?"

Grant nodded. "I didn't think I would survive, so I was going to put up one last fight, and then closure for me."

"Closure my ass," Nat muttered. "Death wish."

Garner looked at him curiously. " _Do_ you have a death wish, Grant? Hell, it'd be understandable after everything you shared."

 _Do I? Is that what this is?_ Grant took a shaky breath. "I - I don't - after the third attempt, I -"

"Three?" Nat burst out. "Are you kidding me?"

Grant winced and ducked his head. _Glad I didn't mention the fourth..._ "I don't fear death," he managed.

"But do you think you _deserve_ it?" Andrew persisted.

Grant swallowed hard. "Maybe."

Natasha let out another string of Russian curses, glaring at Grant from her monitors. "If we let you out of here, what will you do?"

Grant snorted. "Turn into a hermit." _Build myself another cabin, maybe..._

Nat raised a brow. "No heroics, no trying for _closure_ anymore?"

Grant shook his head. "After this, I just want to disappear, Nat." _It's all out there._ He looked directly at her. "You know. Better than anyone." _My covers are all blown, and so am I._

* * *

 **A.N.** : And there she is, Black Widow herself :) When the idea for this story first came to me, it actually came to me in two scenes - the confrontation on the rooftop with Skye and Mack, and then Nat and Grant here. I couldn't stop wondering why, when Nat came from the same "enemy combatant" background, she was given a chance, while Grant was thrown to the wolves immediately.

So, did you guess right? And this chapter would've been much longer, but I decided to break it here. Which means the next chapter is half drafted already, and I will get it to you all ASAP. Thanks for all the kudos, comments and support! Hope you continue to enjoy...


	10. Oblivion

**A.N.** : Determined to get this chapter posted before whatever happens tonight. #StandWithWard always. I hope it satisfies.

* * *

 **Chapter 10 - Oblivion**

Skye blinked as she looked up from her computer and noticed Black Widow stalking past her window. _This can't be happening._ She stood and ducked into the hall, jogging lightly. _Forget scanning security footage to catch something, here's my answer._ "Agent Romanoff?"

Natasha turned, her face going carefully blank as she regarded the young woman before her. "Agent Johnson, I take it?"

Skye flinched. "Not necessarily a fan of that name, but technically yes." She cleared her throat. "Um, it's nice to meet you."

Romanoff eyed her. "Can I help you?"

"I'm just - I'm just wondering if -" Skye took a deep breath. "Are you here because Ward's here?"

Romanoff scoffed at her. "Do you even have the clearance to ask that question?"

Skye drew herself up, her expression darkening. "There _is_ no clearance anymore, and it's about Ward, so I'd be asking anyway."

Widow folded her arms. "What's your stake in it? Doesn't seem like he mattered to any of you for the past year."

Skye raised an eyebrow. "What do you know about it?"

"I'm just trying to have an _honest conversation_ ," Widow offered in return.

Skye flinched as the barb hit. "You're here _for_ Ward." _Best scores since Romanoff. Why the hell_ wouldn't _SHIELD have them work together?_ "You're...friends?"

Romanoff laughed. "You still think I'm going to answer you. You're cute." She lifted her chin and walked past Skye.

"Fine, I'll just assume that you are." _That would explain the Arctic freeze coming off you right now._ Skye followed quickly. "Does that mean you're here to read the chair?"

Widow's stride didn't falter. "Nice to meet you, Quake." She continued down the hall.

Skye frowned as she stopped following behind. "Is he okay?"

Natasha paused and glanced back over her shoulder. "I'm not the one to ask, if you really want to know the answer." She held Skye's gaze for a beat before turning and walking away.

* * *

Natasha splashed water on her face, staring at her reflection in the mirror. "Damn it, Grant..." She shook her head and schooled her features before leaving the bathroom and heading for Coulson's office. Her fist tightened around the report in her hand as she knocked on the door.

"Come in." Coulson exhaled heavily as Natasha walked in. "Do I want to know?"

Natasha dropped into the chair across from him. "Probably not." She flipped him the pad. "Garner's report will take longer, but the biometrics off your script are clean. We made it through every question, every bad decision, every consequence." She shook her head. "I don't like any of this, Phil. Not even a little bit."

The director sighed and nodded. "I know. I don't either. This - finding out what he's gone through, all the things we missed...We really don't know who he is at all."

"Yes, you _do_. The same way Clint knew _me_ ," Nat scoffed. "Because the lies Grant was telling were really to _himself_ when it came to you and yours." She narrowed her eyes at Coulson. "I know who Grant Ward is. _He_ doesn't anymore. But that man -" She shook her head. "From the intel May forwarded me, he _is_ Grant Ward, Agent of SHIELD. He can't say it, because no one wants to hear it or believe it, and it's literally killing him inside." She gave the director a hard look before she continued. "I want to take him with me."

Coulson pinched the bridge of his nose. "I know. And just like before, request noted and denied." He held up a hand. "This time, though, there's a caveat. If you ask him, and he _wants_ to go, so long as we're done indexing him? Free and clear." The director heaved a sigh. "In fact, let me know if we can help him in any way. But it has to be his choice." He frowned as he looked down at the pad. "He _deserves_ one, after all of this."

Natasha folded her arms. "Why didn't you tell me Grant tried to kill himself?"

"Because I wanted him for intel and I was afraid you would have taken out the entire Playground to get him away from us," Coulson admitted. "You're kind of scary when you're mad."

"Come on, Phil." Nat rolled her eyes. "You remember how I was in the beginning - how could you leave him like that?"

Phil shook his head. "I didn't mean to. But I didn't know what to do. He wouldn't talk to us, he only wanted Skye, and she was too torn up. I couldn't do that to her. And I..." He sighed. "I was too busy being angry and trying to sew the bleeding corpse of SHIELD back together to be any good to him."

* * *

Andrew exhaled shakily, sinking into his office chair. "Well, that was painful."

Melinda frowned from the other side of his desk. "That bad? With him?"

Andrew shook his head. "Both of them."

"Nat?" Melinda asked with a frown. "She's a troublemaker, sure, but -"

Andrew waved a hand. "Skye. After breakfast I came here to do some notes and prep. She knocks on the door and asks if she can talk to me about Ward."

Melinda's frown deepened. "She did?"

Andrew nodded. "And without giving away anything you don't already know, Grant - did I mention he doesn't want to be called Ward or Mr. Ward? - spoke to Skye about some of that history you were worried about." Andrew scrubbed his hands down his face. "You were right to be worried."

Melinda stood and leaned on the desk next to him. "Do I want to know?"

Andrew shrugged. "It's...well, Phil went to Nat for a reason. Parallels with her, and with Skye, in Grant's history."

Melinda sighed. "Unsurprising."

Andrew nodded. "What _was_ surprising was Skye offered to be my proxy to provide Grant with therapy." He sighed and closed his eyes. "This is why I stopped working for SHIELD, all the professional boundaries were blurred and I couldn't stop them from blurring."

Melinda frowned again. "She what?"

Andrew only nodded. "I considered it, Melinda. Knowing how unethical it would be for me to let her provide therapy, to take information from her without his authorization or knowledge..." He rubbed his temples. "This team, all of you..." He shook his head. "You all need so much help and understanding to do the job we need you to do, but there's nothing formally in place to support you while you do it."

Melinda rolled her eyes. "We don't need a support group, Andrew."

Her ex-husband shrugged. "Maybe not a group, but you need support for sure." Andrew sighed. "Grant is alone in his fight. At least all of you have each other. But he's alienated, nearly despondent. Part of that is what Skye told me, but the rest..." He exhaled roughly. "Melinda, if I asked you if you were supposed to be here today, what would you say?"

"I'd say there are probably a million reasons why I _shouldn't_ be here, but I'm glad I am." She reached out for Andrew's hand.

He kissed the back of her hand lightly. "Me too," he murmured. "And that's the piece that Grant is missing, the feeling that has Skye so unsettled." His thumb rubbed circles on Melinda's skin. "He has a million reasons why he shouldn't be here, shouldn't even be alive...and he agrees with every single one."

* * *

Natasha sighed as she considered the director. "At least you see it now." She massaged her temples. "He doesn't want anything from you, from SHIELD, not anymore. He used up all his usefulness." Her gaze went vague for a moment before she continued, something flashing quickly through her eyes. "HAMMER takes down HYDRA and he disappears. That was his plan, anyway. I don't think the possibility of powers has changed that."

Coulson rubbed a hand over his mouth. "Can we bring him back?"

Nat shrugged. "You? I don't know. I don't know about _anybody_ here anymore." She pursed her lips. "Maybe Skye, if she'd care to, but I don't know that I'd trust her not to do more damage at this point."

"I wouldn't have trusted _him_ , but I've been proven wrong," Phil reminded her. "Skye has a good heart, even if they'll never be what he wants."

* * *

Skye bit her lip and paced the hall, a pad in her hand. _I could just check where he is..._ Her fingers hovered over the surface when he rounded the corner. "Ward."

Grant blanched. "Skye..."

She frowned. "Are you - are you okay?"

Grant took a deliberate breath and released it in a rush. "Fine."

"That answer is the _opposite_ of fine," she countered, stepping towards him. "Seriously, are you all right?"

He flinched at the touch of her hand on his arm. "No, I'm not. I just - I need to be alone, I think."

"And again, I think that's the opposite of what you need." Skye made no pretence of having the security code to his bunk, opening the door and pushing him in. "Water?"

Grant dropped onto the couch and nodded. "Yeah."

* * *

Melinda swallowed hard. "Do you - do you think he's going to - to -"

"To attempt suicide again?" Andrew pressed the heels of his palms to his eyes. "I certainly hope not. He denied having a death wish, but admitted death wasn't something he feared."

May took a deep breath. "That - that's basic training for a specialist," she offered.

Andrew nodded. "Well aware. But it still doesn't sit well with me. Never has. To see how expendable you all think you are."

May looked down. "If we didn't, we couldn't do the job."

"Couldn't you?" Andrew asked. He squeezed her hand until she looked up at him. "You can be worth something and defend us, be the line. The fact that you and Grant and Nat are willing to be that line, to put yourself between the world and the dangers of the universe - that in and of itself makes all of you invaluable."

May shrugged. "Maybe that's how you see it, but we were taught not to think for a second before putting ourselves between a civilian and harm."

"Taught," Andrew repeated quietly. "Taught, or conditioned?"

She frowned. "Does it matter?"

"If you're taught, you can ask questions, make choices, evaluate." He raised an eyebrow. "Conditioned means no choice, just a dictate from on high and you are happy enough to comply."

"So conditioning is like brainwashing," May said carefully.

Andrew nodded. "Not all in a bad way. But a conditioned response is one that you're trained into by repetition and reinforcement, not reason. It's under your skin."

Melinda exhaled and nodded. "I see your distinction."

Andrew shrugged. "I hoped you would."

* * *

"All he wanted was for Skye to be safe. Now that he knows that he's done as much as he can?" Natasha shook her head. "Unless these powers give him flight or invincibility, being able to light things on fire makes him an - " She frowned for a moment. "An overgrown flamethrower, I believe he said," she repeated. "And not any sort of asset."

Coulson frowned in return. "He's - does he even see himself as a person?"

Nat gave a brittle smile. "Finally asking the right question here. The answer to that is _no."_

Phil blew out a breath. "We're probably done with indexing in a day. Ask him before you go. In fact, take him with you, have him fly the jet back."

Nat gave a short nod. "Thanks, Phil." She stood and left the office.

* * *

Skye crossed the room and frowned at the bottle on Ward's counter. "Drained the Scotch, huh?"

Grant snorted. "Yeah, well, we agreed vodka does nothing." _But you...you do way too much to me..._ He looked away.

"So, Romanoff. _The_ Black Widow." She handed him a tumbler of water. "You never mentioned she was one of your besties."

He shrugged. "Not something either of us publicized." He guzzled the water and smacked his lips. "Specialists. We make it a _point_ not to, actually." _And yet I basically just flayed myself raw in front of her._ He shook himself. "Doesn't matter anymore."

"Do you - do you want to talk about it?" Skye asked softly.

"Already did." _Somehow it was easier with you..._ Grant chuckled bitterly. "Ironic, that."

Skye frowned at him. "What do you mean?"

Grant shrugged. "Didn't talk about anything that I didn't tell you last night -" _Not_ much _more, anyway..._ "- but it feels... _worse_ today."

She took a shaky breath. "I'm sorry for that."

He shook his head. "No, don't be. Maybe that's why I was so willing to talk about it last night." He gave a weak smile. "At least I got to choose who I told first."

She froze for a beat. "Grant..." She sat next to him, reaching for his hand.

He closed his eyes at her touch. "Don't, Skye. Please."

She searched his face. "Don't what?"

 _Call me Grant. Touch me like that. Make me feel like you still care._ He shook his head, looking at her pleadingly. "I'm too raw right now, I can't - I can't -" _I can't shut you out the way I need to..._

"You're okay, Grant," she whispered. "You are. You're safe here. You're okay."

He shuddered. "But I can't be. I can't _let_ myself be okay here. You know that better than anyone."

She sighed. "I'm not going to shoot you, and as mad as she is, Jemma won't either."

 _No, she'll just lob a splinter bomb at me._ Grant snorted a laugh. "Yeah. Sure."

* * *

Melinda took an unsteady breath. "So now what?"

Andrew sighed in return. "That's up to Phil. I don't know if he'll have any follow up questions. I hope not. I think Grant is being as honest as he can be, but I think he needs a lot of help to get real insight. He's - he has perspective on a lot, but some of his baselines are..." He shook his head. "They're obviously the baseline of an abused child, one who's never been protected or...or loved."

Melinda winced, thinking about her brief fling with the man in question. "I think you're right."

Andrew gave a small smile. "Why thank you. Considering it's my job, I'd sure hope so."

Melinda rolled her eyes. "You know what I mean."

Andrew nodded, standing to drop a kiss on her lips. "I do, and it makes me want to check on him again before I start this report. Care to join me?"

Melinda frowned. "I - I'm not so sure he would do anything but put on a good show if I was there. He kept telling me I was never supposed to see him as vulnerable."

Andrew sighed again. "Weakness. So much of that man revolves around his definitions of weakness and strength." He wrapped his arms around Melinda, holding her tightly for a moment before releasing her. "Let me go check on him. I'll see you for dinner."

Melinda nodded. "You will. And Andrew?"

"Hmm?" He turned from the door.

"Thank you for coming back to SHIELD. I know it's challenging, but..." May took a deep breath. "We need you. We need someone to keep us in check."

Andrew chuckled. "Well. Never thought you would admit that."

May shrugged. "Too much wasted time pretending we didn't. Pretending _I_ didn't."

Andrew smiled. "I'll be back soon."

* * *

Skye frowned at Ward again. "What? You say that like I'm missing the joke."

Grant snorted in return. "I'm sorry. Just..." _No point in telling anyone. Not like they'd exactly disapprove._ He shook his head. "Chalk it up to fatigue with a side of hangover."

Skye sighed and picked up the tumbler, refilling it with water and sitting back down. "Do you need juice or something instead?"

 _Or something._ Grant eyed her and swallowed hard. "No, I'm - it's fine." He downed the water and stared blankly at the tumbler.

She took a deep breath as she studied him. "You should almost be done, right?"

He nodded without looking at her. "I think so. _Hope_ so, anyway. Answered a lot of questions." _Including one I hope you never see the answer to._ He frowned at the tabletop.

She clenched and unclenched her hands. "Yeah. Seems like."

 _You're okay, baby._ Kara's voice whispered soothing reassurances in his head _._ He exhaled shakily, shaking free of his thoughts. "Look, Skye, I appreciate you checking in but...I think...maybe I should be alone right now."

"Alone or not with me?" she said softly. "Afraid you're gonna start talking again?"

He laughed hoarsely. "Something like that." _Afraid you'll look at me and all I'll want is for you to know me and forgive me and..._ He shook himself. _Not even going to think it._

She stood and blew out a breath. "I know how it feels when Doc does his head shrink thing, so if being around me is like that for you, I get it." She held out her hands. "Just...let me know if you _want_ to talk about anything."

 _What I want is to pretend -_ He interrupted the train of thought and nodded, eyes focused on the tumbler like he could fill it with Scotch by sheer force of will. "I'll be fine," he repeated. "Thanks."

She stared at him for a beat before nodding and stepping outside.

* * *

Lincoln stalked down the hall, hoping against hope he was wrong about where he'd find his girlfriend. He held back a growl as Ward's door opened and Skye walked out.

"Linc." Skye took measured steps towards him. "What are you doing here?"

"Looking for you," Lincoln replied. "Quickly becoming my new hobby."

Skye rolled her eyes. "Come on, it's not that serious. I can't go far without it being logged." She shrugged. "I bumped into Black Widow, wanted to ask him what she was doing here."

Lincoln looked at her skeptically. "Like, Black Widow of the Avengers."

Skye took his hand and tugged him away from Ward's door. "That's the one. I just wanted to satisfy my curiosity."

Lincoln raised a brow. "So you went to _him_ instead of Coulson?"

Skye shrugged. "She didn't really want to talk to me, and she was heading for AC's office, so..."

Lincoln sighed. "Ever think it might _still_ be worth waiting for Coulson to be free?"

"Nope." Skye gave her boyfriend a grin. " _Black Widow_ , Linc. She might disappear and I'll never get to know if she's as badass as they say so I can try to like, bump into her." _Where she'll very politely and precisely tell me off on Ward's behalf._

Lincoln rolled his eyes. "You are such a fangirl."

She forced a laugh and swatted his arm. "Like you never hero worshipped anyone?" She missed Lincoln's answer, her thoughts drifting to deep brown eyes and an expression filled with pain and longing while speaking of his past.

"Hi guys," Dr. Garner smiled. "How are you?"

Skye straightened and plastered on a grin. "Awesome! Just saw Agent _Romanoff_ and had to ask Ward about her. Not that he told me much." She widened her eyes. "Is she as amazing as they say? Is she like, tech girl for the Avengers? 'Cause then, she'd be _me,_ right?"

Andrew eyed Skye, giving her a knowing smile. "Yes, she would be. Now go take a breath and try not to tackle her if you happen to meet her."

Lincoln snorted and tugged her away. "There. See? You didn't even have to go _there_ to find someone to talk to about her."

Skye gave Garner a look over her shoulder. "Guess not."

* * *

Grant jumped at the knock on his door. _I told her not to -_ He froze as he saw his guest. "Dr. Garner."

The psychologist considered him. "Just wanted to check in." He raised a brow. "Expecting someone else?"

Grant waved him in and sank heavily onto the couch, a fine tremor running through him. _No one I'll tell you about. Not off the clock._

"You all right there, Grant?" Garner sat next to him. "I ran into Skye and Lincoln in the hall."

 _Damn it. Lincoln?_ Grant swallowed hard. "Skye was...she was checking in, I guess." _And he must've been checking on her...or me..._

Andrew raised a brow. "Still think she's just curious about your powers?"

 _Don't encourage me..._ Grant opened his mouth and closed it again, shaking his head. "I don't - I _can't_ think it could be anything else," he whispered. "I can't."

Andrew nodded. "I understand. And with Skye coming by right after you just finished telling Natasha and me your deepest secrets..." He blew out a breath. "I'm going to guess today was intense for you."

Grant scrubbed a hand over his mouth. "I - I don't talk about those things. Not to - not to anyone." _Except Skye...still the exception to every damn one of my rules._..He took a deep breath. "Nat was - it was good it was her, but it also made it a little worse." He frowned, looking up at Garner. "Before this team, she was the closest I ever was to my real self on an op. She saw right through me and I let her."

"She _was_ the only one to top you in espionage, right? Makes sense." Andrew pursed his lips for a moment before continuing. "I _am_ glad that Natasha was available. You should try to talk to her before she leaves. She's worried about you."

Grant nodded. "I'm sure she'll find me before she goes."

Garner raised a brow. "Should I even bother asking if you want to talk more about any of it?"

Grant chuckled weakly. "If it's between you and Nat?" _Only one of you will report back on everything..._

Andrew stood. "That's what I thought." He held out a hand. "I'm going to write up my report. You take some deep breaths and let Natasha in."

Grant shook his hand and nodded. "Thank you."

Garner nodded back and left the room.

Grant waited until the door closed and exhaled, shuddering with memories and regrets.

* * *

May knocked on the director's door. "Phil?"

Coulson waved her in and paced his office, Romanoff's report in his clenched fist. "How could we be so blind, Melinda?"

May sighed. "You know how. He was trained specifically for this. Garrett made sure everything looked impeccable, and Ward is the best since Romanoff. He looked like the perfect specialist, exactly what we needed in a world with gods and monsters."

Coulson tossed the report on the desk and poured her a Scotch, taking a long drink of his own. "I know that's true, but...it's so hard to believe there were no signs we missed."

"I said the same thing to him," May offered, tipping her glass to Coulson before taking a sip. She rolled her eyes at his expression. "What? We were sleeping together. And even _then_ I never guessed." She pursed her lips. "It even _explains_ a few things."

Coulson shook his head. "Stop there. Please. I don't want to think about...This is bad enough."

* * *

Natasha knocked on Grant's door. "Room service," she called.

 _Thank God._ Grant pushed himself off the couch and opened the door with a shaky smile. "Guess they upgraded since the good old Vault days."

Natasha pushed past him and rummaged around in the bottom drawer of his dresser. She grinned. "Dropped this off earlier."

Grant blinked. _Earlier?_ "You - what?" _Where was I last - oh._

Natasha rolled her eyes and poured two bourbons. "Figured you could use something, and we both know Russian vodka, while delicious, is nothing to either of us."

He chuckled. _Deja vu._ "Yeah. Thanks."

She toasted him. "Just a couple, though, because you're going to fly me home." She drained her glass.

He took his shot in return and blinked at her as her statement registered. _Up and leave? Especially now?_ "Nat, no, I'm -"

She nodded. "Cleared with Coulson. You'll fly his precious jet back."

 _Alone?_ Grant frowned at her. "How did you get him to agree to that?" He cleared his throat. "Not that I'm not grateful."

Nat grinned. "May came to get me, but I don't think she wants to fly me _back_. Especially not with Garner."

Grant eyed her. _Still doesn't explain Coulson letting me off base alone..._ "Do I want to know what you did to her?"

Natasha shook her head. "I _definitely_ didn't tell her we should compare notes on you in bed on the flight home."

Grant swore softly. _You set this up._ "You are such a damn troublemaker."

Natasha looked him over. "And you are definitely in trouble here."

 _That obvious?_ He winced. "What makes you say that?"

"Your penance hasn't ended, but you're here," she answered softly in Russian. "You're not ready to be with them," she continued in English. "And you don't have a choice."

He sighed and poured them both another round. "No, I'm not and I don't. I'd love to fly you back. Where to?"

She grinned. "Upstate New York. Temporary base."

 _You're kidding._ He passed her the glass. "Yeah, for the Avengers. You want me, the guy they know as the head of HAMMER and a traitor to SHIELD, to fly you home to the Avengers."

She nodded. "Если бы это было легко..." [If it were easy...]

"...это не было бы весело," he supplied. "But this is more than just not easy, Nat. It's near impossible." [...it wouldn't be fun.]

She quirked a brow. "To come with me to the place where a crazy German scientist's genetic experiment and a former Red Room assassin hang out with the guy who was brainwashed by Loki, and now includes a flying therapist and a powerful but lost little girl in a woman's body with the power to change the world as we know it? Oh, and don't forget the combat counselor with the jet pack."

Grant frowned at her. _There's more to this trip..._ "Nat, what are you saying?"

Nat tipped her glass. "Come stay with _us_. You can learn control. Figure out your limits. This team isn't the only team that deals in people with powers." She drained it and grinned. "Coulson cleared it, like I said. But he also said it had to be your choice."

 _Coulson agreed to let me train with the Avengers?_ He blew out a breath. "That's - you're crazy."

"We're all mad here," she replied with a laugh.

"Fair point," he murmured. "Well, I'm glad to be in good company, then," he offered. _The Avengers...and me?_ He took a drink. "I'll think about the offer. And I'll definitely fly you home."

* * *

Coulson took a deep breath. "I told Nat that, if he _wanted_ to go, Ward could temporarily join the Avengers training camp."

May caught her breath for a moment before nodding slowly. "I suppose that would make sense."

Coulson considered her over the rim of his glass. "Have we confirmed what he said? Is there anything left of HAMMER at this point?"

May shook her head, frowning. "That night was literally it for him. He'd managed to fool his core team into thinking the other bases were radio silent because of the op, but the truth is he'd totally dismantled every arm of HYDRA and HAMMER that he could."

"Closure," Coulson murmured. "That's what he kept talking about. And now we're asking him to start over as -"

"Hellfire," May supplied. "Fitz coined it in anger Day 1, and Ward took it on."

* * *

Nat drained her glass and smacked her lips. "Ready then?"

Grant snorted. _I've been ready to leave since I arrived..._ "Yeah. Definitely." He grabbed his jacket from the closet and opened the door. "Fitz?"

Fitz froze with his hand in the air. "Um, hi, Ward, I - oh. _Oh."_

Nat chuckled and approached the door. "One of the science twins?" she asked.

Grant nodded with a smile. "Yes. Leopold Fitz, Natasha Romanoff."

Fitz blinked rapidly, manners putting his hand out automatically.

Nat shook his hand with a smirk at Grant. "I like him already."

* * *

The director sighed. "See, even _that_ makes me wonder what we don't know about Ward." He stood, pacing with his Scotch. "Fitz obviously blamed him for everything, throws that name at him in anger, and Ward embraces it like he deserves it. Now Fitz is Ward's biggest fan and protector." He shook his head. "Melinda, we painted Ward a villain the same way that Garrett painted him a weapon, didn't we? Warped and skewed him until he fit the way we needed him to."

May took a long swallow of liquor. "Maybe."

* * *

Fitz blushed. "I - thank you. I was just - I wanted to -"

Grant stood aside and waved Fitz in. "What's going on?"

Fitz looked at Romanoff and shook his head. "I, uh, I was just checking to see how you were doing today."

Grant took a shaky breath. "I'm - I'm okay. I'm actually going to fly Nat back home and then I'll be back."

"Hopefully not for long," Natasha added. She turned her smirk to Fitz. "Wanna come?"

Grant frowned at her. _Coulson may trust me alone, but..._ "Nat -"

Fitz gave a small chuckle. "I - I think I'll just stay here and...and something."

 _It's Fitz. He cares. Be_ nice, _baby._ Grant exhaled. "If you want to ask Coulson -"

Fitz held up a hand. "No, no. I see you're in good hands, I don't - you don't -"

Nat dropped the smirk for a real smile. "I appreciate you looking out for Grant, Fitz. I heard you're his biggest support and protector."

Both Grant and Fitz turned looks of embarrassment to Natasha.

 _"He's been-"_

 _"I don't -"_

"Men." Nat rolled her eyes. "It's a _compliment._ To you _both,_ actually. Fitz for being a good person and seeing past the non-existent poker face and Grant for accepting someone's care and concern. So good job, boys, I'm heading for the hangar." She quirked a brow at Grant, waving at Fitz as she left them alone in Grant's bunk.

Fitz watched her leave before turning to Grant with a grin. "You and Black Widow are friends."

Grant shrugged. "We've worked together before, she's -"

"Awesome," Fitz supplied. He shook himself. "You said you're flying her out? Not May?"

Grant shrugged. _Thanks to Nat..._ "I still have the cuff on, it's not like you can't track me down."

Fitz sighed. "No, I just mean you get to meet all the Avengers."

Grant chuckled. _Assuming they have any interest in me other than to kick my ass..._ "It's not like that, Fitz. They all have quarters at the base but they don't necessarily stay there all the time."

Fitz shrugged. "Still. Even _one_ Avenger would be amazing."

Grant gave Fitz a grin in return. "Well, you just met one. And she likes you."

Fitz frowned lightly. "Right. You - you talked about me? With her?"

Grant swallowed hard. "Yeah. I - I owe you a thank you for - for trying, Fitz. I appreciate it." He squared his shoulders. " _Do_ you want to ask Coulson to come with us?"

Fitz spluttered. "Oh, no, no. I just - I know I pushed you yesterday and I already had words with Jemma about how she reacted. I just never got to check how you were doing. Did Skye find you?"

Grant sighed. "Yeah. She always gets to me." _In more ways than one..._

Fitz sighed in return. "I am familiar with the feeling."

"I know," Grant nodded. "I'm sorry, Fitz. I'm - it's not worth fighting with Jemma, not over me. Seriously." _I don't want to hurt any of you anymore..._

Fitz shook his head. "And that's exactly why I will." He nodded towards the door. "I think you have a date with a redhead, though."

"Something like that," Grant snorted. _More like an interview, it seems..._ "Want anything from the outside world?"

Fitz shook his head. "No, thank you. But if you happen upon Tony Stark..."

Grant laughed. "I'll give him your number."

* * *

Phil nodded. "Nat's right. I have to own that."

May sighed. "If it helps at all, you didn't intend to do it. He wasn't giving us anything else to go on."

Coulson shook his head, thinking of bloody wrists and desperation. "He _did_. We just didn't want to consider what it actually meant." He put the glass down. "I'll be right back. Don't drain the bottle this time."

* * *

Fitz squared his shoulders. "Walk you to the hangar?"

Grant shrugged. "You don't need to, Fitz." _I'm still not sure I deserve your support..._

Fitz rolled his eyes. "I _know,_ Ward. I'm offering some company."

 _You do deserve it, baby,_ Kara's voice whispered to him. _You deserve so much more..._ Grant swallowed hard. "Call me Grant, Fitz. Please."

Fitz grinned. "Can I walk you to the hangar, Grant?"

Grant closed his eyes against the feelings welling through him. "Yeah. That would be great."

* * *

Skye exhaled, making her way to the gym after leaving Lincoln with Mack. _Seem to be ditching your boyfriend a lot lately,_ a voice whispered to her. She shook the voice off and frowned as she saw Fitz and Grant crossing the hall ahead of her. _So much for him wanting to be alone, huh?_ She frowned deeper. _Why does it even matter?_ "Fitz? Ward?"

 _Damn it._ Grant stopped in his tracks.

Fitz eyed Grant and stepped between Grant and Skye. "Hey Skye. I was just walking around and bumped into Grant. He has to go meet someone though, so..."

Skye blinked. "Grant? First name basis, huh?"

Grant shrugged awkwardly. "I - I find I prefer it." _You used it not that long ago..._

 _But you didn't ask_ me _to call you Grant..._ Skye licked her lips. _Stop it._ "Meeting someone? Like a redhead?" _Why did I just say that?_

Grant gave a short nod. "I'm heading to meet Nat, yes."

Skye shoved her hands in her pockets. "Oh."

Grant gave Fitz a perplexed look. _Why does that matter?_ "I'll - I'll see you guys later."

Fitz gave him a nod and a smile. "Come find me if you need me," he offered.

Grant gave a tight smile in return. "I will." _You're a hell of a lot safer than Skye..._ He turned and made his way down the hall.

Skye bit her lip and watched him go.

Fitz frowned at her. "Skye? Are you all right?"

She kept her gaze on Ward - _Grant's_ \- retreating form and took an unsteady breath. "No," she whispered. "I don't think I am."

"Skye? Fitz?" Coulson approached with a quick frown. "Everything okay?"

Skye plastered on a smile. "Yeah, AC. Five by five. Just heading to the gym and I ran into Fitz."

Coulson gave a quick frown. "You sure there's nothing else to be concerned about?"

 _The fact I might still have feelings for Ward?_ a voice whispered to her. _What the -_ Skye froze. "Nope. Nothing. Nothing at all."

* * *

Grant nearly shuddered with relief as the hangar door opened. _Get me out of here..._

Nat grinned. "You need to get out more."

Grant cleared his throat. "Nat, I - I just - " He took a deep breath. "How did you just...trust me and care enough to do this? You didn't have to come here, not for me." He frowned at her. "How did you believe that I wasn't just the traitor that everyone said?"

Nat started the pre-flight sequence. "Because I've been there. I remember how you were when we first started in Uzbekistan, and I could see when you slipped and tried to recover." She shrugged. "Split second, but there. Guess no one here caught you at the right time. You don't _really_ have a poker face, babe."

Grant sighed and shook his head. _Not that they would've cared to see if they had._ "I just wanted to say thank you for the chance."

Phil cleared his throat behind them. "Speaking of chances."

 _Damn it. Too good to be true._ Grant started and turned. "Sir? Should I - did you change your mind?"

The director heaved a sigh. "No, Grant, I didn't. I realized I'd missed something in all of this."

 _Grant? And missed something?_ Grant frowned. "What? I - I haven't - I wasn't -"

"I'm sorry." Coulson looked at Natasha quickly. "For not paying attention to you when we should have. For just writing you off as a sociopath and Garrett's rabid dog. I should have taken the time to find out what really happened. Back then, it was too easy to just take it at face value, and by the time it occurred to me, it was too late." He pressed his lips together. " _That's_ why I started looking, Grant. Not because I just wanted something else to occupy my brain, but because you started popping up on missions and it nagged at me why you would happen to be there. Because there ended up being one too many enemy bodies for the reports I was getting, but we would never ask questions." Coulson squared his shoulders. "So, I'm sorry for not noticing sooner. I hope giving you a breather from here helps."

 _Not boredom._ Grant swallowed past the unexpected lump in his throat. "Thank you."

Coulson gave a short nod. "Safe flight." He spun on his heel, hitting the button to close the ramp on his way out.

Nat gave him a soft look. "Want to take a detour? I know a great diner on Long Island with red velvet pancakes that are to die for. A little non-traditional for takeout, but..."

Grant gave a strangled laugh. "Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good to me."

Nat nodded and took flight.

* * *

 **A.N.** : The exchange I actually left in Russian (hopefully Google Translate didn't lead me astray) is: "If it were easy..." "...it wouldn't be fun." The other times I wanted them speaking in Russian, I couldn't figure out how to not completely disrupt your reading of the story, but I figured the context on this one was probably enough to get you through.

Speaking of through, off they go, into the wild blue yonder. To pancakes. I've got the next chapter underway, hope you enjoyed this one.


	11. Wild Winds

**A.N.:** Sorry for the delay in posting, but I took my own holiday hiatus...hope you enjoy!

 **Chapter 11 - Wild Winds**

Grant took a deep breath, the scent of pancakes and panic filling his nostrils. "Nat, are you sure -"

Natasha rolled her eyes. "You are going to go from the hangar to my wing, and back again. _Relax."_

He blinked. "Your _wing?_ "

She shrugged. "It pays to be one of the only ones in primary residence." She sipped her egg cream. "You really should've gotten one."

Grant stared blankly at her. "You can't tell me you were this calm when Barton was bringing you in," he managed.

Nat snorted a laugh. "I imagine I was, since I was out cold." She gave a small smirk. "If you want to know if I was this calm when I first met Phil? No, not even close. But you're with me. Okay?"

He swallowed and nodded. "Okay."

She nodded in return. "Good. Now land over there." She pointed towards the complex carved out from the trees.

Grant took the controls and quirked a brow. "No need to contact anyone on the ground?"

Nat smirked. "Tony Stark helped design the security. We'd have been long dead by now if we weren't allowed in."

"Well _that's_ comforting," Grant muttered, setting down into the open hangar.

She finished the egg cream and stretched. "Yeah, actually, it _is."_ She put the empty cup in the drink tray as the jet powered down. "Come on in." She stood and collected the takeout boxes. "Grab those drinks, would you?"

"Yeah." He took a deep breath and followed her out.

* * *

 _What the_ hell _was_ that? Skye dazedly made her way to the gym.

"Skye? Are you all right?" Fitz followed behind with a frown. "Skye?"

She threw the doors open and charged through, glancing around quickly before heading for the heavy bag.

"Skye?" Fitz approached cautiously. "Do you want to talk about it?" He frowned. "Whatever _it_ might be?" he muttered.

She started on the bag, picturing a redheaded smirk. _I can't. I_ can't.

"Skye?" Fitz sighed and folded his arms. "Is this about Grant?"

 _"Grant,"_ she bit out. "When did _that_ happen?" _When_ she _got here?_

Fitz shrugged. "He asked, just before you found us, really. I think the whole Slade powers thing makes 'Ward' hard to hear."

 _Or he could be trying to distance himself from his past, right, Agent Johnson? Get a fresh start away from painful reminders?_ Skye punched the bag harder, chasing Romanoff's voice out of her head.

"So?" Fitz asked expectantly.

Skye glared at the bag and kept punching.

"You already told me you're not all right, and that was after Grant said he was meeting Agent Romanoff, so..." Fitz let his voice trail off and looked at her expectantly.

"I don't like what you're implying, Fitz," she huffed between punches.

"Right, and I don't like when my friends are hurting, especially when there's no need," Fitz replied sharply, "so do you want to admit that you're jealous or should I come back later?"

Skye let out her breath in a whoosh, the rebounding heavy bag catching her off guard and nearly knocking her off her feet.

* * *

Grant looked around at the base, white walls and large windows surrounding him. _This is..._

"Not what you expected, right?" Nat teased. "Guess we got spoiled after Tony's tower, now even the closest thing to real life Men in Black need to be in the light."

Grant snorted. "I wouldn't know." _I don't know who or what I am, anymore..._

Nat rolled her eyes. "Why do you think I told Phil I wanted to take you with me?" She shook her head. "I've been there, Grant, you know I have, you said it yourself." She gave a small smile as they passed an agent in the hall. "Let me help."

"She's awfully good at helping, but sometimes it's only incidental to mission orders," a voice smirked from behind them. "You'll want to be wary of that."

Nat rolled her eyes again. "Please, you trust me at your six any day."

"Absolutely right," Steve Rogers replied. He fell into step with them. "Grant Ward. Director Coulson phoned ahead to let me know you'd be here. Figured I'd keep you company to Nat's quarters, at least."

Nat raised a brow. "Want in on the pancakes?"

Steve huffed a laugh. "Did you stop at Golden Reef again?"

Nat shook the bag. "Of course I did. Pumpkin spice, red velvet, and chocolate chip."

Steve gave a hum of approval. "Now I regret that I told Sam I'd meet him for dinner."

"Awww, another night then," she offered with a shrug.

Grant stared speechlessly between the two of them. _This is surreal._

Steve caught the look and gave a small smile. "You all right, Mr. Ward?"

Grant flinched. "I'd rather you call me Grant, Captain Rogers." _Not that I deserve for you to call me anything at all..._

"Then you'll have to call me Steve," Rogers replied. "Easy enough."

Nat chuckled at Grant's shell-shocked expression. "Remember how they made you do those public service announcements back when you started out, Steve?" She smirked at Grant. "We'll have him make one for Phil, entitled 'Enemies Aren't Always What They Seem'." She jerked her head towards Captain America. "If anyone would do it, he would."

 _Captain America? Advocating for enemies?_ Grant frowned. "You would?"

Steve gave Romanoff a hard look. "I would, actually. I have personal reason to understand that distinction."

 _Personal reason -_ Grant blinked. _The Winter Soldier._ "Oh. Thank - thank you."

Nat grinned. "You know, that's the first sign I've seen of the Grant Ward I first met?" She reached over to punch him in the shoulder. "Hero worship looks good on you."

 _How can she even say that to him?_ Grant blushed and cursed at her in Russian.

Steve chuckled. "Hate to tell you, but, I got that too."

* * *

"Skye?!" Fitz grabbed her around the waist. "I didn't - I wasn't trying to hurt you, bloody hell, I'm sorry."

Skye shook herself, doubling over while she struggled to breathe. "Yeah," she managed. "Figured."

Fitz sighed. "This is what I get for meddling," he muttered. "Do you need water? A chair?"

She nodded at the last one, starting to stagger off to the side.

Fitz supported her until he could lower her into a seat. He knelt in front of her and rested his hands on her knees. "Look, I'm sorry I said that. I don't know what got into me, but I just - you both are so stubborn it's infuriating."

Skye snorted. "Imagine us watching you with Jemma, okay?" _Us? Which us?_ Grant's voice whispered to her. She sighed. _Get a grip, Skye._ "I'm not going to say I'm jealous because I'm - I'm not jealous, I don't - I don't think?" She bit her lip. "Ward's been - _Grant_ has been telling me all this stuff about - about his childhood, about you guys, and it's - I'm here being so impressed and even a little burdened by him telling me everything when the freaking Black Widow is like, his best friend that we never even knew he had."

"With all due respect, when he would've been inclined to tell us about it, we weren't exactly interested enough to ask," Fitz said gently.

Skye rolled her eyes. "That's - fine, okay, that's true, but..." She took a shaky breath. "I was...I don't know, _flattered_ that he was talking to me - the T-1000, you know, the guy who never shared anything." She shrugged. "I would've done...a _lot_ for that, a lifetime ago."

Fitz squeezed her lightly. " _Was_ it a lifetime? Or a rather preposterously sized misunderstanding ago? Stupendous miscommunications ago? Non-blissful ignorance ago?"

 _God, for it to just be that simple..._ She frowned at him. "Why does it matter to you?"

He sighed. "Because...as good as Lincoln is, and as lovely as you might be together...there's a spark in you that's missing. I don't like it. I know we've all been to hell and back, Skye, but...I have to have _hope_ for something better than this _._ That's the spark that's gone. You...you deserve that spark, and if that's with Grant? The man we now know is not the bad guy? Or, well, is working on it?" He shrugged. "Just worth looking at honestly instead of wasting time."

 _Wasted time, he says..._ She pressed her lips together. "You and Jemma aren't doing so well, huh."

He snorted a laugh. "Your phrasing implies there is actually something occurring," he murmured.

Skye laid a hand over his. "Fitz, I appreciate it. I do. And I'm sorry you and Jemma aren't..." She shook her head. "But I've got to work this out for myself."

Fitz nodded. "I know. I just wanted to help you cut to the chase," he teased. "Look, he's not even here, so it's not like you have to worry about talking to him."

"No, I just have to worry about not knowing what to say when I look at my boyfriend," she muttered.

Fitz frowned. "That is a bit of a thing, isn't it." He sighed. "I might be totally wrong, you know. I'm just looking at it from the outside. But at the very least, you owe it to yourself, _and_ to Lincoln, to look at it from the inside."

Skye exhaled shakily. "Yeah. I guess I do."

Fitz stood. "I'll give you some space, see if Lincoln and Mack want to play poker or something." He gave her shoulder a quick squeeze and left her to her thoughts.

* * *

Nat paused at a turn in the hallway and blew Steve a kiss. "Tell Sam I said hi, and he still owes me a flying lesson after our last poker game."

Steve laughed. "I'll tell him, but I don't think he's looking for you to take his wings."

Nat gave a huff. "I wouldn't take them _away_ from him, it just...if we _happened_ to get another set, I'd love to be able to use them."

"Well, I'll give it a shot." Steve held out a hand. "Grant, good luck with her and Clint. But I'm pretty sure their dynamic won't phase you if you know Nat as well as it seems she knows you."

 _She knows me, and you all know what I've done, but I'm still here like you all trust me..._ Grant shook his hand, even as his heart rate picked up. "Thanks, Captain -" He cut himself off at the other man's raised brow. "Steve."

Steve gave them both a nod. "Enjoy those pancakes. Give me a heads up next time."

Nat shrugged. "Grant needed a bit of a pick-me-up. This is always the best one I can think of that doesn't involve alcohol or sex. Or alcohol and then sex. You know."

Grant blushed and looked down. _Seriously, Nat, could you just -_

Steve chuckled. "Fair enough." He gave them both a salute. "Grant, I hope your time here isn't too horrible, and maybe I'll see you around."

 _Did Coulson...?_ Grant just fought his blush and nodded. "Thanks, S-Steve."

Nat patted Grant's shoulder. "All right, fanboy, let's go eat."

 _Again with this..._ Grant flushed. " _Damn it_ , Nat..."

Steve only laughed and continued down the hall.

Grant followed Nat around the corner. "Thanks for that," he muttered. _Like I'm not already ashamed enough in front of Captain freaking America..._

Nat laughed delightedly. "Grant, you should've seen your face. I had _no idea_ you were such a fan. You could've said so."

 _I could've said so? Are you kidding me?_ Grant frowned thunderously and shook his head. "Nat, come on. I was just the head of an evil organization -"

"- bent on saving the world from HYDRA, yeah, real evil there, Grant." Nat rolled her eyes. "You're not going to convince me you're the bad guy on the most wanted list, all right? So stop trying, and let's eat."

"Sounds good," came a voice at the end of the hall. "Are those pancakes I'm smelling?" Clint Barton came down the hall to meet them. "And you got the milkshake. Sweet." He took the tray of drinks from Grant and nodded them along. "I'm starving, and Nat and I have an early start tomorrow. C'mon."

Nat snorted. "Clint, Grant, Grant, Clint."

Grant shoved his hands in his pockets as he entered what he assumed was the dining room. A table and chairs were set up, but weapons rested along the walls and an impressive bar was set up in the corner amongst the bows and bos.

Clint put the drinks down around the table and held out a hand. "Nice to meet you, Grant. Nat's told me a lot about you."

Grant shook his hand. "I hope not just the good stuff," he said flatly. _People deserve to know what they're getting into, at least._

Clint huffed a laugh. "She was right. You _are_ like her when she first got here." He shook his head. "Not just the good stuff, no, but all the stuff that matters." He gestured to the disposable plates and utensils. "Just grab a plate and a seat, I'll pour the bourbon."

Grant sat and raised a brow at Nat. "I thought we weren't doing alcohol?" _Did you just lie to Captain America?_

Nat chuckled. "Oh, that's just for Steve. He may _get_ the dark side, but the man still blushes when Icurse." She waved her glass for Clint's attention. "Alcohol, comfort food, and you'll have to take the lead on the sex part. I'm willing if you need, but -"

"Nat!" Clint laughed as the blood drained from Grant's face. "Let's dig in before Grant here completely loses the ability to eat, let alone speak, all right?"

Nat grinned cheekily and opened the takeout containers, inhaling deeply as the scent of spices and chocolate chips filled the room. "Hey, if he can't eat, that just means more for us."

Clint snorted. "Then you should have just ordered more." He waved a hand at Grant. "Ignore her, and pass me the syrup."

 _I don't - this is so_ not _what I expected._ Grant looked between the two of them and complied.

* * *

Fitz straightened his shoulders and walked into the lounge with a smile. "Gentlemen."

Mack and Lincoln looked over towards the door, the latter falling silent.

"Hey, Fitz," Mack offered. "What's up?"

Fitz shrugged and tossed the deck of cards on the table. "Fancy a bit of poker? Skye beat my pants off last time, I'd like a bit of revenge if you don't mind."

Lincoln chuckled. "She takes her games seriously. All of them." He opened the deck and started to shuffle.

* * *

Skye laid back on the mats, focusing on her breathing to calm her mind. _Am I jealous of Grant and Romanoff?_ She took a slow breath and closed her eyes. _Or am I jealous that I'm not the only one he's talking to?_ She pictured the two specialists together in her mind, opening her eyes at the burning in her chest.

 _Well, hell._

Grant took another bite of his pancakes and sat back, shaking his head. "I've _been_ on the inside of HYDRA, the Winter Soldier is programming, not true believer." He picked up his bourbon, staring into the amber liquid. "It makes all the difference in the world." _If anyone is willing to hear it..._

Nat chuckled. "Thank you, Grant." She raised a brow at Clint. "See? He's very reasonable and a valuable asset."

Clint held up his glass. "Nat, no one is arguing with you about Grant."

 _No one?_ Grant cast a curious glance at Natasha.

The redhead shrugged. "What?"

Grant shook his head again. "I may have had Fitz championing my cause at the Playground the past few days, but..." He swallowed past a lump in his throat. "I get the feeling you've been doing it for far longer." _And I definitely didn't deserve it._

Nat took a drink and sighed. "I tried getting Phil to release you to me a year ago."

Grant blinked at her. "You - before they shipped me off to Christian?" _If he had...God..._

She nodded. "When I heard you were HYDRA, I wanted to see for myself. Started putting inquiries in with the director, rejected every time." She smirked. "And then I realized _who_ our dear director was and it got personal."

"It got _ugly,"_ Clint remarked.

Nat shot him a glare. "Only because Phil should have told us himself and you know it." She turned to Grant. "I was doubly mad then."

"What happened?" Grant asked quietly. _Though I think I know..._

Nat reached over to squeeze his hand. "Bad timing and HAMMER." She sighed. "I got through to Phil himself, instead of just being a written request, but by the time I finished yelling at him for lying to us, he'd brokered the deal with Christian." She grimaced. "He picked up Fury's Machiavellian tendencies with that toolbox," she muttered as she took a drink.

 _Just what I suspected._ Grant snorted humorlessly and drained his glass.

* * *

Skye exhaled heavily and rubbed a hand over her forehead. _This is not a good look._ She took a slow deep breath and took stock. _I think...I_ am _jealous, but..._ She frowned. _How can I be jealous when I'm with Lincoln?_ She bit her lip and sat up, nearly running from the gym.

* * *

Fitz gathered the beans they'd taken to using as poker chips with a small smile. "Well. Seems like I may have a chance against Skye next time."

Mack chuckled. "Either that or you and Lincoln are conspiring against me." He looked at his dwindling pile of beans.

Lincoln snorted. "If Fitz is conspiring with anyone, it's definitely not me."

Mack and Fitz both frowned at him. "What exactly does _that_ mean?" Mack questioned.

Lincoln flushed and shrugged. "Just - I know Fitz has been spending a lot of time with -" He shook his head. "Forget I said anything, I'm tired and I'm sorry."

Fitz frowned. "With Grant, you mean. The traitor." He sniffed. "What would you know about it, anyway? You weren't here, you didn't know him, you only met him after she - " He cleared his throat. "After Puerto Rico."

* * *

Melinda sighed and tucked herself under Andrew's arm on the couch. "Phil talked to you about Ward -" She paused at the tension in her ex-husband's body and corrected herself. " _Grant_ and the Avengers camp, I take it?"

Andrew nodded, relaxing against her again. "He did. I agreed it was a good option to give him, and I'm even more convinced after this morning." He smoothed a hand down her hair. "He needs someone he trusts to help him figure out what to do with this, I think. He's struggling, and I think after all he's been through, he might unintentionally let himself fail."

Melinda closed her eyes, remembering a little girl's voice. "I'd say that's a possibility."

Andrew kissed her temple. "Me too. So, here we are." He linked their hands. "Well. Until you fly me back in the morning."

Melinda gave a snort of laughter. "Believe me, That works on multiple levels. Nat is...definitely on Grant's side, I'll say that much. It would have been _too_ interesting of a flight for me."

Andrew smiled. "You know, I think I'm okay missing that."

Melinda laughed outright. "Yes, yes, you are."

* * *

Lincoln rolled his eyes. "What the hell happened in Puerto Rico, exactly?" He shuffled the deck again with a grimace. "I know it's when Skye went through Terrigenesis, but there's more to it that I feel like I still don't know."

Fitz shook his head. "You really should ask her."

"I know I should, but she's not talking," Lincoln burst out. He blew out a breath. "She's not talking, and I know it has to do with him, and you should be ready to kill him but instead you're being his bodyguard. What am I missing?"

Mack's gaze went distant. "It wasn't a good scene, Sparky. You may not want to know."

* * *

Skye took a deep breath and knocked on Coulson's door. "AC, you in there?" _Please, please be in there..._

"Come on in, Skye," the director called. He waved across from him. "Have a seat."

She tucked herself into the chair. "AC...about Ward. _Grant_." _Grant. Like I know him so well..._

"Grant." Phil pinched the bridge of his nose. "Who told you? Andrew?"

She shook her head. "Fitz. And not even directly. He was talking to Grant when I crossed paths with them." _And Grant asked him, not me._

"Is that why you were so off when I saw you?" Coulson frowned. "Skye, if Grant being here is a problem -"

"What if it's the opposite?" she mumbled.

* * *

Lincoln threw his hands up. "Maybe I don't. But something changed for her and I feel like it's changing again."

Fitz inhaled slowly. "You _really_ need to talk to Skye."

"Tell me about Ward, then," Lincoln persisted. "What changed for you, with him?"

"He didn't mean it the way it seemed and I believe him," Fitz answered simply. "He isn't - he isn't well, I think, and I also think he _knows_ it. He's more...vulnerable. More open than I've ever seen him. He's lost, and I remember what that's like."

Lincoln grimaced. "How does the head of an organization that did the things HAMMER did get to be forgiven?"

"The way that everyone _else_ in SHIELD has been forgiven," Fitz said fiercely. "With understanding and time."

Mack sighed. "You make it sound easy, Fitz. And it's really not."

Fitz shook his head. "No, it's not. But I can tell you it's worth it."

* * *

 _"Oh."_ Phil blew out a breath. "I might not be the right person to talk to about this."

"No, but you're the only one that can tell me what he's doing with Agent Romanoff," she muttered. _And I think I need to know._ She looked up at him expectantly.

"I can," he agreed.

Skye just continued to stare. _Don't pull this with me._

"Skye, you told me you were fine, and I knew you were lying," he replied. "I let it go. You came here, and now I _know_ you're not fine. Okay." He huffed a laugh. "Now you're asking about Grant and Romanoff. Which also isn't fine. I'm going to have to say again, we've got a professional on the base for the night, if you -"

"I'm not looking for therapy, AC," Skye interjected. "I'm not asking for intel or even what they're doing, but if you're sending a powered former specialist out with the best one we have, I am going to wonder no matter _what." And you don't need to know that it's not my primary motivation here._

The director looked at her knowingly. "Sure, you'll wonder. But I get the feeling it matters more because it's him." He sighed heavily. "Skye..."

She shook her head. "Don't." _Not you. I can't._ "I'm not - I can't process what's going on. Not yet." She took a shuddering breath. "I don't - I don't _want_ to."

Phil blew out a breath. "He was meeting Natasha to get a break from the base with someone he trusts. He'll be back."

Skye frowned. _Okay, maybe I_ did _want to know what they're doing._ "Yeah, that's what he said. And then he said he'd find Fitz."

"Fitz, not you, right?" Phil rubbed his hands down his face.

Skye flinched and curled further into herself. "I told Fitz I didn't like what he was implying, and I don't like it from you either."

The director chuckled half-heartedly. "I don't like it any better than you do, but I wouldn't be doing you any favors if I didn't point it out."

"You might be," she muttered. _Because if you noticed, it's not real subtle._ She leaned her head on her knees and sighed. "What did you have to tell him, anyway?"

"That I'm sorry, for everything we missed," Coulson admitted. "That I owed him more, and that I hoped he wasn't too miserable here. And then I let him and Natasha go get dinner."

"Shouldn't they be done with dinner by now?" Skye groused.

Phil stood and moved to lean on the desk in front of her. "You know, the last time Grant tried to sit down and have dinner, it didn't go so well. Guessing he probably hasn't been able to sit down to a meal and relax in a while. In fact, maybe he can actually feel somewhat normal, and eat enough so he doesn't pass out the next time he tries to use his powers. Is that okay?"

 _Asking...what?_ Skye frowned. "It's - of course it's - why does that - "

"Great question. Why _does_ that even matter? Why does anything Grant's doing right now matter so much?" The director leaned down to catch her eyes. "You let me know when you find it in yourself to answer. But you can hide here as long as you need." He patted her on the shoulder and left her in silence.

* * *

"She wasn't always like this, you know." Clint approached Grant from the side, sinking next to him on the couch. "I know she makes coming here seem easy -"

"She doesn't," Grant countered. "She makes it seem worth it." _I don't feel like there are crosshairs in the middle of my back all the time...Captain America told me to call him_ Steve...

Clint chuckled. "Well I guess that's accurate for me." He clinked his glass against Grant's. "What about for you? Worth it to be back on this side of things?"

Grant chuckled lightly and dipped his finger in the bourbon, tracing the rim of his glass and setting it aflame. _Other than not feeling like the villain?_ "I don't know. This is new, so it might be worth something, but..." He drained his glass. "I'm not really too inspired. I think it's just my overachieving survival instinct."

"You don't see any other applications? You're just not thinking hard enough." Clint finished his bourbon, patting Grant on the leg. "C'mon."

Grant looked at Natasha, watching indulgently from across the room. She nodded.

Grant followed Clint to the archery range. _Oh. I didn't - he's right, I didn't think of this._

Clint lifted a brow in challenge. "How fast can you charge 'em?"

Grant shrugged. "We didn't test speed, just raw power. I sparred with Skye - Quake." _And passed out trying to show off..._

Clint gave a short nod. "Well, let's find out, huh?" He tossed Grant a quiver. "You charge and throw, I'll shoot. I'll even give you a ten second head start. Traditional tourney scoring. Loser tells their worst story with Nat."

Grant snorted. "I can do that." _I know I'm gonna lose, but that's not the worst anyone has asked of me..._

Clint grinned wolfishly. "Can't wait to hear it." He quirked a brow. "Ready?"

Grant nodded.

"Go."

Grant charged an arrow, launching it with all his might at the target. He picked up another, and another, his adrenaline pumping.

Clint laughed. "Try multiple," he called.

Grant picked up three, charging them all and throwing them towards the bullseye. _I'm my own C4..._ His blood hummed, and he felt a genuine smile grow on his face.

Clint whistled. "I'm out, you?"

Grant picked up the last three, charged, and tossed. "Am now."

Nat chuckled from the door. "Do you want to unzip and finish the comparisons?" She walked in and examined the bullseyes. "Obviously Clint won, but not too shabby, Grant. Pretty close." She smirked at him from his target. "Especially since you _hated_ archery."

Grant rolled his eyes. "Inefficient. You know how I feel about that." _But with this ability..._

Clint shrugged. "Considering how powerful flaming arrows can be, you might want to reconsider." He quirked a brow at Natasha. "Think someone sciencey could make arrows with fire resistant shafts, so he can charge 'em while I shoot? Cut down on the cost of the explosive ones..."

Grant looked from one to the other. "I never agreed I was coming here when I was done, you know." _Just that it's fun..._

Nat and Clint just looked at him skeptically. "I hate to break it to you, Солнышко, but you should already know. You're _home_."

"Solnishka?" Clint repeated.

Nat snorted a laugh and squeezed Grant's arm. "Now pay up. Tell Clint about Streya. That ought to satisfy him."

Grant winced. "Little sun," he replied to Clint. _That story would even be better than..._ Turning to Nat he shook his head. "No. Not that one."

Clint smirked. "That one for _sure,_ little sun."

Nat grinned. "Have fun, boys. Grant, I told Coulson you'd be back late tonight, but I can tell him tomorrow if you want."

 _I want..._ Grant looked around, taking a deep breath of fresh air. "I - I'd love to stay, but I want to get this indexing done as fast as possible. I'll fly back tonight."

Nat shrugged. "Suit yourself. Tell me before you leave, though." She dropped a kiss on his cheek and another on Clint's before leaving them.

Grant sighed. "She loves that story." _Tries to get me to tell it as many times as she possibly can..._

Clint chuckled. "Gotta be for a reason."

"Maybe because my third day in Russia, I ended up drunk and engaged?" Grant gave Clint a sardonic grin. _Ah, Streya..._

"Oh, man." Clint clapped him on the shoulder. "Yeah, Nat would _love_ something like that."

Grant froze at the contact, the smile dropping from his face. _Damn it. Fucking instinct..._

"Whoa." Clint removed his hand. "Sorry."

Grant focused on evening his breathing. "It's - it's fine - it's -" _not like I feel like a big raw nerve right now..._

Clint shook his head. "Nah, it's not. Wonder if that's the other reason Nat wanted you and me to meet so bad."

 _She did?_ Grant quirked a brow.

Clint snorted and shrugged. "I might know a thing or three about being a puppet for a madman." He gave a harsh laugh.

Grant flinched. _A madman...is that what John was?_

"Fucking _Asgard_ , man," Clint concluded.

 _That's what - not -_ Grant barked a laugh despite himself. "Yeah. Fucking Asgard." He exhaled shakily. _Maybe this_ could _be home._

* * *

 **A.N.** : Working on the next chapter already, and would love to know if I've got Nat or Clint wrong...kindly though! LOL. I'm so nervous about writing them. Hope the holiday season is treating you all well, and early happy New Year!


	12. Shake Me to the Ground

**Chapter 12 - Shake Me To the Ground**

Summary: Grant finally relaxes, and Skye faces some hard truths (but as always tries to avoid doing anything about them...). Phil and Melinda talk playlists and have consciences, and Andrew tries to talk to Skye. Plus everyone's drinking.

* * *

Grant sighed and accepted the beer Clint handed him with a small smirk. "Streya Novikova. Stray Streya, they called her in the village." He took a long drink. "Nat had already been there for a month, but I was sent in with updated intel as backup. She brought me down to the local pub to cover a meet, and I was trying out my Russian for the first time in the field without her..."

* * *

 _ **Twelve years ago  
**_ _ **Marat, Uzbekistan**_

 _ **Romanoff gave a small smile to the room while she whispered to him. "Just stay inconspicuous. It's Nikolov's birthday -" she pointed at a burly man in the corner surrounded by shot glasses, "so everyone should just be drinking and having fun. My contact should be here in a half hour and we'll be meeting upstairs."**_

 _ **Ward nodded. "Understood."**_

 _ **She shoved his shoulder lightly. "Don't be too inconspicuous, though. I've been talking about my Dmitri, so don't let me down." She kissed him soundly and pushed him away, laughing at the catcalls. "Dmitri!" she called with a smile. She took his hand and tugged him towards the bar.**_

* * *

"I don't know how much you know about Russian party etiquette, but you have to go shot for shot. And as much as I'd trained for Russia, we all somehow forgot to have me train for that." _Like you actually got a say in it, baby?_ Kara's voice murmured. Grant shook his head. "I tried as hard as I could to pace myself, to avoid eye contact and stay sober, but..."

Clint snorted, thinking of parties with Natasha. "You didn't have a chance."

Grant scoffed. "I had _less_ than a chance. I had Garrett throwing me at the mission in a month's time when anyone else would've had at least three." _I think that's the first time I actually criticized him out loud..._ He scrubbed a hand down his face and took another drink. "And that's how I ended up drunkenly proposing to Streya."

* * *

Phil blew out a breath as he knocked on Melinda's door.

Melinda frowned at the sound. "Give me a minute," she murmured. She left her place on the couch to open the door. "Phil?"

"I'm sorry to disturb you, Melinda, but I need Andrew." The director frowned. "Or I think Skye needs him, actually."

Andrew exhaled and stood. "Something to do with Grant?"

Melinda's brows furrowed at the question, the furrows deepening when the director nodded.

"She caught him talking to Fitz on his way to meet Nat and seems really...thrown by her own reaction," Phil explained. "She's in my office, I told her to hide out as long as she needs, but..."

Andrew shook his head. "Don't worry about it. I can't promise she'll talk to me, but I'll definitely go check in."

Phil signed in relief. "Thanks, Andrew. Just - let me know what she needs." He gave Melinda an apologetic look. "If you want to take tomorrow off with Andrew, feel free."

Melinda rolled her eyes. "Andrew, go talk to Skye. Phil, pour us some vodka."

* * *

" _Is_ forgiving and forgetting worth it, though?" Lincoln questioned. "What do we get out of it here?"

Fitz shook his head. "Don't misunderstand _me_ now. I'm not saying forgive and _forget_ , it's more like..." He paused thoughtfully. "It's more _understand_ and forgive." He shrugged. "Isn't that the chance we gave Agent Romanoff? I know it's before your time, but even Director Coulson said you can save anyone if you get to them early enough." He sighed and looked from Mack to Lincoln, holding the latter's gaze as he continued. "And _we_ weren't the ones who tried to save Grant. He worked on saving himself, alone."

"He could have asked for help," Lincoln challenged.

"Yeah, if he realized he _needed_ it," Fitz replied. "And I don't think he knew until it all blew up in his face how much he needed to change."

"Being locked in the basement wasn't enough?" Mack grumbled.

Fitz shot him a glare. "Do you know what happened when we locked him in the basement? He tried to kill himself three times over." He frowned at the tabletop. "And we ignored it. We dismissed it. We thought it was an act. We even -" He cut himself off before mentioning Jemma. "Thinking back and knowing what I know now? He was looking for help, he was looking for purpose, and we left him alone in the dark." He looked up to Mack and Lincoln. "Have either of you ever been completely alone and abandoned? Then taken advantage of by the person who supposedly saves you?"

Lincoln froze, staring down at the table.

Fitz exhaled shakily. "Until that happens, I don't know that any of us have room to judge." He stood from the table. "Thank you both. I'll wish you good night."

Around the corner unseen, Jemma hurried away from the lounge, Fitz's words ringing in her ears.

* * *

Clint winced. "Drunkenly proposing? That doesn't sound good at all."

Grant huffed a laugh. "It wasn't. Like I said, Garrett rushed me into this. I pick up languages fast, but there are nuances to Russian that you can easily mix up." _I wonder if he knew that? If he cared?_ He shrugged and took a long drink of his beer. "Streya was working behind the bar. She was probably...late twenties, maybe? But for a place that rural, she was an ugly old maid in their eyes. Hence Stray Streya." He chuckled and shook his head. "Anyway. I knew enough to realize I needed something to eat to sop up the vodka." He sighed. "And of course that process involved a bunch of similar sounding Russian words that I was trying to properly deliver while drunk."

Clint snorted. "Of course it did."

Grant nodded. "I went to the bar, and I swear to you, I wanted to ask for a meal, and thank the lady." He gave a self-deprecating smile. "Instead, I asked for 'torture' and thanked 'the old man'."

Clint's eyes widened. "You did what?"

"I mixed up the words - they're close, it's a common mistake - but instead of saying 'please bring me a meal, thank you, miss,' I said 'please bring me torture, thank you, old man.'" Grant shook his head. "She brought me her father, and repeated what I had said. And he -"

Clint guffawed. "He thought you were thanking him for his daughter, and the torture you wanted was marriage."

Grant tipped the bottle to him. "Got it in one."

Clint toasted Grant with a snort. "No wonder Nat loved it. She told you to be inconspicuous, and something like that -"

"Took over the whole party, yeah." Grant gave a bittersweet smile. "I thought she was going to kill me, but it ended up that her contact was getting skittish. I managed to save the op by being drunk and notorious." _Could've been so much worse._ "Best since Romanoff." He finished his beer with a sigh. "She never put it in the official report, but she loves to have me tell the story to people she trusts to know it."

"Well, I'm glad to be one of the ones who knows, then," Clint offered. He nodded towards Grant's empty beer. "Want another?"

Grant laughed. "Yeah. Sounds good." _May as well enjoy the time off campus..._

Clint nodded again and stood to retrieve them.

"You know, some people would find it odd to stock alcohol in the fridge in your gym," Grant joked.

"And other people know better," Clint countered. He handed Grant another beer. "I think you're one of 'em."

* * *

Andrew knocked on Coulson's office door. "Skye?"

Skye looked towards the door at the sound of his voice. "Doc?"

Andrew took the question as authorization to enter. "Hey. Phil came to get me. Want to talk about it?"

"No," she muttered. "But I don't know if I can avoid it for long."

Andrew squeezed her shoulder and crouched in front of her. "You're looking at the wrong guy for avoiding your problems. But I get the feeling that's why you came to Phil first, and not me."

Skye peered up at him from under her lashes. "Maybe."

Andrew chuckled. "I just came to check in because he was worried. I'm not going to force you to talk." He shrugged. "If you _want_ to talk about it, though..."

 _Want to? No..._ Skye hugged her knees tighter. _But do I need to? Do I owe it to myself?_ She took a deep breath. "I think I might have feelings for Grant," she whispered.

Andrew nodded slowly. "I think I'm not surprised."

Skye lifted her head to blink at him. "You're _not?" Because_ I _sure as hell am..._

He shook his head. "I'm not. But I will challenge you to examine whether you have feelings for Grant Ward as he is _now_ , or if it's all the old feelings you _had_ that are coming back."

She frowned. "What do you mean?" _Maybe this isn't the disaster I think?_

Andrew shrugged. "You used...what did Melinda tell me you called it..." He frowned for a moment before chuckling. "Hate-fu, that's it. You used hate-fu to deal with Grant's reveal as a HYDRA agent, instead of actually processing those feelings, but now you're second guessing whether that hate-fu was ever warranted."

Skye sighed and nodded slowly. "Yeah, that's for sure." _And I'm pretty terrified the answer is it wasn't. At all._

* * *

Melinda eyed the director. "Want to talk about it?"

Phil frowned. "About what?"

She rolled her eyes. "Skye and Ward."

"You mean Grant?" Coulson grumbled.

Melinda sighed. "Grant. Yes. _Now_. But really, has it gotten past Ward in your head? Honestly?"

Phil took a gulp of vodka. "Honestly?" He exhaled shakily. "I'm pretty embarrassed, Melinda. And ashamed." He shook his head. "All my talk about saving people and the greater good, and I..." He sighed. "I completely failed here."

* * *

Grant exhaled and touched the top of the beer bottle, charging the cap until it popped off. _Look at that, it worked._ He chuckled. "Okay, _maybe_ there's some fun to be had with this."

Clint laughed and handed Grant his beer. "Mine next, does it make the beer warm?"

Grant repeated the process for Clint and took a sip of his own, shaking his head. "I concentrated on just the cap."

"You could've blown your eye out, hotshot," Nat's voice drifted to them. She tossed Grant a bottle and he caught it reflexively. "Glad you didn't. Pop me one."

Grant rolled his eyes and opened her beer. "You know, someone listening might think you care."

"And they'd be goddamned right." She snagged the bottle from him and took a long pull. "There are few people I trust at _my_ six, and I'm not going to let someone's wounded ego take one of them away from me. Even if it's _your_ ego." She smirked from Grant to Clint and back again. "I know a lot of girls who'd be _really_ jealous of me right now." She laid a hand against her forehead. "Like Streya..."

Grant groaned while Clint laughed his ass off.

"Yeah, so how'd you get _out_ of that deal?" Clint asked.

Nat grinned. "It's why I've returned, I knew he would only tell you half the story..."

* * *

Andrew took a deep breath and considered Skye. "How do you feel when you think about Grant with Natasha?"

"Sick to my stomach," Skye muttered. _That was fast,_ Grant's voice whispered to her. She flinched and curled further into herself.

Andrew raised a brow. "And how about when you think of Lincoln with someone else?"

Skye paused. _Can't say I tried that one._ She closed her eyes, picturing Natasha with Lincoln instead. She opened her eyes and shook her head. "Still sick to my stomach." _And pretty alarmed that I'm surprised..._

Andrew gave a small shrug. "Well. That's some new information for you, I take it?"

She nodded quickly. "I - I got caught up with being - upset about Romanoff but I forgot that...that I care about Lincoln too." _And what the hell does that mean?_

Andrew reached out to squeeze her shoulder. "That's okay, you've had a lot to process about Grant in the past few days. But don't lose sight of yourself and where you're actually at in your life. It _did_ go on in his absence."

Skye sighed. _It certainly did, but now it's pulling me backwards..._ She blew out a breath. "I don't know what to say to Lincoln, though."

"You're so sure you have to say something?" Andrew asked gently.

"Yeah." _Whether I want to or not..._ She bit her lip. "Because I think he kind of already knows something's up."

* * *

Melinda frowned and shook her head. "You didn't fail at anything, Phil. We were all doing the best we could."

"Were we?" Phil mused. "Or were we so anxious to have a scapegoat that we ignored his cries for help?"

Melinda flinched, looking down into her glass.

Phil caught the move and sighed. "I'm - Melinda, don't let me beating myself up turn into you beating _yourself_ up, okay? I'm - I've always been the starry-eyed idealist, here, I should have done better." He gave a small smile. "I gave the notorious Black Widow a second chance, but I couldn't give someone I had handpicked to join our team the same. Hell, I cracked Tony Stark."

Melinda snorted and drained her vodka. "He's cracked, all right, but I don't think in the way you mean."

Phil chuckled. "Maybe not." He exhaled. "The fact remains that Grant Ward deserved better than we gave him the first time, so I'm trying to do better now."

"Even if that means losing Lincoln if Skye..." Melinda let her voice trail off and refilled their glasses.

"If Skye and Grant pick up where they left off before it went to HYDRA in a handbasket?" Phil shrugged. "I'll lose electricity and gain fire. We'll just have to change the mission playlists."

* * *

Andrew gave a low murmur of remembrance. "Something about the cameras in the gym, if I'm remembering correctly? Melinda filled me in."

Skye nodded. "Yeah, kind of blew them all in a jealous fit." _He knew better than I did..._ She gave a half-hearted smile. "I should be flattered or something, right?"

Andrew chuckled. "You're under no obligation to enjoy men fighting over you, Skye. Though there's also no judgment if you _are_ flattered." He folded his arms. "So, let's deal with the problem you _can't_ avoid, then. Lincoln."

"Lincoln," she repeatedly weakly. _The problem I can't avoid, versus the one I can avoid. But still, multiple problems to be confronted sometime soon. Yay my life..._

"Your boyfriend," the psychologist prompted.

"My...boyfriend," she echoed. _For now, anyway..._ Skye frowned. _That was not my voice. Was it?_

"Nice pause there, Skye," Andrew teased. He quirked a brow. "You don't want Lincoln with anyone else, though, right?"

She shook her head silently. _Because you don't want to lose him, or you don't want to tell him he was right?_ Grant's voice whispered. She frowned.

"Okay." Andrew blew out a breath. "You said he already suspects something."

She nodded, chewing on a fingernail. _Pretty strongly, too..._

The psychologist quirked a brow. "If you were to tell him he was correct that you were...conflicted, let's say, how do you think he'd react?"

She shrugged.

"Skye..." His tone was gentle but chiding. "Do you want to sleep in here and deal with it tomorrow? If that's the case, I'll head back to Melinda before the vodka is gone. I told you I wouldn't force you to talk about it."

Skye groaned in frustration. "If Linc wouldn't notice, yeah, I might," she muttered. _It'd be a hell of a lot easier than this..._ "I'm just - I feel like if I could just -" She bit her lip. "Not hate-fu, but...put it in the past, for real. You're right, I never actually dealt with my feelings. But it's been too long and we're not - we can't -" She shook her head. "It doesn't matter." _What part?_ Grant whispered again. Skye squeezed her eyes shut against the suggestion.

Andrew bit back his urge to correct her. "Well, if all you need is time to sort old things out, but then you're sure you want to be with Lincoln, can you say that to him?"

 _Am I that sure?_ She exhaled shakily. _Focus, Skye._ "He - he was patient with me when I was trying to figure out my powers. I mean...maybe?"

Andrew shrugged carefully. "Well, maybe that's an option worth exploring then." He lowered his voice to a stage whisper. "Phil's couch is lousy to sleep on."

* * *

"Figured I'd be done and couldn't miss the chance to enjoy my discomfort, or wanted to be sure I told the whole thing?" Grant snarked.

Nat's smirk curved even more mischievously. "Both?"

Grant snorted a laugh. "At least you're honest." _Which is more than I can say for a lot of SHIELD..._

" _Now_ ," Nat teased. "If I'd been honest back then, poor Dmitri would've ended up married and a barkeep, probably."

Clint quirked a brow. "Yeah, true, how'd you get out of it?"

"Well, Nat finished her meet and then came back downstairs," Grant began.

Nat scoffed. "Oh, no, you don't. _I_ get to tell this part if you didn't already." She grinned at Clint. "I came downstairs and one of the other good patrons filled me in. Grant was red-faced and stumbling for his Russian, trying to conjugate a way out." She reached over to pat Grant's cheek. "So I slapped him and accused him of trying to get out of our arranged marriage."

Grant rolled his eyes. "Slapped. More like _punched." Still lighter than anything Garrett ever gave..._

"Hey, watch it, or I'll show you the difference," Nat threatened with a grin. She took a drink of her beer. "Either way, I managed to turn the focus away from Streya and dragged him out of there."

"The next day I went in and apologized," Grant sighed. "Luckily we were moving on - that was part of the intel - so I didn't have to live with the humiliation for long." _At least not in that town..._

"Just when I feel like trotting it out," Nat teased, blowing him a kiss. "All's well that ends well, right?"

Grant took a long drink of his beer before shaking his head. "Not in _my_ experience," he muttered.

* * *

Melinda snorted. "That easy?"

Phil scoffed. "After what he created to help our cause, when I basically told him in no uncertain terms to go to hell?" He shook his head. "It's not easy, but he deserves it. And if it's what makes her happy, Skye deserves it too."

Melinda took a long gulp of vodka. "And if she decides she wants him, but he wants the Avengers?"

Phil winced this time. "Let's not borrow trouble, shall we?"

* * *

Mack frowned as Fitz left the room. "You all right?" He pulled out two beers and opened them, handing one to Lincoln and taking a long drink of his own.

Lincoln shook his head. "No. I'm really not." He blew out a breath. "Jiaying - she - when she found me, I couldn't control it. I was -" He sighed, drinking deeply before continuing. "I was homeless, I had nothing, and I had no one. I would shock everything and everyone I touched." He closed his eyes. "I was inside a dumpster looking for food, and someone came out to throw something in..." He opened them and met Mack's eyes. "When he touched the side of the dumpster, he was electrocuted. He died."

Mack looked at him speechlessly. "He - that fast?"

Lincoln nodded. "I was a live current, walking around. It's why I never stayed in a building with electricity or wiring." He sighed. "Jiaying and Gordon found me as someone was screaming for the cops. They got me out before the police arrived." He swallowed. "They saved my life. I would have been arrested for murder, if the cops could even touch me. SHIELD, HYDRA...I would have been targeted and I would probably be dead." He shook his head. "They never let me forget it."

Mack grunted his disapproval before taking another drink. "So when Fitz asked if you've ever been taken advantage of by the person who saved you..."

Lincoln frowned and guzzled more of his beer. "Yeah. I might understand Ward more than I ever wanted to."

* * *

Nat took a long pull of her beer and considered Grant. "You know, speaking of endings. What do you think Garrett was playing at when he threw you at me, anyway?"

"What do you think?" Grant snorted. "Probably hoping I would be in a position to turn you, or take you out." _He always was an arrogant SOB..._

It was Clint's turn to snort a laugh. "That wasn't going to happen."

Grant shook his head. "Hell no. But I wasn't going to try to tell Garrett that if he had the idea in his head." He rubbed his shoulder. _I have the scars to prove you don't tell him no..._

Clint frowned. "What's up with that shoulder? Injury you need help with?"

 _Not the kind of help you're talking about._ Grant cleared his throat. "It's - it's an old injury. Just...been thinking about it lately."

Nat narrowed her gaze at him. "Garrett?"

 _I hate when she does that. Sees right through me..._ Grant flinched. _But is she the only one, baby?_ Kara whispered. He took a long drink of his beer in response.

Clint sighed. "Sorry, man. I'll try to remember."

Grant shook his head, looking down at the table. _I'm trying to_ forget. "No, you don't - you don't have to, it's -"

"I _know_ I don't have to," Clint interrupted gently. "I want to." He gave a small smirk. "Fucking Asgard, right? I know how that goes." He took a long drink and stared at the beer bottle. "People don't always see your scars."

Grant took an unsteady breath. "Thank you," he managed. _I don't - this isn't -_

Nat reached over to squeeze Grant's hand, a knowing smile on her face. "I know. He's too good for the likes of us." She shot Clint a soft look. "But I'll take it. And you could too."

* * *

Skye took a deep breath and knocked on the lounge wall. "Hey Mack, can I, uh...can I borrow Lincoln?"

Lincoln's gaze shot to hers and a tight smile appeared on his face. "Yeah, sure." He downed the rest of his beer and stood to cross to her side.

Skye exhaled shakily and pulled him down the hall before starting to speak. "I have to apologize to you, Linc. I know you've been - you've been worried and I haven't exactly been helping with that."

Lincoln reached for her hand. "No, you didn't. Thank you."

She gave a small smile. "Yeah, don't thank me yet." She turned them towards their room.

He frowned. "Why do I have a bad feeling when you say that."

She sighed and opened the door. "Because you've been saying I'm confused, and I've been saying I'm not, but now I'm saying..."

"You are." Lincoln dropped her hand and folded his arms. "You still have feelings for him. For Ward."

Skye shook her head. "I don't - I can honestly tell you I don't know if it's anything more than old leftover feelings, Linc, but the fact that I can't tell you means it's not fair to you not to give you a choice." She put her hands on his biceps, curling her fingers in tight. "But that doesn't mean I want you to go. Thinking of losing you to someone else makes me crazy, I can't -"

He gave a short, brittle laugh. "Come on, Skye. You've been dancing around it and now you're finally saying something, but you're asking me to ignore what it means."

She turned frantic eyes to his. "No. I'm asking you to let me figure it out. Like..." She took a shaky breath. "I told him once that hoping for something and losing it hurts more than never hoping for anything. And now it's like...maybe I didn't lose as much as I thought I did back then, I actually had what I was hoping for." She frowned at him. "But I don't know what that means after all this time, I don't know if it means anything at all. That's what I need to work out."

Lincoln scoffed. "That doesn't - that isn't any _better,_ Skye, it's -"

Skye squeezed his arms. " _No_. This - I don't know what to do with us right now, but I know I don't want to end like this, not when what I'm feeling doesn't change history. I need to process, but that doesn't mean I'm - I'm in - that I -" She shook herself. "Just - give me time to clear my head, please." She tugged at Lincoln until he met her eyes. "Please."

He sighed again. "Skye...I don't want to drag this out if you're not -"

"Lincoln, I'm here with you, I _want_ to be with you." _Or do I just_ want _to want to be with you?_ She shook her head. "It's just bringing up old memories, old feelings. I need to process them properly and put them away. Give me the time to do that." She rubbed her thumbs along his skin. "Give me a _reason_ to."

Lincoln unfolded his arms and grabbed her elbows, pulling her in to kiss her fiercely. "I will give you _every_ reason to," he whispered. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her again.

Skye whimpered under his hold and kissed him back with all the uncertainty in her heart.

* * *

Grant exhaled as he landed the Quinjet, the base silent around him. _As much as I would've loved to stay, if I had, I'd never even have come back here..._ He powered down the engines as Kara's voice whispered, _You sure there's nothing here you're looking for, baby?_

* * *

Skye blinked awake, a vibration nearby pulling her from sleep. The pad on the nightstand gave a soft beep and she exhaled. _He's back. Do I..._ She looked over at Lincoln and swallowed hard, turning towards him instead.

* * *

Grant exhaled as he picked up his pace past Skye's door and quietly made his way back to his bunk.

 _Not anymore._

* * *

 **A.N.** : Don't kill me! Slow burn SkyeWard, you see she's torn, but Grant deserves to feel not totally defensive all the time, and until Skye's all in, he'll still have to be on guard...Hope you stick with me!


	13. Grace in their Failures

**A.N.:** I am so, so sorry for the long long wait for an update. February sucked. I had a death in the family, the boiler blew, and the repairs are yet to be completed...work is a walking disaster and I got sent for a chest X-ray because my doctor thought I might have pneumonia. All that to say, I much prefer fic life to real life, and I have the chapter after this one in final edits as well. My eternal gratitude to anyone still following along, and hope this satisfies.

* * *

 **Chapter 13 - Grace in Their Failures**

May looked up as the door to the gym opened, giving Grant a nod. "Ward. Late start this morning?"

Grant froze for a moment, exhaling and shaking his head. _Just hearing that name makes me think I'm about to get my ass kicked._ "Grant, please. If you don't mind." He shrugged. "Might not be for long, but I'd appreciate it."

"Grant, then," she corrected. She eyed him. "Have a good night?

"Yeah." _Hopefully the first of many._ He gave a small smile. "Thanks for asking."

May shrugged. "It's been..." She snorted. "It's been an experience having you here. But if there's somewhere you'll feel more comfortable while you figure out how to use these new powers, that's fine too."

"Coulson told you?" Grant asked. _And you didn't try to talk him out of it?_

She nodded. "He mentioned the offer, yes." She quirked a brow. "Going to take it?"

 _Am I? And if I'm ready to answer, do I tell May?_ He blew out a breath, standing at attention. _She gave me a chance..._ "Yeah, I think I will."

May nodded again in return. "Good."

 _Wait, what?_ He frowned at her. "Good?" _It's_ good _that I'll be training with the Avengers?_

She sighed and met his eyes. "Don't make the same mistake I did. Don't shut everyone out. Let people help you."

He flinched. _Damn it, May..._ "I don't - I'm not -"

Melinda held up a hand. "I've learned it's okay to need help. Even Natasha did."

 _The kinder, gentler Melinda May..._ Grant exhaled, recalling the easy camaraderie of the night before. "Barton is - not what I expected."

Melinda smirked. "No, he's not. But maybe that's what you need."

Grant nodded. "It felt... _good_." _And don't you deserve that, baby?_

"I'm glad," Melinda said softly. "I'm going to see if Andrew or Coulson needs anything else from you, but I think we just have to finish your powers test and you're free and clear."

Grant scrubbed his hands down his face. "As much as I'll ever be," he muttered. _Still so much red in my ledger..._

May snorted. "You picked the wrong line of work if you wanted to be completely free someday."

 _Did I?_ "I didn't really pick it," Grant murmured. "I didn't have a choice."

Melinda froze and considered him. "No...you _didn't_ , did you..." She swallowed hard and shook her head. "I'm - I'm sorry I didn't understand before."

Grant clenched his fists and shook his head in return. _How could you? Garrett trained me to make it look like a choice..._ "I didn't either," he admitted. "I'm realizing a lot thanks to Nat and your husband."

"Ex," Melinda corrected with a wry smile. "But I hear you."

Grant huffed a laugh. "You know, I wondered what happened to you while I was gone, what changed you. I think I get it now." _Maybe I shouldn't have run from him back then..._

Melinda took a deep breath before speaking softly. "I genuinely hope you have the same chance to choose your path."

"That's what I'm trying to do," he confessed. _For the first time in my entire sorry existence._ "Nat and Clint...they opened my eyes to some possibilities yesterday. Maybe I didn't really choose this life, but I want to be a part of it for now."

May nodded. "Well, I'm glad you're on our side then." She straightened her shoulders to meet his gaze directly. "I'm sorry I didn't realize what happened to you. I hope -"

"I wasn't always a good man, May," Grant interrupted softly. "Your hatred is -"

"- you know, you don't deserve my cruelty," she continued, the roar of guilt in her ears awkward and unfamiliar. "And you got more than your share," she ground out.

 _Present tense. She's talking in present tense._ Grant looked down, the marks on his wrists glaringly obvious in his workout clothes. "I - it's -"

Melinda shook her head. "Don't. Andrew and I have spoken about it. It's not all right, what we did, how we treated you. Whether you were a good man or not, _we_ are supposed to be better than that."

"I don't blame you," he insisted. _Not anymore._ "I don't. I know what it all looked like and I was just going to - to kamikaze this fight. I know what I did to you all." _I was never expecting forgiveness, or even understanding anymore._

May only shook her head again. "Maybe that's part of the problem." She blew out a breath. "I'll go check in with Andrew. The gym should be yours for at least an hour." She waved off any argument. "And there's nothing else to say. We'll call it even, we've both learned from all of it."

 _But I don't hate you anymore...Even if you might._ Grant opened his mouth and closed it again, nodding. "Thank you, May."

She gave another short nod and left him to his workout.

* * *

Melinda sighed as she walked into her bunk. "Andrew?"

"In here." Andrew looked up from the pad he was reading in bed. "You all right?"

She shook her head. "I was just reminded of how many assumptions I made about Ward. Grant. _Whatever_."

Andrew rolled his eyes and stood to take her by the shoulders. "So _not_ all right, then." He pulled her into a hug. "Talk to me."

She struggled in his grip before fisting her hands in his shirt. "You always told me to do good, and I thought I was. You know I did. But there was nothing good about what I did, who I was, when it came to him."

Andrew kissed her head. "Have you apologized to him?"

"Just did," she murmured.

"Ahh..." Andrew chuckled. "That must've been hell."

* * *

Skye bit her lip as the clock showed 7 am. _He's back, probably finishing up in the gym..._ She looked at Lincoln. _I shouldn't just leave him. Not after yesterday..._ She exhaled and laid back, staring at the ceiling. _If I'm trying to figure things out, though..._

* * *

Melinda thumped Andrew lightly on the chest. "Shut up."

He kissed her. "Sorry, truth hurt a bit?"

She rolled her eyes. "It's a step, just be proud of me."

"I absolutely am," Andrew assured her. "I know how much that must have cost you to say, and I thank you for it. I'm sure it means a lot to Grant."

Melinda exhaled shakily. "Thank you. I'm going to check in with Phil, but is there anything you need follow up on?"

He grabbed the pad from the table and handed it to her. "No. That's my report to Phil, where I basically write down everything I've already told you both. Grant Ward is a very, very lost man - a young man, in many ways. He hasn't had choices, not what you and I would call _real_ ones, and he deserves as many of them as he can get now."

* * *

Grant focused on the heavy bag, pace steady and sure. _This is probably the closest to peaceful I've felt here._ He exhaled and moved to the speed bag. _After today, I'll be somewhere where no one looks at me like the boogeyman..._

"Don't think I've ever seen you on the speed bag," Skye commented. "Impressive."

 _Damn it. Of course._ Grant kept his gaze on the bag, his heart rate picking up along with the pace of his rolling punches. "Not always a part of the routine," he murmured. "Am I in your way?" _Is she in_ yours, _baby?_ Kara's voice teased. _So much for peace..._

Skye shook her head. "Heavy bag is fine for me. Mind if I warm up?"

He shrugged. "No, I'll probably be out of here soon anyway." _Not chasing demons away this time. I know how to fight them, and where._

She nodded and took to the mats to stretch.

* * *

Coulson looked up at the knock on his door. "Come in."

May gave a nod and closed the door behind her. "Good morning."

He snorted. "Would be better if these files would finish decrypting," he groused. He gestured at the chair across from him. "Is that for me?"

She passed him the pad. "Andrew's report. In his words, nothing he hasn't already said to us."

Phil grimaced. "That could still be pages worth."

Melinda barked a laugh. "Yeah. It could be." She quirked a brow. "Those files. Nat's retrieval?"

He sighed. "This is what we were trying to get, updated HYDRA intel." He glared at the screen. "With new encryption protocols, apparently. Which means it's Carson."

"So you _really_ want it," she concluded. "Has Skye -"

Coulson nodded. "She doesn't know what it is, but this is her decryption that's running." He scrubbed his hands down his face. "But that's not what you're here for. What can I do for you?"

"Tell me if there's anything left to the indexing before I get Andrew to his conference," May answered. "He's the keynote speaker, he's ready to go whenever I'm free."

The director skimmed to the end of the report. "His recommendations are therapy and training, and then whatever Grant chooses." He shrugged. "We just need to finish the powers assessment. Do you think Skye can handle it?"

May nodded. "Skye can. The real question is, can Lincoln?"

Coulson rolled his eyes. "I'll find her. I need to get away from this for a bit anyway."

May gave a tight smile. "Thank you."

Coulson huffed a laugh. "Nothing to thank me for. Take a Quinjet, take the day, thank Andrew for me. Unless he wants to lecture me in person?"

Melinda snorted. "Not that he's mentioned. I'll forget to offer, if you'd rather."

Phil took a deep breath. "Yes, please."

* * *

Jemma wrung her hands outside Fitz' door, his words echoing in her ears. "I should just knock," she whispered, nodding. "I just need to talk to him."

May and Garner slowed as they approached her, exchanging a look.

"Jemma? Everything all right?" Andrew questioned. He nodded towards Fitz's door. "I'm pretty sure the door doesn't bite, nor does Leo."

Jemma blushed, shaking her head. "No, he - I'm sure - I mean -" She took a deep breath, meeting their eyes nervously. "He's quite upset with me, I think."

May put a hand on Andrew's arm. "I'll spare Andrew the air. It's never too late to try to fix our mistakes." She smirked at her ex-husband. "Right?"

He nodded at her and smiled reassuringly at Jemma. "Just knock, Jemma. The worst that happens is he doesn't answer and you keep trying. But the best that happens? The door opens and you can move on from this moment."

Jemma exhaled shakily. "Thank you, Dr. Garner." She quirked a brow. "Are you leaving?"

He nodded. "I have a conference in California to keynote, I barely managed coverage of everything else."

The biochemist gave a tight smile. "Well, thank you for your help, and good luck."

Andrew reached past her and knocked on Fitz's door with a grin. "You too." He grabbed Melinda's hand and tugged her down the hall.

* * *

Grant dropped from the pull-up bar, grabbing his towel and mopping his brow. "All yours," he called over. _For good, probably._

Skye caught the heavy bag and nodded. "Thanks." She licked her lips. "You - did you have -" _Get it together, Skye._ "How was your night?"

He gave a quick smile. "Good. It was nice to - " He cleared his throat, looking away from her. "To not feel like the bad guy all night." _And not to doubt what everyone thinks of me..._

She frowned. "You still feel like that here? Seriously?"

He gave a curt laugh. _You missed my lovely conversation with May..._ "Seriously? Yes." He sighed. "It's not - I don't blame anyone but myself for it, I had - you all gave me enough chances." He took a deep breath. "Now I get to take a chance of my own and see what it can be like to make a different choice."

She forced a chuckle. "Sounds like something Doc would say."

He snorted. _Or Clint or Nat or pretty much all of the Avengers, apparently..._ "Yeah. Guess the head shrinking is working, huh?"

Skye looked at him closely, noting the openness in his eyes, the lowered shoulders. "That might not be a bad thing."

Grant's gaze shot to hers, his throat suddenly dry. _You care if I - how I'm feeling?_ "Skye -"

"You're both here, that's perfect," Coulson said, walking through the door. "Skye, I was actually looking for you."

* * *

Fitz yawned as he opened the door. "Jemma?"

Jemma flushed. "Fitz. Good morning. I'm - I'm sorry to bother you, I just - I wanted to - I need you to -" She frowned, shaking her head. "Fitz, I'm sorry. I know you and Ward are friends now. And I'm trying to trust you. But he -"

"Oh, Jemma..." Fitz sighed heavily. "I know. You think I've forgotten? That I'm pretending like he didn't look into our eyes and drop us into the ocean?"

She flinched, the ring of truth in his words stinging. "I - I hope you wouldn't forget, which makes this all so much more puzzling for me!"

He rolled his eyes. "I know." He gestured to the couch. "Do you want a cup of tea?"

She deflated and nodded, taking a seat. "Please."

* * *

Skye swallowed hard and looked at the director, smoothing her expression as she was taught. _By whom?_ Grant's voice whispered in her head. "Yeah, AC?"

"I was hoping you and Grant could finish up the powers assessment," the director explained. "Grant's overexertion kept us from testing a few other things." He looked to Grant. "Unless you'd rather -"

Grant shook his head. "I'm fine, I can go for a bit longer." _You mean you'd rather get it over with,_ Kara's voice teased.

Coulson looked from one to the other and nodded. "Great. Skye, we're looking at fire manipulation now - self-generated and external."

Skye saluted him. "Aye aye, captain. Checking how much of a firestarter Hellfire is."

Grant snorted a laugh. "That's really my codename?" _I didn't think anyone would give a damn what I thought._

The director shrugged. "Unless you'd rather something else?"

Grant shook his head. "No. I'll take it." He tossed his towel aside and rolled his shoulders. "I owe it to Fitz, anyway." _Even if we're better now, I know how much I hurt him..._ He moved to the middle of the floor.

Skye and Coulson shared a long look. "You staying, AC?"

Coulson opened his mouth to reply and paused as the pad in his hands beeped softly. "No, I - " He shrugged at Skye. "I have to check this. I trust you both, though."

 _Both?_ Grant's gaze shot to the director. _You trust us both?_

Skye gave a short nod, ignoring the pit in her stomach at Coulson's words and turned her attention to Grant. _He trusts me now, Skye,_ Grant's voice whispered to her. _Can you?_

* * *

Fitz handed Jemma a teacup and sat wearily. "What can I do for you, Jemma."

"You can - you -" Jemma sighed. "You can let me apologize, first off."

Fitz eyed her. "All right."

"I'm sorry, Fitz. I didn't want you to feel like I didn't trust you," she said softly. "I'm just - I'm worried about you." She took a sip of tea and shook her head. "I realize it sounds remarkably condescending, but -"

"No 'but'. It _does_ ," Fitz countered flatly. "And I know you don't mean it that way, but it's hard for me to swallow." He sighed and put his teacup down. "Jemma, I fought long and hard to get back to - to who I am now, how I am now. I'll never be the same, you're right. But I like to think that where I am now is bloody good."

* * *

Skye exhaled and took a position in the middle of the mats. "So. Got a lighter?"

Grant chuckled and shook his head. _Not among my bad habits._ "Can't say I do, but I'm sure we can find one."

"Yeah, or a flamethrower," she teased. "Give me a second." She lightly jogged out of the gym.

He nodded, centering himself and slowing his breathing. "No problem," he murmured to the empty room. _Last thing and then I get to go back to them._ He looked down at his hands, picturing a simple bow and arrow. "Well, look at that." He grinned as it materialized.

Skye rolled her eyes. "Seriously, dude?"

Grant's grin turned to a smirk. _Absolutely._ "Incoming," he intoned before letting the fiery arrow fly.

She waved it off easily, shaking her head. "You're gonna have to do better than that."

"That's if we were really at war. For this?" He shrugged. "Not so much." _I have no desire to hurt you again._

She snorted. "Fine. Fair enough. Let's go, hotshot." She brandished a stick lighter. "Not a flamethrower, but it's probably better that way." She tossed it to him.

He caught it and released the bow and arrow.

Skye quirked a brow. "So, that. You made it and then you...unmade it, I guess. How does that feel?"

Grant shrugged. _Good question._ "It's...pretty natural. I just think about it and..." He paused and looked at the palm of his hand, a flaming rosebud appearing in his palm. "I can make it." He clenched his fist and quenched the construct. _Seriously, Grant?_ Kara's snort of laughter was a familiar echo in his head.

She stomped on the quick flutter in her stomach. "Huh. Fancy. So what happened with the chain?"

He cleared his throat and flicked the lighter. "Not enough energy to keep it going and fight you." _And that's applicable in multiple ways, isn't it,_ Kara suggested wryly. He turned up the flame and touched his finger to it. " _Ouch_." He winced and pulled his finger away. Kara's voice in his head chastised him. _Serves you right, arrogant man._ "Well, there's the answer to one thing, huh?" He shook his hand out and snorted a laugh.

Skye glared at him. "That was _not_ the idea," she hissed.

Grant rolled his eyes. "No, but it's also fine. I'll live." _Not gonna think about why she cares, baby?_ Kara's smile was bright in his mind's eye. He took a deep breath. _No more pushing buttons._ He flicked the lighter again and held his hand out, palm up. _Come to papa._ He concentrated on the flame, willing it towards him. His fingertips lit and he shook his head. "No, that's me, not the flame." He shut the lighter off and wiggled his fingers. "Guess it's just my own brand of fire I can wield."

She frowned. "Yeah, but we coulda gotten that answer without the blistering finger."

 _She sounds upset that you hurt yourself, doesn't she, baby?_ He clenched his fist so the fire on his fingertips went out. "It's _fine,_ Skye."

"So says the Robot," she muttered. She froze as she registered the nickname leaving her lips.

Grant's eyes shot to hers and he frowned quickly. _Don't think it's more than a reflex. Don't._ "I - it's really -"

Skye bit back a curse as the intercom on the wall beeped for her attention. She stalked towards it. "Yeah."

"Skye?" Coulson's voice was strained. "Can you - would you ask Grant to come see me, please?"

She looked over at Grant and nodded slowly. "Yeah, sure. Should I -"

"No, it's fine, just - " Coulson cleared his throat. "If you guys are sufficiently through down there, of course, I don't want to interrupt."

She shrugged. "Nah, as Grant said, he can only use his own brand of fire." She smirked. "That sounded different than I meant it."

Coulson's laugh was half-hearted. "Just ask him to come to my office. Thanks." He cut the connection.

Skye quirked a brow as she turned. "Looks like someone's going to the principal's office. Hope you don't get a detention."

Grant barked a laugh. "Been there done that around here." _Too many times, and somehow still not enough for everyone._ He grabbed his gym bag and left her in a haze of memory.

* * *

Jemma frowned. "I don't - Fitz, I don't mean to imply that you're not - that you're still - that you haven't recovered remarkably. You _have_. But there's still - perhaps you're overeager to - to downplay the effects of our ordeal, and the ramifications of it, so you easily forgave him to - to deny what happened."

Fitz groaned in frustration. "Jemma, please...I - it's -" He shook his head. "You infiltrated HYDRA, yeah? When I was - " He waved his hand. "You know. You joined HYDRA to get intel, to help SHIELD. And I - I'm not going to ask, but I'm sure that it wasn't all kittens and moonbeams that got you in." He sighed. "You did wrong knowing it was wrong, but for the greater good."

She frowned even deeper. "I - it was - we made sure -" She took a sip of her tea. "I didn't _ki -_ " She froze for a heartbeat before shaking herself free. "I - I might have done... _questionable_ things, but nothing crossed the line into _evil."_

"Jemma..." He shook his head. "Maybe you didn't, but the SHIELD we're so proud of? They let their agents be brainwashed, tortured. Hell, they even let loyal agents, good people, be killed for the same greater good. Before _and_ after the Fall."

Jemma's teacup rattled as she set it down, a stricken look on her face.

Fitz missed the change in her expression, staring down into his tea. "Now imagine if you didn't know the damn difference, if all the ways you were supposed to know right from wrong weren't there." He exhaled heavily. "There was no one to comfort you, or tell you what was fair and what wasn't. Life just...happened, and you had to do the best you could." He looked up at Jemma. "Grant may have trusted the wrong person, Jemma, but I'm not. I know what I'm doing. And I'm asking you, again, to respect that."

She shuddered, wringing her hands again. "I - Fitz, I - " She shook her head. "I don't -"

"Just _try,_ Jemma," he interjected. "Please, for me. Just try to respect me enough to let me make my own decision." He gave her a long, searching look. "I've done it for you."

She dropped her eyes under his scrutiny and nodded. "You...you have. I'll try." She swallowed the rest of her protests and cleared her throat. "I think I'll just head to the lab. Sorry to disturb you, Fitz." She stood.

"Jem -" He stood too, holding a hand towards her. "You don't have to go, if - if you don't want to."

She shook her head. "I have - I have some things to - I have to go." She ducked her head and left him.

"Well, bloody hell," he muttered, draining the rest of his tea.

* * *

Grant knocked on Coulson's door. "You asked for me?" _Which is still a bizarre feeling..._

"Grant. Please have a seat." Coulson waved at the chair across from him.

Grant frowned quickly and did so. _I know that look._ "Everything all right, sir?"

Coulson laughed humorlessly. "Depends on which side of the fence you're on." He held out a data pad. "This is the intel that Nat retrieved for us. Took a while to decrypt."

Grant skimmed the information in front of him and froze. "This - it's Carson. It's the Pym particle research." _And it's way too damn close._

The director sighed and nodded. "It is indeed. And that is where I need your help." He leaned forward. "If we're reading this right, they're almost there. They're testing what will probably be the final, and correct formula. And I need your help figuring out how to stop them."

"We _can't,_ " Grant muttered automatically. "If there was any way to get through to Carson, I would've done it already." _I hated giving up that chase..._

"The good news is he isn't actually at this lab." Coulson waved toward the pad and Grant looked down again. "He outsourced the testing to satellite labs, he didn't want to take the chance that anyone would figure out what they were working on and steal the tech." The director sighed. "The _bad_ news is Nat caught a transmission out, Carson knows they're close." Coulson keyed up a 3D map. "Looks likely that Carson is deep in Russia, while the lab in question is..."

"Near Providence Base," Grant offered softly. He gave a bitter laugh. _Of course it is._ He blew out a breath, regrets and remembrance creeping back in. _Full circle. Present tense. Maybe closure will be closure after all..._ "I might have an idea."

* * *

Skye watched as Grant emerged from Coulson's office. The two men stopped in the doorway while she listened.

"They say everything happens for a reason, right?" Coulson held out his hand. "If this is why it's taken till now for us to find our way back to each other, I'll be forever grateful."

Grant shook his hand. "I'll say the same, sir." _I may not be expecting forgiveness, but I won't pass up the opportunity to try for some measure of redemption..._

The director shook his head. "At this point, with all that we owe you, and all that we're going to owe you? Call me Phil."

"Phil." Grant straightened and nodded. "I won't let you down." _The respect I always wanted, just a tad too late..._

"I know you won't, Grant." Phil sighed. "We're the ones who let _you_ down."

"Not all of you," Grant countered. "Not the ones that matter to me." _And the rest...I did let them down first._

The director released his hand. "Good luck."

"Take care of them, Phil." Grant gave a small smile. "I think you're the only one who can." _That goes for all of them. Damn it...sorry, Nat, Clint..._

Coulson gave him a small smile in return. "I will. It's my privilege."

Grant nodded and walked away, the director looking after him.

Skye frowned. _What the hell was that?_ She watched as the director rubbed a hand over his eyes and walked back into his office. _AC looks like someone just stole his Captain America card collection for real._ She bit her lip, remembering the high level decryption he'd asked for yesterday. _What did he find?_. She darted out of her hiding place and down the hall towards Ward. "Grant?"

 _Of all the people to run into..._ Grant swore softly to himself and turned. "Skye."

"You were in there forever. Got in my whole workout, breakfast and a shower." She raised a brow. "What's up with that? AC sounded pretty flustered."

"Coulson wanted my opinion on something, that's all." Grant fought not to wince. _It's Skye, that's not going to cut it._

"Uh-huh, sure." Skye eyed him. "On _what."_

"He decrypted some intel that he wanted to review. A lead on a HYDRA lab where Carson may have sent some particle samples to." Grant blew out a breath. _More like a HYDRA fortress..._ "I'd started tugging on that string and ran into too many problems, I passed it off to SHIELD. That's all." He gave her a small smile and turned to walk away.

"Cool. So we're raiding a lab?" Skye fell into step with him.

 _Still Skye._ Grant kept his face neutral. "You'd have to ask Coulson."

Skye considered him. "Yeah, he didn't look so great when he was going back into his office, so...I'm going to give him a while before knocking on that door."

"Were you eavesdropping, Skye?" Grant kept walking at the same even pace, fighting every instinct to run. _Just let this go..._

"Maybe I caught a little bit." Skye swallowed. "Why would he want you to call him Phil? What was that intel?" _And why did you ask him to take care of us?_

 _Please, just...stop..._ Grant closed his eyes for a breath and quickened his steps. "Skye, if you want to know, you'll have to ask him."

"No, I'm asking _you_ , and _you're_ not supposed to lie to me." She grabbed his arm. "What is going on?"

He stopped in his tracks. _Of all the times to take me at my word, damn it, Skye..._ "Fine. The intel is about an underground base, too shielded for outside scans, we were talking strategies to infiltrate. All right? And I had an idea."

She sought his eyes. "What idea?"

"I'll go in," he said shortly. "I can get in, no one knows where I am, there are no contacts that are missing me." _I tore it all down for that chance at closure..._ He shook himself. "I go in as the head of HAMMER, called in by Carson to audit their security. Carson has been getting more and more paranoid the closer they get to replicating the formula."

"Oh." She released his arm. "That's not a bad idea. Go in, see how close they are, report back and we take it from there." She nodded. "Makes sense."

"Glad you think so," Grant replied. _Now please, stop thinking about this._ He raised a brow. "May I be excused, then?"

Skye blinked at him. "I - yeah, I guess. Sorry."

Grant flinched. "No, _I'm_ sorry. I shouldn't have been condescending." _Especially not now._ He sighed. "Sorry." _Maybe I'm not as okay with this as I think._

Skye frowned at him. "That's the most apologizing I think I've ever heard from you."

He pursed his lips. "Well, I mean it. I shouldn't have snapped at you." _I would hate that to be the last thing you remember._ He nodded down the hall. "I'm going to head back to my bunk, I'm gone in a few hours."

Skye frowned at him. "But May's not here, who's flying? Who's backup?"

He cleared his throat. "Skye, you really should talk to Coulson, all right? It's fine." _Please stop analyzing this._

She eyed him suspiciously. "You're going in alone."

"Skye..." He shook his head. _I've got to get out of here._ "I should get some rest."

"It's the middle of the afternoon, a recon mission shouldn't be too taxing for a robot like you," she challenged. "Except you're not just running recon."

He swallowed hard. _Damn it. Enough._ "I have to go, Skye, I'm sorry." He brushed past her.

"You're not running recon at _all_ ," she mused aloud. She followed him. "Are you?"

 _Just stop, please..._ Grant kept his pace even and kept walking.

"You're not answering, because you can't answer without lying to me," Skye realized. "It's already too close, isn't it? This is a search and destroy..."

He fought back the wince and continued down the hall. _More than you know._

"And you said underground base. But you didn't say how far underground." She eyed him. "How far underground? Are we talking Puerto Rico? Manual detonation?"

 _Stop digging, Skye..._ Grant refused to respond, opening the door and entering his temporary quarters instead.

Skye stalked into his bunk after him. "So you make it into the base, they still think you're big bad HAMMER dude and you're coming because Carson called you to audit security. Fine." She dropped onto the couch, watching him toss a pad onto the table. _Should have known it was a mission briefing._ "I'm going to assume it's already too close, so you need to retrieve their data, then blow the computers and the particle samples."

 _She's good._ He took a moment to appreciate how she unraveled the mission parameters. _I didn't say a thing._ He crossed the room to stand in front of his vanity.

"Then what?" She shook her head. "By the time you're done, you're completely subterranean without backup in a radio shielded facility, and any fuse long enough to get you out would give them time to stop it, unless you take out every single person in there." She shook her head again. "So you detonate those charges and...That can't be right. AC wouldn't..." _Call me Phil, he said...and then that look...No. No._ "What's the extraction plan?"

He poured himself a bourbon and drained the glass. _Well, hell. She got there anyway._ He filled another glass and held it towards her wordlessly.

"No." Skye shook her head, taking the glass and putting it down on the table untouched. "Grant, what's your extraction plan?"

 _I either get my own ass out..._ He took a deep breath, turning away from her gaze. _Or I don't._

"There _is_ none." She eyed him, confirmation in every line of his body. "That's why you're not talking, that's why AC looked like that. There's no extraction plan here."

Grant swallowed hard and shook his head. "No."

Skye looked at the bourbon in front of her. _That...their conversation...AC...he basically said thank you for being willing to -_ "No. I don't accept that. You can't just go in there without any backup or any plan. You can't." She shook her head. "You just can't. I won't allow it." _Why does it matter to you?_ his voice whispered.

"You're not the director, Skye. You may have a team, but you don't call all the shots," he said softly. _And the fact that you'd want to call this one differently means more than you know..._

"But...this...we're sending you out there to _die,"_ she said hoarsely. "What am I supposed to do with that?"

"Let me _die,"_ he whispered. _Not that long ago you would have considered it justice..._ Grant shook his head and pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. "God, Skye, did you really not consider why I never came after you before? Why when I saw you guys, I kept playing the asshole but never fired a single shot first? For kicks?" He crossed the room to pour himself another bourbon. _There was no game there, damn it._ "I left you for last, on purpose. You should know that. You of all people should know by now." _Whether you believe me or not, I've told you how I feel about what I've done._ He drained the glass swiftly. _You all deserved to have your shot at me. This is just the universe doing the rest._

She faltered and sat back. "I don't -" _I never wanted to think about it._ She frowned at him. _I don't know if I want to think about it now..._ "I thought because we were the head of what's left of SHIELD."

"Of what _I_ left of SHIELD," he bit out. "I left what I couldn't destroy of HYDRA to what was left that I trusted of SHIELD." _What I abandoned of SHIELD..._ He shook himself. "I was done, I was finished, it was _over_ , and all that was left for me was closure. To...disappear." _To just have it all stop._

"To die." She looked at him accusingly. "You almost slipped before, that it was supposed to be the end of you. _That's_ closure, that's what you wanted. You wanted to atone, and then you wanted to die."

 _Maybe one would serve the other._ He looked away. "When there's red in your ledger -"

"Don't Romanoff me, Grant, give me a little more credit than that." She stood and moved to get in his face. "You _wanted_ the team to kill you. That's what that night was about. You crossed off all the targets you could, and you wanted us to _end_ you."

"I wanted to finish what I could on my own, and then yes, I wanted to finish our fight." _Was it really your fight, baby?_ Kara questioned. He sighed. "I wanted to find out who I was and I was fully prepared for you to win." _Whatever that meant in the end._ He threw his hands up. "Are you happy?"

"No, I'm fucking pissed!" Skye jabbed a finger in his chest. "You wanted us to put you down like a rabid dog!"

"That's exactly what I was! Without you, without Kara, without anything else, I was a rabid dog attacking until someone put me down." _I knew it then and I know it now._ He shoved away from her. "I was a weapon, that's all that was left of me, so I pointed in a useful direction and waited to be decommissioned."

 _Without me?_ Skye ignored it and responded. "We don't do that here, and you know it. You're not a horse to be put out to pasture."

"No, I'm a traitor and the penalty for that is death." He kept his back to her. _Even if I tried to fool myself into thinking I could have redemption another way._ "I can run and I can hide and I can live like that, I trained to live like that, but there's no _point_ to it." He shook his head. "I'm not getting the girl or the happy ending, Skye, a man like me doesn't retire and tell stories to grandkids." He finally turned to face her. "That's what _you're_ supposed to do. _I'm_ supposed to die." _One way or another, by someone's side or all alone. Isn't that what Garrett taught me?_

She flinched at the flat statement, shaking her head. "Is it so easy for you?"

He let out a harsh laugh. _Easy? Did I ever know the meaning of that word?_ "You're..." He shook himself. _She won't want to hear that._.."HYDRA is on its way out. SHIELD has been purged. There is no mission left, nothing I need to do. I can let go. I can finally just be done."

"You really _are_ done," Skye scoffed. "Grant Ward, giving up." _Why the hell do you think that is, Skye?_ Even his voice in her head was rough with frustration.

 _Why the fuck not?_ He rubbed a hand over his eyes. "I gave up a long time ago. Four bullets ago, four suicide attempts ago, two brothers ago." _Three if you count Fitz..._ He took a slow, deep breath. "You should leave."

"And _you_ should know better than to think I'd let you go on a mission with no extraction plan," she persisted. " _No_. Walk me through it. Think about powers, think about strategy, anything and everything."

He gestured to the pad on the table. "You want to take a look? Be my guest. Take it. I have it memorized by now. But I'm _not_ asking anyone to walk into the lion's den if _I_ can't figure out how to get us safely away." _I don't deserve to take anyone else down for my mistakes._ He reined in his frustration with effort, softening his tone. "If you find something, you can let me know, but otherwise, I'm wheels up in two hours and I am fine with that." _I have to be._ He moved to stand next to the door, folding his arms. "Thank you for your concern, Skye, but we both know no one is going to miss me if I don't make it back. I'm the perfect choice for a mission like this."

"That's bull," she spat. She shook her head. "The people who still make you feel like - like that - they don't know you like -" _Like who, Skye? Huh? You ready to say this out loud?_ She sighed. "Like I do. You haven't told everyone the things you've told me."

"I told Kara," he murmured. "I knew Morse wouldn't hesitate to use my loyalty to Garrett against me, so I explained what I could of where it came from."

"And she loved you for it." _Was she the only one?_ Grant's voice whispered in her head. Skye exhaled shakily. "You told Fitz just a bit of it and he's your most vocal defender." Skye smoothed her palms down her thighs and stood, grabbing the pad he'd offered. "There's something in there worth saving, Grant, even if you don't think so."

Grant only shook his head. "Even if there is, it's not worth HYDRA getting their hands on that kind of tech. That isn't an option." _No matter who I'm working with or working for._

"Yeah, well, neither should you going on a suicide mission." Skye glared at him, shaking the pad in his face.

"Skye." He closed his eyes, shook his head. _If only things had gone differently..._ "You've been part of this for long enough by now to understand that sometimes, it's the only option." He gave a short laugh, opening his eyes to look at her. "And that is _still_ , regardless of by whom or for what purpose, what I trained for. To be the whole solution. Either I make it out, or I don't." _And either way, it's on me, and only me._ "At least this time, I know."

She pointed at the bourbon she'd left on the table. "You leave that there, and you pour another one. We're gonna toast when your ass gets back." She glared at him hard before leaving the room.

 _Sorry, Skye._ He blew out a breath, sitting on the couch. _I really_ am _sorry._ He picked up her glass and took the shot himself.

* * *

 **A.N.** : Did I also mention don't kill me? Don't kill me. This is still heading for Skyeward and someone is about to get a kick in the ass in that direction...


	14. Spinning Awry

**A.N.** : First and foremost - I don't own SHIELD or anyone in the MCU. I just like to play with the potential they've given me. That said, I have NOT watched SHIELD this week, and I'm not sure if I want to...So I made sure to edit this instead. Thank you all for your kudos, comments, patience and support, and hopefully we've only got another four chapters ahead. The same "don't kill me" disclaimer applies. ;) Please enjoy.

* * *

 **Chapter 14 - Spinning Awry**

Skye slammed into Coulson's office. "Unacceptable."

The director looked up at her. "I'm sorry?"

"A suicide mission. Unacceptable." _Really? Why is that?_ She ignored the voice whispering to her and sat down across from the desk. "So what's our play?"

Coulson sighed. "There's no play, Skye. I told him you weren't going to like it."

"Which is why he never would've told me," she clarified. _He would have just left without saying anything..._ "I figured it out myself. So what are we going to do?"

Coulson steepled his hands. "We're going to thank him, and we're going to keep his name in our records, and we're not going to order anyone to follow him to their deaths." He looked up at Skye. "You think _I_ wanted to let him?"

She huffed out a breath. "Well, no, I know you hate those kinds of missions, but...AC, it's almost _cruel." Almost?_ She shook her head. "You don't - you don't know. He thinks he _deserves_ to die. Says he's still a traitor to SHIELD and this is just his sentence."

He nodded. "I _do_ know. I got the same when I tried to talk to him. I tried to get him to wait for May, but Grant's right - Carson won't stay once it's perfected. He'll move the lab, and we might not get another chance."

Grant sat staring at the empty glass in front of him. _I'd worry if she'd forgive me, but it's not like it would matter._ He sighed, shaking his head. _No good thinking like that now._ He stood and took the Battleship box out of the crate in the corner, putting the game on the table and taking out the scorecard and pencil. _Some day you'll understand._ He picked up the pencil and started to write.

Skye grimaced. "He won't ask anyone to help."

Coulson shook his head. "Nat and Clint are on mission, and he won't get in the way of that. We debated waiting for May to get back, talked about Bobbi and Hunter, and in the end, the risk is just too great. There's no way to give Grant enough time on the detonators to get out before anyone finds it. Carson has patrols through the labs and the data room constantly."

"So he hides the charges somewhere, that should be easy," Skye suggested.

"Skye, someone is going to be watching his every move, he's still not HYDRA enough for them," the director countered. "He can't go in with any explosives."

She swallowed hard as she realized the implication. "He's not _setting_ bombs. He _is_ the bomb."

Coulson nodded. "He's the only shot we have. He'll use their own self-destruct system and blow their charges."

Skye frowned. "What if I go with him? I can keep us shielded from the blast, and between the two of us I'm sure we could make our way out."

"Or one solitary person could recognize you from one of many ops we've run against them, and you're both blown." Coulson sighed. "I already tried that. Offered to have you go with him, offered to send a cloaked quinjet..." He took a deep breath. "And he told me he wouldn't ask anyone to risk anything for him, and specifically told me to remind _you_ that you're not his rookie anymore, you're an SO, and you have to make the hard calls."

 _Not like this...I've never made a call like this..._ She bit her lip. _And that's probably partially thanks to him._ "It feels _wrong."_

* * *

Fitz stared at the empty space across from him. "Ah, Jemma..." He sighed and put the teacups in the sink, running his hands over his head. "Is it so impossible to just ask you to trust me?" He walked out the door.

* * *

Coulson nodded. "I know. It always does." He cleared his throat. "Skye, our resources are all over the place, you know it as well as I do. Thanks in large part to him and to HAMMER, SHIELD is finally closing in on the last remnants of HYDRA." He pursed his lips. "I didn't ask him to do this, I was actually hoping he had some intel we didn't, or that he knew Carson's protocols so we could get to the samples and the data. But he only confirmed what we thought - Carson is paranoid, unpredictable, and our best shot is to get him before he moves, while we can...even if it means Grant's death."

"He said _he_ wouldn't ask anyone." Skye folded her arms. "What if I volunteered? What if I got volunteers?"

"You have about two hours, Skye. You do what you think is right, with my blessing." Coulson tossed her a flash drive. "Grant only took the schematics we were able to dig up from a few HYDRA hives with him. Not that they help all that much, since the rooms aren't mapped. That's the full briefing."

She eyed the director. "Just like that? Full mission authorization?"

He gave a small smile. "As the director, I know he's right, and I have other operations that require my attention. I don't have the time to dissect this the way I want to. You _do_." He shrugged. "Take it, make the calls. But volunteers _only._ And they have to know who they're working with."

"Understood." She took the drive and jumped from her seat. "Thanks, AC."

He waved her off. "Don't thank me until you find a way to pull this off."

She nodded. _I_ will _find something. There's no other option._ "That's why I'm thanking you now." _Why not, Skye?_ Grant's voice whispered silkily in her head. She tossed the drive in the air and walked quickly from the office.

* * *

Jemma looked out at the hallway, sighing as Fitz's plea for respect echoed in her ears. "Is that really what he thinks?" she whispered.

Mack walked past, pausing as he registered the look on Jemma's face. "Simmons? You okay?"

Jemma started and forced a smile. "Oh, Mack. I'm - I'm fine."

Mack snorted and took a seat next to her. "Yeah, and I'm Nick Fury." He quirked a brow. "Guessing it's Fitz and Ward?"

"Grant," she spat, shaking her head. "It's _Grant_ now."

* * *

 _Get it together._ Skye walked into her room with a sigh. _Boyfriend. You still have a boyfriend._ "Linc?"

Lincoln stuck his head out from the bedroom. "Hey. Where were you?"

She swallowed hard. "I was talking to AC...and to Grant." She winced even as she said it. _Probably shouldn't have said..._

"Grant? You mean Ward?" Her boyfriend frowned. "Why? Didn't we talk about this?"

She smothered a snort of laughter as her own words came back to haunt her. _Yeah, little did I know then..._ She shook herself. "I saw AC having some deep conversation with Grant and I wanted to know what was going on. Turns out he volunteered for a suicide mission to destroy some Pym particle tech and research."

"Good for him," Lincoln said. "No better way to prove his loyalty. And for the best of causes."

Skye gaped at her boyfriend. _A doctor saying dying is a good thing?_ "Are you serious?"

He nodded. "If he wants to protect you? This is the ultimate way to do it, to make sure that kind of power stays out of HYDRA's hands."

She blinked at him. _Grant can protect me when it's suicide, but when he did it before it was nothing but an inconvenience..._ "Yeah, but...I don't want him to _die_ for it. And especially not alone."

"Until he turned up on that roof four days ago, he _was_ alone, he wasn't a part of this team." Lincoln shook his head. "Having him here was a bad dream that's finally about to be over."

"He may not have been a formal part of the team, but the way he watched our backs, protected us?" Skye shook her head in return. "Coulson said Grant told him he never wanted to leave the team. And he proved it. The least we can do is try to be there for him this time."

Lincoln folded his arms. "Skye, it's too risky. If it wasn't, _Coulson_ would be planning the op, not you."

Skye frowned at her boyfriend. _I'm gonna try to ignore the backhanded insult I feel lurking in there..._ "You won't even look?"

"I'm sorry, Skye, but if Ward can get the job done and he's the only one at risk?" Lincoln shrugged. "I'm going to take it."

Skye shook her head slowly. "Well, _I'm_ not. He saved my life, repeatedly." _Even the times I didn't want to admit it..._ "That means something to me." She picked up her laptop and the flash drive. "If you're not going to help, I'm going to go to the briefing room to brainstorm alone."

Lincoln sighed. "I'm not going to stop you, but just know that I think it's a waste of your time."

"I'm definitely wasting my time on _some_ thing," she muttered, and left the room.

* * *

Mack shrugged. "Call him whatever, doesn't change who he is and what he did."

"Except that Fitz seems to think it does," Simmons whispered. "I know he's said the same to you..." She looked up at him. "How do you not...how do you just let it go and trust in him?"

"In Fitz?" Mack clarified. At the biochemist's nod, he continued. "Because I've seen him when _he_ didn't believe in himself, and I know what it costs him to believe in _any_ one after that." He shrugged. "So if Fitz thinks it's worth a second chance, I'll try to believe it."

Jemma frowned, wrapping her arms around herself. "Am I - do I act like - does it seem like I don't realize Fitz is..."

"Better?" Mack guessed. "First off, he probably wouldn't appreciate the implication he wasn't good to begin with." He held up a hand. "He knows it's _true,_ but don't mention it. He hates feeling like anyone is humoring him."

Jemma bit her lip. "I suppose that's why we can't seem to talk to each other at the moment." She sighed. "It's clear I don't believe anything he thinks about Ward, I've said it repeatedly, and that's somehow made it seem like I don't trust Fitz."

"You _don't_ about this, do you?" Mack eyed her.

Jemma took a shaky breath. "I - it's -" She sighed. "It's complicated."

"So make it simple," Mack challenged. "Remember who you're dealing with. Keep Ward out of it and think about Fitz."

* * *

Fitz knocked on the last bunk in the hall. "Grant? Are you there?"

Grant froze, throwing the pad and pencil into the box and tossing the game into the crate. _Well, this is unexpected..._ "Yeah, hold on." He blew out a breath and opened the door. "Fitz? What's going on?"

Fitz walked past him. "Jemma. She came to see me and...it didn't go well."

Grant flinched as the engineer dropped onto the couch. "Fitz, I told you, don't let me come between you two. I'm not worth it. I'm _not." Maybe I will be, but I'm not now..._

Fitz waved him off. "You are, but that's not even the most relevant." He frowned. "Why can't Jemma trust me?"

Grant shook his head, taking a seat opposite. "I don't think it's anything to do with trusting _you,_ Fitz. It's about trusting _me." And isn't that the story of my life..._

Fitz shook his head in return. "No, it's about trusting me as well. About trusting my judgment, trusting me to be able to see through your facades."

"Do you?" _Are you sure you want to know, baby?_ Grant fought a wince at the vulnerability of the question. "What do you see?"

Fitz took a shaky breath. "I see someone who wants to make amends for the wrongs he's done, someone who was taken advantage of, manipulated, into committing those wrongs."

Grant did wince at that. "Fitz, you give me too much credit. Really." He nodded towards the bottle on the table. "Need something stronger than tea?"

Fitz snorted a laugh. "Yeah, maybe."

 _So happens I do too._ Grant nodded and poured bourbons for them both.

* * *

"Simmons?" Skye knocked on the wall. "Hey Mack."

Mack gave a nod. "What's up, Tremors?"

"Have you guys seen Fitz?" Skye asked. "I could - I could use some help with something."

Jemma frowned. "I - I left him at his quarters about twenty minutes ago."

"Thanks." Skye gave a quick nod and spun on her heel, stalking quickly down the hall.

* * *

Fitz took a gulp of bourbon and shook his head. "She won't understand, she won't let herself."

"And that's no one's fault but _mine_ , Fitz." Grant swallowed hard. "I can't tell you how much I appreciate the chance you've given me, but I know better than to think everyone will be so forgiving." _Hopefully this will wipe the slate..._

Fitz shook his head. "May has been telling us since that first night that you weren't what we'd thought. If she can get past your history, Jemma can try a little harder to do the same."

Grant took a drink. _It won't matter much longer._

* * *

Jemma shuddered. "And I've lost Skye too, I know that. I - I truly can't understand how I've lost Skye, of all people, Mack. It makes no sense!"

Mack sighed. "I hear you, I know. I hate that he's tearin' you all up."

Jemma nodded frantically. "But Fitz wants me to ignore it! To just...just let Grant Ward be. After everything he did to us. Where is Fitz's loyalty?"

"It's questions like that that make Fitz crazy, you know," Mack reminded Simmons. "Literally. That."

Jemma groaned and dropped her head. "I know, but I still can't wrap my mind around anything else."

"I know you weren't here to protect him before, Jemma. When he was...and you were with HYDRA." Mack shook his head. "But this isn't protecting him either. It's doubting him and undermining him. And I know that's not what you want."

Jemma gasped and frowned. "No, I keep saying that!"

"But he can't hear that and then hear you questioning his every word with Ward." Mack shrugged. "Hate to break it to you, but you can't do both of those." He stood. "I'm due in the hangar, but let me know if you need anything." He squeezed her shoulder reassuringly.

Jemma nodded mutely as he left the lab.

* * *

Skye bit her lip and knocked on Fitz's door. _Please be in there..._ She frowned at the lack of an answer. "Or, I could have to track you down," she muttered, turning away.

* * *

Fitz eyed Grant. "Would you talk to her?"

"Who?" Grant asked. "Jemma?"

Fitz nodded. "I've told her everything I've learned talking to you but..."

"She doesn't believe it, Fitz, and she won't believe it from me either." _No matter how much I may wish it were otherwise._ Grant drained his bourbon. "I was in the upgraded biometrics chair getting all the appropriate readings and she still didn't believe me."

Fitz sighed. "No, you're right." He offered Grant a wry smile. "I suppose only one of us needs to tilt at that windmill, eh?"

Grant snorted a laugh. "Yeah, that sounds about right." He glanced at the time and took a deep breath. _I've got my own battle ahead...but I owe him something more._ "I hope you know how grateful I am that you gave me a chance, Fitz. You are one of the best people I've ever known, and I will forever be sorry for what I put you and Jemma through."

"You were giving us our best chance, even if we didn't know," Fitz said softly. "Hopefully Jemma can see that someday."

Grant sighed. "Hopefully." _But I'll likely never know._

* * *

Mack ran through the pre-flight sequence on the quinjet, programming remote return with a frown. "I don't know if I like what that implies." His frown deepened as he considered the personnel on the base. "Who the hell is flying this anyway?"

* * *

Fitz rubbed a hand over his forehead. "I'm sorry for dumping this on you, Grant. I know it must be difficult knowing Jemma...well, Bakshi..."

Grant snorted. "Yeah, that - that was unexpected." He looked at Fitz. "But that's how much she loves you, Fitz. That's how far she would go to protect you. That's all she's doing now." _And you're not doing the same, baby?_ Kara's voice was gentle in his mind.

Fitz exhaled shakily. "I suppose you're right. I just wish she would _believe_ in me."

"She believes you see the best in everyone, and she's afraid that there isn't any good in me to see," Grant murmured. "That you're projecting these good things on someone who doesn't deserve them." _And I don't, not with this much red..._

"Well, you do," Fitz insisted.

"It means more than I can explain to hear you say that, Fitz," Grant said softly, smiling. _I missed having someone believe in me..._ "You really are amazing. And Jemma just doesn't want me to ruin that."

"Well, you won't," Fitz declared. "I am a grown man and I know what I'm doing."

 _What would you say if you knew what_ I _was doing..._ Grant shook himself. "I don't think anyone could ruin you, Fitz. And I would fight anyone who dared to try." _Which is why I have to do this._ "You feeling calmer now?"

Fitz nodded. "I just needed to vent and I knew you would understand."

Grant smiled. "Thanks for that." _If only I hadn't wasted the chance the first time..._ He cleared his throat. "You know _anyone_ would be willing to be there for you, Fitz. Everyone here cares about you."

"But do they understand me, understand my decisions? That's the question," the engineer countered.

Grant blew out a breath. "There's understanding and acceptance, Fitz. Understand? Sure. Accept it? That's a whole different story." He shrugged. "And unfortunately not something that'll be solved in a day, or even a week." _Or any time that I'll be here to see..._ He took a breath. "I actually need to meet Coulson in a few minutes, are you going to be okay?"

Fitz nodded. "Yeah. I just -" He smiled. "I needed a friend."

Grant swallowed hard, smiling back with an effort as he stood. _So did I..._ "I'm honored to be your friend again, Fitz. Thank you."

Fitz got to his feet, grinning. "Is big bad Agent Ward going to blush?" he teased. He narrowed his eyes and tilted his head, setting his hands on his hips. "I'm Agent Ward, and I don't need friends."

Grant snorted. "Again, I don't sound like that. And I - maybe I thought I didn't need friends before, but I appreciate the hell out of them now." _I will do_ anything _to protect them this time._

Fitz lunged at him with a hug.

Grant hugged him back, hard. _Bye, Fitz._

* * *

Skye groaned. "Fine, nowhere obvious and I'm wasting time." _Is my life that important to you, Skye?_ She shook his voice from her head and left the lounge, heading for the briefing room.

* * *

Grant closed the door behind Fitz, leaning his head against it for a beat. He retrieved the letter, finishing the last few paragraphs with a shaky hand. He propped the note on the table and put his leather jacket back on with a sigh. _One more role to play._ He shook himself. _But it means they'll all be a little safer, and I'll finally have closure. And so will they._ He looked around and rolled his shoulders. _Full circle to Providence Base..._ He headed towards the hangar.

* * *

Skye threw schematics around the briefing room, turning and twisting to try to find weaknesses.

"What's that?" Fitz wandered in and sat at the table. "That doesn't look like fun."

"Fitz! Where the hell have you been?" Skye shook her head. "No, it's not. It's a HYDRA lab that AC found out about. Carson, the particle, all that. And we have to blow it up."

* * *

Grant walked in, gear bag over his shoulder. _May as well try to get something in with me if I can..._

"Or maybe I don't mind." Mack stood. "This for you?"

Grant nodded. "And you'll never have to worry about me again."

Mack eyed him. "Is that so?"

Grant nodded again, doing his own pre-flight check. "I'm done here, one-way trip for me."

Mack shook his head. "At least you'll stop getting in everyone's way."

"Never was _in_ your way," Grant replied. "Just at your back." He hit the button to close the ramp in Mack's face. _And now I'll be nowhere at all._

* * *

Fitz raised an eyebrow. "That doesn't look like it's going to work, the way the shielding looks. If we can't get it through the satellites, it could be completely bomb-proof."

"So you couldn't just drop a bomb and sort it out after the dust cleared," Skye mused.

Fitz shook his head. "You could have all manner of defenses in there, you would still have no guarantee of safety." He touched the schematic to spin it. "The way they've offset the entrance and oriented the base itself, any explosive dropped straight down would do very little internal damage. You'd have to get into the middle of the thing and set a ring of charges."

She quirked a brow. "What if there was a self-destruct system?"

"Oh, yeah, you could absolutely tap into that," Fitz agreed. "That would be created to destroy everything. The detonator would be the issue."

Skye chewed the inside of her cheek. "How long would it have to be to keep them from disarming it but allowing whoever triggers it to get out?"

Fitz frowned, zooming in on the schematic and muttering to himself. "How often is anyone going through and inspecting the place? And could you disable the arming announcement? Wouldn't do to have an automated message screaming that someone's trying to kill them."

Skye sighed. "I don't know. We know there _is_ a self-destruct, because apparently Carson installs them in _everything_ , but we don't know anything else."

Fitz bit his lip. "Then I don't know that there could be any lag at all. We need more information."

"Except that Carson is not only a big fan of things that go boom, he's paranoid and psychotic," Skye grumbled. "He'll be moving the whole lab soon. They're about two tests away from being ready. That gives us two hours, tops."

Fitz shook his head. "No. No, it's - we'd need - we'd need -"

Mack walked into the room. "What're those?"

Skye glared at the holograms. "Mission impossible."

Mack snorted. "Well, I guess we're due for another one now."

Skye quirked a brow. "What does that mean?"

Mack looked at her. "I figured you'd know. That he'd have told you."

 _No._ Skye swallowed hard. _No, no, no._ "That who would've told me what, Mack?"

Mack cleared his throat. "Ward. He's gone."

 _He lied. That son of a bitch._ Skye looked at the clock. _No, he didn't. Shit. Where did that hour go?_ "Uh, Fitz, make that one hour."

Fitz blinked at her. "Skye. What's going on?"

Skye sighed, looking at Fitz steadily. "Grant's gone off to kill himself again, and I'm trying to figure out how to stop it."

"Wait, what?" Fitz frowned. "Skye. He's - he's gone off to _die_?"

Skye blew out a breath. "Coulson got Intel about this base and he and Grant were trying to figure out how to stop them from completing the particle research." She waved a hand at the schematic in the air. "He ran through all of it with Coulson. They figured out exactly the flaws you're pointing out. So Grant volunteered to go in as head of HAMMER and trigger their self-destruct himself."

Mack frowned. "He volunteered, he knows the risks. He's a specialist, it's on him in the end."

Skye threw her hands up. "That's exactly what he said. And you know what? It _is_. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't try." She turned to Fitz. "Fitz, I need your brain. Help me think this through."

Fitz cast a slightly wounded glance at Mack before turning his attention to the schematics. "Well, the depth underground is the first problem. No radio signal will penetrate that far below ground, especially if it's shielded enough that radar can't get through. You need to be able to trigger the self-destruct from the most central location to the labs and the data servers, so..." He shrugged. "I have no idea how far in the facility they would be."

Skye sighed. "Yeah, that's definitely a problem. But if you were setting up your dream lab, where would they be?"

Fitz zoomed out to a topographical map. "Well, we're in a mountain range, so we'd want to be as protected as possible from any scan, even with the shielding." He frowned thoughtfully. "They'd probably be straight down from the apex of the nearest mountain." He spun the map and considered. "Uh...there." He dropped through the topographical map to the big blank outline of the shielded area. "The southwest corner."

"So to get back out, he'd have to get through the entire length of the place," Skye murmured. _Without anyone noticing he's about to make everything go boom._

"Unless there's another exit," Fitz offered. He spun the map to show the depth to that corner of the base. "It would take some time, but you could drill through to the southeast corner of the base with the modified Mouse Hole."

Skye blinked at him. "I didn't know you were modifying the Mouse Hole."

Fitz shrugged. "It's not official, but Director Coulson asked if we could adapt the Mouse Hole to be a deep dig drill, felt there were a number of strategic advantages to having a tool like that."

Skye frowned. "And how are the tests going?"

Fitz examined the plans again. "It'll take us about twenty minutes to drill down, and that's if there's the basic strata of rock and not, you know, reinforced steel and concrete."

"And if it _is_ super-reinforced?" she asked warily.

"Extra...ten minutes, maybe?" Fitz guessed. "Depends on the type of reinforcement, but it'll cut through."

Skye bit her lip. "I can't ask you to go, knowing how dangerous this could be. I won't."

Fitz ran a hand over his head, rubbing the back of his neck. "I was - I was with Grant just this morning. You asked where I was - I was with him. He didn't say a bloody word about this!" He subsided as he remembered how many times Grant had thanked him for being a friend, and the unexpectedly tight hug. "He didn't even say goodbye..."

Skye frowned softly. "He didn't even tell me, Fitz. I had to guess when I saw him leaving AC's office. He didn't want to ask for help, didn't want to risk any of us."

Mack looked from Fitz to Skye and back again. "You sure about this?"

Fitz nodded. "I am, Mack. I - I never saw any reason to give him the benefit of the doubt before, but the past few days...what he's told me, what I've seen - I have to try."

Skye smiled at him. "Thank you, Fitz." She looked to Mack. "You don't have to be involved."

Mack gave a short nod. "Thanks." He raised a brow at Fitz, a slightly sheepish look on his face. "Do you need help with that thing?"

Fitz exhaled shakily. "It - it would be nice." Fitz frowned. "I can't ask you to, though. If you're not willing to."

Mack sighed. "Yeah, I know. But I won't have you field testing tech without backup." He looked at Skye. "You still need a pilot."

Skye grinned. "That one, at least, I think I have handled." She tapped a few keys on her pad and sat down. "Thank you, guys. I'm glad you wandered in."

Fitz shrugged. "What would you have done if we hadn't?"

Skye shrugged in return. "Would have called the same pilot and gone in with a Quake and a prayer."

Mack winced. "Don't ever say that again."

Skye sighed. "Yeah, fine, I know. But I've got to get used to it somehow, right? What better way than cheesy puns?"

Fitz gave a soft laugh. "You know who appreciates cheesy puns?"

Skye and Fitz exchanged a look. "Grant."

Skye reached over to squeeze Fitz' hand. "We'll have to tell him that one when we get him, then."

Fitz nodded. "We will. Now come on." He led the way to the storage vaults.

* * *

Grant set his approach trajectory and took a deep breath. _One last good deed._

 **"Quake to Hellfire. Do you copy?"**

 _What in the -_ He stared at the radio.

 **"Quake to Hellfire. Come in, jackass."**

He laughed despite himself and picked up the handset. _Even as an SO, still the same Skye..._ "Excuse the hell out of me, Boss Lady. Hellfire, copy."

"Southeast corner of the base for extraction." Skye smirked as she said it, imagining the look on his face.

He froze. _That can't be right._ "Repeat?"

"Southeast for extraction. Take a comm with you, activate it when you're done. We'll need about twenty to thirty minutes to make you a new exit, but that should be fine if you're touring the facility front to back," Skye said casually. "And if you could drop speed to let us catch up, that'd be great."

"Who - how -" Grant shook himself. "Quake, who else is on backup?"

She grinned. "You'll have to make it to the southeast corner to find out. Now throttle back by half, we're right behind you if you do."

 _Who in the hell is 'we'?_ He shook his head but throttled back. "I told you I wouldn't ask anyone."

"I didn't either," she offered. "Now isn't that something worth seeing?"

He winced at the reminder of his hopeless rant to her. _Guess no one went to my temporary bunk yet..._ "Quake -"

"Nu-uh, you'll have to say it face to face," she interjected. "See you on the Southeast."

Grant exhaled roughly. _I don't know if I deserve this._ "You still don't have to."

"I know," Skye replied softly. "See you in a bit. Quake out." She cut the radio and sat back with a sigh.

Mike Petersen looked at her and shook his head. "You two are the worst, you know that?"

Skye flinched. "I'm sorry?"

Mike rolled his eyes. "You forget how long I've known you guys, _Quake."_ He eyed her. "The two of you are completely messed up, and completely messed up for each other."

Skye folded her arms. "One out of two isn't bad."

Mike sighed. "It's not - I'm not trying to mess with you, Skye. I just want you to be prepared in case this goes south. Don't kid yourself about what's at stake."

Skye looked him over. "What does that mean?"

Mike sighed. "We're going off half cocked and with no other backup. He's prepared to make this a one way trip. You know how he feels about you. Don't trivialize his sacrifice by running in and making your own for no reason."

"I don't know _anything_ about how he feels." _I_ don't, _damn it_. Skye glared at him. "I called you because I thought you would appreciate the chance to save him after he saved you. Maybe I should have called May."

Mike held up a hand. "Easy, killer, I just meant -" He cleared his throat. "I know he wouldn't want you risking your life for him. He told you not to come for him. He doesn't want you to die."

"Because he thinks he doesn't deserve -" _me_ "- for us to try." Skye grimaced. "He sees this as his long delayed death sentence for being a traitor."

Mike frowned. "I thought you said HAMMER was a diversion to keep HYDRA from growing. Sounds like he was on our side, and has been for a while now."

"Exactly," Skye agreed. "And that's why we're going in." She turned to Fitz and Mack. "Any questions?"

Mack looked around at all of them. "Y'all sure you're not brainwashed or nothing?"

Fitz scoffed. "My brain is far too convoluted for me to be brainwashed, Mack."

Mack considered the engineer. "Yeah, you're right about that." He looked to Skye. "I got nothing."

Fitz bit his lip. "How long is Coulson willing to let us try?"

Skye took a deep breath. "Grant isn't going to delay the detonation for us. If we get it together before he sets off the self-destruct, we're good. If I feel the explosion happening, we're out."

Fitz nodded. "All right then. Let's hope in the time we've been apart, he's learned some people skills."

* * *

Grant looked at the radio, shaking his head. _She wasn't supposed to find anything._ He took a deep breath. _Who did she tell? Hell, did Coulson even sign off on this?_ He grimaced as he considered the real possibility of being saved by Skye's boyfriend. _My life or my pride. That shouldn't be as close a contest as it is._ He rubbed a hand over his forehead. "I am not going to count on an exit," he declared aloud. _I can't._

 _But I really want to._

* * *

 **A.N.:** Ahead, Carson's mountain base...any bets on how that extraction plan plays out? Working on the next chapter now, hope this satisfies till then. 3


	15. Char This Ground

**Chapter 15: Char This Ground**

Grant exhaled heavily as he walked down the ramp, fighting the urge to scan behind him for the other quinjet. _They're either there, or they're not, and I need to do the damn job._ He'd radioed ahead, the codes he'd left in HYDRA still authenticating his access to even top level facilities. Carson was known for surprise inspections, the man's paranoia making the most random behavior seem normal. Nat's intel had provided the lead scientist's name, Owen Leeds, and enough details to get the man himself to greet Grant.

Dr. Leeds eyed Ward skeptically as he keyed them into the elevator. "So Director Carson called you in? Even though you're an outside contractor now?"

Ward smirked. "Begged me, actually. You know how paranoid he is. And knowing that you have -" He cleared his throat. "You know. He wanted me to take a look around at the setup so he could just replicate it wherever you guys are going."

"You don't know?" Leeds raised a brow.

"Again, it's Carson." Ward snorted. "Do _you_ know?"

The doctor subsided with a frown. "I can't exactly say..."

Ward rolled his eyes. "Sure, because 'I don't know' is degrading." He eyed the elevator closely. "Cameras and scanners in here, right?"

Leeds nodded. "Your pack will be confiscated when we hit the ground level."

Ward shrugged. "Just supplies to bolster your system if I need to. I can report to Carson first, have him authorize them."

Leeds examined his expression. "We'll let you do the tour first, and then you can bring in the specific items you need."

Ward nodded and took the pack off his shoulder. "Fair enough." He held it out for the scientist.

Leeds grabbed it, grunting at the weight as Ward smothered a snort.

* * *

Mike landed the quinjet carefully, cloaked and hidden amongst valleys and trees.

Skye took a deep breath. "Grant is already here, probably already in. We don't know if he got those charges in, and we're going to have to assume he didn't. And I'm guessing we won't know until we can physically see if the structure is extra-reinforced or not, right, Fitz?"

The engineer gave a quick frown. "Sorry, but yes. There's just too much shielding."

Skye threw Fitz a small smile. "It's not your fault, just going over the mission parameters."

Fitz nodded. "Right. Yes."

Skye reached out and grabbed his hands. "Fitz. You're going to do everything you can. We all know that. But like Mike said to me - Grant knows what he's getting into. We both just need to breathe."

Mack hoisted the equipment and tossed Fitz his pack. "Let's go make an exit."

* * *

Ward's eyes scanned his surroundings methodically. _At least a threat assessment is the same thing as a security report._ He tapped notes into a tablet Leeds had given him, the man himself refusing to leave Ward's side. _And good thing I expected that too._ He quirked a brow, absently asking Leeds for an estimate of the personnel in the lab.

Leeds frowned. "I followed Director Carson's order to the letter. Essential personnel only. The rest have been sent back to HQ."

Ward gave a curt nod. "Good. And the data?"

Leeds grimaced. "Just the one copy, as Carson directed. But I can't -"

Ward held up a hand. "You can't. Exactly. Safer that way. And what bits there are out there aren't easily connected."

Leeds huffed in frustration. "Yes, yes. Which means it would be nearly impossible to replicate if anything were to happen."

Ward smirked. "Well, that's why I'm here, isn't it." _To make the nearly impossible,_ completely _impossible. HYDRA is not getting its tentacles on that particle._ He swallowed his snort of laughter.

* * *

Fitz frowned at the drone hovering above the ground. "What if - what if this isn't a good spot? If he can't get to us?"

Skye exhaled shakily, holding a hand out next to her. "The vibrations feel different, and the schematics say the same. It's our best shot."

Mack clapped Fitz on the shoulder. "You've got this, Fitz. And I'm here if you need backup."

Fitz gave a determined nod. "Let's see what we have." He hit a button on the controls and the drill whirred to life.

* * *

Ward continually scanned for other exits, contingency plans. _Carson is one paranoid son of a bitch. He makes Garrett look like Goldilocks._ Leeds' voice was a drone in his ear, easily ignored. He'd already clocked the charges for the self-destruct, spotting the nearly camouflaged detonating cord following the lights along the walls. The layout was as he'd predicted, and he focused simply on keeping his pulse steady as he waited for an exit that might not come.

* * *

Mack frowned as the drill whirred through the earth. "Is it just me or is it slowing down?"

Fitz grimaced and nodded. "I think we may have underestimated the depth of reinforcement around the base. We won't even be able to ping through to that comm until we're 100 meters away."

Skye bit her lip, reaching out a tentative hand. "It's definitely reinforced more than we thought. I was hoping to have some better sense of it by now."

Mack shook his head. "Sorry, Tremors, gonna have to wait. Just keep an eye on that clock."

Skye snorted. "You don't have to tell me twice." _I just wish the minutes weren't going so damn fast._

* * *

Grant blew out a breath as the lab came into view at the end of the hall. He kept his eyes off of the top button of his leather jacket with more effort than he was comfortable with. _Passive camera. Which means they have to get close enough to me to pick it up. And I won't even know if they are or they aren't until -_ He shook himself. _I'm not going to think about that._ He frowned at the open glass doors next to him, quirking a brow at Leeds. The doctor flushed and shut the doors with a glare at the lone tech in the room. Ward barked a laugh and kept walking.

* * *

Skye glared at the time and cast a hand out. "I'm starting to feel the base, a vague sense of heartbeats." _Not many, thank goodness, but not distinct enough to find him..._

Fitz nodded shortly. "We're getting closer, I think. The drill is also equipped for lidar scans, and we're mapping contours as we go. We can see the sides starting to taper down."

She exhaled shakily. "Thanks, Fitz." _I just wish I knew how much further there was to go._

* * *

Ward scanned the hall to the lab intently. _No other outlets or exits. One access in or out._ He glanced at Leeds beside him. _And I still have to get through him._ He looked up quickly, checking for any sign of progress. _You mean are you gonna get out of here alive, baby, let's be real._ Kara's voice in his head was wry and teasing, and Grant's heart clenched at the pang of it. _If it's closure, at least I'll be able to tell Kara I'm sorry..._

* * *

Mack looked at the readouts in front of him. "Should hopefully be getting some readings now."

"Affirmative," Fitz called back. "Lidar is scanning an exterior wall."

"Any reading on the depth of the reinforcement?" Skye managed. _It's already been twenty minutes..._

Fitz exhaled heavily and shook his head. "Negative. But the comm is trying to connect."

Skye gave a short nod. "Keep me posted."

"You'll be the second to know," he murmured, staring intently at the drone's whirring laser.

* * *

Grant blew out a breath as they approached Leeds' office. _Southeast corner. Of course._ "How many more tests until you can clear out?"

Leeds narrowed his gaze at Ward. "That's part of your security assessment?"

Ward sighed. "Fine. How much _longer_ until you can clear out?" He shrugged. "I worked in close quarters with scientists, once upon a time, I know how to translate tests to time." _That's what that time was for me, a fairy tale. Where I was actually a good guy..._

"Probably an hour at this point, two at most," Leeds sniffed skeptically.

Grant gave a short nod. "Then you've wiped most of the computers."

Leeds eyed him. "Yes, we have."

Ward raised a brow. _Maybe he's not as gullible as he seemed to be..._ "Something you want to say?"

* * *

Skye caught her breath at the soft beep from the pad. "Fitz, Mack, is that -"

Mack tossed it to her. "Comm is pinging. 100 meters to go."

Fitz nodded absently. "There's a change in resistance here, slightly slower going. Ten minutes, I think." He frowned. "Don't quote me."

* * *

Leeds frowned. "I don't know your history, Mr. Ward, and I don't care, but your agenda is not Director Carson's."

 _Smarter than I thought._ Ward rolled his eyes. "I told you already, I'm an independent contractor."

"Who used to aspire to the head of HYDRA himself," Leeds countered. "It must have been quite a shock to find Director Carson's operation was larger than your own."

Ward snorted. "Shock isn't the word. But I'm over it, if that's what you're asking without asking. I don't need HYDRA. I don't need _anyone_." He let his gaze go dark and dangerous. "I do what I want, and I've gathered the same kind of people around me. This is a favor for him and it's a laugh for me, because SHIELD trained us both to be who we are and then left us to _die_." _The irony is, after all this time, I just might die for them yet._

* * *

Skye frowned. _It's been almost thirty minutes now..._ She watched the pad, hoping for audio or video as they kept drilling down. "Fitz?"

Fitz glared and shook his head. "Still slow going, I'm sorry, Skye. I can - if you can confirm enough to give me his location, I can change from this setting to just cutting a hole through the ceiling."

Skye blew out a breath. "I - I can't give you a location like that, I wish I could. I'm barely getting a signal." She glared at the pad. _Come on, damn it._

* * *

It was easy for Ward to glare his way around the lab, the conspicuous silence in his smuggled earpiece grating on his nerves.

 _ **"Hoping for something and losing it hurts more than never hoping for anything," Skye had said earnestly.**_

The memory pierced him, the urge to close his eyes and picture her for just a heartbeat a gnawing ache. _I can't think about that, about her. I can't._ He took a measured breath instead. _I can charge one of the lighting junctions, let the overload trigger the det cord...probably want to charge a few along the hall..._

* * *

Skye bit her lip as the clock ticked past thirty minutes. _He's going to blow it soon. I know he's not going to wait._ "Fitz..."

Fitz frowned deeply. "Slow going, as I said, but you should at least be able to get an audio signal soon..."

* * *

Ward took a final look through the lab and gave Leeds a short nod. _And now we are at an end._ "Well, that was enlightening," he said, smirking.

Leeds cleared his throat and considered Ward carefully. "And the report to Director Carson? It - it's a positive one?"

Ward gave a theatrical sigh and shrugged. "Define positive. Are you following his directives? Sure. Are you taking the initiative to institute your own?" He snorted. _If I've learned anything about this man's ego..._

Leeds drew himself up. "I have indeed. I'll have you know I've proposed a number of measures that Director Carson rejected!"

Ward sniffed derisively. "I can't imagine that." _But I bet I know where you'd have the proof._ He swallowed the smirk as Leeds led them back in the direction of the southeast corner.

* * *

Skye caught her breath as a burst of static came through the comm. "Grant..."

* * *

Grant shut the office door carefully behind them, dropping into a seat and leaning his head back. _No obvious signs of structural stress._ He froze as he caught Skye's whisper. _They're closer..._

* * *

Skye swallowed hard, turning to Fitz. "We're starting to get audio." _So close and so far..._

Fitz clenched his jaw. "If I didn't know any better, I would say they used some alloy of vibranium to reinforce this base. I'm doing the best I can."

Skye gave a short nod. "I know, Fitz." _But what if it's not enough?_ She exhaled and turned her attention to the comm.

* * *

Leeds pulled a pad from his desk drawer, brandishing it at Grant. "I've sent Director Carson suggestions for the two years we've been here. I don't understand why he hasn't taken any of them, but more than that, I can't understand why he would call you in instead." He hit a few controls on the pad before turning it over.

Ward took the pad, skimming with a frown. _Reflection on the face isn't showing any structural changes to be aware of..._ "These are actually sound suggestions. Some of them are the same as what I'll be reporting back."

Leeds smirked as his door opened, two men in tac gear entering behind Ward. "To whom, Mr. Ward? To HYDRA? To HAMMER? Or to SHIELD?"

* * *

Skye froze as she heard the exchange on the comms. "Fitz, Mack, Grant is blown," she managed. "Quake to Zephyr 2, extraction will be hot, repeat extraction will be hot."

Mike grimaced and powered up the weapons system. "Extraction hot, copy." He blew out a breath. "Just hopefully not too hot to get him..."

* * *

 _Damn it._ Grant kept his face impassive as he replied. "I'm a traitor to SHIELD and we all know it. HAMMER and HYDRA aren't enemies, we just have different objectives. I won't get in your way, and you won't get in mind. I don't care about a miniaturized army." He gave a sly smile. "I think I'm enough of an army on my own." It was the only warning before he leapt from his seat to take on the security personnel.

* * *

 _Goddamn it!_ Skye closed her eyes as the sounds of hand to hand combat filtered through her comm. "Fitz..."

Fitz growled in frustration. "I'm trying, but I'm telling you this tech is nothing we expected! How the hell do you make a vibranium alloy?"

Skye winced. "Probably the same way you make a vibranium arm..." _They've had decades more time than we have..._

* * *

Grant secured the guards, using their tac gear to block shots from a gun Leeds produced from his desk. He smirked. "Nice try, though." He jumped the desk and took Leeds out easily, glancing up at the ceiling as he slid. _Stop looking and do the job, damn it._ He bolted out the door and down the hall to the lab.

"Fitz?" Skye chewed her lip.

Fitz keyed commands and adjustments into his controls furiously. "I'm trying, Skye, I am, but every time I optimize for one layer, the next is a different allow. I swear he built this in layers over years."

"He very well might have," Mack grumbled. "You've heard how paranoid this guy is."

"Well, it is _not helpful,_ " Fitz bit out.

* * *

Grant ran to the end of the hall, grateful for the skeleton crew as he overloaded the lighting junction furthest away. "Charges set in the hall," he called out, getting a running start and sliding down the hall to land by the lab door. _May as well let them know._ "Charging the lab now."

* * *

Fitz smacked the side of the controls in frustration. "Damn it, I can't keep up with the changes, I'm just going to set it to maximum and hope for the best." He glared. "I'll need to work on that, and work this against vibranium."

Skye closed her eyes. _If he set the charges now..._ "Any idea how much further?" she managed in a choked whisper.

Fitz looked at her. "Skye?" He shoved a comm into his ear. "Grant?"

* * *

Grant finished overloading the lights in the lab and retreated to Leeds' office, a muffled explosion sounding behind him. _Too late._ "Skye, take the team. Take the team and retreat to a safe distance." His voice belied the turmoil inside. _This is more than I could have asked for - they tried._ He felt the hum of fire approaching.

* * *

Skye's eyes were wide and panicked as she sensed the vibrations of what he already knew.

"Grant..." Fitz choked out. "Grant, no."

"Fitz!" Grant yelled. _Goddamn it, Fitz...I'm not worth it._ "You gotta go!"

Fitz shook his head. "No, no, no...we're almost there, you -"

 _I don't deserve this, I never have._ Grant closed his eyes and shook his head. "Fitz, it's too late, get out of here! Skye, _go!"_

Skye grabbed Fitz' arm with shaking hands. "Fitz. Back up. We have to -"

Fitz struggled to shake her off, punching in commands for the drill. "No! Grant!"

Mack grabbed Fitz around the waist and hauled him away, the drill still buzzing, the controls in Fitz' desperate grip.

Skye ran towards safety and looked between the hole and the quinjet. _I don't - I can't just -_ "Grant -"

"Go!" Grant watched the oncoming wall of flame and concentrated on charging up the detonating cord around him. _I love you._ He turned his back and curled into a ball as the last bombs blew.

"Grant!" Skye scrambled back to the edge of the newly created crater. "Grant!" She closed her eyes and reached through the layers of steel and soil, focusing on finding the vibration she knew was Grant Ward. "Don't you give up on me!" She surrounded the faint trace she found and focused on pulling instead of pushing, forcing the earth to surrender its bounty. _Come on..._ The ground shuddered and rumbled until a smoldering pile emerged.

Mike appeared at her elbow. "Skye. Let me." He carefully picked through the stone and metal, scanning as he shifted them around. "I got him." He moved aside a last layer and revealed a singed leather jacket. "Get his legs."

 _Please, just...please..._ Skye sent a breath of air between the line of his body and the debris, revealing his burned profile.

Mike picked him up gently. "Come on. He's still alive, but we can't do anything else for him here."

Skye was numb, following behind. _Alive. He is, at least, alive..._

"Fitz, Mack, I'm gonna need you guys," Mike called out. He carried Grant onto the jet.

Fitz pulled at his hair as Grant's clothes continued smoking, "No, no..." Fitz grabbed the fire blanket from the first aid kit and draped it around him while Mike lowered him to the floor, facedown.

"He must've tucked himself into a ball when it blew," Skye managed. _He was all curled up under the rubble..._ "It's his jacket that really got burned."

"Because he knew you'd come back for him," Mike said softly. "And you did."

Skye looked at Grant, his vibrations getting fainter. _But did I make it in time? Or did I just make it so he'll die with us instead of them?_ She swallowed hard. "Should we try to get the jacket off?"

Fitz shook his head. "If it's as burned on as I think, it'll just hurt him more." He swore softly. "I wish Jemma was..."

 _Jemma. Medical. Damn it._ Skye called up towards the cockpit. "Mike, we're going to -"

"-have to radio ahead, I got it, Skye." Petersen put the plane in the air. "You just breathe and monitor him, okay?"

Skye nodded. "Yeah." She took a deep breath and reached out with her powers to feel Grant's pulse thrumming through his veins, weak and thready. _Don't you give up, we came to get you..._ She bit her lip and cautiously pressed, gasping as she felt his heart beat. She tried it again, his heart again drumming in response. "Fitz." Skye took a breath. "Give me a CPR count. I can..." She pantomimed chest compressions. "My powers. I just - I don't -"

Fitz nodded, sitting next to her on the floor with Grant. "One one thousand," he murmured. "Two one thousand."

Fitz' voice kept her steady, and Skye pressed in the time he called for her, letting her mind go blessedly blank as Mike sped through the sky.

* * *

Jemma paced the lab, wringing her hands. "I'm not equipped for this, Director, I can't guarantee anything."

Coulson grabbed her by the shoulders, forcing her to meet his eyes. "Jemma. I know. We all know. But we also know that Grant Ward is still a wanted fugitive to the outside world, and probably even within SHIELD. I may be the director, but I don't control everyone." The look he gave her was serious and knowing. "But I trust you more than anyone else." He nodded to the operating theater set up in the middle of the floor. "You have everything Dr. Cho told you you would need. Just try, that's all we ask."

Jemma bit her lip and nodded. "I will. I can do that."

The director smiled. "Of course you can. And if we need more help, we'll get it. All right?"

Jemma nodded again as the doors flew open. Mack and Mike wheeled the gurney while Fitz held Skye's hand and squeezed rhythmically.

Mike shook his head. "Skye's been doing chest compressions to keep his heartbeat steady. We need to get this jacket cut off him."

Jemma took a deep breath and stepped forward with shears and a scalpel. "I can do it," she said firmly.

Fitz looked up at her, the emotion in his eyes nearly bringing her to her knees. "Please, Jemma," he whispered.

Jemma swallowed hard and touched his hand. "I will do everything I can, Fitz. I promise."

Fitz nodded and stepped back, tugging Skye with him. "Come on, Skye. Let Jemma work."

Skye's head snapped up. _How did I miss us getting here?_

Phil put an arm around her shoulders and turned her away from the scene. "Skye. Where do you want to wait? Jemma will let us know if she needs us."

Skye glanced back at Jemma stripping the jacket from Grant's burned and bruised body. "I - I don't -"

"I'm staying to help Jemma, Skye," Mike reassured her. "We'll find you, okay?"

Jemma got the jacket off, wincing at the sight beneath it. She glanced at Skye and clipped a pulse monitor to Grant's fingertip.

 _ **Beep. Beep. Beep.**_

Skye exhaled roughly at the sound of his heartbeat. _He's alive. He's here._ She shook herself. "I - I can't rest until - until I know -"

Phil nodded. "My office for a Scotch, then." He turned and raised a brow. "Fitz?"

Fitz's gaze was locked on his side of the lab, equipment strewn across his desk. "I was - I was working on things Grant could charge as weapons, that commission you asked for, Director. He - he has to wake up."

 _"He has to wake up,"_ Fitz' urgent voice echoed her own thoughts. Skye closed her eyes. _He has to._

Phil put an arm around her shoulders, beckoning Fitz as well. "Come on."

* * *

Jemma blew out a breath, blocking the identity of the patient before her from her head.

Mike cleared his throat. "Tell me what to do."

She peeled the last of Ward's clothing off, assessing the burns and the bruises. "We need - we need to graft his back and his neck. The - the front seems like it can heal itself with time."

Mike nodded, looking to the materials on the table. "Are those the grafts?"

Jemma blinked at them before turning back to Mike. "Yes. Yes, they are. I need - hand me the largest one."

Mike picked it up and held it towards her, catching her eyes. "You can do this, Jemma. You can do this for Fitz."

"For Fitz," she repeated numbly. "Yes, I promised Fitz."

Mike's gaze caught Mack's, a wordless plea in his expression.

Mack looked around awkwardly. "He trusts you, Jemma. Just do what you can."

Jemma's eyes shot to his. "Thank you, Mack. Thank you for taking care of him."

Mack frowned and shook his head. "That was the guy on the table, Jemma. He actually...he was the one who made sure we were safe."

Jemma looked down at Ward's body lying before her and shuddered. "I will do this."

Mack nodded. "Yeah, you will. I'm gonna go catch up with Fitz."

Jemma started the process of debriding Ward's wounds, Mike giving Mack a look of gratitude as he made his exit.

* * *

The director waved Fitz and Skye into seats in his office. "Are you both all right?"

Fitz nodded shakily.

Skye bit her lip and gave a small nod of her own. _Physically, anyway..._

Coulson blew out a breath. "He did his job. And he has a chance thanks to you both." He looked towards the doorway. "All of you."

Mack shrugged as he entered the office. "I was just there for Fitz." He gave Skye a long look. "Jemma's working on him. Mike's helping. Guess his eye can identify what she needs."

Fitz smiled faintly. "It can indeed."

Mack leaned against the wall. "So now what?"

The director rubbed his forehead. "Well, the scan indicated the base was -"

"Gone," Skye murmured. "There was nothing past Grant." _And he was barely there..._

Fitz frowned, looking down at the mouse hole controls still in his hands. "We were so close..."

Skye reached over to squeeze his arm. "We had been extracting material in layers and we were at the last level when the charges started catching up to us. They used alloys we didn't even know existed," she muttered bitterly. "Grant - he -"

"He told us to go," Fitz whispered. "He told us to leave, save ourselves."

Phil pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm not surprised. Not anymore."

Skye swallowed hard. "He's going to wake up, though."

Coulson took a deep breath. "There are no guarantees. But he has a hell of a lot more of a chance than he would have if you hadn't figured out a possible extraction."

"Extraction is the literal world," Mack offered. "Skye reached through and pulled him up out of the ground."

The director turned to her. "Is that true?"

Skye shrugged. "I didn't even know I could do that until I just did it."

Coulson gave a tight smile. "Well. Maybe something else good came from this. You'll have to work on that. What did it feel like?"

"I was just..." _Frantic. Desperate. And what does that mean?_ Skye took a deep breath. "I reversed the vibrations, so my push was pulling him up." She shook her head. "I don't know if that makes any sense."

Phil chuckled. "That's okay. None of this makes any sense, a wise friend once said." He winced. "Which reminds me." The director settled at his desk and considered the three agents in front of him. "I owe you all a thank you. I didn't even think about the prototype drill, and thanks to all of you, I have a slight chance of surviving this check-in alive." On cue, his comm lit up, and he heaved a sigh.

* * *

"He _what?"_ Romanoff hissed into the phone. "God _damn_ it, Phil."

Phil winced and took another long drink of Scotch. "The intel you retrieved, we had to act. And you know I asked if he would consider waiting for anyone -"

"Just shut it, Phil. I'll be there first thing." She cut the line with a curse.

Clint raised a brow. "Do I wanna know?"

Nat muttered more Russian curses under her breath. "No, you don't. It's Grant."

Clint sat up straighter, frowning. "What about him?"

"All I let Phil get out was Grant took a mission with no extraction plan and is now in their freaking base fighting for his life," Nat ground out.

Clint laid a hand on her arm. "Go. I'll take the meet tonight, I'll come up with something."

Nat shook her head. "You are not. We are taking the meet, and I'll get there as soon as I can."

"Worried about leaving me all by my lonesome at a fight bar? Wouldn't be a hardship," Clint teased lightly. He squeezed her arm. "You sure? You want to go now, I can -"

Nat shook her head. "I know the only reason he wouldn't have asked for _our_ help is he knew we were on mission, damn it. I know how his brain works. We'll respect that by doing what we need to do, and then I can kick his ass."

Clint snorted, holding his hands up. "Might defeat the purpose of his recovery, no?"

Nat frowned darkly. "And taking a suicide mission defeats the purpose of joining our team. We'd be even." She took a shaky breath and stepped away from Clint to start getting ready for their meeting.

* * *

Skye and Fitz winced sympathetically, Mack ducking out of the office with a quick nod.

"Sorry, AC," Skye murmured. _Better you than me, though..._ She took a drink of the Scotch he offered and stared into the glass.

"Anything from Jemma?" Fitz asked hesitantly. He wrapped his hands around the brandy-laced cup of tea he'd procured.

The director shook his head. "No, but we knew to expect this. Dr. Cho said it would be a few hours." He sighed. "Do you want to - do you want me to get Lincoln, Skye?"

Skye visibly flinched and took a long drink, giving a quick shake of her head. _What the hell would I even say to him now?_ "We - I can't - not while Grant..."

Fitz reached out to squeeze her hand. "I'll stay with Skye if you need to do something else, sir."

Phil waved him off. "No, no. I thought - I was asking if it would help. I'm not pushing you guys out of here." He raised a brow at Skye. "Do you want to talk about it? The Lincoln thing?"

Skye frowned. "No. I don't want to talk about it or think about it. Not now." _Not yet._

The director nodded. "Take your time. And you can - if you want to wait here, or in the lounge - just tell me where you'll be and I'll find you when I hear anything."

Fitz shrugged. "You can always sleep in my room, Skye."

Skye sighed. "You're both assuming I'm going to be _able_ to sleep." She drew her knees to her chest and sipped her Scotch. _I can still feel the vibrations of the explosions under my feet_. "And that's probably not going to happen."

Coulson only nodded and topped off her glass.

* * *

Jemma blocked out the passage of time, concentrating on the monitors and the mechanics of the grafts. Mike was the perfect assistant, anticipating her needs and keeping a low, calm chatter when her hands started to shake. She stepped back, finally. "That's - that's all I can do." Ward was carefully positioned on the bed, pillows and wedges keeping air flowing around the grafts. "I've - I've tried to clean everything, and I've grafted what I could, but..."

Mike smiled reassuringly at her. "It's fine, Jemma. He's as stable as he can get. What can I do for you now?"

Jemma bit her lip. "I don't - I can't be - he's just -" Her eyes shot to the corner of the lab and quickly away.

Mike glanced in the direction she'd looked. "You want me to - you need him in the pod, Jemma?"

Jemma frowned but gave a short nod. "I'm - I'm just - if he wakes up and - and I'm -"

Mike blew out a breath. "I'm gonna tell you I don't think you have anything to fear, but I hear you." He put a gentle hand on her shoulder. "I'll wheel him, just unhook the monitors till we get there, all right?"

Jemma smiled tremulously. "Thank you, Mike."

Mike nodded and carefully started to move the bed.

* * *

Coulson jolted as the intercom beeped. He blinked and saw Fitz and Skye both curled up asleep in the office. "Jemma," he murmured.

Jemma cleared her throat. "Director. He's - he's in critical but stable condition for now. I've applied the grafts as Dr. Cho instructed, and I'm administering the IV drugs she specified." She shrugged. "The rest is time."

The director nodded slowly. "Thank you, Jemma. I know this was difficult for you."

Jemma nodded jerkily. "Yes, sir. I - I've moved him into the quarantine pod, I - I just - I didn't feel comfortable."

Phil pinched the bridge of his nose. "All right. We'll - while you're monitoring him, it's - it's fine for now."

Skye picked her head up from her knees, eyeing him blearily. "AC?"

The director gave her a tight smile. "Jemma is finished treating Grant, and he's resting now. Critical but stable."

Jemma cleared her throat. "May I?"

Coulson nodded. "Go ahead." He waved Skye over.

Jemma forced her expression into a semblance of a smile. "He has - he has first through third degree burns on various parts of his body, some impact injuries. The worst was some internal hemorrhaging, and that has stabilized now. He's on an IV drip with various medicines to counteract any infections and replenish the nutrients depleted by the blood loss."

Skye bit her lip. "Thanks, Jemma. Can I - can I come sit with him?"

Jemma exhaled roughly. "Yes, please."

The director gave the biochemist a soft look. "You're fine, Jemma. Just ask Fitz."

Jemma only frowned. "No, sir. Let him - let him rest."

Skye squeezed the director's arm. "I'm heading down. Wake Fitz up and send him to bed, will you? Tell him to find me in the morning."

Coulson nodded at Skye before smiling at Jemma. "You'll have company momentarily, Jemma. Thank you again."

Jemma nodded as he cut the intercomm.

Mike squeezed her shoulder. "I'm going to go debrief when Skye gets here, all right?"

Jemma smiled absently. "Sure, of course."

Mike sighed. "Jemma, I know you - I know he put you through a lot. But - " He shrugged. "So did I. Remember? Because I do. It was a living nightmare."

Jemma frowned deeply. "You were being manipulated. Controlled."

"And so was he," Mike replied. He held out his hands. "Look at me. I was given these weapons, built to be this machine for them." He nodded towards Grant. "Garrett did the same thing to him. Made him a weapon. Made him a machine. And then discarded him when he misfired."

Jemma flinched and shook her head. "It's still - it's not the same thing, Mike, I can't - I can't believe that it is."

Mike only eyed her patiently. "That doesn't mean it's not true."

Skye skidded through the doorway. "Jemma -"

Jemma pointed to the pod. "Go ahead, Skye."

Skye looked at Mike questioningly and then back to Jemma. _Screw it._ She crossed to the table and wrapped Jemma in a quick hug. "Thank you," she whispered.

Jemma hugged her back awkwardly. "You're - you're welcome."

Skye cleared her throat. "You can - you can leave if you want to go rest. I can - I'll stay with him."

Jemma blew out a breath. "Yes. I think - I could use the break."

Mike stood and held out a hand. "I'll walk you. Skye, you just have to watch the monitors."

Skye nodded and turned towards the pod. "I will. Thank you, guys."

Mike stared bemusedly at her back for a beat before shaking his head and leading Jemma from the lab.

* * *

Skye stared down at Grant, lying pale and still in the bed she'd occupied too many times. _Wake up, Grant. Come on._ She smoothed his hair off his face, flinching when she saw the scar on his forehead.

 _ **"When they took that away, I started running at the walls."**_

She touched it gingerly. _Don't be stupid, Skye. It's old by now._ His voice still whispered in her head. "Yeah, well, this time I wish you'd run faster too," she murmured. _But for an entirely different reason._ She sank into a chair at his bedside and bit her lip, remembering the rest of that conversation in Vault D. She reached down and turned his arm over, stroking her thumb over the scar at his wrist. _Please wake up..._ She exhaled shakily, staring at the rise and fall of his breathing until she finally fell asleep.

* * *

 **A.N.:** I promise, the next chapter is drafted, but I'm trying to get the rest of the whole story drafted so the wait isn't so long between posts...so I'll post the next chapter based on the response to this one. Deal? Deal.


	16. Casualty of Uncertainty

**Chapter 16 - Casualty of Uncertainty**

* * *

Jemma sighed as she entered the lab in the morning. She frowned as she noticed Skye's silhouette, her head laying on the bed next to Ward with his hand tucked into hers. All the readings were normal, and she turned to her desk, intending to get back to her project with Fitz when the lab doors flew open.

"Where is he?" Romanoff gritted out.

Jemma pointed towards the back of the lab. "Quarantine pod."

"Quarantine - oh, for God's sake." Nat charged through the lab and into the pod. "Damn it, Grant..." She sighed and stopped next to his bed, flicking a glare at Skye. _"Wake up,"_ Romanoff hissed at him.

Skye startled awake, dropping Grant's hand. "Agent Romanoff. I'll - I'm sorry I -"

Nat waved her off. "Don't. Sit. Stay. I know him well enough to know whose call this was. Goddamn it."

 _Am I supposed to be insulted she kinda told me to sit and stay like a dog?_ Skye swallowed hard but took Grant's hand again, her thumb absently tracing the scar on his wrist.

Nat eyed her and stepped closer to Grant. "Been here all night?"

Skye nodded, glancing up at her quickly. "I - I didn't want him to wake up alone here." She cleared the lump from her throat to whisper. "He did the same for me, once upon a time."

Nat narrowed her eyes at Skye thoughtfully.

* * *

Grant floated in a familiar darkness, his consciousness drifting through memory.

 _First, it was the button. The quick snap as it broke, the repetitive scraaaaaape scraaaaaape along the floor until the edge was sharp. So sharp. Sharp enough to cut through the failures, the weaknesses that lived with me in the dark of the vault. So easy to slice through the skin, I wanted to die and I was no stranger to blood and pain._

* * *

Coulson charged into the lab not long after Romanoff appeared, waving Jemma off and heading to the pod. "Nat -"

"Don't. Don't even, Phil. I don't want to hear it." Natasha smoothed Grant's hair back, tracing the scar on his forehead as Skye had earlier. "You had to know he'd make this play."

Skye frowned, looking away. _Yeah. Yeah, he did._

Coulson winced. "I - he -"

Romanoff snorted. "Yeah. Guessing you gave him the 'thank you for your service' and stepped back to let it happen."

Phil closed his eyes. "Natasha -"

"Save it." Nat shook her head. "You know I get it, you know I get it better than anyone. This was really your best play?"

The director sighed and nodded. "Carson is too paranoid. We couldn't take the risk."

Nat sighed heavily. "Did it work?"

Skye cleared her throat. "Ran a scan. Facility is gone." She met Natasha's eyes steadily. "They were already starting to empty the base when he got there, but the samples, the data, gone. Carson is starting from scratch."

Nat blew out a breath, dropping into the chair on the other side of Grant's bed. "Well, that's something." She reached out to take his hand. "He couldn't wait for me? For May?"

Phil rubbed a weary hand over his eyes. "I tried, Natasha. Please believe that I tried. But you're right - Grant and I weighed the options and we agreed that he was the best shot we had."

Nat swallowed hard. "Is. _Is_ the best shot, and accomplished your goal."

The director winced. "Nat..."

Romanoff pursed her lips. "Just...just tell me you actually trust her to take care of him." She jerked her head towards Simmons.

Skye frowned as she considered the biochemist. _I wish I didn't think that was a valid question..._

Phil nodded. "I know Agent Simmons and Grant don't have any love lost between them, but Jemma will do the job. He's a patient like anyone else."

"Yeah, until he wakes up," Nat muttered. "And then he's back to being a monster to her."

"And when he wakes up, I will call you, I promise." Coulson approached her slowly, squeezing her shoulder. "I promise."

Nat nodded, glancing at Skye again. "I have to get back but I...I'm just going to sit with him for a little bit."

Phil nodded and stepped back. "I'll leave you to it, then." He gave Skye a quick smile and left the pod.

* * *

Grant heard voices, but let them drift through him unheeded.

 _They found me - or so they said - when I'd nearly bled out. But Coulson had left strict orders that I wasn't to die. So Simmons didn't let me._

 _At least, not for too long._

* * *

Phil paused next to Jemma, glancing back at Natasha and Skye. "Jemma, Agent Romanoff will be with Grant for a bit. Do us both a favor and try to keep the death glares to a minimum. Whatever else he may have done, he sacrificed himself for SHIELD, for Fitz. That should mean something to you."

Jemma glanced back and pursed her lips. "Yes, sir."

Phil frowned. "I hope when you're ready to talk about whatever is going on, you know I'm here for you too."

Jemma sighed and nodded. "I know, sir."

The director nodded and exited the lab.

* * *

Skye cleared her throat, relinquishing Grant's hand. _I saw that look you gave me before._ "I'll - I'll get out of your way, I -"

Nat shook her head. "No. You don't get to leave. What are your intentions towards Grant, Agent Johnson?"

Skye flinched. _Why the hell does everyone want to talk to me about that?_ "I don't - I don't know what you mean."

Nat's smile was bloodthirsty. "Oh, you do, and you and I both know part of the reason he's lying in this bed is you. Try again."

Skye wrapped her arms around her waist defensively. _I don't_ want _to._ "I didn't ask him to."

"No, and you never needed to, he would protect you until his dying breath." Nat looked at him. "And he has, repeatedly."

Skye swallowed hard. _I know. I know that_ now. "I didn't - he didn't -"

"You know what? Forget talking, just listen," Nat interrupted impatiently. "He'd never tell you himself, I know, but he still feels unbearably guilty about what happened to all of you. I wanted - I _want_ to get him out of here, away from you, so he can atone like he wants to without continually punishing himself by being here."

* * *

Fitz bolted upright in bed, immediately checking there were no messages waiting for him. He looked to the clock and grimaced. "Bloody hell. I meant to be down there already..."

* * *

Nat rolled her eyes. "He can't see it himself, but he'd spend the rest of his life bowing and scraping for you." She clenched her jaw. "I don't know what happened, not in detail, because he never wanted to talk about it, but I know this. He doesn't ever think he deserves you, and he won't let himself believe you care. So either you have to care enough to speak up for the both of you, or go back to your little boyfriend and leave him the _fuck_ alone." She wrapped both her hands around Grant's, lifting it to her mouth to brush a kiss across his knuckles. "You can go."

Skye ran from the room and from the gauntlet Black Widow had thrown.

* * *

Grant drifted through his memory, letting go thread by thread.

 _I knew I had to be smarter the second time. The books were the only company I had, and if I dog-eared a page, no one would notice if it was the same one, over and over. It had to be Machiavelli. It was only appropriate._ _"If an injury has to be done to a man it should be so severe that his vengeance need not be feared." There would be nothing to fear from me, not anymore. I never was anything to fear, whether they believed it or not._

* * *

Jemma watched through the window, biting her lip at the naked look of pain on Agent Romanoff's face. Skye had flown out in a tizzy, and even the notorious Black Widow seemed heartbroken at the prospect of losing one of SHIELD's greatest traitors. Jemma could only shake her head and turn back to the research she was doing.

* * *

Nat squeezed Grant's hand tightly. "I know all about feeling that red in your ledger, Grant. You know I do. But I didn't think that my blood was worth theirs." She lifted his hand and sighed into his skin. "We have the chance to do better, damn it. But not if you don't _wake up_."

* * *

Fitz entered the lab at a near run, still straightening his tie and sweater. "Jemma."

"Good morning, Fitz," Jemma returned shakily. "I - I'm glad you're here, I've been - I've been working on our side project."

Fitz smiled absently as he walked through the lab. "Ah, yes, that makes sense. I'll, um, I'll be with you in - " He froze as he glimpsed into the pod. "Is that - Jemma, is that -"

She shrugged and nodded. "Agent Romanoff. Yes."

Fitz blinked and took another step closer.

"Hey, lurker. Come in or don't," Natasha called out.

* * *

Grant floated through recollection, his memory faint and fading.

 _I wasn't afraid of death, thought of it as just another mission. I'd died before. Even before Mike, before the team. Death held me more than anyone else in my life. So slicing my wrists, running at the walls...it was just a means to an end. What was I, anyway? A rabid dog, an animal, a weapon. Not a person, not anyone who deserved anything. The last time I fooled myself into thinking I deserved anything, Skye was the one to pay the price. I pretended I could hear her pleading for my life. I'd never forgotten the sound of her voice breaking. I never should have let it get that far._

 _I deserved to die. Skye just didn't know it then. I knew it all along._

* * *

Natasha's words echoed in Skye's head as she wandered the halls. _Speak up for both of us or go back to Linc and let Grant go..._ She paused before the bunks. _Isn't that what I'm supposed to do? Let him go?_ Skye opened the door to her apartment with a sigh. "Linc?"

Her boyfriend called from the bedroom. "In here, Skye."

She walked into the bedroom, freezing as she saw the bag on the bed. "Did I...miss something?"

Lincoln sighed and met her eyes. "I missed _you,_ apparently. When you ran off to save Ward."

She winced. _You didn't want to help...so I guess I never told you._ "I'm sorry I didn't say anything. You knew I was working on a plan, though."

He shook his head. "I knew you wanted my help to come up with one, and I knew that you left when you didn't get it, muttering something I couldn't hear." He finished putting his shirts in the bag and zipped it shut. "And I knew that Grant Ward being here was nothing but trouble."

* * *

Fitz swallowed hard and entered the pod. "Agent Romanoff, I don't - I don't mean to disturb you, I just -"

"Fitz, right?" Nat prompted. "You're helping build stuff for Grant?"

Fitz nodded. "Yes, ma'am, I -"

"Don't 'ma'am' me," Natasha interrupted. She shuddered, looking to Grant. "He just called me 'ma'am,' Grant. Wake up and kick his ass."

Fitz flinched. "I didn't - I didn't mean to -"

Nat glanced at him from the corner of her eye, her lips lifting into a smirk. "I know. I just - I needed to tease." She jerked her head towards the other chair. "Sit down."

* * *

"Lincoln -" Skye held out a hand. "Linc, this isn't a competition." _You sure?_ Grant's voice whispered in her head. _Is that because there's already a winner?_ She clenched her hand into a fist and dropped it at her side.

Lincoln scoffed lightly. "I know you say that, but I thought you wanted to be with me, that what you felt for Ward was something you needed to _settle_ , not give your life for."

Skye blew out a breath. _Thank goodness it didn't come to that._ "I know what I said, Linc, and I was just going to settle it with him, I swear..."

"But." Lincoln gave a small smile. "I always know when there's a but."

"But he saved our lives, and he had a childhood that makes mine look like Leave it to Beaver, Linc." She sat on the bed, shaking her head. _Let's be real, thank_ Grant _for it not coming to that..._ "I always got to make my own choices. I would never let anyone tell me what to do, I would just be me. To hell with the consequences." She looked up at her boyfriend. "Linc, he had nothing _but_ consequences. He never got a choice. Someone was always telling him what to do, and beating him if he didn't. And that wasn't just when he was a kid."

"And that means he needs the best therapy money can provide, but that doesn't mean he needs _you,"_ Lincoln countered. "He's getting medical care, he's here now, where Coulson can help." He shook his head in return. "But this is the first time I've seen you in about a day and a half."

Skye laid a hand over his bag. "So you're gonna leave, because _I've_ been gone too long?" _How does that even make sense?_

"I'm going to leave because I know when I'm not wanted," Lincoln replied softly, reaching under her hand.

" _No_." Skye tightened her grip. "I didn't say that. Just because I don't want him to _die_ doesn't mean I want him for anything else." _Right?_

* * *

Fitz cleared his throat and examined the monitors. "He's - he's doing all right, I think. Jemma - I know she's - she's not - but she wouldn't _not_ take care of him."

Nat gave him a sharp look. "Did I say something?"

Fitz shook his head vehemently. "No, I - I didn't think so, it's just - it's -" He swallowed hard. "Part of me needs to say it out loud to remind myself too."

Nat gave a theatrical wince. "Oh...trouble in Science-land?" She shook her head. "Guess what, don't care." She shrugged. "But at least you're honest. Thanks for that." She took a deep breath. "Did you go after him?"

"I - yes." Fitz glanced at her and quickly looked away. "It was - if my drill had been better, more powerful -"

"If he'd given you enough time to actually _plan_ this, or if Carson had..." Nat waved him off. "If, if, if. No. You're here. He's here. We can't go back."

Fitz closed his eyes, pressing the heels of his hands against them. "Specialists. How I envy you."

 _"Don't,"_ Nat bit out. "Don't," she repeated. She squeezed Grant's hand. "There's nothing to envy about this."

* * *

Grant ignored the voices he almost recognized, fighting through darkness to find the last thread of memory he wanted.

 _It was almost too perfect. A mission with no way out, but a goal that keeps them safe. Just a continuation of the work I'd been doing with HAMMER. And coming at the end of my usefulness...It seemed fitting._

 _Closure._

 _There is nothing else I have to offer, nothing else I need to do. I can finally let go. I finally have a choice._

* * *

"Don't you?" Lincoln sighed. "Skye, we were fine - we were _better_ than fine - until he showed up. You can't tell me that doesn't mean anything."

Skye looked at Lincoln. _It means something but damned if I know what..._ She frowned skeptically. "Yeah, it means that he brought up a bunch of old traumas. Things I'd rather forget."

"But you had to go with him on a suicide mission." Lincoln looked at her steadily. "He was ready to die, and you had to save him. Just like you tried to save Cal, just like you tried to save Jiaying." He shook his head. "How much pain does someone have to inflict on you before you let go of them?"

Skye's eyes shot to his, hurt and anger in her gaze. _That was a low blow._ "I _did_ save Cal, Linc, and once I realized Jiaying didn't actually give a damn about me, I stopped trying to save her."

Lincoln raised a brow. "So because he's still in love with you, you have to keep him around?"

* * *

Coulson dropped heavily into his office chair. A glass of water and two painkillers appeared on his desk. "Bless you, May." He downed the pills and guzzled the water.

Melinda gave a small smirk and shrugged. "Realized when an extra quinjet was in the bay that something went wrong while I was gone. Want to talk about it?"

The director snorted. "No, but if I don't, Nat will just fill you in and that'll be both of you mad at me."

May quirked a brow. "Ward? Grant? Whatever?"

Phil sighed, closing his eyes. "Yes. Him. The intel pointed us to one of Carson's labs. Grant volunteered to go in to take it down with no extraction plan. Skye figured one out but a few minutes too late. He's in the quarantine pod fighting for his life, Nat's with him bullying him back, and Jemma still thinks he's gonna jump up and hurt her." He eyed the empty water glass. "If I hadn't been drinking with Skye and Fitz last night, I'd probably want this to be something stronger."

* * *

Fitz looked up at Romanoff, startled by the raw emotion in her voice. "I'm - I'm sorry, I didn't mean to - to -"

Nat exhaled heavily. "No, I'm just - I don't want to leave him here."

"I'll stay with him," Fitz volunteered. "I have a project to finish with Jemma, but if you need to leave, I'll be here with him."

Natasha raised an eyebrow. "Watching her or watching him?"

"Both," the engineer admitted. "But either way, he'll be safe as I can make him."

"Huh." Nat considered him. "I'll take it under advisement."

Fitz straightened and stood. "Thank you for that. For trusting me and letting me sit with you both." He looked towards Jemma briefly. "I'll keep her occupied, let you have some peace."

Nat met his gaze then. "Thank you."

Fitz nodded and left Natasha alone with Grant.

* * *

Skye flinched. "Linc..." She sighed heavily. "He's not still in love with me. He _can't_ be." _Can he?_ She shook herself. _Does it matter?_ "I shot him and left him for dead."

"Did you really?" Lincoln eyed her. "I looked at the mission report from Puerto Rico. I wanted to understand what you'd been through. But I couldn't get through to your report, just Director Coulson's debrief. Yours was encrypted and sealed."

Skye rolled her eyes. _And you of course think it's because of a confession of my undying love?_ "That had nothing to do with Grant, that was because it described the Diviner and the temple, the symbols on the Obelisk. That kind of information is too sensitive to -"

"To let other SHIELD agents read it?" Lincoln shook his head in return. "Come on, Skye."

She threw her hands up. "You want me to tell you? Just ask me." _Please, so I can deal with facts and not emotions for a while..._ She heaved a sigh. "The truth is Grant helped free us both, and I shot him when his back was turned. I told him to never turn your back on your enemy and I left him to die." She snorted. "Want to tell me he's in love with me now?"

Lincoln scoffed. "Yeah. Because he _is_. I see it in the way he looks at you, the way he reacts to me." He looked at Skye. "And in the way you try _not_ to look at him. You know he does."

Skye looked down and shook her head. _I don't_ know _anything, damn it._ "I'm not the same girl, Linc. That girl, the one who fell for that guy..." She gave him a pleading look. "They don't exist anymore. They never did."

* * *

Nat glared at the clock on the wall. "I have to go soon, Grant. So if you were gonna wake up and give me that yes I'm waiting for, that when you can get out of here you're coming home with me...now would be the time." She stared at him intently. "You always were a stubborn bastard."

* * *

"Oh, Skye." Lincoln shook his head. "Didn't you tell me the best lies are the ones that are mostly true?"

 _What are you getting at?_ Skye frowned. "I did, but -"

"Those people existed, Skye, and they still exist today. You just don't want to acknowledge it anymore." He shook his head. "That old Skye is always there, even if Quake doesn't like to think so."

Skye flinched. _No. I don't_ _want to admit any such thing._ "Linc..."

"Ward's not a part of your team, Skye," Lincoln protested. "He's not your responsibility."

Skye shook her head. "That's where we disagree. We may not have known it, we may not have accepted it, but what Grant did? What he used HAMMER to do?" She looked at him steadily. "He was a part of the team this whole time." _And what the hell am I supposed to do with that..._

Lincoln sighed. "I'll ask May to move into another bunk -"

"I just need him to wake up, okay?" Skye offered helplessly. _I can't - I won't think about anything else. Not yet._ "That's - that's what I'd want for _any_ member of the team."

Lincoln took a deep breath. "I can wait until he wakes up to make a decision if you're _here_ , Skye. But if you're keeping vigil at his bedside...you haven't done that for anyone, not like _this_."

* * *

Fitz and Jemma worked quietly, Fitz stealing glances at Jemma as they did.

"What?" Jemma finally whispered.

Fitz shook his head. "Nothing."

Jemma frowned. "No, what is it?"

Fitz cleared his throat. "I just - I wanted to thank you, for taking care of Grant."

Jemma flinched. "I - I'm just doing my job, Fitz. Nothing more."

Fitz gave a sad smile. "I know."

* * *

Skye bit her lip. _There's nothing about Grant that's like anyone else..._ "He - Linc, he thinks he has no one, that there's nothing left for him here...that we all think he _deserves_ to die. I can't just abandon him. He needs _all_ of us." She held out a hand. "Come with me. Mike's around, you guys can catch up."

Lincoln ran his hands through his hair. "I already told you, Skye. I appreciate what he's done, I appreciate the fact that he's saved your life, but I can't - I can't be okay with him. I can't trust him." He shook his head. "You're gonna tell me the whole team is standing around his bedside?"

She sighed. "No. Jemma and Mack are still...wary, so they're in the lab." She looked at him. "But Mike, Fitz? They've been checking in constantly."

Lincoln raised a skeptical brow. "Coulson?"

Skye pursed her lips. "He was just there with Agent Romanoff." _Which, you know, awesome for my mental health._

Lincoln froze. "Agent Romanoff is back? For him?"

Skye blinked. _Did you miss that conversation? Or were you too busy thinking I should never talk to Grant again?_ "I - yeah - she - they're friends, Linc. Good friends. I told you." _Maybe_ really _good friends, I don't have the guts to ask..._

Lincoln shook his head. "So then let _her_ worry about him. You want me to stay? _You_ stay."

Skye took a deep breath. _Okay, this time I mind the 'sit, stay' routine._ "I - I'm just here while Agent Romanoff is there, but then I - Linc, I have to go back. I don't want him to be alone."

"But _I_ can be?" her boyfriend questioned.

"You _know_ you have people who care about you, Linc. He doesn't," she protested. _Maybe more than care?_ a whisper in her head suggested.

Lincoln frowned at Skye. "Maybe I don't either, not anymore."

* * *

Nat leaned in to speak quietly to Grant. "Listen, you. Clint already started setting up a room for you. He's talking to Phil about making those arrows, and I know your buddy Fitz here is on it. But all of it is no good if he doesn't have you. So wake up and get back to work." She watched him for a moment more, kissed his knuckles again and stood. "You. Science girl. Tell Skye she can come back down."

Jemma jumped, startled. "I - yes, I can - I can tell her, you wouldn't - you wouldn't rather stay?"

Fitz sighed. "Jemma..."

Natasha rolled her eyes at the biochemist. "Look. I know he did some really shitty stuff to all of you. I get it. I do. But if you won't believe the chair that we've been working on for two years now, if you can't trust the science and the equipment, it seems pretty damn clear the problem is _you."_ She gave Simmons a serious look. "He blew himself up instead of letting your boyfriend there get hurt. At the very least, call it even." She stalked out the door without a backwards glance.

* * *

Skye frowned deeply at Lincoln. _Are you kidding me?_ "What do you - what do you mean?"

Lincoln shrugged and shook his head. "I mean that maybe I don't feel like I have you anymore. Maybe you're not confused anymore. Maybe you just don't know how to tell me."

Skye sighed deeply. _God, I wish I wasn't confused._ "Linc, please, don't -"

Lincoln stepped towards her, holding out a hand. "Don't what? Tell you how I feel? Tell you that, as much as I want to believe you want to try, your actions say something different?"

 _All of it. Don't do any of it, damn it._ Skye opened her mouth to reply as the intercom beeped softly. "Linc, I - I have to -" She crossed the room to the controls. "Yeah."

"Skye?" Jemma's voice floated to her. "Agent Romanoff asked me to let you know she's leaving."

 _Meaning Grant will be alone without me._ Skye cleared her throat. "Thanks, Jem. I'll be -" She shot a glance at Lincoln and made her decision. "I'll be right back." She cut the connection.

Lincoln folded his arms, turning away.

"Linc. Jemma can't - she can't be alone with him. She doesn't feel safe." Skye raised a brow. "Have you forgotten how that feels?"

Lincoln flinched. "Don't - don't do that. That's not fair."

"None of this is fair," Skye bit out. "Don't you get that? None of this is fair. I don't want to feel like this, I don't want to feel torn!" _But I do, so very much..._ She shook herself. "I didn't ask him to die for me, and I don't - I don't want to lose you over this. I _don't_."

Lincoln sighed. "But you're going to sit by his bedside. And I can't promise I'll be here when you get back."

Skye frowned. "If you're going to make me choose between being simple company to a potentially - " She took a shaky breath before forcing the words out. " - _dying_ man, and staying here with you..." She sighed. "Maybe that Hippocratic Oath didn't mean as much to you as I thought." She shrugged. "You do what you think is best, you know where I'll be." She left him standing silently in the middle of the room.

* * *

Nat knocked on the door to Coulson's office. "Phil?"

"Come in, Nat," he called. He waved her into the seat next to Melinda. "I imagine your lecture will go along the same lines as Melinda's, I may as well get them together."

Nat snorted. "There's no lecture. You're the director, and you did the best you could. The lecture is for the guy in the bed." She narrowed her eyes at him. "The only problem I have is with my friend Phil, who knows - who _knows_ how I am about my people. And Grant is mine." Nat dropped the pretense to glare at the director. "You _call me._ You should _always_ call me."

Phil sighed and nodded. "I know I should've. But he was insistent, and I knew he was right. So maybe you need to lecture the director too."

Nat frowned and snagged the Scotch and a glass from his desk. "Priorities are a funny thing around here, aren't they..."

* * *

Skye gave Jemma and Fitz a quick wave and strode directly into the pod again. She took the seat beside the bed again and grabbed his hand. "Hey. So where was I..." She flipped his arm over and traced along the scar there..

 _ **"...you fold a piece of paper just right, it gets sharp."**_

"What kind of sick determination does it take to do that?" she murmured out loud. "To sit there and just _fold,_ and _fold..."_ She shook her head, forcing a laugh. "I'd lose my mind. You always said I had no discipline..." _Wake up, damn it._

* * *

May grimaced at Nat and shook her head. "Come on, Nat. You're not being fair."

Nat snorted. "Like Phil was being fair when he brought this to Grant? Come on, May. Like it wasn't _perfectly_ clear what the play was going to be."

Coulson winced and held up a hand. "Nat. Enough. I'm sorry, all right? I am. I hope you know I am. But I'm standing by his decision and mine. We had to do it. You know we did. And I didn't have the time to work it through myself, so I gave it to someone else who cares about him."

Nat sank into herself in the chair. "Does she? Does she care _enough?"_

Phil shrugged. "I asked if she wanted me to get Lincoln. She said she couldn't, wouldn't. Not while Grant was down."

May frowned. "Is she all right?"

The director laughed ruefully. "No, not by a long shot. But I think the best thing for her right now is to leave her right where she is."

* * *

Skye's thumb traced along Grant's wrist. "So who taught you to be an origami assassin?" She poked his chest. "See what I did there?" She froze as she noticed where her finger had landed. _I_ did _do something...probably just south of there._ She moved the sheet slowly to trace the scars she knew she'd find. _Two out of four. Two to the vest, two to the chest, and he managed to make it._ "Damn it, Grant, _wake up_."

* * *

Nat barked a laugh. "Better for who, Phil? Better for Grant or better for Skye?"

The director held his hands up helplessly. "I don't rightly know. Nat. I'm trying to do the best I can for all of you, but the conflicting agendas make that problematic. I can tell you we aren't going to kill him, and we're going to give him the best medical care we can. Is that enough for you?"

Nat frowned as she considered the offer. "I might trust you, Phil, but I barely trust anyone else here worth a damn. If it can't be me..."

Coulson sighed. "I thought as much." He rubbed his hands down his face. "Who then?"

Nat's frown deepened. "If I have a choice? Dr. Cho herself. But I'm guessing since you didn't call her in, that's not an option."

Coulson sighed. "I wish it were, Nat, but she has other priorities right now."

Nat grimaced. "Yeah, I know." She eyed Melinda. "Will you keep an eye out?"

May nodded swiftly. "Of course. But I do trust Jemma, Nat. I do."

Romanoff gave her a hard look. "You might, but I don't, not as scared as she is."

The director frowned. "Do you - would it help if someone stayed with her?"

Nat glared. "Fitz is working with her, but I would rather someone stay with _him,_ thank you. Science girl doesn't need to be validated for second guessing the biometrics chair, you, and me."

May sighed heavily. "You know she's right, Phil."

Phil rolled his eyes and nodded. "I do, and I know you already warned me about this, Melinda." He focused on Natasha. "Someone will be with Grant, all right? Even if I end up sleeping in the chair next to him, he won't be alone."

Nat exhaled as a knot in her chest eased. "Thanks, Phil."

* * *

Skye paused as her thumb traced his wrist. _Four. He said four suicide attempts. He only told me about three._ She stood and moved to the other chair, grabbing his other hand. Turning it over, she saw not just the old scar, but another line, longer this time. _Fresher. God, Grant...are you really worth so little to yourself?_ She exhaled shakily. _Of course you think that way. Who would ever have told you otherwise?_ She winced as what he'd said registered.

* * *

Grant felt the ghost of a touch, a shock to his system that he quickly dismissed.

 _The newest one...that was the only one I'd call a moment of weakness. I was working so hard to protect them - I'd literally taken a bullet to the shoulder - and I made the mistake of telling Skye I was proud of her, of what I saw her capable of._

 _She broke two of my ribs, and the look in her eyes..._

 _I'd told myself I didn't need her to know what I was doing, didn't need any of them to know. I told myself that them being alive, being safe, was enough._

 _But sitting alone, patching myself up in my office...no Simmons fussing, no Skye teasing, no one giving a damn about who I was, how I was...I took the same scalpel I used to dig the bullet from my flesh and continued what I'd started._

 _I woke up in a pool of blood with Kebo standing over me, pity and disgust in his eyes. It was almost a relief when I decided how this would all end._

* * *

The director nodded. "It's the least we can do," he murmured.

"I'd rather we get the _most_ you can do," Nat retorted. "So make sure anyone who needs to know understands that Grant is one of mine, and I will respond to anything that happens to him while he's here."

Coulson drew a deep breath. "I'm pretty sure Jemma understands that, Natasha."

Nat smirked and stood. "Pretty sure isn't totally sure, Phil. So you can make it clear to her or I can on my way out."

Phil held up a hand. "I will. I promise."

Nat gave a sharp nod. "I'll check back in 48 hours."

The director simply nodded. "I'll let you know."

Nat held out a hand to May. "Thank you for taking responsibility for one of mine."

May stood as she shook Nat's hand. "I understand how important he is to you. And he helped keep my people alive. That alone earns my help."

Nat gave a wry smile. "Why couldn't he just fall for you? Would be much easier than tap dancing with Quake."

Melinda snorted. "You know as well as I do - specialists. What we had was scratching an itch. What he and Skye were on the verge of is an entirely different animal."

Nat ran a hand through her hair, frustrated. "Yeah, well, time for her to fight or flee. Not sure I want to know what she picks."

* * *

 _And that...that almost included me._ Skye swallowed hard before shifting the sheet to look at the skin over his heart. Her frown deepened as she found the scar from that disastrous day. "God, Grant. Would Garrett really have had Mike kill you if I didn't go with him?"

"Yeah, he would've," came the answer from the doorway.

Skye looked over. _He would've?_ "Mike. Are you..."

Mike smiled. "I'm good, Skye. I'm not in trouble, and I've got business with FitzSimmons before I head back to rehab."

Skye frowned. "Can you - are you going to stop to see Ace?" _Did I screw anything up for you?_

Mike nodded. "Part of what my business is with the science team here."

Skye quirked a brow. _Something good should come of this..._ "Yeah? How's that?"

Mike grinned. "You'll see, promise." He nodded to Grant. "How is he?"

Skye shrugged. "He's still critical but stable, the grafts are taking for now." She gave Mike a small smile. "Thanks for helping with that. And you know she's working with Helen Cho, so um, I guess it's as good as he can get."

Mike stood next to her and squeezed her shoulder. "You did everything you could, Skye. You did more than he expected. And you know it."

 _Past tense. God, past tense..._ Skye let out a shuddering breath. "I - there's part of me that knows that, but then...there's the rest of me that - that just..."

"Hurts," Mike murmured. "I know."

* * *

Grant ignored the voices again.

 _I thought I would feel different, that it would feel different when I succeeded. I never thought there'd be a light, or anything, I just thought that maybe I wouldn't be trapped in my own head anymore. I spent years with only myself for company, and that was more than enough. I was ready for silence, peace. And yet I get the feeling that if I tried to open my eyes, I'd be back strapped to a bed again._

* * *

Skye leaned her head against Mike's arm and closed her eyes. "You warned me." _Feels like everyone warned me about dealing with Grant...one way or another._

Mike shrugged. "You thought it was worth it."

"It is," she whispered. _He is._

"Then have some faith, and keep talking," Mike urged. "You bullied me back. You can do the same for him."

Skye chuckled weakly. "Yeah? You think?" _You all really believe I mean that much to him? Still?_

Mike nodded. "If anyone can outstubborn him? It's _you."_

Skye snorted. _Or that one._ "Thanks, Mike. For being here, for helping, for...for this."

"I'd say anytime, but I really hope we don't have to do this again, you know?" he teased.

"That makes two of us," Skye murmured, her thumb rubbing circles into Grant's palm. _Speaking of doing it again..._ She bit her lip. "Hey. You said - you said Garrett would've - would've let him die."

Mike cleared his throat. "Yeah. There was - if you hadn't agreed to come with us, I was just supposed to let him die." He clenched his fists. "It was the worst feeling in the world. I was there, but I couldn't do a damn thing other than what he told me."

Skye frowned softly. _Blindly following orders, knowing how wrong they were..._ "Sounds like someone else I know."

Mike gave a snort of laughter. "Yeah, that probably applies."

* * *

Phil exhaled heavily, stopping at the end of the quinjet's ramp. "Nat...I will look out for him, and so will May, and Skye, and Fitz."

Nat nodded in return. "I know, Phil. You get it now. It just - it worries me that you didn't before. _Twice_ now." She shook her head. "I'm sick and tired of losing people I care about to that damn title, _Director."_ She gave him a long look before turning and closing the ramp.

* * *

 **A.N.:** Still with me? I'm working on drafting the rest, hope this satisfies for a while! Thanks for reading.


	17. Coloring in Ashes

**Chapter 17 - Coloring in Ashes**

Fitz and Jemma ran a final diagnostic before Fitz nodded and smiled. "We're ready," he confirmed.

Jemma shivered and smiled in return. "We are. That was - it was good to work on that with you." She cleared her throat. "I've missed you," she confessed.

Fitz sighed. "I've missed you too, Jemma, but - well, let's not, hey?" He turned to the pod. "Mike, we're ready for you."

Skye quirked a brow. "So? Going to clue me in?" she teased Mike.

Mike shook his head. "Nope. Back in a bit."

Skye chuckled and rolled her eyes. "Fine. Good luck."

Mike grinned and headed for the lab.

* * *

Coulson dropped into his chair, shaking his head at May. "What a mess."

May snorted a laugh. "Well, yeah, but this is SHIELD, what else is new?"

"Grant Ward, redeemed," Phil offered softly. He reclaimed his Scotch, shooting a glance at the clock and shrugging. "Nat's going to kill me if anything happens to him." He poured himself a hefty glass.

May pursed her lips. "That's why we're going to make sure _nothing_ happens to him." She gestured for the bottle and the glass herself. "Maybe we should send Andrew an offer for the full year on retainer."

Phil scoffed. "A year? We'd need a Major League level contract, Melinda. Multi-year with an option to renew."

* * *

Skye frowned in the silence of the pod. Natasha's words seemed to echo in the walls as Skye stared at Grant. _Am I ready to let you go?_ She exhaled shakily. _Do I_ want _to?_

* * *

Bursts of color and sound flared on the edges of Grant's mind.

 _Every time I woke up before, it was to restraints, an I.V sedative and a blood transfusion. I couldn't even choose to end my life. I wondered what they were keeping me alive for. No one would be at my bedside, no one would be waiting or worried. John would have called it a waste of resources, keeping me alive. If I was so determined to die, he would have cut his losses and found another tool._

* * *

Jemma went back to the monitors while Fitz adjusted the calibration.

Mike frowned from Fitz to Jemma. "It's bad, huh?"

Fitz sighed. "She's - she _is_ trying to protect me. I know that. But she can't trust me when I say I don't need her to, that he meant well, or as well as he could with a psychotic mentor." Fitz shrugged. "To listen to what Grant tried to tell us, Garrett was his only father figure, his savior."

Mike winced. "Garrett never saved anyone a day in his life, Fitz. The only one he cared about was himself. Everything he did was to cover his ass."

"Well, he apparently took Grant out of juvenile detention when he was fifteen and raised him," Fitz muttered.

Mike frowned, remembering Garrett's gloating voice. "Had I know about this type of tech, I never would've bothered brainwashing the kid," he murmured.

* * *

Skye sighed and wrapped both her hands around Grant's. "What am I gonna do about us, Robot?" _Us. What kind of us is there? Is there anything left anymore?_ She bit her lip. _Do I want there to be?_

* * *

Grant let go a bit more as he pondered his history.

 _That's what I was, I realized. John's tool and his weapon. Ironic that the best weapon he could have wanted never materialized for him. I suppose it's a blessing in disguise. If he'd known what I was capable of, I'm sure I would never have joined SHIELD. He would've kept me as his guard dog, at his side. I never would have had even the handful of genuine moments, friends, that I managed to collect over these years. I cherish all of those times, though they're far behind me now._

 _But after all of that, I'm free. There is nothing else I need to do._

* * *

Melinda drained her Scotch and sighed. "Should I go check on them?"

Phil frowned. "I don't know. I trust Fitz. And I think Skye is there." He snorted. "Might be better off finding Lincoln and Mack."

May frowned in return. "More Scotch for that."

* * *

Fitz frowned at Mike. "What?"

Mike turned to him. "Garrett. When they were installing my eye. I remember hearing him say how much time and effort he could've saved if he'd known about it. He said he never would've bothered brainwashing 'the kid'." Mike swallowed hard. "I was terrified he meant Ace. But now..."

Fitz looked towards the pod. "I don't know if Grant ever was a kid." He shook his head. "We used to tease him about it, about how he had no sense of humor other than those awful puns, about how he never watched any movies or TV." Fitz moved back to the controls . "Now I know why."

Mike sighed and shook his head. "Damn, Grant. You're even more messed up than I thought."

Jemma cleared her throat as she approached. "Are you ready for another test?"

Mike nodded. "Yes, please."

* * *

Skye swallowed hard. "You know, this isn't fair," she whispered. "No one told me anything besides the fact you sat at my bedside. Do I talk to you? Did you just glare me into waking up?" _And isn't it just a kick in the pants that the only person who can help me through this is you?_

* * *

Lincoln stalked out to the lounge, throwing his bag across the room.

Mack looked up as he entered. "You look like hell."

Lincoln swore and shook his head. "Feel like it too."

Mack nodded and crossed to the fridge, tossing him a beer. "Makes two of us."

"What the hell happened?" Lincoln sank into the seat across from Mack. "How did everything get so messed up in just...how long has he been here? A week?"

Mack snorted. "Feels like longer."

Lincoln flipped the beer cap off and tipped the bottle to Mack. "Yeah, agreed." He quirked a brow at his teammate. "What's wrong with you?"

Mack sighed, taking a long drink of his beer. "I was there. I was with them, and I heard what he said, and I saw what he did." He frowned. "I just can't make it square with the guy he's been."

Lincoln scoffed. "Yeah, well, I got a reality check on how much I think I know about my girlfriend and Grant Ward today, so that's another thing in common."

Mack raised a brow. "Do I wanna know?"

Lincoln frowned and peeled at the label on the beer. "She's - she's down there sitting vigil by his bedside, even when I -" He jerked his head towards the bag. "That's not a joke or a bluff."

Mack gave a low whistle. "That's really where you're at?"

Lincoln shrugged. "I don't know that it even matters _where_ I'm at anymore, not to her, not anymore."

* * *

Fitz ran a final diagnostic and grinned. "I do believe we are in business."

Mike blew out a breath and gave a smile of his own. "Damn, guys. We are. Thank you. Thank you guys so much."

Jemma tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and shrugged. "You're - you're welcome, Mike, it's the least we could do for you."

Mike caught Fitz' eye and nodded to the side.

Fitz cleared his throat. "I'll just - I'll just go update the records," he murmured.

Jemma frowned quickly.

"Jemma," Mike called softly. "You have to breathe here. You gotta let it go."

The biochemist flinched. "Why, hmm? Because Fitz can't see through his facade?"

"There's no facade anymore, Jem. There really isn't," Mike insisted. "I was there - I was there, for Agent Ward, for HYDRA Ward...and I can tell you that the Grant Ward from two days ago, the Grant Ward that infiltrated that base - he wasn't HYDRA Ward. Maybe he wasn't Agent Ward either, not entirely, but he was definitely closer to that than anything else." Mike looked towards Fitz. "Trust him, Jemma. Let him be." He tried out a smile and stood from the stool. "Fitz, thanks, man."

Fitz gave an absent smile. "No problem, Mike, I'm glad to help."

Mike gave Jemma another look before joining Skye in the quarantine pod.

* * *

Mack frowned. "And this is why I was glad to see him off. Damn it." He took a sip of his beer and considered the other man. "So you're just gonna let go?"

"What else can I do? She's down there holding his hand and... _willing_ him awake." Lincoln grimaced. "After everything. When I asked her not to."

Mack sighed. "There's so much old baggage that needs to get settled for them all, though. I could see it when Skye and Fitz were talking about this."

Lincoln swore under his breath. "She asked for my help. I said no. I turned her down and I - " He shook his head. "I told her I was fine with him dying, pretty much."

Mack looked at him. "You - damn, Linc. That's cold."

"I know, and I didn't - I didn't mean it to be, I just -" Lincoln exhaled shakily. "I'm jealous. I'm just as jealous as she accused me of being, and now he's a martyr and I've got - I've got nothing to say to defend myself." He polished off his beer. "I made a complete ass of myself with her."

Mack sighed. "Yeah, that happens a lot." He shrugged. "She's one of the most caring people I've ever met. Kills me half the time but...that's her. She can't turn her back on people she cares about."

"Why does she still have to care about _him_ , though?" Lincoln shook his head.

* * *

"Skye," Mike murmured. "Hey."

Skye turned towards him. "Huh? Oh, Mike."

"Skye, you all right?" Mike gestured towards her cheeks.

 _Am I -_ Skye blinked and swiped at her eyes. _When did I start crying?_ She stared at Mike as what she was seeing registered. "Mike - your - your face."

Mike ducked his head. "Yeah, it's - that's the project." He nodded towards the lab. "Simmons and Fitz, they used Kara's mask to -" He gestured to his unblemished face. "Grant was the one who suggested it to Coulson, like an organ donation. Asked Coulson to look up Kara's last wishes, and she did have organ donor checked off."

Skye smoothed a hand over Grant's brow again. _You really were always thinking of us..._ "Of course she did."

Mike frowned at Skye. "You wanna talk about it?"

 _Which 'it' do you mean?_ Skye sighed. "Nah. I - It's been a long couple of days, you know? I've been here almost the whole time."

Mike squeezed her shoulder and offered his hand. "Hey, I wanted to talk to him anyway. You want to hit the showers, take a nap, whatever?"

Skye stuck her tongue out at him. "I lived in a van, Mike. I know how long I can go without showering." She looked at Grant, still lying silently in the bed. _Come on, Grant, you could make so many jokes right now..._ She took a shaky breath, squeezing his hand before taking Mike's help to give up her seat. "Maybe it'll do me good though." She gestured to the tears drying on her skin. "I'm a little more worked up than I thought."

Mike nodded. "He won't be alone, Skye."

Skye shuddered, wrapping her arms around herself briefly. _To think that's all he was for so long..._ "Thanks." She turned and left quickly, before she changed her mind.

* * *

May knocked back the last glass of Scotch and glared at the director. "You know those two are going to be the toughest besides Bobbi and Hunter."

Coulson scoffed. "I'd say all of them are about equally bad. Maybe Mack. Maybe."

Melinda sighed and stood. "I'll see if I can track them down, but I make no promises."

Phil held his hands out in supplication. "I'm not asking for promises, Melinda. I just know that they respect you probably even more than they respect me. And that makes you the best person for the job."

May rolled her eyes. "Or you just don't feel like fighting with them about it." She smirked. "I'll keep you posted."

* * *

Mike took the seat Skye vacated and shook his head. "So, you gotta wake up, you know." He looked down at Grant. "I know how this goes, man. I've been there. And I know it doesn't seem like there's a reason to wake up." He leaned closer. "I'm gonna let you in on a secret though. I think you might have a _real_ good reason to wake up. That girl has barely left your side since we hauled you out of there. So unless you want her going crazy, you're gonna _have_ to wake up."

* * *

Skye turned down the hallway to the bunks and frowned. _Do I really wanna deal with Lincoln right now?_ She touched her hands to her cheeks and shook her head. _There_ is _another option here..._ Skye looked around quickly before entering the security code at the door at the end of the wing. She blew out a breath and stepped inside.

* * *

May took a breath as she entered the lounge. "May I join you?"

Mack waved at the empty chair at the table. "Feel free."

May sat and looked at Lincoln sternly. "Are you doing any better, Lincoln?"

Lincoln stared down at the table. "No, not really."

May grunted in agreement. "That's why I wanted to find you both. You obviously know that Grant Ward is recovering in the lab at the moment."

"How could I forget," Lincoln muttered. He glanced at May quickly. "I was gonna - I was going to find you, actually, to ask for a new bunk."

May frowned. "Is that what you really want?"

Lincoln snorted. "I don't think it matters. I think it's what I should do."

May rolled her eyes. "You know if you're trying to be passive aggressive with her, you're going to lose."

Mack frowned. "May, that's not fair."

May narrowed her eyes at Mack. "What's not fair is a group of agents treating someone who risked his life for people you purportedly love and care about like the dirt on the bottom of your shoe." She turned her glare to Lincoln. "And it's not fair to judge someone who's _not_ doing that for seeing more than you do."

Lincoln flinched and shook his head.

* * *

Skye stepped into the darkened room, taking a deep breath as she flipped the light. _What the -_ She picked up the bottle of bourbon and the note with her name on it on the table. _That's...a Battleship scorecard from an old game?_ _What the hell?_ She swallowed hard and sat down to read.

* * *

"You gotta wake up, man," Mike persisted. "I know you probably don't believe that. I always thought Ace was better off without me, that I didn't bring anything but pain. But what I didn't get, what Skye drilled through my thick skull, is that even if I couldn't see any good in me, Ace could. Because that's what family does. They see the best parts of you. They give you the reflection that you want to be."

"Not his." Fitz spoke up softly from the door. "I didn't - I didn't mean to - to interrupt. I just wanted to thank you, for trying to talk to Jemma."

Mike looked over and smiled. "You and Jemma can do no wrong in my eyes, Fitz. You created some of the best parts of this getup, and you gave me back my face." Mike frowned. "What do you mean about family?"

Fitz shook his head. "Grant. His family...they tortured him as a child. Beat him, made him beat his younger brother and sister. And that was before Garrett got a hold of him and..."

Mike flinched and shook his head. "Yeah. I can only imagine."

* * *

Skye's hands shook as she saw Grant's handwriting, her breath catching at his words.

 _Dear Skye,_

 _I know I was supposed to leave two shots of bourbon for us, but if you're reading this, the mission went the way I intended it to. I never want anyone else I care about getting hurt because of my mistakes, and hopefully I did what had to be done, and you're all safer for it._

 _I want to tell you I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything that's happened, everything that I've done to you and the team. And I'm sorry, too, that I won't be coming back when you ordered me to. I drank your shot, but the bottle is yours. You're right that you should have your own stash._

 _I'm also sorry for burdening you these past few days. I shouldn't have shared all of that with you - I'm not looking for forgiveness, not anymore. Closure is something else entirely._

 _So that's what this letter is really for. Whatever else you know, whatever else you've read or seen, I want you to know my side of the story. Ignore it, share it, update my file. I trust you. Even if you could never trust me again._

 _With everything I shared, there are things I did omit. I'd say I'm sorry for that, but there are some demons that I still can't speak of out loud._

 _I told you I have a sister that I'm not in touch with anymore. Her name is Rose, and when I was fifteen years old, Christian threatened to rape her._

 _That was the letter I got. The one that drove me home from military school. A letter from Rose, begging me to protect her like I couldn't protect Tommy._

 _I left that day, brought Rose to Gramzy - she wasn't a lie either - and went back to wait for the rest of them. I kept thinking about all the things Christian had made me do, about Tommy, about how my mother would pretend whichever one of us she was mad at wouldn't exist for days or weeks...Tommy was the only one who was safe from her, but not from Christian, and he paid for that dearly. Without me or Tommy there, Christian turned his sick attentions to Rose._

 _I didn't mean to set his room on fire, though. That was true. I must have fallen asleep waiting for them, thinking how Christian should burn in hell, and I woke up to screams and flames. They found me, and they were too happy to blame me for everything that had gone wrong. You know what came after that._

 _At least Gramzy had enough sense to believe what I told her, and to keep Rose away from them. I don't think Rose has ever forgiven me for not killing Christian that night. Hopefully she saw the news and that closure wasn't just for me. I tried over the years to track them down, but Coulson was right - my maternal family had disappeared. Gramzy must've changed their names and moved at some point, and I'm so grateful for that. At least one of us has a fighting chance._

 _After all this time, all these years, I could list enough regrets that I would never leave this table, but the only ones that matter now are the regrets I have about you and the team. I wanted to be the Grant Ward I was when I was with you, with FitzSimmons. I wanted to be that robot, the one with the bad puns and the strange sense of humor that you all teased me about. They teach you in Ops School that the best lies are the ones woven through with truth. Agent Grant Ward was the most truthful lie I'd ever told. Garrett saw it, I know he did. My reports were shorter, fewer, farther between. After Quinn, they were nearly nonexistent. It's why he came in person, to find out what happened to me._

 _If I could have found the words then, if my soul hadn't been so torn, I would have answered that you all happened. You and Jemma and Fitz and Coulson. Even May, in her own way. Friends happened. And watching as you wrapped them all around you, pulling them closer to you...for the first time, I wanted to be part of a family. You showed me I could be, but I was already too far gone._

 _I relied on Garrett for everything for years - shelter, food, purpose. He was my entire world, and when he asked if I would help save his life, of course I said yes. What would I do without him? What wouldn't I do for the man who saved my life? I never questioned, never thought twice until you and the team._

 _Deep cover does things to you that I can never explain, and that I hope and pray you never discover. It twists how you see yourself, how you see the world. You have to lose yourself, and when I didn't see anything inside me worth holding on to, I let those missions fill me up instead. There were only two ops that ever let me remember. Those two years in Russia with Nat, and my time with you. You actually reminded me of Nat when we met - all sass and sarcasm, but the softest of hearts. Don't tell her I said that, she'd bring me back just to kill me for writing that. But that means your potential is limitless. The name you chose for yourself couldn't be more perfect._

 _Keep being you, Skye. You were the light in my darkness, literally and figuratively. To know that you are safe, happy, powerful...there's nothing else I need to know._

 _Thank you for showing me, even for a moment fraught with lies, that the Grant Ward I wished I could be was a Grant Ward you could have loved. I cannot tell you how much I wish he were the truth, but I know some things you can't come back from._

 _Take care of yourself, take care of the team, and thank you for being there for me._

 _Yours always,  
_ _Grant_

Skye shook her head, crumpling the letter in her fist. _No. No, this isn't -_ no _._ She stood, grabbing the bourbon bottle, and stalking out of his room.

* * *

Coulson tossed the mission debrief aside and made his way down to the lab. The facility was gone, Grant had succeeded, but the cost...He sighed. The cost remained to be seen. "Jemma. How did it go with Mike?"

Jemma smiled tightly. "Fine, sir. Successful. He and Fitz are sitting with - they're in the pod."

Coulson nodded and joined them. "Gentlemen. I was hoping to find Skye."

Mike looked over at him. "I told her I would sit with Grant if she wanted to take a nap or a shower or something. She was worked up."

The director sighed. "We all are, I think." He looked to his engineer. "How are you holding up, Fitz?"

Fitz shrugged. "I'm all right. I'd be better if he would wake up." He frowned. "Or if Jemma felt better."

"We won't leave either of them alone," Coulson promised. "All right? Someone will be here with her, and with him."

* * *

 _Something feels different this time,_ Grant mused. _Like I'm dreaming, maybe. I never dreamed before, it was a slow fade and then a sharp return to reality. This time I feel like if I try, I can hear voices around me..._

* * *

Skye charged back into the med lab with the letter and the bourbon, a thunderous look on her face.

"Skye?" Coulson frowned at her expression. "What -"

She shoved the letter in her fist at him before rounding the bed. "Wake the fuck up, Grant. You don't get to do that to me, to us, to _all_ of us - you don't get to say all those things and then _die_ , damn it, wake up!"

Mike and Fitz stood and frowned at her. Mike turned to Coulson. "What's going on?"

Coulson swore softly as he finished reading. "Closure, apparently."

"Wake up, Grant. You have to wake up. You can't leave it like this." Skye shook his arm carefully. "You owe me a shot, Robot, _wake up."_

* * *

May pursed her lips. "I can assign you a new bunk, Lincoln, but think about whether you want that because you're ready to be done with Skye, or if you're hoping that she'll see you're serious. Don't call her bluff if you're not ready to live with the consequences." She turned to Mack. "Mack, I hope that you can respect Fitz and what you saw yesterday enough to give Ward - Grant - another chance."

Mack sighed. "I'm working on it, May. I just - I was talking to Jemma, and she's so torn up, it's hard."

"Well, then you can be there for her," May sighed. "At least she knows you'll protect her." She gave another look to Lincoln. "I'll wait for you to tell me what you'd like to do when you're thinking clearly." She stood and left them.

Lincoln swallowed hard and started formulating his apology to Skye.

* * *

"Skye..." Coulson moved to her side. "Come on, let him rest."

Skye shook Coulson off. "He's been resting for two damn days after setting himself on _fire_ to keep us safe. That can't be how this ends." She looked at the director, tears shining in her eyes. "It can't, AC, it just can't..." _Not now, not after all this..._

Coulson hugged her tightly. "It won't. You have to have faith."

Skye shook her head. "But...AC, he used to say he was a survivor. That entire letter is him saying he's ready to die." _Did we do that to him?_

Phil sighed. "He may think so. That's why we're all here, to prove that there's still something left for him to wake up for."

Skye swallowed hard, nodding. _I may not know what, but I know for sure there's something._ She squeezed Coulson tighter, casting a desperate glance at the man in the bed. _Damn it, Grant, wake up..._

* * *

 _There are - a_ lot _of voices,_ Grant registered vaguely. _That can't be right. There wouldn't be anyone here._

 _Would there? This time?_

He chased the thought into the shadows of his mind.

* * *

 **A.N.** : So, hi. First, don't kill me. :) I have the next chapter drafted and I'm working on the draft of the chapter after that - I'm going to be out of town for a bit, so I'm trying to space it out. Second, slow burn, so more of the first. ;) Hope you enjoyed!


	18. Arsonist's Lullabye

**A.N.:** I am so sorry, once again, for RL kicking my ass. I try not to be such a good target, but between Delta Airlines and my grant funders, I apparently am. Please accept this humble offering in apology.

* * *

 **Chapter 18 - Arsonist's Lullabye**

"This place is worse than a soap opera," Mack groused, taking another long drink from his beer. "You want another?"

"I -" Lincoln shook his head. "May's a little bit right, she is. I want Skye to stop me. I'm waiting for her to do it."

Mack snorted. "Not a good plan, amigo. You know that."

"I do, and I have to apologize," Lincoln sighed. "I brushed her off, got mad when she went ahead without me, even when that's exactly what she told me she was going to do."

"Yeah, that - that's not gonna get you any points with Tremors, Sparky." Mack popped his next bottle. "You might want to fix that."

Lincoln nodded and stood. "I'm going to go try."

* * *

Coulson released Skye, nodding towards the chairs. "Come on. Sit down. He's still here, Skye." He handed her the letter.

Mike waved a hand towards his seat. "I'm gonna get going, actually, but you tell me when he wakes up. I want to tell him thanks when he can definitely hear it."

 _When. Not if, when._ Skye nodded. "I will, Mike. Tell Ace we say hi. Give him a hug for me."

"From Skye or from Quake?" Mike winked. "He'd be so psyched if he thought Quake knew who he was."

Skye rolled her eyes. "Good effort there, Mike. Sure, whatever, Quake, Skye. It doesn't matter either way." _Not until he wakes up. What good are these powers if we were still too late?_

* * *

Lincoln approached through the lab warily. "Is Skye..."

Simmons rolled her eyes. "Skye. Fitz. Mike. Director Coulson. Take your pick. They're all in there."

Lincoln paused to look at Jemma. "Why aren't you?"

Simmons looked towards them all and sighed. "Because I still..." She pursed her lips. "Because I still don't trust him."

"Not even knowing that he sacrificed himself so you all were safe?" Lincoln clarified. "That's the story, right?"

Simmons frowned. "Yes. Fitz insisted that Ward saved his life again, and that Ward was trying to save our lives with the pod."

Lincoln shook his head. "Is that even possible?"

Simmons frowned deepened. "Possible? Surely. _Anything_ is possible, we know that better than most people."

Lincoln considered her. "But you don't believe it. The brainwashing, all of that?"

Simmons sighed again. "Fitz tried to tell me something about that. Brainwashing. Hogwash, I say. How can you be so blind to your mentor being a sociopath?"

" _I_ was," Lincoln offered softly.

Simmons flushed. "I - I didn't mean -"

Lincoln waved her off. "Don't worry about it, Jemma." He sighed. "That's actually why I'm here. I owe Skye an apology for blowing up at her."

"Over him? This?" Simmons frowned. "Why would you need to apologize for that?"

"Because I thought Coulson intended for him to die, and I said that was all right." Lincoln shook his head. "I should have known better."

"Oh." Simmons shook her head in return. "Director Coulson has actually been checking in for updates while he took care of the paperwork and the search for Carson." She frowned. "Apparently Carson was on his way to the lab to observe the final tests, so Ward infiltrated just in time."

Lincoln looked over into the med pod again. "The hero."

Simmons scoffed. "Not even. Not ever." She squared her shoulders. "If anything, _Fitz_ is a hero for even trying to rescue him."

Lincoln held up a hand. "I'm with you, Jemma. I'm just saying that to them...he really was trying to help. And it seems like he did."

* * *

Mike squeezed Skye's shoulder. "Just keep talking to him. Don't give up. Make him think there's something worth seeing on this side."

 _And what exactly would he see?_ Skye nodded numbly. "Thanks, Mike. I will."

Coulson held out a hand to Mike. "Mr. Petersen. A pleasure as always."

Mike grinned and shook his hand. "This one's even better. I'm gonna go smile at my son."

Coulson smiled in return. "I'll walk you to the hangar." He turned to Skye. "I'll be right back here after he takes off."

Skye nodded again.

Fitz sat and took her hand. "I'll stay with you, Skye."

Coulson nodded at Fitz as he and Mike left the room.

* * *

Lincoln straightened as the director and Mike walked out of the pod. "Director Coulson. Is Skye in there?"

Coulson exchanged a look with Mike. "Yes, she is, but she seems very upset right now. It might be best if you just let her calm down."

"It's my fault, sir. I said...I said some pretty awful things." Lincoln shook his head. "Do you think I can go in and apologize?"

Mike caught Lincoln's gaze and gave a short shake of his head. "Don't think that's a good idea, Linc. Especially if she's pissed at you." He chuckled lightly. "We don't need any Quaking around here."

Lincoln only frowned and looked to the director. "Please, sir, I just want to talk to her."

Coulson shrugged. "If she wants to speak to you, fine. But if not, I need you to let her be."

Lincoln nodded. "Understood."

* * *

More noises filtered through to Grant.

 _Low voices, the hum of machines. The last one is bad deja vu. But we knew I was going in to die, there's no need to try to save me now. Sacrificing myself for the team is saving me. How can I let go if they won't let me?_

 _And why_ wouldn't _they just let me go? Maybe this_ is _a dream. Maybe I haven't finished my penance yet. But as long as Skye is safe, the team is safe, I can linger in this limbo. I'm not hurting anyone anymore. Finally._

* * *

Skye tucked her knees up to her chest, hugging them tightly with one arm while squeezing the life from Fitz' hand. _Damn it, Grant, wake up..._

"Do you...want to talk about it?" Fitz asked cautiously.

 _That might...yeah._ Skye swallowed her tears, clearing her throat before she could respond. _Fitz will get it._ "I...I went to take a shower, but I didn't want to run into -"

"Skye?" Lincoln knocked at the doorway. "Can I - can I talk to you?" He caught his breath at her tear-stained face. "Skye..." He stepped into the pod.

" _Don't_ ," Skye bit out. "You don't belong here." _Not after what you said..._

"Skye, I'm sorry," her boyfriend offered softly. "I was wrong, okay?"

"I said _don't_ , Lincoln. Just..." Skye shook her head. "Just stay away from me right now."

Fitz stood. "You heard her, Lincoln. She'll find you if she wants to talk to you."

Lincoln sighed. "Skye...please, can you just let me explain?"

"No," she repeated. _Not now. Maybe not ever._ "Just walk away."

Lincoln frowned and held out a hand. "Skye -"

"I said _leave_ ," Skye ground out, her blood boiling. "Before I forget myself."

Lincoln sighed. "I know you don't want to hear me, but I _am_ sorry, Skye. I shouldn't have said any of that."

"But you _thought_ it," Skye spat. "You _believed_ it." She glared. "After all this time, all we've been through as a team, you thought Coulson was fine sacrificing Grant, that Grant should have been left to die. That _I_ should have just left him to die." She started to vibrate with anger. "You thought it, you said it, and I can't forget that you did." _I see you so differently now..._

* * *

Something eased in Grant's being. _Maybe this is it. I feel like I'm shaking. Maybe this is the end, then. Not shuffling off the mortal coil, but shaking it off. Closure..._

* * *

"I was jealous, Skye. All right?" Lincoln ran his hands over his head. "Jealous and angry and I'm _so_ sorry."

Skye turned away. _I can't do this. I can't deal with him. Not now._ "You should go."

Lincoln stepped further into the pod. "Skye -"

" _No_!" Skye clenched her fists, her powers surging through her. "Just leave me alone."

* * *

Grant felt a tremor through his personal purgatory. _That - it feels like the shaking is getting stronger. Like something is vibrating through - my body. Something is vibrating through my body. I'm still -_

 _I'm still here._

* * *

Fitz put himself between Lincoln and Skye. "Lincoln. Please leave. She's asked you nicely, and well, not so nicely."

Simmons appeared behind Lincoln's shoulder. "Is something the matter here?"

Skye refused to turn around, keeping her eyes on Grant. "Yeah, I seem to have a knack for picking up stubborn assholes who won't take no for an answer," she muttered. _Thought_ I _picked_ you _up, Rookie._ She closed her eyes against his teasing whisper in her mind.

Fitz looked to Jemma. "Jemma, please - can you take Lincoln out of here with you?"

Lincoln shook his head. "Please, Skye, just -"

"Get out!" Skye yelled. "God, Lincoln, _get out._ You are not helping anything right now. I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to see you, not now. Not until he wakes up." She leaned closer to the bed. "Do you hear me? T-1000 activate, goddamn it. Wake up, Grant. _Wake up_."

* * *

 _"Wake up."_

 _Skye._ Grant recognized the voice. _That - that can't be Skye's voice. Why would Skye be here? Sounding so...I'm dreaming. I must be._

* * *

Simmons tugged on Lincoln's arm. "Lincoln. Director Coulson said to leave her be if she didn't want to speak with you..."

"And I don't," Skye insisted. "Not now." _There's only one person I want to talk to right now._ She leaned into his ear. "Come on, Grant. _Wake up."_

Lincoln swallowed hard and left the pod.

* * *

Grant struggled to listen. _It sounded like her voice again. Skye..._

* * *

"Come back to me, robot," Skye whispered. "Come on, you're safe, we're here. Come back."

* * *

 _Robot,_ Grant marveled. _With such affection in her voice...it can't be. Can it? And safe?_ Grant sought the threads of consciousness he'd been releasing. _I just...even if it's a dream...I want to know._

* * *

Skye took Grant's hand, squeezing tightly. "Please," she whispered. _Don't leave me. Not like this._ She nearly fell out of the chair when his hand squeezed back. She inhaled shakily, looking at his face as his eyes slowly opened.

" _Skye_ ," Grant breathed hoarsely. _You're here. You're really here._ "Skye..."

Skye choked on a sob, smiling and nodding as tears streamed down her face. "Robot," she managed. "Welcome back."

"Did - did Fitz -" Grant struggled to sit up and look around.

Fitz stepped into his narrow field of vision. "I'm fine, Grant," he said quietly. "Though once I realized what that conversation was before you left - that you were saying goodbye..." Fitz grimaced. "You're a bloody bastard for not asking me for help, but I understand. Just...don't do it again," he managed hoarsely. He cleared his throat. "Thank you for saving our lives. Now, and...and then. All those different times, all those different ways, whether anyone else will say it or not."

"Fitz-" Grant tried to shake his head, grimacing at the pain the move caused. "I already told you. Don't - don't thank me."

Fitz gave Grant a soft pat on the leg. "You can't stop me." He smiled at Skye. "I'll let Coulson know." He left the two of them and waved Jemma away.

Skye gazed at Grant, smiling softly. "We all owe you, Grant."

Grant licked his lips. "Thanks, I think?"

"We _do_ need to have a talk about your self-esteem there, Robot," Skye glared. "No sacrificing yourself on my watch, you hear me?"

"I always hear you," he murmured in return. _Whether you're there or not..._ "That's what brought me back."

 _Always?_ Skye flushed. _I brought you -_ "What?"

Grant struggled to clear his throat. "You told me to come back." _Or did I just dream it?_

 _He actually heard me._ Skye nodded, tears in her eyes again. "I did." She reached over for the bourbon. "You owe me a drink, mister."

He chuckled hoarsely. "Seems to be a thing with us," he offered. _Oh, now you have things with her?_ Kara's voice teased. He flushed slightly.

 _Is he - is he blushing?_ Skye gave a watery laugh. "Yeah. Yeah, it is."

* * *

Jemma watched through the window, biting her lip at the joy on Skye's face.

Mack approached behind her. "Ran into Fitz in the hallway on his way to the director. You all right?"

Jemma gave a start and turned. "I - Yes, of course, I'm - I'm fine."

Mack raised an eyebrow. "You can handle taking care of him now that he's awake?"

Simmons pursed her lips. "Yes, I can be professional."

Mack nodded. "Yeah, I know. That doesn't mean you're okay." He looked in at Skye. "She looks better."

Jemma sighed. "I know. She does." She turned away. "But I'll be fine. I'm giving them a few minutes and then I'll check on him."

Mack pulled up a stool. "And I'll be here."

Jemma smiled tightly. "Thank you."

* * *

Grant blinked at the bottle. _Wait. If she - then -_ "Skye?"

Skye quirked a brow. "Yeah, still me. What?"

"You - you have the bourbon." _Do I want to know what else you found?_ Grant swallowed hard. "Did you...?"

"Read your letter?" Skye put the bottle down and gave him a light punch on the leg. "Yes. We'll talk about that..." _When I know what the hell to say..._ "Later. I'm betting Simmons or Coulson is about due in here."

On cue, Simmons cleared her throat from the doorway. "I hear the patient is awake."

Grant struggled to move in the bed, trying to sit up.

Simmons frowned and crossed the room. "Don't move, the skin grafts on your back are still healing." She shook her head. "Pulse and blood pressure are within normal limits, considering you're still recovering from a trauma." She leaned closer. "Can you turn your head?"

Grant tried to turn towards her, wincing at an unfamiliar pull. "No, I can't."

Simmons nodded. "That's the graft on the back of your neck. You still have some healing to do, but you should be good as new once you do."

"I'll never be good as new," he whispered. _And to you, I may never be good either..._ "Jemma -"

Simmons swallowed and plastered a smile on her face. "Glad you're awake. Skye, just let me know if he needs anything." She spun on her heel and left them behind.

* * *

Mack shook his head as Jemma nearly sprinted into the lab. "That good, huh?"

Jemma sank onto her stool. "I think he was about to apologize," she admitted.

Mack raised an eyebrow. "So booking it out of there was your best option?"

"Rather than hearing those lies again? Yes." Simmons pursed her lips. "You're not precisely a fan of his either."

Mack shrugged. "Yeah, but I also didn't have a relationship with him before we knew he was HYDRA. You did. Figured you'd at least hear him out for the sake of that."

Simmons shook her head. "That was a lie. Our Grant Ward was a _lie_."

"He wasn't, Jemma." Coulson's voice came from behind her as she winced. "Not in the end." He nodded to the window. "Talk to Fitz, I'm going to talk to Grant."

Stopping at Jemma's side, Fitz sighed. "Jemma. I'm all right. What is so horrible about thinking Grant is not evil?"

"Then he's better than me, Fitz!" Jemma cried. "I tried to kill him, I killed Bakshi, and he never tried to kill us! Not then, and not now!" Tears spilled as she continued. " _I'm_ the evil one, Fitz, _I'm_ the one who - who -"

Mack looked between the two of them, a frown on his face. He gave Fitz a nod before leaving them alone.

"Oh, Jemma..." Fitz shook his head, pulling her into a hug. "You're not a bad person, Jemma. I never wanted you to think that. But Jem - maybe _he's_ not either."

* * *

Phil cleared his throat as he entered the pod. "Grant. Welcome back." He turned. "Skye, can you give us a few?"

Skye squeezed Grant's hand. "Sure, AC. I'll be right out there." She let Grant go and left the pod.

Grant struggled to sit straighter in the bed. "Sir. Thank you for -"

"I told you to call me Phil, didn't I? You definitely earned it." The director gave him a broad smile. "You did it, Grant - the facility is gone, and the backups are wiped. You've given us breathing room to get to the rest."

Grant closed his eyes. _Thank goodness._ "I'm glad it worked."

"I'm glad you're awake, that means I get to live," Phil remarked. "And before the first check in."

 _Check in?_ Grant sighed and closed his eyes. _Nat. Damn it._ "How angry is she?" he murmured.

Coulson snorted a laugh. "I'll let you talk to her, you can find out for yourself."

Grant groaned. _Damn it._ "So she _is_ going to kill me."

Phil chuckled. "Yeah, probably. Though you could remind her it defeats the whole purpose of her being mad about you dying."

* * *

Skye wrapped her arms around herself and sank onto a stool. _He's awake. He's alive. Now what the hell does that mean?_ She pulled the letter from her pocket, staring blankly at his words. _Could have loved. Could have._

 _Do I?_

* * *

"You've got a point there." Grant blew out a breath. "Maybe I'll survive talking to her, then."

"Or Clint," Phil suggested. "Maybe you need Clint to run interference."

Grant snorted. "Nat wouldn't let him and we both know that."

The director nodded. "Fair enough." He sighed and sat. "Grant, I do - I have to thank you, for what you did. You were once again responsible for dealing a significant blow to HYDRA."

 _Not just to HYDRA._ Grant shuddered and closed his eyes. _I can feel the explosions in my bones._ "Yeah." He blinked. "Again?"

Coulson swallowed hard. "I've been - we've been mobilizing based on your intel, and I've been reviewing what we've found of your shadow missions, the ones that didn't involve us at all. Grant, we owe you for far more than just this. I hope you believe that I know that now."

Grant exhaled heavily. _So I could've skipped the chair and gone straight to suicide mission instead?_ "Bonus," he managed.

Phil gave him a small smile. "That famous humor."

Grant snorted, wincing at the pull to his sides and back. _How long is this going to take to heal?_

"Oh. Okay, no puns, no jokes, not for a while," the director remarked. "How about visitors? There are a bunch of potentials."

* * *

Jemma sobbed into Fitz' shirt, clutching at him. "I'm not - I thought - "

Fitz kissed her hair and shushed her. "I know. I really know that now. But we - we all made a lot of mistakes, Jemma. All he wants to do is tell you how sorry he is. He doesn't expect anything else."

Jemma swallowed hard. "You - you never told anyone about - about Bakshi. That - that I understand. But why - why didn't Ward? He could have - Director Coulson wouldn't have agreed with me, he could have ruined me."

Fitz shrugged. "Reference the last thing I just said. You might be pleasantly surprised if you can bring yourself to talk to him."

* * *

Grant frowned. _Visitors? For me, here?_ "Do not pull Nat off mission just because I'm awake. You can let her know, but tell her to stay on target."

Phil scoffed. "All due respect, Grant, you didn't see her. She wasn't particularly thrilled with me." He gave a rueful smile. "I still haven't made it out of her doghouse from my _own_ offenses."

"Wait. She was _here?"_ Grant rasped. "She went off site in the middle of a mission -"

"Because I couldn't _not_ tell her what happened." The director held up a hand at Grant's look. "It's one thing to lose you in the field - it happens, we know this. But for her to have a chance to say anything she needed to say..." Phil sighed. "We're spies, Grant, but I know how few people Natasha Romanoff genuinely calls friends, and I couldn't do that to her."

Grant struggled to moisten his lips. _Why do I feel so damn woozy?_ "I never asked either of you how she took it when she found out you were alive."

Phil winced and shook his head. "Let's say there's a reason I know I had to call her. Not about to get on her wrong side this time." He grimaced. "Bad enough that I didn't let her take you out of here after the Fall, she would never have gotten over it if she could've seen you and I didn't tell her."

Grant nodded weakly. _That's Nat when she cares._ "Like a mama bear and her cubs."

Phil snorted a laugh. "Don't _ever_ say that to her. It must be the pain meds."

Grant looked around at the machines and the I.V. drip. _Oh. Right._ "How long was I out, anyway?"

The director shrugged. "Let's call it about a day."

 _Or maybe I_ am _just out of it after all that. A day?_ Grant blew out a breath. "Damn."

"Yeah, you're telling me." Phil shot him a wry grin. "You have any idea how little sleep I've gotten? Let me borrow some, huh?"

Grant choked on a laugh. _Like I was just taking a long nap.._."Yeah, can't say I feel particularly rested, sir."

"Phil," the director corrected. "I told you that and I meant it." He gave a light chuckle. "I'm going to set a bad precedent, with a bunch of agents calling me Phil." He cleared his throat. "That's - that's if you want to be," he added.

 _Back with SHIELD? For real?_ Grant cleared his throat. "I - I'm -"

The director held up a hand. "Don't answer now. Please. Relax, recover. But just know that more than the Avengers training camp is on the table, if you want it to be."

 _From no choices to an embarrassment of riches..._ "Thank you, Phil," Grant managed. "I appreciate that."

* * *

Jemma gave a last shuddering sob. "I'm so sorry, Fitz." She leaned back and brushed at his sweater vest. "I've cried all over you."

Fitz shrugged. "If that helped you let go of that anger, I'll let you cry over several more, I promise."

Jemma sniffled and looked across the lab at the other agent sitting alone. "Skye? Are you all right?"

Skye shook herself from her reverie. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm good, Jem. Thanks for - for taking care of him."

Jemma swallowed hard. "I'm just - I'm just doing my duty. It's still - he's still -" She took a deep breath. "I'm working on it."

Fitz smiled softly and squeezed her shoulder. "That is all we can ask, right, Skye?"

 _Working on what? Tolerating him?_ Skye nodded, forcing a smile. "Absolutely." _Will he even be here long enough for it to matter?_ She looked towards the pod again.

* * *

Mack shook his head as he made his way to the gym. "This is just all too nuts." He frowned as he passed Lincoln brooding in the lounge. "Hey. You okay? Wanna go hit something?"

Lincoln looked over and frowned. "Yeah. That would be good." He stood from the table and joined Mack in the hall.

Mack gave him a long look. "Apology didn't go well, huh?"

Lincoln winced. "No. Not really. She was still freaking out about Ward. I even - I admitted to being jealous and angry and she didn't even want to hear it."

"Timing might've been off, Linc," Mack offered. "Let her calm down. He just woke up."

Lincoln's gaze shot to Mack's. "He's awake now?"

Mack nodded. "Yup. Skye, Fitz and Coulson are all down there now."

* * *

"Phil, I need to - I need to ask you something," Grant confessed. "That's a lot to think about, and I need to know if - if Skye -" _You really want to ask him? Instead of her?_ Kara's voice chided him. He closed his eyes for a beat before forcing the question out. _Yes, because this is safer for us both._ "She seems happy, Phil. Is she happy?"

Phil sighed heavily. "If you'd asked me that before all this, I'd have said yes, pretty definitively. But when I asked her last night if she -" He cleared his throat. "If she wanted me to get Lincoln to stay with her, she refused. Repeatedly and ferociously."

 _Lincoln. Damn it._ Grant winced. "I'm - Fitz and Jemma, Skye and Lincoln - hell, even May. I'm screwing everyone up by being here."

Phil shook his head. "That's the pain meds talking again, Grant. I haven't exactly been asking Skye how things have been along the way while we paint our fingernails." He gave Grant a smirk as he said it. "Don't beat yourself up over something that isn't even necessarily the case."

Grant sighed. "I'll try." He closed his eyes. "But, please, tell Nat she doesn't have to run to my bedside." _No one has to, but maybe some_ want _to, baby,_ Kara's voice suggested.

"You know I'll try my damnedest, but you also know Natasha Romanoff," the director reminded him.

Grant snorted. "Yes. Yes, I do." He swallowed and looked at Phil. "Thank you for - for letting them try." _I never would have thought anyone cared enough..._

Phil only shook his head again. "Don't thank me. You deserved the best chance we could give you." He glanced out of the pod at Skye. "And in this particular case, it turned out to be your rookie."

Grant sighed. "She's not. She hasn't been for _ages_ , Phil." _Lifetimes, empires falling..._ He gave a small smile. "But I appreciate it."

Phil stood and squeezed Grant's shoulder gently. "I've seen her in action, Grant. May took over, that's true, but the baseline is Agent Grant Ward." He quirked an eyebrow. "You ready for her?"

 _It's Skye, am I ever?_ Grant took a deep breath. "Yeah. I think so, anyway."

Phil gave him a nod. "I'll send her back in."

* * *

Lincoln grimaced and shook his head. "I really screwed everything up, didn't I."

Mack sighed and shrugged. "You pushed her. You know what happens when you do that."

Lincoln snorted. "Yeah. Too well." He blew out a breath. "I'm gonna go lift some weights."

Mack frowned. "Don't give up too easy, Linc. If you really care about her. But you -" He pursed his lips. "Jemma and Fitz are going through the same thing, kinda. You need to trust her. Trust Skye. Let her come to you if she wants to. You aren't gonna want her any other way."

Lincoln nodded. "You're right about that. The problem is I don't know how she wants _me."_ He rubbed a hand over his forehead. "Or if she even wants me at all anymore."

Mack shook his head. "If it helps, I don't know if she knows either."

* * *

"Skye?" The director's voice called gently. "You want to go back in?"

Skye picked her head up and nodded quickly. "If - is that okay?" She glanced at Jemma. _Though if she needs to do any tests, bet she wouldn't mind the company..._

Jemma nodded. "Yes, fine, I can monitor from here."

Skye smiled and gave Coulson a quick hug. "Thanks, AC." _For more than I can say, actually._

Coulson squeezed her and looked at her seriously. "Just be careful, all right? With him and yourself."

Skye nodded. "Got the speech, I hear you. I just -" She looked past to where Grant was studiously keeping his gaze averted from them. "There are some things that need saying." _Whether we're ready for them or not._

The director chuckled. "Yeah, just - don't break anything, will you?"

 _Besides someone's heart?_ Skye rolled her eyes. _And damned if I know whose heart I'd be breaking..._ "Oh ye of little faith."

"There are two of you involved here, Skye, and I remember how you and Grant used to get. Now you _both_ have powers." Phil gave her a bemused smile. "I repeat, don't break anything."

 _Okay, maybe he has a point._ Skye flushed and nodded before hurrying to the pod.

* * *

May caught up to the director on his way back to his office. "Phil? What's going on?"

Phil exhaled as she fell into step beside him. "He's awake, Melinda. He's awake, oriented, and thankful to us for trying." He shook his head. "It's more than I could even hope for."

May gave a wry smile. "And at least it keeps us on Nat's good side. Are you going to wait for her to check in?"

The director sighed. "I told her I would contact her as soon as he woke up, so I'll get that to her over secure channels."

"Speaking of secure, how's Jemma?" May asked.

Coulson took a deep breath. "I think she's all right? Fitz is with her, and Skye is with Grant, so hopefully she should feel adequately protected."

"From _what,"_ May muttered. "Her own head?"

* * *

 _She found the letter. She read the letter. And she's still here..._ Grant tried to turn as Skye entered the pod and smiled softly. "Hey."

"Hey yourself," she replied, taking a seat at his side. She angled the chair so she faced him directly. "Good to see you awake."

He swallowed hard. "It's - it's good to be awake." _I think._

She quirked a brow. "You sure about that?" She pulled the letter from her pocket and narrowed her gaze at him. "Because this - this doesn't seem that way."

Grant closed his eyes for a beat. _Felt right at the time..._ "I didn't - I didn't think there was - " He took a careful breath. "I was pretty sure I wasn't coming back when I wrote that."

"And it seemed like you didn't _care_ about that either," Skye retorted. _And that hurts, for some damn reason..._

"I _couldn't_ ," he whispered. "To go in like that, knowing..." _Abandon all hope, ye who enter here..._ He closed his eyes. "I couldn't care, Skye, I couldn't afford to think about what happened after."

"You thought about it enough to write _this_ ," she challenged. _And leave it just for me..._

He took a deep breath. _For you. Just you._ "Because I owed you that. I owed you the truth."

"And what about now?" Skye questioned. "Now what?" _Was the doc right? Now that I don't see you as the bad guy, are you about to disappear?_

Grant huffed a laugh. "I think I might work on not feeling like I've got plastic stuck to my back and take it from there." _Come on, baby, what a copout,_ Kara's voice teased.

Skye flushed. _Did I really just forget what's happening here?_ "I don't mean _now_ now. You obviously need to recover. But have you - did you think about what you want to do when you're better?" _Are you leaving me?_ She winced. _Where the hell did that come from?_ "Forget it, forget I asked, you just woke up and I -"

"Hey." Grant reached out for her hand. _Skye, babbling?_ "Are you okay?"

"Am I -" Skye took a shuddering breath. _Get it together, damn it._ "You're the one who got exploded on and you're asking _me_ if -"

Grant squeezed her hand and nodded carefully. "Yeah, I _am_ asking you. Have you gotten any sleep since we got back?" _Well, since you guys dragged me back, apparently..._

She blushed. _The truth or a lie he'll find out is a lie real fast?_ "Um, I fell asleep in here."

He blinked. _In here? The pod where you almost died?_ "You - you stayed with me?"

She shrugged. "I didn't - I didn't want you to wake up alone."

* * *

Phil sighed and shook his head. "Melinda..."

"Phil, you know I'm right," Melinda interjected. "Jemma has to get past her own anger and do her job."

"And she is, Melinda, she has been doing her job," the director insisted. "He's been properly monitored and cared for."

"But she's still not able to get past her anger, Phil." Melinda pursed her lips and shook her head. "We're missing something with her. She can't see him, she won't let herself. And you and I both know how dangerous it can be to hold anger like that."

The director frowned. "I know, of course I do. Fitz is trying to talk to her."

"Maybe _Fitz_ isn't who she needs to talk to," May suggested.

* * *

"Were you - who else was here?" Grant asked quietly. _If she was alone with you the whole time, does that mean something?_ Kara's voice murmured.

"Agent Romanoff was here," Skye said carefully. _Please don't ask me how that went._ "And Fitz, Mike..."

"Petersen?" Grant interjected. "Seriously?" _Never would've thought he'd come out on my account._

Skye gave him a small smile. "Yes, _seriously_." _Still thinking so damn little of yourself._ She shrugged. "We needed a pilot."

"Wait." Grant frowned. _Did Coulson -_ "If Mike was here, did he get -"

"Kara's mask?" Skye questioned softly. "He did, Grant. He would've stayed, but he was going to see Ace."

Grant exhaled and closed his eyes. "Good. Good, I'm glad." He deliberately focused on relaxing his muscles and slowing his heart rate.

She watched his body settle into the bed, his breathing strong and even. _He's been awfully quiet for a while..._ "Are you tired?" she asked. "I mean, I know you were sleeping, but I remember from when I - " She cleared her throat. "When I woke up, I was still really tired."

 _My body or my mind?_ He opened his eyes to look at her. "I'll get some rest if you will."

She sighed. _Yeah, well, that's not exactly easy at the moment._ "I'm fine, Grant. I'm good."

"Liar," he murmured. "You look exhausted." _Did I do that to you?_

"I've seen worse," she teased.

He caught his breath, wincing at the pain when he did. _Did she just -_ He licked his lips. _Could she possibly remember?_ "Wow. Thanks," he mock simpered.

She grinned, deliberately deepening her voice a bit. "No, I mean, you look better than when you were dying."

He grinned back. "Swinging and a-missing, Skye." _I must still be dreaming..._

 _Oh my God._ She blushed and looked down. _Am I_ flirting _with him?_ Her traitorous body took the opportunity to yawn.

 _No, she's just delirious, jackass._ Grant shook himself. "I'll be okay if you need to leave, get some sleep," he assured her. "Seriously."

Skye took a shaky breath. _I'm not sure if_ I _will be, though._ She licked her lips. _Between the letter, and the flirting..._ "I'm not - I don't really want to go back to my bunk," she admitted.

 _Damn it. I was right._ Grant eyed her carefully. "Skye, when you - when you came to get me, you told me I'd have to make it out to see who came with you. I know it was you and Fitz, and Mike. Did Lincoln - did he come too?"

Skye shook her head. "It was me, Fitz, Mike and Mack."

"Which means Lincoln didn't want to help me, but you did," Grant murmured. _Hell. What am I even thinking..._ "Skye, I hope - I hope I didn't ruin things for you two. That was never my intention."

"No, it's not -" Skye immediately shook her head. "Grant, it's not your fault. I just - the way he behaved, the things he said, I couldn't - I couldn't let them go." She blinked. _That's - that feels true._ "It wasn't - it wasn't right." _Am I really done?_

Grant sighed. "And I've always done the right thing? Said the right thing?" He rolled his eyes. _Not even close, even I can admit that._ "I don't want you to shut him out because of me, Skye." He looked at her seriously. " _Don't_ , please."

Skye bit her lip. "I'm - I'm not - it's not -" She swallowed and frowned. _What if it's because of_ me?

* * *

Lincoln set the weights back on the bar, exhaling heavily. "How do I let her know I want to talk?" he asked tiredly.

Mack handed him a towel and shrugged. "I'm willing to at least pass that along. Or you could try her on the comms."

Lincoln snorted. "You know as well as I do that she won't pick up a comm, not now. I almost want to just sit outside the pod."

Mack grimaced. "I would not recommend that. There's a line between romantic and stalking, and that lands on the wrong side, I'm pretty sure of it."

* * *

"You guys were doing fine until I got here, I know that," Grant managed. "I've - I've _seen_ that." He took a deep breath, shifting. _Those grafts, damn it..._ He winced and continued. "And when I leave, you guys will be fine again."

"Leave?" Skye burst out. "You're leaving?" _Speak up for both of us or let him go...that was the deal._ She frowned at him. _I'm glad you're awake, but could you please slow down now?_

"I think - once I'm recovered, I think that's best for everyone," Grant answered softly. _As flattering as Phil's offer is._ "Being here again...it's too much." _For you and for me. So close, and so far._ "Had I known, I wouldn't have - that letter wasn't - it wasn't -" He closed his eyes.

Skye swallowed hard. "Did you mean it, though?"

 _What part?_ He looked away and sighed. _Like it matters, baby?_ Kara's voice teased. _You're never gonna ask her..._ "Of course I meant it. But I - I didn't mean to - to say those things when...when..."

"When you weren't about to die?" she suggested quietly.

"Well, yeah," he managed. "I never thought that I'd - that we'd actually have to - " He frowned. "That I'd actually be here to talk about it, or deal with the aftermath."

 _Speak up or let him go._ She cleared her throat. "We - you and I are - it's -"

"A mess," he supplied. "This whole thing is a whirlwind of a mess. But I - I'm glad I was here to help."

Skye struggled to find the words she wanted. "I'm glad too. And I'm - I'm glad you're okay." _Is that it?_ whispered his voice in her head.

* * *

Coulson frowned. "I'm not going to order her to talk to him, May. That's not doing anyone any favors."

May pursed her lips. "Neither is choosing not to confront her." She held up a hand against the director's protest. "Hear me out. She just came back from six months of being the villain, Phil. Six months of being the traitor, the black cloud hanging over the team." She met his gaze steadily. "She's back, but she still doesn't feel... _redeemed_ , maybe. She doesn't feel stable, or safe." She raised an eyebrow. "She hasn't had the chance to make it up to us."

The director folded his arms and regarded her thoughtfully. "So?"

"So her response to Ward -" She rolled her eyes. "Grant, whatever. It's so extreme because he was the threat before her. Before she was our enemy, _he_ was. He was a villain by choice, a traitor of his own devices. She can redeem herself, protect us all, by shutting him out. But if he _wasn't_ , if he was brainwashed, not responsible for his actions...then _she_ was the same as he was. And not listening to Fitz, not trusting the chair, or you, or me...all of it means she's still left with no way to show us she's saved us."

"And he saved _her,"_ Phil murmured. "Damn."

* * *

"Thanks for coming after me," Grant offered quietly. "Honestly, Skye. Thank you. For taking the time to figure it out, for finding a team that would help." He looked at her again. _I seriously wasn't expecting anything_. "And that it came from you, from Fitz...that's more than I could've hoped for."

"But you _should_ have," Skye insisted. _And how fucked up are we all that you didn't..._ "You - do you have any idea what reading that letter did? To know just how - how evil, how awful your life must have been?" She took a shuddering breath. _I thought my childhood was bad, but..._ "I don't - I don't even know how you survived them and - and Garrett, and still managed to have some humanity left in you."

He snorted, wincing at the pain. "I'm sure there are a few people around here who'd dispute that one." _And I wish that didn't hurt half as badly as it actually does..._

"Well, they're wrong," she said loudly. "And anyone who doesn't realize they're wrong now will realize it soon."

"Like your boyfriend?" he muttered. _Damn it. What the hell did I say that for?_

Skye flinched. _Is he? Should he be?_ She shook herself. "Linc is -"

 _Stop it. Just stop it._ Grant closed his eyes. "No. Ignore that. I shouldn't have said that out loud." _I shouldn't even let myself think it._ "I - weren't we supposed to be getting some sleep?" He looked to her and raised an eyebrow.

She snorted a laugh. "Somewhere in the recent past you _did_ suggest that, yes." _Is that even humanly possible?_ She bit back another snort of laughter. _Or Inhumanly, in this case? He would love that damn pun..._

He nodded. "Let's try that, then. I can't keep up with our usual verbal sparring yet." _Not that I could keep up with you anyway..._

"Yet," she repeated. _But you will. You're awake, and you're going to get better._ "I can - I can just stay here and rest, you know."

"Shouldn't _I_ be the one worried about being alone?" he teased gently. "You deserve a _bed_ , Skye, and some real rest." _You deserve everything..._

"Yeah, well, my bunk isn't exactly conducive to that right now," she muttered. _And whose fault is that, huh?_

"So..." _Do I dare?_ He cleared his throat. "Use mine," Grant offered. "You've obviously been in there already." He blinked. "Yeah, wait. Why did you go in?"

Skye flushed and ducked her head. "I was -" _Do I tell him the truth?_ She sighed. "I was going to use your shower."

 _Skye, wet, naked in the shower in my bunk..._ He shook himself. "You - " He frowned at her. " _Did_ you guys break up?"

"Why do you want to know?" she asked quickly. _Maybe I won't have to speak up for us both?_

"Skye, you were going to shower somewhere other than your own room," he said with a smirk. "I think that's the natural follow-up question." _And it has nothing to do with my own curiosity about what Phil said..._

She pursed her lips. "I guess that's true." _Damn it, Romanoff._ She took a deep breath. "We, we're not broken up. Maybe just...bruised." She frowned. "Okay, maybe more than -" She cut herself off and shook her head. "No, _weird_ , weird to talk about this with you."

 _Is that a good sign?_ He cleared his throat. _Weren't you just leaving, baby?_ Kara's voice whispered. "Fair enough."

* * *

Coulson sighed and shook his head. "I'll consider it, Melinda. You might be right there, Jemma needs to at least hear him out. But if anything, I might want Andrew back for that."

May shrugged. "Fair, but just consider that after you make this call, you might not have much time to do it."

The director scrubbed a hand down his face. "She and Clint have a mission. He can't be moved yet. She's going to have to wait."

May raised a brow. "I'll let you tell her that."

Phil snorted. "Considering I have to tell her in the first place, I intend to." He tapped commands into his console and sat back. "And probably very quickly."

* * *

Skye snorted. "Even _not_ talking about it with you is weird. Damn it." _Which means there's something..._

Grant sighed. "It's okay, Skye. I'm not - I don't expect anything. We can - if you want to just -" _She wasn't supposed to see that if I made it..._ He started to shake his head and winced. "I'm fine leaving that letter for a while." The I.V. drip increased at the spike in his vitals.

She exhaled shakily. "Not gonna give me grief for avoiding it?" She shook Natasha's challenge from her head.

"Not even a little," he assured her. "Considering I'm still slightly delirious..." _I am, actually_...He blinked blearily. _And I'm not trying to destroy what you've made without me..._

"But you're _here_ ," she reminded him, grabbing his hand. "I'll take delirium over, you know, _death_." _And at some point I'll have to consider what that means..._

He laughed lightly, pulling their linked hands to his mouth and kissing the back of her hand, a pleasant haze of pain medication descending. "That makes two of us." _Even if this is all I ever get..._

Skye shivered at the touch of his lips, her eyes shooting to his. _Damn it, Grant..._

Grant sighed and looked at her softly. _Maybe I can't say it out loud, but damn it, I meant every word._ The I.V. line caught his peripheral vision and he closed his eyes. _Pain meds. Damn it. No wonder I'm so..._

She gazed at him wordlessly, her heart pounding in her chest. _Could have loved. Could have. Could_. She swallowed hard, a shudder going through her at the memory of his battered, unconscious form. _I really could_. She closed her eyes, her hand tightening reflexively on his. _Maybe I do._

He opened his eyes and forced himself to focus, watching the fine muscle movements of her face, forcing himself to focus. _I kissed her hand, I wasn't thinking and now_...He sighed, the struggle in her mind written plainly on her features. _I'm tearing her apart, just existing in this space_. He squeezed back. "I'm here, Skye," he whispered. "I'm here." He looked down at their hands. _But I'm so sorry...I don't know if it'll be for long._

* * *

Nat felt her phone buzz and took a careful breath. She looked down at the display and gave a small smile as she read the message. "Sun is shining," she murmured.

Clint exhaled and nodded. "Good deal. Now what?"

"Now I call in a few favors and see how fast we can turn Grant's room into a recovery ward," Nat murmured, cracking her knuckles before sitting down at the computer. She smirked. "No pun intended."

* * *

 **A.N.:** Huzzah he's awake! But as Skye said, now what? Well, I keep writing, and hopefully I actually post one of these without life getting in the way. Thank you for sticking with me.


End file.
